My Friendship Dilemma!

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's sad that you trive on this drama as a distraction from your own life.

This.not only do you thrive on the drama as a distraction, you get a huge ego boost from being her “white knight.”

And based on what you describe this woman needs professional help, if not hospitalization. 

Edited April 12, 2021 by BaileyB

[Jeff01]

On 4/12/2021 at 2:43 AM, spiderowl said:

She obviously trusts you and feels that she needs you. Because you are so drawn to her, it is really difficult for you to resist. 

I agree with other posters than she has probably been spoilt in some ways: she has had money to spend on things other women could only dream of. She has lived in a fantastic house and has probably not needed to worry about money or paying the bills. In return, she has been putting up with a guy who treats her badly.  She has become enmeshed in that 'show life' culture of the wealthy where looks are everything and rich guys just replace their older wives with pretty, younger models.  It is not surprising then that she has become obsessed with how she looks. You would need to bear in mind that she might prefer to have the wealth and status, on balance. 

Yes, unfortunately everything you said right here is completely true. The husband verbally and mentally treats her like trash, but she puts up with it, because of the upper class lifestyle. She has a $700,000 dollar home, brand new cars, over 80 $200 dollar dresses, 100" inch TV's, 2 owned vacation houses in 2 different states, etc, etc. I can't see her ever giving that up.  😥😪😭

Edited April 13, 2021 by Jeff01
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[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Jeff01 said:

She has a $700,000 dollar home, brand new cars, over 80 $200 dollar dresses, 100" inch TV's, 2 owned vacation houses in 2 different states, etc, etc.

Sounds like one of those housewife reality shows.  You seem unduly impressed with her material accessories. Why is that? 

[d0nnivain]

24 minutes ago, Jeff01 said:

I can't see her ever giving that up.  😥😪😭

All the more reason you have to stop being her free shrink & wasting your time.  

[Jeff01]

Unfortunately, you people are right, every single one of you is right. I will admit it. 😭 She is never going to leave the abusive husband, because of the money, and upper class lifestyle he has given to her. The husband verbally and mentally treats her like trash, but she puts up with it, because of the upper class lifestyle. She doesn't have to work at all, besides being a housewife, she has a $700,000 dollar home, brand new cars, over 80 $200 dollar dresses, 100" inch TV's, 2 owned vacation houses in 2 different states, etc, etc. I can't see her ever giving that up. 

Proof of that came last night. I guess her, the husband, the 5 kids, and the 2 Grandparents took her son out for a belated birthday dinner last night, to some fancy restaurant. When they got home, she showed me pictures of this place. I asked her what they had to eat, so she shows me a pic of the receipt with everything ordered. $8 bucks for a soda, $30 a dish for pasta, $15 for a piece of pie. Anyway, the total of the bill was $428 dollars!! Almost $500 bucks for the sons belated birthday dinner. That goes to show how good of a upper class life she is living. 

Then around midnight, she starts texting me, about how her and the husband are arguing because she didn't get the laundry done, and he is calling her old and ugly, and every other name in the book. So once again I stay up to 3:30 am in the morning supporting her. 

I wake up this morning an emotional wreck, sick to my stomach over how this guy keeps treating her like trash. I just want to hold her in my arms, caress her beautiful blond hair, touch her on the cheek and tell her how beautiful she is. And the funny thing is, I don't even think about her sexually, I mean yeah of course that would be nice, but I really just want to hold her in my arms even more, just so I can tell her how beautiful she is. 

Anyway, I don't even go to work this morning, because I'm an emotional wreck, and so I text her, and write her on Facebook and stuff, and I tell her that now today I am the one having major anxiety and panic attacks, and she sees my messages all day long because the messages say "seen", but she doesn't write me back at all, not even once to see how I am doing? I mean I know that she has 5 kids, but they are all in school during the day now. 

So when she needs me at all hours of the night, I drop everything for her, and stay up all night long to support her, but when I need her she isn't around for me, even though she has "seen" my messages all day long today. 

