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good-looking, smart, successful, works out, has a nice car


luiscasabuena

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luiscasabuena

but still single??

Folks, that is me. I have so many things I should be happy about but I still don't have the love of my life. It makes me question everything I have to the point that I ask myself, "maybe I'm just deluded?"

But I see myself in the mirror and I'm happy with it. I get compliments that I'm handsome from time to time, including from the three beauty queens I dated.

The problem, I suppose, is where I live in. I'm happily living in a small rural city where only very few women match my preferences. I did Tinder stuff and other dating apps. I get a lot of matches... but I am like, I can't hold interest with any one of them. :(

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luiscasabuena

I'm 33! Thanks for the response! Been waiting for one for ages, I was literally staring on my laptop just before you answered. ūüėź

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Fletch Lives

It sounds like you live in a small town. You could always move.

You say you get lots of matches on Tinder - so what's the problem? You don't like them or they don't like you?

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luiscasabuena

Small city. Population is 300k. Yes, I get lots of matches... I only swipe right if the girl's attractive... but I am also looking for other qualities like education. I think I posted somewhere why I'm looking for the total package. I'll post the link here in a while... 

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luiscasabuena

I can't move. I love this place. It's a small city where everything you need is already here LESS the traffic and pollution! Plus, it has nice, scenic views of the mountain and the sea... It has hundreds of thousands of tourists every year because of the lovely views. I can't be anywhere else but here!

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LivingWaterPlease

Sometimes it takes time to find the right one! If you have to wait awhile it will make you appreciate her more!

 

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You are only just now figuring out what you want.  In another post you talked about your very specific & rare preferences about looks.   You are just coming off a phase where you dated only beauty queens with very little substance.  

It's not going to happen over night but now that you are dating with a purpose it should be better.  Try sites other than Tinder.  

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luiscasabuena

^^Thanks man. You don't know what I've gone through over the years. Yes, you're right. It's only very lately that I figured out what my preferences are. They're very specific. Considering that I live in the Philippines, Spanish- and Chinese-looking women are kind of rare. But there are some out there. Just rare.

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5 minutes ago, luiscasabuena said:

^^Thanks man. 

You're welcome but I'm a woman. 

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I think you're judging yourself a bit harshly and getting trapped in the (very common) online dating depression. Hit time out and find purpose and joy in other things besides meeting women. I do agree it takes time and if there were so many educated, decent, honest, intelligent women out there don't you think they'd be looking for the same qualities in a man? Work on yourself. Remember like attracts like. You mentioned attracting them but not being able to hold interest. 

Adjust your picker and stay in touch with yourself too. Women look for some degree of confidence and whether a man has other things going on besides maintaining a relationship. I don't know why people look down on being single either. You're at an advantage looking and seeking like-minded individuals to date and get to know. Use that. 

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LivingWaterPlease
5 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You're welcome but I'm a woman. 

ūüôā A woman with much good advice to offer on LS!

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luiscasabuena
1 hour ago, glows said:

I think you're judging yourself a bit harshly and getting trapped in the (very common) online dating depression. Hit time out and find purpose and joy in other things besides meeting women. I do agree it takes time and if there were so many educated, decent, honest, intelligent women out there don't you think they'd be looking for the same qualities in a man? Work on yourself. Remember like attracts like. You mentioned attracting them but not being able to hold interest. 

Adjust your picker and stay in touch with yourself too. Women look for some degree of confidence and whether a man has other things going on besides maintaining a relationship. I don't know why people look down on being single either. You're at an advantage looking and seeking like-minded individuals to date and get to know. Use that. 

Well, I'm also educated. I have two degrees. The problem is there's not a lot of women who can match my background. I meet pretty women at the gym every now and then. They smile at me. I talk to them. It's just that, I think it's usually not a match or something.

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9 minutes ago, luiscasabuena said:

Well, I'm also educated. I have two degrees. The problem is there's not a lot of women who can match my background. I meet pretty women at the gym every now and then. They smile at me. I talk to them. It's just that, I think it's usually not a match or something.

That's fine. I hardly find any men who match my background but it doesn't stop me from meeting them anyway. Take your time. 

