What happened? Why do guy friends act this way ?

[glows]

He's not a friend. Drop this guy, move on with your life. The longer you stay hung up on him is also the longer you're preventing yourself from finding something more meaningful with someone else if that's what you want. 

[Emma7897]

1 hour ago, Beachead said:

@Emma7897

Firstly, I'll say I dont think you did anything wrong here by what you've described BUT that's what it was.  Your uncertainty.  And he picked up on that.  Felt embarrassed, and cut you off, to get away from the shame and pain so that he could heal.

His ghosting you is a sign he was stressing night and day about it for awhile.  When you rejected him and had him wait for a week, that was a week's worth of pain and vulnerability.   He probably liked you from the beginning, but didn't know how to tell you and was afraid to because of embarrassment or the possibility of losing you.  Being "friends" with you was his way of putting reality on hold for a short while, keeping you around for as long as he could, and fantasizing "Will we, won't we" for awhile.  

Feelings and friendships do not work together.  Feelings bring hope that something can happen between the two of you, and from there, all conversations, outings and experiences are interpreted to those hopes.  It takes the sincerity out of it.  Stops a person from doing things genuinely and makes them do things with an ulterior motive.   One can lie about it for some time, but how they really feel and what they really want eventually surfaces and what was meant to happen happens.   You've just realized it, is all.

But like I said, I don't think you did any wrong here. 

I don't believe being immediate with your response suggests the strength of your feelings, like he may have assumed.  There are plenty of people out there who would have reciprocated immediately and taken it back later.  There are plenty of people who reciprocate immediately because the feelings ARE strong and the relationship ends up being successful.  And then some like you and me, who need time for our own personal reasons, but eventually come to reciprocate, and slowly progress forward with that person and sometimes it works or it doesn't.  It's different for different people.

I think when you've known a person a certain way for a long time, being smacked in the face with the news that they like you and to immediately see them another way, is a big expectation and it's reasonable to need time.   Not because you don't like the person, but because you are your own person with your own life and problems and having someone's heart in your hand, as well as your own, is a big task to take on.   Maybe you need to talk to someone first for some advice..right?  

So don't blame yourself.  Give him some time.  See what he does.  If he doesn't contact you again, make peace with the fact that you did exactly what you needed to do, and things worked out as they were meant to.

- Beach

 

Thank you ! It just sucks also we met through a mutual friend and I think she had been bad mouthing about me to him so. 

[Emma7897]

1 hour ago, glows said:

He's not a friend. Drop this guy, move on with your life. The longer you stay hung up on him is also the longer you're preventing yourself from finding something more meaningful with someone else if that's what you want. 

Yes I know thank you ! I just wanted to get some advice because I was shocked and confused. 

[glows]

Neither of these are friends. Drop them! When someone shows you their true colours, believe it.

[Emma7897]

18 minutes ago, glows said:

Neither of these are friends. Drop them! When someone shows you their true colours, believe it.

I don’t know for sure but I’m starting to but two and two together because they talk a lot even though she has a bf 

[Beachead]

@Emma7897

2 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Thank you ! It just sucks also we met through a mutual friend and I think she had been bad mouthing about me to him so. 

Well, if that's the case, neither of them were your friends anyway.  No friend would do that and if he chooses to believe what is being told to him, without giving you a fair chance, then you're better off with him.  You wouldn't be missing out on anything. 

In any case, lets not jump to conclusions yet.  Given this is all recent, things are still fresh for the both of you.  Give him a little bit of time to sort his head out.  He may contact you.  If this happens, you may want to have yourself sorted out.   The best way for you to do that is to take care of yourself by taking care of your life.  Sleep.  Eat well. Exercise.  Spend time with the people who love you and treat them right.  Do well at your job, well at your studies, and try to be a better person than you were yesterday.  Doing that will naturally heal you, which will bring you strength of mind to deal with this maturely, if it confronts you again.  

If he doesn't contact you again..understand that'll be on him.  Not you.  Telling you how he feels and then expecting you to take in something that heavy and immediately process it with an answer, on his timeline, is unreasonable.  Don't mourn a person like that. They wouldn't be a good partner.  This isn't just his relationship.  This is your relationship as well.  Both your needs matter and this is the first real test of how he can handle a relationship.   If he can't understand that you are your own person and not some tool that exists only to service only his needs, he's going to be a bad boyfriend, because he's going to be selfish, which means you dodged a bullet.  If cares for you though, then he should be able to find the patience and the forgiveness for your humanity.  That's part of love.

