Wiseman2 Posted April 4, 2021 Posted April 4, 2021 2 hours ago, Calmandfocused said: I’m receiving more nasty texts about how I’m a liar, how I’ve “s**t” all over him etc. Block this (d)ick. 2
poppyfields Posted April 4, 2021 Posted April 4, 2021 (edited) 45 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: Because I didn’t want to kick him in the balls twice IYSWIM and give him a double rejection by blocking him. I don’t tend to block people Willy nilly, only when they really offend me. However, admittedly this guy has moved into this territory.... Another alternative to block is to set your phone to auto delete all his messages. Or when a text from him pops up, don't open and read it, simply delete it. He won't know, and your self-esteem isnt jeopardized by his nastiness. Edited April 4, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author Calmandfocused Posted April 4, 2021 Author Posted April 4, 2021 53 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Block this (d)ick. . very clever! You’re not wrong! 1
Versacehottie Posted April 4, 2021 Posted April 4, 2021 Yeah be careful of people who are overly "nice". It's an unwritten agreement that these "nice" people then try to force on you..."well I'm nice to you so you that means you're obligated to this, this and this". It's gives them license to be overbearing in a way. If it's out of line or not a mutually nice to nice. In a way it's trying to BUY your participation in life they way they want it. It's tricky and obviously icky in a dating situation His reaction is completely over the top.The pit of neediness you felt is SO real or he wouldn't be reacting like this. He should be putting his best foot forward in dating because that's what you do! Not as a way to win favor and throw a tantrum when/if it doesn't work out. You gave it a shot. That's all the nice/best foot forward gets you (and even that is not guaranteed). Idiot. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted April 5, 2021 Posted April 5, 2021 11 hours ago, Calmandfocused said: Maybe my ick was actually my instincts telling me something.... This is the strongest you can go on trusting your instincts? Really? After all the good feedback you've gotten, all you can say is "maybe"? Yes, these kinds of bad reactions are exactly what happened when you ignore the ick reaction. Absolutely. I can recall people I had ick reaction with who I went out of my way to be nice to (a fake nice) and no, they did not appreciate any of my niceness. Please learn the lesson here more strongly than "maybe." 1
glows Posted April 5, 2021 Posted April 5, 2021 I have never experienced the needy man. Maybe it's the type that you're attracted to subconsciously. He seeks constant approval from you. How can it possibly be not a total relief when he's gone? I am so glad that your instincts kicked in and you got rid of this dude. How rude at the end too. Good for you.
Author Calmandfocused Posted April 5, 2021 Author Posted April 5, 2021 1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said: This is the strongest you can go on trusting your instincts? Really? After all the good feedback you've gotten, all you can say is "maybe"? Yes, these kinds of bad reactions are exactly what happened when you ignore the ick reaction. Absolutely. I can recall people I had ick reaction with who I went out of my way to be nice to (a fake nice) and no, they did not appreciate any of my niceness. Please learn the lesson here more strongly than "maybe." You’ve misunderstood me LGO. And to be honest I think you’re giving me a super hard time for using One word that displeases you. I know my instincts were telling me something. I listened to them didn’t I? What I meant was that “maybe” my instincts were picking up that this guy was not actually as “nice” as he appeared to be. A wolf in sheep’s clothing if you like! Like Dis, I must have been sensing that he wasn’t as nice as he appeared to be, hence i was repelled by him. 2 1
Author Calmandfocused Posted April 5, 2021 Author Posted April 5, 2021 1 hour ago, glows said: I have never experienced the needy man. Maybe it's the type that you're attracted to subconsciously. He seeks constant approval from you. How can it possibly be not a total relief when he's gone? I am so glad that your instincts kicked in and you got rid of this dude. How rude at the end too. Good for you. I am completely relieved. And my anxiety has subsided. And yes I have blocked him. 3
Dis Posted April 5, 2021 Posted April 5, 2021 9 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: You’ve misunderstood me LGO. And to be honest I think you’re giving me a super hard time for using One word that displeases you. I know my instincts were telling me something. I listened to them didn’t I? What I meant was that “maybe” my instincts were picking up that this guy was not actually as “nice” as he appeared to be. A wolf in sheep’s clothing if you like! Like Dis, I must have been sensing that he wasn’t as nice as he appeared to be, hence i was repelled by him. They do like to pick at words don't they You did great and I'm glad you won't be seeing him anymore If someone was texting me nasty things I'd block them, you're not his punching bag. You barely know him. But that's just MO
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2021 Posted April 5, 2021 (edited) On 4/4/2021 at 9:51 AM, Calmandfocused said: Thanks everyone. I’m receiving more nasty texts about how I’m a liar, how I’ve “s**t” all over him etc. I don’t think I deserve that! However these texts are making me anxious. I think it’s triggering me as I’ve been in abusiveness relationships in my past. Maybe my ick was actually my instincts telling me something.... Yes it was....these "great guys" or "nice guys" are usually insecure dbags in disguise that get real butt hurt/mean. Block/delete this guy. Edited April 5, 2021 by smackie9
Miss Peach Posted April 5, 2021 Posted April 5, 2021 I've gone through something similar with a 'nice' guy. I have found a lot of them controlling. If you have been abused that may be what your gut picked up on as it's another form of control/insecurity which is a common theme in abuse. I've also BTDT with the teenaged guy in a middle aged man's body. Not fun to try to raise a guy from the ground up. If it bothers you I would just block him. I personally just relabel the message or something so I don't see the messages but leave them coming. With a guy that unhinged I like the idea of having evidence or notice he's going to escalate into something unsafe.
