Why would an ex you broke up with contact you months later?

[Cookiesandough]

“Have fun” lol are you making fun of me 

He just texted to ask me what time I’m coming..................…................................…................................…................................…...............

...............

........Dog, grant me the serenity....

 

im trying to be a more patient person

This is me trying I swear lol. Is there any point in going at this point. Omg...

yea I’m doing the right thing 

[poppyfields]

19 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

“Have fun” lol are you making fun of me 

He just texted to ask me what time I’m coming..................…................................…................................…................................…...............

...............

........Dog, grant me the serenity....

 

im trying to be a more patient person

This is me trying I swear lol. Is there any point in going at this point. Omg...

yea I’m doing the right thing 

No!  lol  I wasn't making fun of you, I was sincerely telling you to have fun!  IF you choose to go.

Not sure what you mean by "trying" and "doing the right thing," you're not obligated to go.

And feeling as you do, annoyed and sh**, if this were me, I would NOT go.

And I wouldn't feel guilty about it either!!

But you do "you" as the saying goes.  Plenty more where he came from, not to mention, and jmo but I don't ever recommend going back to an ex, under any circumstances....

Not even for a ONS, especially when one (or both) still has the "feels" which it sounds like HE does...  or may, possibly.

Just gets too messy....

Don't let him push you into anything cookies, if you're not feeling it, don't go... that's my recommendation anyway.

 

 

Edited May 17, 2021 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

Thanks poppy, I don’t know he said he did wants to get back together, but that’s part of why I was going over... to have the conversation that we aren’t going to... and also I made these plans with him.. so to cancel on him ( after other stuff I’ve done to him) would probably be really crappy. It’s also just a good opportunity to tell him face to face why we can’t ever date anymore , and also tbh I wanted to hook up with him again .. closest to a  type thing I’ve ever done...but it seemed like fun,  but even talking to him/arranging this has just been a huge reminder on why we broke up because I can’t really stand a lot of aspects about him...rub me totally the wrong way so tbh though it’s easier than starting over with a stranger for sex it’s not even worth the sex lol 

Edited May 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I can’t really stand a lot of aspects about him...rub me totally the wrong way so tbh though it’s easier than starting over with a stranger for sex it’s not even worth the sex lol 

So.... This is what? Enemies with benefits?

[poppyfields]

29 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

...but even talking to him/arranging this has just been a huge reminder on why we broke up because I can’t really stand a lot of aspects about him...rub me totally the wrong way so tbh though it’s easier than starting over with a stranger for sex it’s not even worth the sex lol 

Well, maybe it's me, but when two people engage is sexual relations, again even a ONS, they really should at least "like" each other, no?  As friends, if nothing else?

Feeling as you do, hell I'd get more pleasure and satisfaction from doing it alone... 

Edited May 17, 2021 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

Haha You guys don’t understand.... he’s super hot lol.. like physically speaking,  he’s extremely attractive and if you slept with him once you’d understand why it’s not better than doing it alone lol...

 

plus there are good parts of him besides that lol... but overall I wish he didn’t have a personality rn lol but yeah I get you ... I’m On my way out now. Thanks for the well wishes. I need them 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

 It’s also just a good opportunity to tell him face to face why we can’t ever date anymore , and also tbh I wanted to hook up with him again .. closest to a  type thing I’ve ever done...but it seemed like fun,  but even talking to him/arranging this has just been a huge reminder on why we broke up because I can’t really stand a lot of aspects about him...rub me totally the wrong way so tbh though it’s easier than starting over with a stranger for sex it’s not even worth the sex lol 

@Cookiesandough there is a complete lack thoughtfulness coming out in this post.  It's all about what YOU want.   I know you put a lol, but it's really not funny.  It's selfish.

If we want sex with a person but we know they want another try at getting back together, a thoughtful person will decline the sex because we recognise that having sex with them is selfish, hurtful and probably misleading.   

Not that long ago, you mentioned something about how most of your exes think you're "the devil incarnate" (I think that was your phrase).   And to be fair, this is no surprise because there has been a running theme in your dating where you don't understand the emotional impact your actions have on others.  So many 😳 posts. 

Have you ever done individual counselling to work on learning how to figure out which actions are inherently self centred?  To learn to see yourself in the same way as those who you date see you?   

[Highndry]

Cookies - just say "I don't care about extra clothes, walking, etc., just make sure you have clean sheets on your bed because that's where I'm headed."

[poppyfields]

Hey cookies, how'd it go?  I hope you will update us!  

[kendahke]

Quote

Why would an ex you broke up with contact you months later?

They're taking your temperature

Edited May 18, 2021 by kendahke

[Cookiesandough]

Hey all!!! So I had a great time. And a hookup!!!

 

Mood today is very uplifted lol. 

 

So I got there around 7:30ish and I’m like let’s do it tomorrow because it’s a bit late and it would be nice to just chill in ... which was the truth 

 

He’s like okay but I want to ask you questions & I’m sure you have questions for me and he pulls out this notebook (I swear to Gd) and starts playing 21 questions...