Trust that things happen for a good reason

- Beach

Edited April 19, 2021 by Beachead

[Emma7897]

1 hour ago, Beachead said:

@Emma7897

Well, if that's the case, neither of them were your friends anyway.  No friend would do that and if he chooses to believe what is being told to him, without giving you a fair chance, then you're better off with him.  You wouldn't be missing out on anything. 

In any case, lets not jump to conclusions yet.  Given this is all recent, things are still fresh for the both of you.  Give him a little bit of time to sort his head out.  He may contact you.  If this happens, you may want to have yourself sorted out.   The best way for you to do that is to take care of yourself by taking care of your life.  Sleep.  Eat well. Exercise.  Spend time with the people who love you and treat them right.  Do well at your job, well at your studies, and try to be a better person than you were yesterday.  Doing that will naturally heal you, which will bring you strength of mind to deal with this maturely, if it confronts you again.  

If he doesn't contact you again..understand that'll be on him.  Not you.  Telling you how he feels and then expecting you to take in something that heavy and immediately process it with an answer, on his timeline, is unreasonable.  Don't mourn a person like that. They wouldn't be a good partner.  This isn't just his relationship.  This is your relationship as well.  Both your needs matter and this is the first real test of how he can handle a relationship.   If he can't understand that you are your own person and not some tool that exists only to service only his needs, he's going to be a bad boyfriend, because he's going to be selfish, which means you dodged a bullet.  If cares for you though, then he should be able to find the patience and the forgiveness for your humanity.  That's part of love.

Trust that things happen for a good reason

- Beach

Thank you . Right when I told him I liked him he thought I was joking so I had to reinsure him that I really did and after that day he started to become very distant. I chose not to reach out because I figured if he wanted to talk to me he would. A week went by after that with no contact , then he finally contacted and said he was checking up on me. A couple day after that he took me off of everything and we haven’t spoken since. So I felt like I did my part and your right some things just aren’t meant ..... 

[Beachead]

@Emma7897

1 hour ago, Emma7897 said:

Thank you . Right when I told him I liked him he thought I was joking so I had to reinsure him that I really did and after that day he started to become very distant. I chose not to reach out because I figured if he wanted to talk to me he would. A week went by after that with no contact , then he finally contacted and said he was checking up on me. A couple day after that he took me off of everything and we haven’t spoken since. So I felt like I did my part and your right some things just aren’t meant ..... 

You did do your part.  It's him that's the problem.   He's got things he's got to sort out and there's nothing you can do for him, except give him his space and let him go through what he needs to go through so that he can arrive at the answer he was meant to get to.  If that means him blocking you off of everything, so be it.

A lot of people have come and gone in my life.  All of those situations hurt.  Some more than others.  I used to obsess over the minute details of what was said and all possible events that may have led to us losing touch and I often blamed myself for it.    But I've learned that a lot of what people ultimately do has more to do with them than you.  You're not the only factor in a person's life.  They're constantly being influenced by their daily experiences, past relationships, past baggage, friendships, family, career, social media, tv etc.  It impacts how they feel about themselves which affects the choices they make, which impacts the people around them.  The ones closest to the heart, usually take the worst hits.  

But that doesn't mean you should wait.  What you have to focus on is the choices these people ultimately make..and he made his.  You are important too and him blocking you without any proper explanation, is a terrible way to deal with things as it just leaves you in the dark with no choice but to assume he's gone.  As a result, the best choice for you is to get on with your life.

If he stays gone, that'll be your answer.  

- Beach

 

Edited April 20, 2021 by Beachead

[Emma7897]

1 hour ago, Beachead said:

@Emma7897

You did do your part.  It's him that's the problem.   He's got things he's got to sort out and there's nothing you can do for him, except give him his space and let him go through what he needs to go through so that he can arrive at the answer he was meant to get to.  If that means him blocking you off of everything, so be it.

