After TWO YEARS - he's married! *updated*

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, LShalcy said:

yes, he’s sure, he’s been sure ever since he’s realized he didn’t care about the consequences of me getting pregnant while he was still married because he wants me in his future and he wants to leave her

And yet, he hasn’t left. You have been having unprotected sex with the man for how long now - and he hasn’t left.

[Snakesalive]

8 hours ago, LShalcy said:

because he wants me in his future and

As what ? -interesting that he didn’t say I want you as my future wife/partner 

[Starswillshine]

You do know you have a say in whether you get pregnant or not, right? Who the hell cares if he wants a baby with you? He is married right now. What the hell are you doing???? 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, LShalcy said:

It just hasn’t happened.

of course I would be devastated if I did wind up pregnant and he didn’t leave his wife.

How old are your children? Does their father pay child support? How is the co-parenting with him?

In the event that you get pregnant, you can go on welfare and get social services support. Especially if you cannot work. 

He's not leaving his wife and would have to pay child support either way, but being a single parent is difficult.

But that's all theories. The important thing is to stop seeing married men and consider dating single dads so you could provide a happier life for yourself and your children.

 

[LShalcy]

1 hour ago, Starswillshine said:

You do know you have a say in whether you get pregnant or not, right? Who the hell cares if he wants a baby with you? He is married right now. What the hell are you doing???? 

I’m well aware I have a say in that, thanks. 

[Allupinnit]

If you have a baby with this guy right now that poor child will be used as merely a pawn for two selfish people to act out their childish trashy romance-novel fantasies. 

"I realized when I didn't care if you got pregnant..." just read that over to yourself again.  What is he, Danielle Steele?  LOL  Does that sound like the thinking of a man who will EVER be able to make mature, responsible decisions where his own life and those of the lives he's supposed to be responsible for are concerned?  LOL NO.  His whims are buffeted about like the winds on the sea, however he and his penis are feeling that day, yeah let's do THAT.  That's your man.  I know you want to feel that you are just that special to him but the heart is fickle and never to be trusted.  This is a lie that is leading you and your children down a path of destruction you may find impossible to come back from.

I guarantee you that when you see him this weekend he will still not have told his wife.  The fact that you find it flattering that he is just "so into you" that he can be so flip and cruel to his wife by communicating with you in front of her says a lot about your own self-esteem.

These types don't change and one day that will be you wondering where he's off to and whom he's sexting with.  I don't know why you can't see this man for who he has already shown you to be.  Romantic love doesn't fix such rotten character.  

 

[introverted1]

17 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

"I realized when I didn't care if you got pregnant..." just read that over to yourself again.  What is he, Danielle Steele?  LOL  Does that sound like the thinking of a man who will EVER be able to make mature, responsible decisions where his own life and those of the lives he's supposed to be responsible for are concerned?

To be fair, OP is just as unconcerned with the possibility of making a baby with this man: they are well-matched in terms of ethics and decision-making.  I wonder if they are both at some level hoping that a pregnancy will occur. Him, because it will prove his virility/desirability and her because she thinks it will force his hand.  I wonder if he and his wife are also not using birth control.  I suppose it's possible she is currently pregnant and he just hasn't told OP yet.

Edited November 5, 2021 by introverted1

[LShalcy]

1 hour ago, Allupinnit said:

If you have a baby with this guy right now that poor child will be used as merely a pawn for two selfish people to act out their childish trashy romance-novel fantasies. 

"I realized when I didn't care if you got pregnant..." just read that over to yourself again.  What is he, Danielle Steele?  LOL  Does that sound like the thinking of a man who will EVER be able to make mature, responsible decisions where his own life and those of the lives he's supposed to be responsible for are concerned?  LOL NO.  His whims are buffeted about like the winds on the sea, however he and his penis are feeling that day, yeah let's do THAT.  That's your man.  I know you want to feel that you are just that special to him but the heart is fickle and never to be trusted.  This is a lie that is leading you and your children down a path of destruction you may find impossible to come back from.

I guarantee you that when you see him this weekend he will still not have told his wife.  The fact that you find it flattering that he is just "so into you" that he can be so flip and cruel to his wife by communicating with you in front of her says a lot about your own self-esteem.

These types don't change and one day that will be you wondering where he's off to and whom he's sexting with.  I don't know why you can't see this man for who he has already shown you to be.  Romantic love doesn't fix such rotten character.  

 

Wow.

Childish and trashy fantasy?

I’m well aware the potential consequences of this relationship. And I’m extremely well aware that this is really no fantasy. 
 

I also never said I found it endearing or flattering that he is talking to his wife in front of me; I actually asked him why he was doing that now - this only started recently.
 

I honestly don’t have any malice towards his wife for me to want to intentionally hurt her. yes, I hate the fact she has him but I don’t necessarily  hate her. 

[Wiseman2]

33 minutes ago, LShalcy said:

I honestly don’t have any malice towards his wife for me to want to intentionally hurt her. yes, I hate the fact she has him but I don’t necessarily  hate her. 

Ok, forget about the preganacy thing for now. Focus on what you want and how you feel. Are you happy with the situation? If he treats you disrespectfully, pull back and do not reward him with love, affection or sex. 

Don't let him be a jerk in your home. If he's talking to his wife, whatever, tell him to leave. Regain your self respect and soon you'll see him for the creep he is..

[Birdies]

OMG don't get pregnant with this douche while he's still married!!!  Girl, what are you doing.  Get on birth control stat.

If you two end up together and date for a WHILE and have a healthy and happy and AUTHENTIC relationship, then you can get married and have a kid.  But for the sake of your own children, if not yourself, you absolutely need to prevent getting pregnant right now!!