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All your qualities that you have listed above, OP, are great, but they are about luck and achievements.

You say you are seeking a match but you obviously expect that match to be stunningly beautiful.  This an ideal that I am sure many men share but it is not necessary for happiness.  Having fun, sharing, being compatible with someone, is actually more important.

If you are swiping away anyone who does not fit your expectations in terms of achievements and looks, you are probably missing out on some amazing women, you just don't know it.

What are you looking for in terms of personality and what are you offering in terms of personality?  A woman might date a guy because he is rich, successful and handsome, but she is likely to get fed up of him if he hasn't got a great personality.  By 'great', I do not mean outgoing, confident, successful, more that they are honest, genuine, sharing and warm.

I think what you are looking for is a picture perfect woman, a shadow of a woman.  A real woman will find that shallow because she will be looking for a guy that has warmth and sees beyond the superficial signs of societal success.

I think that until you find a woman who is not overly impressed by your social status, you will not have that feeling of having to make an effort for a woman and for her to be a challenge for you. 

 

 

Edited by spiderowl
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lana-banana

The traits you listed won't get you very far (and I don't think any reasonable person would care about your car). Focus on this: are you fun to talk to? Can you carry a conversation? Do you show interest in people? Can you make people laugh? Are you reliable? Are you empathetic, warm, and caring? Would someone want to come home to you at the end of the day? Those are the traits that distinguish between a decent partner and a serious companion. Similarly, stop worrying about someone's "background" and focus on what kind of a person they are and how they make you feel.

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8 hours ago, luiscasabuena said:

I'm 33! Thanks for the response! Been waiting for one for ages, I was literally staring on my laptop just before you answered. ūüėź

You sound almost teeny needy for a start, and your town obviously isn't helping the situation either. Your a 33yrs old man , you can do whatever you want , move to a better place or look further afield.

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good-looking, smart, successful, works out, has a nice car

You may be book smart, but given the traits that you believe should make you attractive, I think you've got some catching up to do when it comes to understanding women.

When it comes to the above, being book smart is attractive.  If by 'successful' you mean that you're readily employable, this is good too.   But the rest is just superficial and meh. Sure, if this stuff makes you happy, then that's great, but it won't do a lot to reel in a girlfriend and KEEP her.   

Are you fun?  Can you laugh at yourself?  Do the friends you keep reflect well on you?  Can you keep up your end of a personal conversation?  Do you have humility? 

 

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Men often think women are looking for a checklist and while all of those things are nice to haves, they say nothing about how you make a woman feel in your presence.  

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Lotsgoingon
15 hours ago, luiscasabuena said:

but still single??

I have so many things I should be happy about but I still don't have the love of my life.

Get this statement to "I have so many things, and I'm wonderfully happy" ... and your dating life will kick into gear. Right now you're into the "I should be happy."

What's keeping you from happiness? Get to that and you'll be attractive as hell. 

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luiscasabuena
3 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Get this statement to "I have so many things, and I'm wonderfully happy" ... and your dating life will kick into gear. Right now you're into the "I should be happy."

What's keeping you from happiness? Get to that and you'll be attractive as hell. 

I still feel a void in my life. Despite the many blessings, I still feel lonely. I'm guessing that it's the lack of love life. I'm not saying things above just to brag about them but only to say that, with everything that I have now, I still feel kind of lonely. That's all.

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I think OLD is a tough place to look but if you are getting matches then that is a good start but you say the people do not hold your attention, that is one thing for which there is no alternative but to play the numbers game, you cannot tell by a bio or a picture if someone is going to hold your interest.

I agree with another poster, taking a break might be a good idea.

The other option is to meet up with as many people you find attractive and give them a chance.

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Like many men who struggle you have  a list of requirements that make finding a woman to match those requirements almost impossible.
You live in a small city in the Philippines where Chinese and Spanish women are rare, never mind single, young and of beauty queen standard, then we add in educated, prepared to date a native and someone outwith their community, and want to live in a small city in the Philippines. We haven't even got to hate the look of you on sight or are bored on the first date...

I get wanting the whole package but the odds are  massively against you here.

 

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