What happened? Why do guy friends act this way ?

[Emma7897]

Me and this guy friend were friends for about a year and he came out and told me he liked me the whole time. He convinced me to confess. Are feeling we’re mutual all of a sudden he ghost me and unfollows me from all social media? I wasn’t bothering him or texting him? What happened ? He hasn’t contacted me since 

Edited April 18, 2021 by Emma7897

[Keridan]

1 hour ago, Emma7897 said:

Me and this guy friend were friends for about a year and he came out and told me he liked me the whole time. He convinced me to confess. Are feeling we’re mutual all of a sudden he ghost me and unfollows me from all social media? I wasn’t bothering him or texting him? What happened ? He hasn’t contacted me since 

Sounds like he got spooked tbh. Give him a little bit of time to see if he gets over it. You didn't do anything wrong, he's being insecure

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

He convinced me to confess.

Sorry this happened. Confess to what? Do you know him in person? Why didn't he just ask you on a date if he likes you?  Odd behavior that he ghosted like that. 

[Emma7897]

So he’s been liking me the whole time. I did like him towards the end. At first I said no but then I finally said I like you back so the feelings were mutual. Then he started being distant I let him be because I wasn’t going to chase him. and then just randomly took me off of all social media platforms. 

[Kir]

7 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Me and this guy friend were friends for about a year and he came out and told me he liked me the whole time. He convinced me to confess. Are feeling we’re mutual all of a sudden he ghost me and unfollows me from all social media? I wasn’t bothering him or texting him? What happened ? He hasn’t contacted me since 

Did he befriend you in the hopes of getting into a romantic relationship with you, or did he develop feelings after he had built a platonic relationship with you?

Either way, first the guy emotionally pressures you to tell him you like him, and then he  throws a tantrum and unfollows you from all social media?
It seems to me that guy has some issues he might want to take up with a psychologist about. You don't want someone in your life, as a boyfriend, or as a friend, who is childish, immature, and acts more melodramatic than  the actors in Gone With The Wind, when there's no reason for that in the first place.

[d0nnivain]

15 minutes ago, Emma7897 said:

So he’s been liking me the whole time. I did like him towards the end. At first I said no but then I finally said I like you back so the feelings were mutual. Then he started being distant I let him be because I wasn’t going to chase him. and then just randomly took me off of all social media platforms. 

When he confessed that he liked you & you rejected him, you hurt his feelings.  When you changed your mind & admitted that you liked him too he didn't believe it.  He thought it was some kind of pity or something.  

If you want him back you are going to have to be more reassuring. So reach out.  Reaching out to emotionally support somebody you care about is not chasing.  It's a bold new world & equality means you can't rely on old gender roles.  You are going to have to act.  

[Emma7897]

Let me take that back I never said no I just didn’t say yes. I was in fear of are friendship being ruined so I didn’t say anything at all. But I felt like I had to so I called and told him. It sounded like we were on the right path trying to figure out us then all of a sudden he became distant which is fine if his feeling have changed. I just don’t get the point of taking me off all social media platforms. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

I was in fear of are friendship being ruined so I didn’t say anything at all. But I felt like I had to so I called and told him.

Have you met in person? Were you dating or just friends?

[d0nnivain]

So what do you want?  You can just let this go or you can reach out & ask him out yourself.  

[poppyfields]

I do not agree with reaching out and asking him out, god no.

The guy's got some huge issues, trust me you do not want to go there. 

I mean, come on, pressuring you to confess your feelings, then after you do he ghosts you?  Removes you from all socials?

My advice is remove him from your consciousness, sounds like a classic "commitmentphobe."

All into you as long as you resist, once you're into him, he panics and is off and running. 

Huge next on this one. Bullet dodged. 

 

Edited April 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[Emma7897]

I don’t know how to reply to people on here. But yes we were friends for a whole year and he admitted to me that he liked me the whole time 

[dramafreezone]

14 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Me and this guy friend were friends for about a year and he came out and told me he liked me the whole time. He convinced me to confess. Are feeling we’re mutual all of a sudden he ghost me and unfollows me from all social media? I wasn’t bothering him or texting him? What happened ? He hasn’t contacted me since 

Here's a life lesson, if you are a woman and have single male friends, odds are that the majority of them like you in a romantic capacity and are using the friendship as a back door to the relationship.  These are called orbiters. 

Maybe they're not actively trying all the time but they're lying in wait to pounce for the right opportunity.  Sometimes they never come clean about their intentions, they find a girlfriend or just give up.  But that's all this was.

Edited April 18, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Emma7897]

Quote

 

But why take me off of all social media he was viewing my stories Like right when I would post them. He just took me off of everything 

[Emma7897]

Does that mean are friendship is over ??? 

[Lotsgoingon]

BTW: there is no such thing as "ruining the friendship." A friendship is based on a relationship meeting the needs and desires of both people. A friendship is based on honesty. If one of you is deeply attracted to the other, there is no "friendship." You have unrequited affection with one partner PRETENDING to be a friend, pretending to be satisfied with friendship.

Sounds like your wishy-washy answer scared him away. Not saying it should have scared him away. He sounds skittish. But why didn't you say "yes" if you were interested in him? I don't get that. Are you sure you are ready to date? Sounds like you were playing games. 

[glows]

2 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Does that mean are friendship is over ??? 

