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I've been with my boyfriend 3.5 years and we don't  live together. We are both 34.


I moved back home a few years ago to save to move out and had trouble with jobs but am now in a position  where I'll be hopefully able to buy my own place soon. But not with him  


Boyfriend lives with  his mum in a  very small studio flat  and she has mental health  issues and a drug addiction. He doesn't work and if I suggest getting a job I'm the worst person in the world. He just sits at his friend's  drinking most days and playing computer  games whilst I'm working 12-15 hours a day.


So anyway... I was in a bad place when I met him and now I feel I am trapper in a bad relationship and I can't  get out as he's controlling and I am not allowed a life. I have no friends anymore and he is the only person I see and socialise with and I try not to see him as much but he makes me feel guilty. I just feel broken. 


This is basically a bit of our relationship. Is this abuse?

• Accused of cheating  constantly when I work two jobs and have little time him let alone myself or time to cheat
• Accused of sleeping  with his mum's  ex - only because I  was sorting out the Xmas shopping and inwas accused of sleeping with his mum's then boyfriend as I bought the whole family Xmas presents. 
• Threatened that he will smash something up (ie my car) if I'm ever caught cheating
• Not allowed to see friends and if I ask permission he says I don't need his permission  but then spend the entire time messaging me and if I don't  reply he gets nasty
• Have to constantly  text all the time
• Have to prove what I'm doing even though I'm working  50-60 hours a week and not always able to text.
• I work two jobs and saving to move out whilst he drinks with his friends and plays computer and watches films all day but I'm made out to be  a bad person
• Told I'm worse than his drug addict mum and brother- I am anti drugs 
• If at a party, he gives girls the rum I bought and doesn't make me a drink and just says " you don't ask you don't  get"
• Meets me after work occasionally  drunk and yells at me saying I'm a bad person and accusing me of sleeping any work colleague he sees
• Hates that I might work the occasional  shift with a guy ( I  work on the trains so often in a team of 2-4)
•  He has to take me to work and meet me after work  even when I drive there he walks to meet me ( he doesn't drive)
• Touches my bottom and breasts in public and doesn't think it's  wrong
• Accused of flirting  with a guy my friend brought out  even though  I barely  looked or spoke to the guy
• If I arrange to meet  a friend I end up getting  him to meet us as he constantly  texts and makes out I've abandoned  him



I just don't know what to do anymore and not strong enough  to walk away as I know he will get nasty 😭


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12 minutes ago, Autumn1986 said:

This is basically a bit of our relationship. Is this abuse?

Sorry this is happening. At some level you already know it's toxic. It's unclear why you would want to be with someone who is so different than you.

Keep your eye on the ball with regard to jobs, finances, etc. Unfortunately he sounds like a loser and user. End this, he's holding you down.

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Erm do you even have to ask?

What are you still doing in a relationship with this poor excuse for a man?

End things right now.

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16 hours ago, Autumn1986 said:

I just don't know what to do anymore and not strong enough  to walk away as I know he will get nasty 😭

You are stronger than you think.  You also know that a controlling, unemployed, alcoholic with a history of addiction in his family who doesn't respect you is not your future.  First stop feeling guilty.  He made the choices to be useless.  He could chose to be productive but he doesn't.  None of that is your fault.  He found you as a GF.  He will find another sucker. That type always does.  He may have been OK when you were a mess but now that you have picked yourself up you realize he's beneath you.  Don't let him keep you down. 

If your parents are nice enough to keep a roof over your head when you were in trouble, they will support you through this break up.  If he "gets nasty" let your parents be there to support you, to be witnesses etc.  There is strength in numbers.  If he's really out of control, call the police & get a restraining order.   

You can get out of this as soon as you chose to end it  Technology is your friend.  Block him EVERYWHERE! Go NC.  He'll move along in no time.   

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Fletch Lives

I know you have feelings for this guy and it's going to be hard to walk away, but you must do this.

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On 4/6/2021 at 2:37 PM, Autumn1986 said:

not strong enough  to walk away as I know he will get nasty

What are you afraid he will do? 

You don’t live together, which makes it easier to “leave.” Tell him that you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I would suggest that you block him, change your number, change your key. If you need, move or file a protection order. 

Staying in this kind of emotionally abusive relationship is not an option. Time to end it. You can and you need to do this. 

Edited by BaileyB
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