Gaeta Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 Just now, IrisZion said: my friends said it will appear really desperate that I went after a worker. And she had the barista give her his IG on her cup I have friends that are really bad advisor when it comes to dating so I don't go to them when I need dating input. Your friend thinks because her way worked for her than it's the only right way.
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I have friends that are really bad advisor when it comes to dating so I don't go to them when I need dating input. Your friend thinks because her way worked for her than it's the only right way. I understand but his lack of actual action rather than general chats make me uncertain. Edited April 17, 2021 by IrisZion
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 5 minutes ago, SaraSays said: I am curious why you're so passive, If your posts genuinely reflect your approach. You know better than us, of course. You don't seem to be energised about the possibility, don't seem to want to be playful, don't seem to want to learn a few words of a language you're about to study, in order to have a bit of fun and pass the time of day. If any of the above rings true, I'd guess being so rigid in behaviour makes it pretty hard for people to feel welcome to approach, even when they'd like to. Because I'm not sure if he's simply flirtatious who likes to seek attention from those he finds cute or actually desires something.
Gaeta Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) @IrisZion What is the worse that could happen? nothing. If he's not interested in you in that way he just won't call. End of story. He'll continue being nice when you stop by for your coffee and that's all. Edited April 17, 2021 by Gaeta
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: @IrisZion What is the worse that could happen? nothing. If he's not interested in you in that way he just won't call. End of story. He'll continue being nice when you stop by for your coffee and that's all. It would be so awkward tbh. It's the closest cafe to my uni and accommodation and the shopping center I go to so it will just make things really awful for both of us. He will feel like he led me on to believe something and I feel bad that he didn't. It will just cause something cute to go wrong. That's why I'm waiting to get some definite sign and then I can hit him up. And i doubt he will continue being nice . When I looked away from him once, he wasn't willing to serve me lol. Edited April 17, 2021 by IrisZion
SaraSays Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 6 minutes ago, IrisZion said: Because I'm not sure if he's simply flirtatious who likes to seek attention from those he finds cute or actually desires something. You could never be sure. Certainty doesn't exist in life. With that in mind, so you think this rigidity is serving your needs well? Mindful you've rejected every possible suggestion that would involve you putting in a bit of effort, and plenty of the suggestions you've ruled out, have nothing specifically to do with romantic pursuit - it's simply fun to be playful with kind shop and cafe staff, who are good to us. It comes across to me as If there's little interest in him on an human level, without even mentioning friendship or more.
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, SaraSays said: You could never be sure. Certainty doesn't exist in life. With that in mind, so you think this rigidity is serving your needs well? Mindful you've rejected every possible suggestion that would involve you putting in a bit of effort, and plenty of the suggestions you've ruled out, have nothing specifically to do with romantic pursuit - it's simply fun to be playful with kind shop and cafe staff, who are good to us. It comes across to me as If there's little interest in him on an human level, without even mentioning friendship or more. If I put in effort and gave him my number, what if he doesn't call and the next day things get really awkward as he stops communicating ??? I'm doing what I can by being equally chatty and open with him. But for slipping my number or social media, I just wanted some sign that he's open to this. Another friend had the cashier at Starbucks draw hearts all over her cup alongwith his FB name. Edited April 17, 2021 by IrisZion
SaraSays Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 6 minutes ago, IrisZion said: If I put in effort and gave him my number, what if he doesn't call and the next day things get really awkward as he stops communicating ??? I'm doing what I can by being equally chatty and open with him. But for slipping my number or social media, I just wanted some sign that he's open to this. I've posted a few times in here, I'm not a fan of you giving him your number. However, there are other suggestions, that would be easy and nice to do, even If you both just remain strangers who see each other in the cafe. What stops you? Have you shown any active interest in hearing about his life, about his mother tongue, about what makes him tick?