SumGuy Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 On 4/3/2021 at 3:26 AM, Calmandfocused said: .... Has this happened to anyone here before? Not exactly, but yes where first impressions did not last, and once talking to her realized not the person for me. I don't feel bad about it (well a little if she was into me and I'm not feeling it), that is the very purpose of meeting in person, to see how compatible you really are. The one comment of his you quoted does seem odd, and not hearing you. Also pushing you on to tell him you'd like to see others...that is odd; now if he had asked for your favorite flavor of ice cream and you said no favorite...him pushing you on that would be different, heck a man with wit could even spin some humor and jokes out about it with an quasi-esoteric allusion...such as..."are you afraid you'll change your answer and be cast off the Bridge of Death...chocolate, wait no vanilla....ahhhhh" Don't fell bad about it or for him. This is the very purpose of going on a couple dates. Although odd to us, his behavior may be exactly what another woman likes, she may like the opening to discuss others she is thinking of. Heck, he may be into cuckolding and this may be his soft way to feel out his dates on that.
SumGuy Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 On 4/3/2021 at 2:28 PM, Calmandfocused said: .... You’re right though. If I’m not massively attracted at the third date I should just cut my losses. It wasn’t my intention but It was unfair to string him along for another couple of dates. ... Three dates is not stringing someone along, it is giving them a chance. Unless of course you were proposing extravagant dates and ordering lobster thermidor with Moet & Chandon Esprit du Siecle Brut at every meal I am sure you were not and the cost of a normal meal is the inherent cost of dating, so don't let him make you feel you owe him because of that. On the topic of owing, you may owe him a thank you but you don't owe him affection or physical intimacy because of a meal, etc. You are not an object, a sex worker, to be bought. 1
SumGuy Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 On 4/4/2021 at 12:51 PM, Calmandfocused said: Thanks everyone. I’m receiving more nasty texts about how I’m a liar, how I’ve “s**t” all over him etc. I don’t think I deserve that! However these texts are making me anxious. I think it’s triggering me as I’ve been in abusiveness relationships in my past. Maybe my ick was actually my instincts telling me something.... Wow! (I should read all the thread instead of serially) You certainly did pick up on something, good instincts. You don't deserve to be denigrated and insulted like that. He is acting like a child, a very toxic entitled man-child. I do not think you are off base to feel triggered, his text is abusive. I'd save the text, but otherwise block him. If you have friends who know him would talk to them, and perhaps share the text. Entitled d**che bags like this think they can get away with such things, the light of day on their behavior is a great deterrent, and you never know when they will cross the line from text. 1
Trail Blazer Posted April 9, 2021 Posted April 9, 2021 On 4/5/2021 at 4:25 AM, Calmandfocused said: Because I didn’t want to kick him in the balls twice IYSWIM and give him a double rejection by blocking him. I don’t tend to block people Willy nilly, only when they really offend me. However, admittedly this guy has moved into this territory.... He absolutely has moved into the block territory. Please block this @$$hole post haste!
Trail Blazer Posted April 9, 2021 Posted April 9, 2021 On 4/5/2021 at 2:16 PM, Lotsgoingon said: This is the strongest you can go on trusting your instincts? Really? After all the good feedback you've gotten, all you can say is "maybe"? Yes, these kinds of bad reactions are exactly what happened when you ignore the ick reaction. Absolutely. I can recall people I had ick reaction with who I went out of my way to be nice to (a fake nice) and no, they did not appreciate any of my niceness. Please learn the lesson here more strongly than "maybe." I don't think this is at all an accurate representation of how OP's situation played out. OP was felt medicore levels of attraction to start with, but gave the guy a chance. After she felt the "ick" subsequently develop, she grappled momentarily before acting on this feeling. It was only once she acted on this feeling by letting the guy down gently, did her feelings of "ick" prove to be right. He proved why her feelings were present in the first place. 2
Author Calmandfocused Posted April 10, 2021 Author Posted April 10, 2021 6 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: I don't think this is at all an accurate representation of how OP's situation played out. OP was felt medicore levels of attraction to start with, but gave the guy a chance. After she felt the "ick" subsequently develop, she grappled momentarily before acting on this feeling. It was only once she acted on this feeling by letting the guy down gently, did her feelings of "ick" prove to be right. He proved why her feelings were present in the first place. Spot on TB. I like the way you articulated this.
Lotsgoingon Posted April 10, 2021 Posted April 10, 2021 18 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: It was only once she acted on this feeling by letting the guy down gently, did her feelings of "ick" prove to be right. He proved why her feelings were present in the first place. My point is to trust all feelings of "ick."
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