Now my heart is pounding, and I have shortness of breath, and feel like I'm going to have a heart attack or something because she won't write me back talk to me. 

And no, I'm not mad at her, I can't be, because I love her so much with all my heart, and have for the last 3 years. I just don't know why I am there for her when she needs me, but she's not here for me when I need her really bad today. 

 

😭😭😭😭😭😭

Edited April 13, 2021 by Jeff01
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[d0nnivain]

You need to disconnect for your own sanity  Skipping work over this woman is bad.  Learn some breathing techniques to calm yourself down.  Do you know how to center yourself using your senses when you have a panic attack? 

Name 5 things you can see right now (“A spot on the wall” or “The clouds outside.”)

Name 4 things you can feel (“My feet in my socks” or “The breeze on my face.”)

Name 3 things you can hear. (“Traffic outside” or “The coffee maker.”)

Name 2 things you can smell (“My lotion” or “The flowers on the table.” If you aren’t in a stimulating environment, feel free to move to where you can smell something or simply think of 2 smells you enjoy)

Name 1 good thing about yourself

I know it hurts but she made her deal with the devil -- she's trading her self esteem for money.  You can't fix that.  

Take a huge step back from being her emotional tampon.  Once you do, your life will get better.  Go to work tomorrow.  

[glows]

A bit odd pulling out a receipt like that. She has five kids and a husband she's supposed to act like she's still married to so texting or calling you consistently during the day when her family needs her isn't going to be realistic. 

 

[Jeff01]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds like one of those housewife reality shows.  You seem unduly impressed with her material accessories. Why is that? 

Because I can't compete with that and provide her with that kind of lifestyle. I work part time making minimum wage delivering lunch meals to senior citizens living at home. My car is 20 years old with 200,000 miles. I have trouble affording a $10 dollar pair of sweatpants at Walmart, and a $20 dollar pizza for supper. So even if she did have feelings for me, do you really thing she would give up her rich lifestyle with the abuser husband, for a guy who doesn't even have 2 $20's to rub together, but would show her real love. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[Jeff01]

And no, I don't love her because she has money, I love her for her, even if she was living in a shack I would still love her, the whole thing with the money, is that I can't compete with the lifestyle her husband gives her, so even if she does have feelings for me, she isn't going to leave the guy who can give her a bank vault full of cash, for a guy like me living paycheck to paycheck each week.

Edited April 13, 2021 by Jeff01
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[d0nnivain]

21 minutes ago, Jeff01 said:

 So even if she did have feelings for me, do you really thing she would give up her rich lifestyle with the abuser husband, for a guy who doesn't even have 2 $20's to rub together, but would show her real love. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Not in a million years.  She loves the money.  That is why she puts up with his crap.  She calls you because she likes the attention but make no mistake she knows where her bread is buttered & she's not leaving but he may dump her when he finds out what she's been doing with you.  She won't run into your arms then; she will blame you for the demise of her marriage.  

Edited April 13, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, Jeff01 said:

I don't even go to work this morning, because I'm an emotional wreck, and so I text her, and write her on Facebook and stuff, and I tell her that now today I am the one having major anxiety and panic attacks, and she sees my messages all day long because the messages say "seen", but she doesn't write me back at

Now my heart is pounding, and I have shortness of breath, and feel like I'm going to have a heart attack or something

Go to an ER, they'll rule out a heart attack and give you something for anxiety if that's the issue. 👨‍⚕️💉

It's a one-way situation.⚠ She's a vampire. 🧛‍♀️

[Jeff01]

26 minutes ago, glows said:

A bit odd pulling out a receipt like that. 

 

Because she posted pics pictures on all her social medias, of the sons belated birthday party dinner for all her friends to see, and when everyone asked "How was it!?", "What did you have to eat!?", instead of telling everyone, she just posted a picture of the receipt of all the items ordered, along with the $428 dollar total. 

Edited April 13, 2021 by Jeff01
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[glows]

16 minutes ago, Jeff01 said:

Because she posted pics pictures on all her social medias, of the sons belated birthday party dinner for all her friends to see, and when everyone asked "How was it!?", "What did you have to eat!?", instead of telling everyone, she just posted a picture of the receipt of all the items ordered, along with the $428 dollar total. 