(I had an affair with a married man, and we are now happily married with a kid, so I am speaking 100% from experience.  There's a more right way to do it, and a really terrible way to do it.)

[BaileyB]

50 minutes ago, LShalcy said:

I honestly don’t have any malice towards his wife for me to want to intentionally hurt her. yes, I hate the fact she has him but I don’t necessarily  hate her. 

These are your own words from your very first post in this thread. 

Quote

And in some way, I don’t care about the feelings of his wife, she doesn’t seem real to me, just a faceless person who I hate.

 

[LShalcy]

1 hour ago, Birdies said:

OMG don't get pregnant with this douche while he's still married!!!  Girl, what are you doing.  Get on birth control stat.

If you two end up together and date for a WHILE and have a healthy and happy and AUTHENTIC relationship, then you can get married and have a kid.  But for the sake of your own children, if not yourself, you absolutely need to prevent getting pregnant right now!!

(I had an affair with a married man, and we are now happily married with a kid, so I am speaking 100% from experience.  There's a more right way to do it, and a really terrible way to do it.)

The plan is to legitimately date and see where it goes. Officially meet both sides of the family, spend holidays together etc 

Everyone is acting like I expect him to divorce and immediately start planning a wedding and a family with me. 
 

that is not the case nor has it ever been. 

[Birdies]

36 minutes ago, LShalcy said:

The plan is to legitimately date and see where it goes. Officially meet both sides of the family, spend holidays together etc 

Everyone is acting like I expect him to divorce and immediately start planning a wedding and a family with me. 
 

that is not the case nor has it ever been. 

No one here has mentioned a wedding.  EVERYONE is concerned, for legitimate reasons, that you are having unprotected sex with a married man who says he wants to get you pregnant.  You have to admit that that is bananas.  Do this the right way, one step at a time, and don't risk upending your kids' lives.

[MilaVaneela]

4 hours ago, LShalcy said:

The fact that you have the audacity to be judgmental, when you admit you stole a MM from his wife, is rich.

How is he a “douche”? Excuse me,  but the man you’re currently married to…was he not cheating on his wife with you?
 

Lol

LShalcy, 

I am asking this in a genuine attempt to clarify: 

What is it that you are looking for? The last two threads you posted here ended in much the same way. People tried to give you advice and warn you off a self- destructive path because they’d been there in one way or another… they genuinely want to help you… and you respond in an aggressive manner. What do you want to know? What do you want to hear? This isn’t helping you, this endless cycle of lamenting over a man who in theory tells you all the right things and yet in practice isn’t doing them. It isn’t helping your mental state, it isn’t helping your daughters’ wellbeing and it isn’t going to change anything. Therapy was suggested and you got angry and responded aggressively. The suggestion to set firm boundaries with this man? The suggestion to be careful about your sexual and reproductive health? All good advice that seemed to set you off. What do you want? No one can figure it out. I’m not trying to attack you, I’m just genuinely at a loss as to what you’re looking for. 

[torn_heart]

It’s not consistent that at the same time he says he is gonna be with you and leave his wife he is starting to talk to his wife in front of you. It’s a huge contradiction. 

[LShalcy]

14 hours ago, S2B said:

He’s talking to her in front of you now because he disrespects you that much - and doesn’t care if it hurts your feelings.

it’s his way of reminding you that a call from her is higher on his priority list than being with you.

it’s an intrusion - one he purposely participates in every time he answers her calls.

it’s your reminder that she is #1 in his world. If you get pregnant you are crazy - that would complicate your life times 1,000

[] I meant to say that they’ve been getting into fights because he is texting me in front of his wife and she suspects he’s texting another woman. 

Edited November 6, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Rude

[LShalcy]

He’s talking to me in front of his wife not the other way around.  

1 hour ago, torn_heart said:

It’s not consistent that at the same time he says he is gonna be with you and leave his wife he is starting to talk to his wife in front of you. It’s a huge contradiction. 

[torn_heart]

8 minutes ago, LShalcy said:

He’s talking to me in front of his wife not the other way around.  

Oooooh ok. That’s another thing. Yes it’s disrespectful to her, but consistent to what he is claiming he will do. 
 

[Allupinnit]

So has he confirmed her suspicions yet, put the poor woman out of her misery with the truth about you, so that everyone can start moving on?

[elaine567]

He went pretty quick from "My love" to wanting to get rid of her.
Take note.

[RebeccaR]

27 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He went pretty quick from "My love" to wanting to get rid of her.
Take note.

In OP’s eyes, this is all because of her. She’s so irresistible to him that he’s no longer in love with his wife.

[elaine567]

Trouble is men in affairs, keep both plates in the air and spinning by telling each woman exactly what they want to hear.
I guess he knows you want "more" else you will walk, so he is giving you "more".
How serious he is about that, time will tell, but  I would advise you don't get your hopes up too high.
He is likely also saying stuff to his wife to keep her on board too... 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, LShalcy said:

he is texting me in front of his wife and she suspects he’s texting another woman. 

How do you know this? He probably tells her he's looking something up or talking to a friend, no?

[stillafool]

6 hours ago, LShalcy said:

He’s talking to me in front of his wife not the other way around.  

So you are as guilty as him for hurting his wife.  You happily sit and converse with him knowing his wife is right there and probably getting a rise out of the pain you both are causing her.

[stillafool]

14 hours ago, MilaVaneela said:

What do you want? No one can figure it out. I’m not trying to attack you, I’m just genuinely at a loss as to what you’re looking for. 

This is the question she refuses to answer.