 

Awkward af at first but then things start to loosen up and when I think things have been sufficient covered, I reached over and started making out with him... haha 

 

Things were getting heated, but  I SAID “one more thing, and I need to tell you this before we go further. I’m under a lot of stress from my final year of school. Commitment is really hard for me right now & I don’t want to disappoint you. I won’t have time for a bf. So I’m just looking for fun and no expectations, you know?”

 

A little while later he was like,”yeah, you just told me you don’t want a relationship” and I said,  “yea is that ok” and he said “I need to think about it, but it’s ok for now “ lol. and we started making out again. We ended up booking up and it was great and I do mean fantastic mind still a little blown away ... that lasted a pretty long time, like into the morning hah.. 

 

I left in the morning because it did feel semi awkward ( but there’s was a whole lot of bounce in my step haha) He was still sleeping but I did send a text to him saying hey really sorry I left but felt awkward, didn’t wanna wake him up because he looked cute etc. 

 

The only problem is where to go from here. I feel like again he didn’t hear me and seems to think we’re getting together again... even though I’m pretty sure I made it clear..  . For example, he told me to call him when he got the text and I’m just like “yeah just keep it light and casual ... haha” and he’s like “well not really, just until I can trust you again...& we can figure out school thing, I have ideas... and he keeps talking like this was gonna be a regular thing, like “next time...” you owe me... “ texted his friend I was over and we were “rekindling”  etc & I’m just like no... this is kind of a one and done for me...peridt we both had fun, he’s a grown man who gave consent, so no one here who likes to make me seem bad or make me feel bad is going to take the wind out of my sails. I handled it well . I told him would it offend him if I didn’t come to an event he’s playing this Saturday and he said kind of but I understand , it would fck a lot of people up to see us together... 

 

 I am probably going to slow fade him a little and hope he gets the hint I was serious( no one ever listens to me though, even when they hear/comprehend what I say, so I don’t know why I bother).  I feel like the only way you can handle situations like this is to pull back a lot on contact... but I didn’t do anything wrong here. I told him exactly the score before anything and I was clear about it, which typically I’m not and it would be hard for me because i felt like it would make him like me substantially less/make the hookup awkward. But I’d prefer we stay cool. Don’t need another enemy. Gotta tread carefully here 

 

Edited May 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

21 hours ago, basil67 said:

@Cookiesandough there is a complete lack thoughtfulness coming out in this post.  It's all about what YOU want.   I know you put a lol, but it's really not funny.  It's selfish.

If we want sex with a person but we know they want another try at getting back together, a thoughtful person will decline the sex because we recognise that having sex with them is selfish, hurtful and probably misleading.   

Not that long ago, you mentioned something about how most of your exes think you're "the devil incarnate" (I think that was your phrase).   And to be fair, this is no surprise because there has been a running theme in your dating where you don't understand the emotional impact your actions have on others.  So many 😳 posts. 

Have you ever done individual counselling to work on learning how to figure out which actions are inherently self centred?  To learn to see yourself in the same way as those who you date see you?   

Basil, I respect your opinion, but vehemently disagree and not going to let anyonefeel bad about this. I didn’t lie to anyone or mislead them. He enjoyed it as much as I did( said so).
 

& We talked about this last night ... My other ex is still trying to drag me... and this guy my other ex bonded over how I did them both wrong.. I did do this guy a little wrong.. but my other ex... no ... but this guy seems to think so and agrees with him. And they are “cool” now. He told me “that’s the only problem people have with you. You move on to the next in like no down time” I  think that’s garbage and the whole thing is ludicrous and told him so.  Yes it sucks to get broken up with and see that person with someone else, but really, I would never demonize or make them out like a tart person for that. If someone doesn’t want to be with me, I might reflect on my own actions why or even figure they’re just a better match for someone else... not make them out like them dating someone else is some emotionally impactful, grievous sin . That’s weak and not dignified. Sorry, but people move on. I didn’t lie, didn’t cheat. He wants to believe that and for some reason they still think I did something wrong no. I wanted to move on.  I was single. Why should my life be on hold? Makes no sense. Don’t need “therapy” for that. I do a lot of things I might need it, but there’s nothing I did wrong here.

Edited May 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

Like even my mom said, if I don’t do it now when am I going to do it?

[Alpacalia]

3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Like even my mom said, if I don’t do it now when am I going to do it?

Your mother is suggesting casual sex with an ex?

🤨

 

[Cookiesandough]

No no not that lol. I try to steer clear of sex talks with my mother. More the dating around thing... sowing my wild oats 

[Highndry]

38 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Your mother is suggesting casual sex with an ex?

🤨

 

What's wrong with casual sex?

[poppyfields]

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself cookies.  I for one don't think you led him on, from what I read you were straight with him.

He's a big boy, if he wants to delude himself into thinking it was more, that's on him.  