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, SaraSays said: I've posted a few times in here, I'm not a fan of you giving him your number. However, there are other suggestions, that would be easy and nice to do, even If you both just remain strangers who see each other in the cafe. What stops you? Have you shown any active interest in hearing about his life, about his mother tongue, about what makes him tick? So far haven't. And it was also due to him saying thank you right after I made the payment and customers were behind me so couldn't.. I did have in mind some questions about his life but he wasn't coming to work. So now I have planned to ask him when we talk again. Edited April 17, 2021 by IrisZion
SaraSays Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 7 minutes ago, IrisZion said: So far haven't. And it was also due to him saying thank you right after I made the payment and customers were behind me so couldn't.. I did have in mind some questions about his life but he wasn't coming to work. So now I have planned to ask him when we talk again. How many times have you greeted him, and exchanged pleasantries, in his mother tongue?
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 8 minutes ago, SaraSays said: How many times have you greeted him, and exchanged pleasantries, in his mother tongue? Never but he says hi/hey himself so I go along with it. I will say Hola next time as that's how it's said in Spanish I guess
Gaeta Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 30 minutes ago, IrisZion said: it will just make things really awful for both of us. He will feel like he led me on to believe something and I feel bad that he didn't. It will just cause something cute to go wrong. That's why I'm waiting to get some definite sign and then I can hit him up. And i doubt he will continue being nice . First thing you need to do is not think for him. You would find it awful. He may just be flattered and think nothing of it.
Alpacalia Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 It's great to put in the effort to get to know him better and learn more about him, but if he's busy, he's not going to be able to sit around and have long talks. What if he ends up in hot water as a result of it? What if he doesn't like it when he's being hit on at work? Why don't you make some Spanish cookies, bring him a couple, and then leave it at that?
ExpatInItaly Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 OP, you are going in mental circles for a guy for all you know might not even be single. Stop stressing so much. You are making this so much more complicated than it needs to be. 2
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: OP, you are going in mental circles for a guy for all you know might not even be single. Stop stressing so much. You are making this so much more complicated than it needs to be. Yep this is why I'm not giving out my number or socials like others are suggesting. He may not even be single and is maybe a flirt or cheat lol
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 52 minutes ago, Alpaca said: It's great to put in the effort to get to know him better and learn more about him, but if he's busy, he's not going to be able to sit around and have long talks. What if he ends up in hot water as a result of it? What if he doesn't like it when he's being hit on at work? Why don't you make some Spanish cookies, bring him a couple, and then leave it at that? Yes I have some questions and ideas planned and will do them soon when I see him again. The idea of Spanish cookies are cute. Thanks dear 1
Gaeta Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 Just now, IrisZion said: He may not even be single and is maybe a flirt or cheat lol You are wayyyy too serious for your age!! So you give him your number and he happens to have a gf, so what? He'll tell you he's flattered but he has a gf. When you're young, beautiful, student, with plenty of time ahead, it's time to be spontaneous! have fun! take risk! This guy isn't your teacher, he's just the server at the coffee shop! 1
SaraSays Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 7 minutes ago, IrisZion said: Yep this is why I'm not giving out my number or socials like others are suggesting. He may not even be single and is maybe a flirt or cheat lol I would spend a bit of time thinking through your inaction, and repulsion to any suggestion. I think that's what's been awfully complicated, at least to me. You don't seem even interested in passing the time of day with a kind stranger. None of our variety of suggestions pleased you. You're also not trying on your own to get to know him, from what you've posted. I am wondering if you spend so much time locked in analysis paralysis, because it's distracting you from thinking of your ex, and you're not interested in this person as a 3D human. Only you know your motivation, of course. 1
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, SaraSays said: I would spend a bit of time thinking through your inaction, and repulsion to any suggestion. I think that's what's been awfully complicated, at least to me. You don't seem even interested in passing the time of day with a kind stranger. None of our variety of suggestions pleased you. You're also not trying on your own to get to know him, from what you've posted. I am wondering if you spend so much time locked in analysis paralysis, because it's distracting you from thinking of your ex, and you're not interested in this person as a 3D human. Only you know your motivation, of course. I just accepted all suggestions even the idea of Spanish cookies. Except giving out number or socials. If he does something pretty obvious then I will. And I do think of him as a kind and cute guy who has able to make me feel happier for the first time in 4 years. Edited April 17, 2021 by IrisZion
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 40 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You are wayyyy too serious for your age!! So you give him your number and he happens to have a gf, so what? He'll tell you he's flattered but he has a gf. When you're young, beautiful, student, with plenty of time ahead, it's time to be spontaneous! have fun! take risk! This guy isn't your teacher, he's just the server at the coffee shop! Yes I agree with that. Btw I'm 29 and he's probably younger than me. In early or mid twenties.