I meant it's odd to take a photo of a restaurant receipt? Seems quite awkward even if it's for social media. I'm really sorry that you're falling for this and feeling so down about yourself. I would deliberately cease all contact with this woman and start volunteering or finding other jobs to support yourself or another way to supplement your income. 

I think I'm starting to understand why she has a hold on you and, to me at least, it appears more like you live vicariously through her. Try finding more financial stability in your own life, carve something out for yourself. Even if you stay where you are with your current job, why compare it to someone else's life? Live your own life and detach yourself from this mess. 

 

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Jeff01 said:

she just posted a picture of the receipt of all the items ordered, along with the $428 dollar total. 

Does she come from humble beginnings? She seems worse than the worst nouveau riche 💰🏷

[Jeff01]

10 minutes ago, glows said:

Even if you stay where you are with your current job, why compare it to someone else's life? 

 

Because even if she did have feelings of love for me, I can't support her financially like the abuser husband can, and because she has this upper class lifestyle, I can't ever see her leaving that for a guy like me who lives paycheck to paycheck 😥😪 

So she is going to stay with him forever, and keep on getting abused and degraded, both mentally anf verbally, just because the guy is well off, as compared to me, who is the working poor, but would show her real and true unconditional love everyday of her life.

Edited April 13, 2021 by Jeff01
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[d0nnivain]

1 minute ago, Jeff01 said:

Because even if she did have feelings of love for me, I can't support her financially like the abuser husband can, and because she has this upper class lifestyle, I can't ever see her leaving that for a guy like me who lives paycheck to paycheck 😥😪

This is the first sign you are beginning to see the truth here.  She's not leaving him so why are you still hanging on letting yourself be used as an emotional tampon?  Start caring more about yourself.  

Maybe it's time you invest in yourself.  Get a FT job.  Get out of your parents' house.  Step up. 

It will never get you her but it will get you your self esteem back.   

[Jeff01]

5 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Why are you still hanging on letting yourself be used as an emotional tampon? 

Get out of your parents' house. 

#1, because I love her too much, and #2, I dont live in my parents house. That was sold about 30 years ago when my parents divorced each other. 

Edited April 13, 2021 by Jeff01

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Jeff01 said:

. I work part time making minimum wage delivering lunch meals to senior citizens living at home. 

Sorry I read the above wrong.  I thought there was a comma between senior citizens & living at home.  I read it that you were living "at home" meaning your parents' house and doing your job.  I didn't understand that your job is delivering meals to home bound seniors. 

Regardless, your is honest hard work serving vulnerable people, who needed you even more during the pandemic.  That makes you a sweet guy. 

But she's playing you like a fiddle.  You need to stop thinking you love her.  She doesn't give a flying fig about you, other than what sympathy she can suck out of you. I know you think you love her but why do you love such a shallow loser?  She could leave him but she won't because of the money.  She's trading sex for money & prestige.  Along with it she's giving up her dignity.  Why is a creature like that worthy of your devotion?  

Edited April 13, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Jeff01]

15 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Sorry I read the above wrong.  I thought there was a comma between senior citizens & living at home.  I read it that you were living "at home" meaning your parents' house and doing your job.  I didn't understand that your job is delivering meals to home bound seniors. 

Regardless, your is honest hard work serving vulnerable people, who needed you even more during the pandemic.  That makes you a sweet guy. 

But she's playing you like a fiddle.  You need to stop thinking you love her.  She doesn't give a flying fig about you, other than what sympathy she can suck out of you. I know you think you love her but why do you love such a shallow loser?  She could leave him but she won't because of the money.  She's trading sex for money & prestige.  Along with it she's giving up her dignity.  Why is a creature like that worthy of your devotion?  