A lot of people have come and gone in my life.  All of those situations hurt.  Some more than others.  I used to obsess over the minute details of what was said and all possible events that may have led to us losing touch and I often blamed myself for it.    But I've learned that a lot of what people ultimately do has more to do with them than you.  You're not the only factor in a person's life.  They're constantly being influenced by their daily experiences, past relationships, past baggage, friendships, family, career, social media, tv etc.  It impacts how they feel about themselves which affects the choices they make, which impacts the people around them.  The ones closest to the heart, usually take the worst hits.  

But that doesn't mean you should wait.  What you have to focus on is the choices these people ultimately make..and he made his.  You are important too and him blocking you without any proper explanation, is a terrible way to deal with things as it just leaves you in the dark with no choice but to assume he's gone.  As a result, the best choice for you is to get on with your life.

If he stays gone, that'll be your answer.  

- Beach

 

Yes thank you I try not to dwell on it and I’m getting better. But... is there a possibility that he didn’t like me at all and he was just playing me ? 

[Wiseman2]

Have you read the book 📚 "He's Just Not That Into You"?

It could help you sort out the interested ones from the ones just hanging around.

"Confessing" feelings is a huge mistake. It makes things awkward and weird like this, which is why he blocked you.

Next time you like someone, suggest getting a coffee or drink. Anything but a "yes" is a "no". And you'll have a definitive answer.

 

[d0nnivain]

17 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

 we met through a mutual friend and I think she had been bad mouthing about me to him so. 

Then she definitely has to go out of your life.  He probably needs to go with her because it sounds like his loyalty is to her.  

 

9 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

 is there a possibility that he didn’t like me at all and he was just playing me ? 

Anything is possible but based on what you posted, I don't have reason to think this is probable.  It sounds more like he liked your mutual friend but she had a BF.  If she's giving him more attention, he went there.  You were just a place holder until he could have her.  

[Beachead]

@Emma7897

Quote

But... is there a possibility that he didn’t like me at all and he was just playing me ? 

I wouldn't focus on that or why he ultimately did what he did. I would focus on the fact that he did it.  That's answer enough for me.  Focus on what you can go on.

Also, bear in mind, even though you turned him down in the beginning, you did eventually tell him you liked him.  If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you.  He wouldn't leave you in the dark or block you after you admitted to your feelings but he'd talk to you and discuss things.

- Beach

[Emma7897]

58 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Then she definitely has to go out of your life.  He probably needs to go with her because it sounds like his loyalty is to her.  

 

Anything is possible but based on what you posted, I don't have reason to think this is probable.  It sounds more like he liked your mutual friend but she had a BF.  If she's giving him more attention, he went there.  You were just a place holder until he could have her.  

Yes I’m starting to really believe that as well ..... the minute I told her I liked him she started calling him a lot more even though she has a bf 

[Emma7897]

1 hour ago, Beachead said:

@Emma7897

I wouldn't focus on that or why he ultimately did what he did. I would focus on the fact that he did it.  That's answer enough for me.  Focus on what you can go on.

Also, bear in mind, even though you turned him down in the beginning, you did eventually tell him you liked him.  If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you.  He wouldn't leave you in the dark or block you after you admitted to your feelings but he'd talk to you and discuss things.

- Beach

Exactly and the more I think about it... I’m happy he did what did that’s shows me his character 

[Emma7897]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you read the book 📚 "He's Just Not That Into You"?

It could help you sort out the interested ones from the ones just hanging around.

"Confessing" feelings is a huge mistake. It makes things awkward and weird like this, which is why he blocked you.

Next time you like someone, suggest getting a coffee or drink. Anything but a "yes" is a "no". And you'll have a definitive answer.

 

He told me his first and basically pushing me to say it back. So I wasn’t even thinking about having feelings for him I had to overthink them. So it was him first 

[Beachead]

@Emma7897

1 hour ago, Emma7897 said:

Exactly and the more I think about it... I’m happy he did what did that’s shows me his character 

Yep.  So just get your focus back to you and take care of yourself.  Proceed on what you can go on: He left and is gone and as far as you know, he isn't coming back.  

If he ends up contacting you again,  hear him out (If you're still willing to) and see how you feel then.  If you find you just don't care anymore, then carry on on your own.  If you find what he says, makes you want to give it a chance, then give it a chance.