For a man so hunky looking lol, I am surprised he doesn't have better game though - I mean telling his mate you're "rekindling" right in front of you?  That's pretty presumptuous.  

And many other things he said (and assumed) about you and your night together.

Oh well, a damn shame cause it sounds like you've got some major sexual attraction/tension going there... can't have everything I guess.  😆

 

Edited May 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[Highndry]

If he starts talking about relationship stuff just reiterate "I don't want to talk about that stuff, I just want to have fun." If he doesn't get it and keeps pestering you about it, you may have to be frank and say "hey, I'm really only looking for something casual as I have mentioned, and I'd prefer it to be with you, but if you are having a hard time with this I can find somebody else."

[Alpacalia]

Just now, Highndry said:

What's wrong with casual sex?

I misunderstood her when she said her mother said:

I.E.

"Like even my mom said, if I don’t do it now when am I going to do it?"

[HiCrunchy]

IDK Cookies. I've been in this dudes shoes. Like so in love with an ex that I would agree to hook up with an ex just bc I love them so much and want them to come back. In my heart broken state of mind, I would have agreed with expectations that it would lead to something more, which sounds like what ur ex did. 

In my case, both both of my exes (they dumped me) told me no and told me directly it would be cruel to hook up with me knowing how I feel about them. Knowing that I wanted more when they didn't love me anymore, although they thought I was physically attractive still.

 

Cookies, this is really selfish and unkind. Sometimes we have to think of what is best for others. 

I think hooking up with a stranger on tinder is kinder than this. 

Edited May 18, 2021 by HiCrunchy

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

...sowing my wild oats 

Speaking from the guy side of the equation, if an ex-girlfriend call me up and wanted sex (one last time) I'd red-line the sportbike to get there.

I can think of two occasions where that exact scenario happened to me, I knew it was just sex and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I'm sure your guy had a GREAT time.  He will remember this and look back on the encounter with a smile on his face.  I know I have a smile on my face, as I am typing this and thinking about "S' and "C"!!

[Alpacalia]

25 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said:

In my case, both both of my exes (they dumped me) told me no and told me directly it would be cruel to hook up with me knowing how I feel about them. Knowing that I wanted more when they didn't love me anymore, although they thought I was physically attractive still.

Having sex with any emotional imbalance usually does not bode well.

If one party, say, a woman, wants only carnal pleasures and the other, say, a man, wants the whole shebang – such an agreement is doomed to fail due to the vast difference in both parties' desires.

It's similar to a sales contract with a lot of fine print.

[Cookiesandough]

32 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Speaking from the guy side of the equation, if an ex-girlfriend call me up and wanted sex (one last time) I'd red-line the sportbike to get there.

I can think of two occasions where that exact scenario happened to me, I knew it was just sex and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I'm sure your guy had a GREAT time.  He will remember this and look back on the encounter with a smile on his face.  I know I have a smile on my face, as I am typing this and thinking about "S' and "C"!!

Ty, Lemming. I’m a “C”, so I took this more personally. 😊 I’m 100% believe he will look back on it fondly and has 0 regrets at all. We had a total blast xD 

I see what hicrunch means by not being on the same page... but 99% people aren’t on the same page... and I can’t do hookups with strangers on Tinder. Not my M.O., like I need some type of personal connection or I don’t feel comfortable to do that, just me. 
 

Also.. I think it’s a different thing for men , like validation from hooking up/ sex skills are a benefit all in itself to a lot of them lol...  so yea , it might not pan out exactly as he wants, but I really doubt he’ll ever regret we did it or wish he didn’t bc I mean...it was great times xD I also apologized and answered whatever questions he had 

 

I did figure out the answer to the title of my thread. Ty

 

Edited May 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Ty, Lemming. I’m a see  “C”, so I took this more personally. 😊

 

For this particular woman "C" was the first initial in her nickname, her real name started with a "M", but she preferred I call her by the "C" nickname.

4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

it might not pan out exactly as he wants, but I really doubt he’ll ever regret we did it or wish he didn’t bc I mean...come on

100% Agree...  Funny story, I ran into the woman "S" in a local bar/pub a few months after our hookup.  I went up to her, gave her a big hug and told her it was great to see her.  I asked her what she was doing there and she said "Same as you... trying to find someone".  I then asked "Any luck??"  She responded "No" and asked me the same "I told her nope, that I had struck out, as well"  Then she said "Buy me a drink and I'll go home with you tonight." I jumped at the chance and we had sex.  She later told me she really needed to "sow some wild oats" that night and we both really enjoyed ourselves.

11 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

 but 99% people aren’t on the same page...

 

It took me over 30 years of dating to find a woman that is on the "same page" as me. 

[FMW]

It does sound like he isn't listening to what you're saying about only wanting to hook up.  You said "nobody" listens to you.  Do you have any idea why? 

 It's good you were upfront with him about your intentions.  But it's weird that he's basically ignoring what you said.  I can understand him maybe trying to convince you to change your mind, but just outright ignoring what you said, again, is weird.