Yes, I work part time delivering lunch meals to seniors/elderly who live at home. It helps supplement a little bit of SSI income I get each months, for the 3 herniated discs in my lower back at L4, L5, and S1 which was a result of a car accident many years ago, when a 94 year old elderly woman thought she was turning into the bank, but drove straight into my lane, and hit me head on. 

Edited April 13, 2021 by Jeff01
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[Alpacalia]

You are far too emotionally reliant on her. This isn't a supportive relationship in the least; it's a one-way ticket to your downfall. Why do you believe you went from one poor relationship with a partner who drained you financially to another whose lifestyle appears exactly the same? 

[Jeff01]

Maybe because of my ex-wife always telling me to jump off a bridge and die, or go hang myself in the basement, or drink a bottle of chemical cleaner, etc, and this one telling me all the time about how I am "someone special", and "how much I mean to her", and feels nice to hear those things and it made me fall deeply in love with her. 

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, Jeff01 said:

Maybe because of my ex-wife always telling me to jump off a bridge and die, or go hang myself in the basement, or drink a bottle of chemical cleaner, etc, and this one telling me all the time about how I am "someone special", and "how much I mean to her", and feels nice to hear those things and it made me fall deeply in love with her. 

Those are all horrible things. But your "friend" seems more preoccupied with posting receipts on social media and dragging you into her marital woes than a friend that genuinely cares about your wellbeing.

[Jeff01]

Thank you so very much. I know, I have been a wreck today, and really wanted to talk to her, and she has been on Facebook all day reading my messages, but won't even take 5 minutes to write me and check on me. But 2 nights ago when she texted me at 9:30 pm at night, and she having anxiety and a panic attack, I dropped everything I was doing to support her and talked to her all night long. But I still love her so very much, and can't go through this again with another broken heart 😭

Edited April 13, 2021 by Jeff01
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[Alpacalia]

To say the least, you've been a good friend. You must now be your own best mate.

Perhaps it's as easy as learning to not always be available for the constant bombardment of "late night crisis" calls.

[dramafreezone]

On 4/12/2021 at 2:33 AM, Jeff01 said:

@spiderowl Hello, thank you for your very detailed and caring response. Yes, this is a woman that grew up a few streets away from me in my neighborhood, ,and someone that I was in Kindergarten, Elementary, Middle, and High school with, all through life. 

Anyway, what a night tonight!! Tonight around 8:30 pm she texts me and tells me that she needs me right away because it is an emergency!! She even leaves me a voicemail that she is crying on. 

I call her back to find out what the heck is going on, and I guess she was having a real bad day with her anxiety, and was having major anxiety, and a major panic attack. She said that she was crying, and shaking, having shortness of breath, and couldn't stop trembling.

I asked where her husband was, and she said that he stormed off to bed yelling at her "F**ck this, I ain't listening to this sh *t!!",  and he was all pissy because her anxiety and panic attack was disturbing him from sitting on the couch watching his Baseball game. 

I guess she was trying to take her anxiety medicine, but because she couldn't stop shaking,  she spilled all her anxiety medicine all over the kitchen stove. 

I suggested that she go lay down on her bed, take deep breathes, and try to relax, etc. Because she loves Sci-fi and Star Wars, I tried to get her mind off what she was going through, and I talked about "Family Guy" Star Wars, and I made little jokes, like "We're taking this couch", with Peter hanging onto couch as they flew through space, on the Millennium Falcon!! 

This actually worked, and after awhile my little "Family Guy: Star Wars" jokes helped to calm her down. We then talked about the news, weather, sports, and her flower and vegetable garden. 

Anyway, after talking for almost 7 hours straight, she was ready to go to sleep, but she wanted to thank me for helping her with her severe anxiety and severe panic attack earlier in the night. She told me that I am "her rock", and she said how I was "sent from God to help watch over her". 

So more confirmation that the husband obviously doesn't give a crap at all about her, and whether she lives or dies from her severe anxiety and panic attacks, and that now I am "her rock, who is sent down from God, to help watch over her", 

All of that, this husband is apparently the worst person ever in her eyes, you were sent down from God, and she still prefers him over you.  What does that say?  Look at her actions, not her words.