Have you met him in person?

Yes, the friendship is over. If he's deleted you he probably doesn't want to talk to you at all. 

This wasn't working out. I think it felt too forced and after the fact. Don't feel pressured to reciprocating something later on if you're not feeling it. If you genuinely did have feelings for him he was a jerk for leaving you high and dry without honestly telling you he's not into it. 

Either way, let it go. Don't waste a second more of your time on this.

Edited April 19, 2021 by glows

[Emma7897]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Have you met him in person?

Yes, the friendship is over. If he's deleted you he probably doesn't want to talk to you at all. 

This wasn't working out. I think it felt too forced and after the fact. Don't feel pressured to reciprocating something later on if you're not feeling it. If you genuinely did have feelings for him he was a jerk for leaving you high and dry without honestly telling you he's not into it. 

Either way, let it go. Don't waste a second more of your time on this.

I get what your saying, and yes I did develop feelings for him not at the begging but towards the end. I just don’t get it ? I wasn’t bothering him or initiating contact with him. So I don’t know why he would remove me off of every social media platform? That’s just mean I was always a good friend to him. 

[Emma7897]

3 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

BTW: there is no such thing as "ruining the friendship." A friendship is based on a relationship meeting the needs and desires of both people. A friendship is based on honesty. If one of you is deeply attracted to the other, there is no "friendship." You have unrequited affection with one partner PRETENDING to be a friend, pretending to be satisfied with friendship.

Sounds like your wishy-washy answer scared him away. Not saying it should have scared him away. He sounds skittish. But why didn't you say "yes" if you were interested in him? I don't get that. Are you sure you are ready to date? Sounds like you were playing games. 

I didn’t start liking him until the end of are friendship so I never looked at him in that way. And I get what your saying it just sucks that I lost a friend. 

[Lotsgoingon]

He was NOT your friend. He was pretending to be your friend. He was someone romantically interested in you. Yes, you miss time with him. But he was not a friend--he was pretending to be a friend, going along with being a friend so that he could have more. 

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like he found a GF, so cleaned up his social media.

Just move forward. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media.

Make new friends, date new guys.

[Beachead]

Hey @Emma7897,

How long you not reciprocating his feelings and then coming clean?

[Beachead]

Hey @Emma7897,

How long did it take you to come clean after not reciprocating his feelings? 

I ask, because that gap in time could have generated insecurity which got the better of him.

- Beach

Edited April 19, 2021 by Beachead

[Emma7897]

3 hours ago, Beachead said:

Hey @Emma7897,

How long did it take you to come clean after not reciprocating his feelings? 

I ask, because that gap in time could have generated insecurity which got the better of him.

- Beach

Only a week. I had to sit on it once I told him he told me that he already new that I liked him. 

[d0nnivain]

15 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Does that mean are friendship is over ??? 

Maybe.  

 

2 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Only a week. I had to sit on it once I told him he told me that he already new that I liked him. 

 

During the week you made him feel very vulnerable.   

As I suggested before you can chase if you want him to be your BF.  If you don't want to chase, this is done.  I can understand no longer wanting to deal with him.  His response was immature & shows a lack of communication / conflict resolution skills which indicates he'd be a poor prospect as a partner.  

[Beachead]

@Emma7897

Firstly, I'll say I dont think you did anything wrong here by what you've described BUT that's what it was.  Your uncertainty.  And he picked up on that.  Felt embarrassed, and cut you off, to get away from the shame and pain so that he could heal.

His ghosting you is a sign he was stressing night and day about it for awhile.  When you rejected him and had him wait for a week, that was a week's worth of pain and vulnerability.   He probably liked you from the beginning, but didn't know how to tell you and was afraid to because of embarrassment or the possibility of losing you.  Being "friends" with you was his way of putting reality on hold for a short while, keeping you around for as long as he could, and fantasizing "Will we, won't we" for awhile.  

Feelings and friendships do not work together.  Feelings bring hope that something can happen between the two of you, and from there, all conversations, outings and experiences are interpreted to those hopes.  It takes the sincerity out of it.  Stops a person from doing things genuinely and makes them do things with an ulterior motive.   One can lie about it for some time, but how they really feel and what they really want eventually surfaces and what was meant to happen happens.   You've just realized it, is all.

But like I said, I don't think you did any wrong here. 

I don't believe being immediate with your response suggests the strength of your feelings, like he may have assumed.  There are plenty of people out there who would have reciprocated immediately and taken it back later.  There are plenty of people who reciprocate immediately because the feelings ARE strong and the relationship ends up being successful.  And then some like you and me, who need time for our own personal reasons, but eventually come to reciprocate, and slowly progress forward with that person and sometimes it works or it doesn't.  It's different for different people.

I think when you've known a person a certain way for a long time, being smacked in the face with the news that they like you and to immediately see them another way, is a big expectation and it's reasonable to need time.   Not because you don't like the person, but because you are your own person with your own life and problems and having someone's heart in your hand, as well as your own, is a big task to take on.   Maybe you need to talk to someone first for some advice..right?  

So don't blame yourself.  Give him some time.  See what he does.  If he doesn't contact you again, make peace with the fact that you did exactly what you needed to do, and things worked out as they were meant to.

- Beach

 

Edited April 19, 2021 by Beachead