I've been burned like this numerous times in my life so I know it hurts.  I've learned my well-being is everything.  Thus, I don't have the patience or the energy to deal with the grey areas  that come with people and relationships, that might destroy it.   I trim the fat off of the situation and focus on what I know and what I can control.  It doesn't take the pain away, but it gives you a clear line of sight, on how to get back to being your best self.  Simplifies life.   

Well-being is the one thing you shouldn't compromise on for anyone because of you lose that,  everything in your life will suffer.  Your job.  Your studies.  Your goals.  The people in your life who actually care about you.  And ultimately you're going to end up being good for nobody anyway..including yourself.

- Beach  

[Emma7897]

3 hours ago, Beachead said:

@Emma7897

Yep.  So just get your focus back to you and take care of yourself.  Proceed on what you can go on: He left and is gone and as far as you know, he isn't coming back.  

If he ends up contacting you again,  hear him out (If you're still willing to) and see how you feel then.  If you find you just don't care anymore, then carry on on your own.  If you find what he says, makes you want to give it a chance, then give it a chance.

I've been burned like this numerous times in my life so I know it hurts.  I've learned my well-being is everything.  Thus, I don't have the patience or the energy to deal with the grey areas  that come with people and relationships, that might destroy it.   I trim the fat off of the situation and focus on what I know and what I can control.  It doesn't take the pain away, but it gives you a clear line of sight, on how to get back to being your best self.  Simplifies life.   

Well-being is the one thing you shouldn't compromise on for anyone because of you lose that,  everything in your life will suffer.  Your job.  Your studies.  Your goals.  The people in your life who actually care about you.  And ultimately you're going to end up being good for nobody anyway..including yourself.

- Beach  

Yes also the girl that introduced us is one of my closest friend. Shes only been knowing him for a year as well and she’s been in a  relationship this whole time. I thought before telling him I liked him I should tell her and right when I did that she started acting weird. Talking and calling him more, telling me that he compliments her and stuff. Even though she has a bf she talks on the phone to him a whole lot . When I told her that he called me to check up on me she was so surprised and kinda mad. I’m wondering if I should also cut her off or distance my self from her as well? Keep in mind we are all super young.

[Johnjohnson2017]

He felt like you were playing games. He couldent trust you anymore. He wanted to cut off contacts with you to protect his heart as he thought having a relationship with you would be too much work.

[Emma7897]

2 hours ago, Johnjohnson2017 said:

He felt like you were playing games. He couldent trust you anymore. He wanted to cut off contacts with you to protect his heart as he thought having a relationship with you would be too much work.

I don’t know where he got that from.... I wasn’t playing any games I wanted to be true with myself and my feelings that’s why it took me awhile to confess. 

[Emma7897]

Why do guys block girls that they claimed to like if the feeling were mutual ??? 

Edited April 29, 2021 by Emma7897

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Why do guys block girls that they claimed to like if the feeling were mutual ??? 

Because they feel pestered and smothered.

Date real life boys. Review your social media privacy settings. Make sure only people who you know can see your content or message you.

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps

Clear out the dead weight from your social media.

[HazelBliss]

Some will disagree with me, but men and woman cannot be friends. I slept will all of my male friends basically. Not saying every woman is like this... but it is tempting especially if both parties are attracted to each other in some way. This type of friendship is very rare IMO

[WWYD]

On 5/14/2021 at 5:09 AM, HazelBliss said:

Some will disagree with me, but men and woman cannot be friends. I slept will all of my male friends basically. Not saying every woman is like this... but it is tempting especially if both parties are attracted to each other in some way. This type of friendship is very rare IMO

 

A number of my closest friends are female - and I've not slept with any of them. All of them are attractive and in good shape, though tbh I've never really seriously considered if I would sleep with them, mainly because I've never put myself (or them) in a position to make that a possibility. Maybe because I value the friendships too much to risk them for the sake of sex?

Edited May 14, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[HazelBliss]

2 hours ago, WWYD said:

 

A number of my closest friends are female - and I've not slept with any of them. All of them are attractive and in good shape, though tbh I've never really seriously considered if I would sleep with them, mainly because I've never put myself (or them) in a position to make that a possibility. Maybe because I value the friendships too much to risk them for the sake of sex?

Thats awesome of you.. what you're doing is rare LOL... IMO

[Cookiesandough]

Bc “guy friends” beyond just we see each other and chill in groups are never actually friends. Learned this the hard way as well.