Lostpartner Posted May 17, 2021 Share Posted May 17, 2021 My partner and I have been in a long term relationship for about 7years now. We have been living together the whole time and we’ve been a great couple. We definitely had times where we argued but it would be solve within a day. We recently bought a land to build a house together and we’ve been talking about settling down and getting engaged and married since 2 years ago. He still hasn’t proposed but recently he confessed telling me he made the biggest mistake in his whole life that he went to a massage parlour twice. Once was beginning of last year and another time was March this year. He told me he felt so guilty that he ended up needing to confess to me. This is also the reason why he hasn’t propose because he felt guilty and he felt he didn’t deserve it. The moment he told me, I broke down as never in my life I would hear this from him as we truly loved each other so much and he told me he will never do all this again as he was just curious during those moments. My concern is will this happen again in our future as we grow older? We just started building a house together and what should I do? I’m trying my best to take all this in continue but definitely there are times I’ll think about it as my self confidence has definitely dropped. I have no one to tell as I do not want our friends or families knowing about this Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 17, 2021 Share Posted May 17, 2021 I assume you mean he went to a house of ill-repute where he received at least a Happy Ending because if you two are this upset because he got a legitimate massage that is an over-reaction. Personally I'd be done due to the ick factor & possibility of disease alone but that's me. First run don't walk to the nearest STD test. Then you have to figure out what you want & whether you can trust him. If you can't trust, be done. Everybody doesn't need to know why you ended it after all these years. Just say something vague like we realized we wanted different things. They don't have to know you wanted stability from a trustworthy partner while he wanted a walk on the wild side with cheap hookers. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2021 Share Posted May 17, 2021 4 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Personally I'd be done due to the ick factor & possibility of disease alone but that's me. First run don't walk to the nearest STD test. I agree. The fact the he was "curious" like this would be a deal-breaker for me, personally. Something is really wrong if his response to curiosity about other women is to engage the services of sex workers (or get intimate with any other woman behind your back) He should have spoken to you if he had doubts about committing to you and only you forever, not go for happy-ending massages. I would be wondering how often he's done this before, as it seems a little off to go from never cheating to visiting massage parlours. I am guessing this wasn't his first time with them, even if those experiences pre-dated you. Now you know. It's up to you what you do with that information, but if you're not ready to leave, I would be doing some quiet digging to try to find out if there's more to this than he's telling you. Cheaters often confess only bits and pieces of the whole story, unforutantely. I'm sorry you're going through this. What a terrible shock. You might consider confiding in at least one trusted friend or family member, simply for the support. Keeping all this inside you will eat at you, even if it paints him in a bad light to let someone else know what has happened. He chose the behaviour, and thus chose the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 17, 2021 Share Posted May 17, 2021 My guess 7 year itch, afraid of commitment, decided to step out, confess and ruin it so that you would break up with him... I doubt this is his first time or that he was "curious", he may have a long term habit... One doesn't just one day decide to pay for sex, this was likely a long time coming. Porn, cam girls pay to view, an interest in escorts massage parlours he then crossed the line into paying for sex. He may not have stopped at the happy endings but that is all he feels comfortable in telling you about... Stop the house building this guy is nowhere near settling down material. He didn't propose as he doesn't want to. GOD knows why you decided to sink money into an investment. when nothing concrete had been decided... 7 years is a long time to wait... and when the chips are down he has reneged basically. He is rebelling against settling down and monogamy, what you want is not what he wants, stay at your own peril. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 17, 2021 Share Posted May 17, 2021 5 hours ago, Lostpartner said: . We have been living together the whole time. Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately you are living with someone you don't really know and has a duplicitous life behind your back. Just curious why you moved in together right away? He seems to be stringing you along for quite a few years now. You seem overly invested in this build a house thing. Perhaps he decided to tell you all this so you would simply leave. Have you wondered why he's telling you this? And why he is telling you all this now? Make sure you keep your finances separate and talk to trusted friends and family. Start looking for places on your own. Check your credit score, credit cards and bank accounts. Make sure you change all your passwords on all your accounts and devices. You are not with who you think you are with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostpartner Posted May 17, 2021 Author Share Posted May 17, 2021 We met back home and got together. We were going through 2 years of long distance relationship and when we moved over to a different country, that’s when we started living together. I guessed only recently with the type of friends he hang out with influence him and he went and check it out. He felt bad and told me he felt disgusted on doing that and would never want to try it again. Part of me really want to believe it will never ever happen again but part of me is scared that it might happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2021 Share Posted May 17, 2021 10 minutes ago, Lostpartner said: I guessed only recently with the type of friends he hang out with influence him and he went and check it out. He is an adult, OP. I know it's hard to accept but this was his doing. If his friends influence him to that degree, well, you're dating a teenager. And since I don't think you're dating a teen, you need to assign responsibility where it belongs: him and him alone. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 17, 2021 Share Posted May 17, 2021 27 minutes ago, Lostpartner said: he told me he felt disgusted on doing that and would never want to try it again. Part of me really want to believe it will never ever happen again But it did happen again, he told you he was so disgusted but he went twice at least... Nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
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