SaraSays Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 33 minutes ago, IrisZion said: I just accepted all suggestions even the idea of Spanish cookies. Except giving out number or socials. If he does something pretty obvious then I will. And I do think of him as a kind and cute guy who has able to make me feel happier for the first time in 4 years. There's nothing new there, though, and this feels as defensive to me as the response to the complicated post. You could have done each already. You could have come up with ideas of your own. Why didn't you? You picked the lowest effort possible linguistic contribution. Why? These would be interesting questions to spend a bit of time contemplating, perhaps. Despite what you type, your behaviour shows a lackluster attitude, I think, but only you know what's happening in real life.
Wiseman2 Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 3 hours ago, IrisZion said: talking to his crush. My ex was.... He's just doing his job, being friendly. Combination of personality and type of job. It's doubtful you're his secret crush. Sounds like you're projecting.
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) 30 minutes ago, SaraSays said: There's nothing new there, though, and this feels as defensive to me as the response to the complicated post. You could have done each already. You could have come up with ideas of your own. Why didn't you? You picked the lowest effort possible linguistic contribution. Why? These would be interesting questions to spend a bit of time contemplating, perhaps. Despite what you type, your behaviour shows a lackluster attitude, I think, but only you know what's happening in real life. Because it's extremely hard to do so. He is on foot when he's at the counter, it was only today he actually took out time to come and chat and that was a risk he took tbh as he was needed to serve the customers but it was also as we hadn't seen each other for like 3-4 days. He also talks in English like hey how are you/replying with I'm good. And he isn't very fluent in expressing himself in English so I guess it's hard for him which I understand. Next time I will attempt in his language but I need to see him first again. If he's not at work for the next few days then I ll have to wait. But if he's there then I will. Tbh, to actually have a proper chat. I need to meet him outside the shop. Inside is pretty tough. Too many customers and he's working so long talks are simply not possible unless the shop is deserted and he's the only one at work. Edited April 17, 2021 by IrisZion
Gaeta Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 13 minutes ago, IrisZion said: Tbh, to actually have a proper chat. I need to meet him outside the shop. Do you know what time he finishes?
Author IrisZion Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Do you know what time he finishes? Earlier he would finish at 2.30 pm. At least one week I saw him leave around 2.30 pm twice. But that was when he was doing overtime I guess?? as he was on shift from 6 or 7 am till 2 pm. But then the next two weeks he left at different times. Once I went in at 9 am and he was there but by 12 pm, he was gone as I went in with my friend again to get Cappuccino and see him lol but he was off. Then on Sunday he was on afternoon shift (2 pm onwards) and they close at 5pm. Earlier he also worked 4 days a week but this week just 2 or 3 days I guess. So it's very unpredictable. But like the user said, what if he isn't even single. I do remember once that a girl was in the shop whom he was talking to. She also spoke Spanish and they clearly seemed to know each other personally as he fist bumped her. He wasnt working that time but was mostly chatting with her and another dude in Spanish. Not sure if she was his friend or gf. Edited April 17, 2021 by IrisZion
Recommended Posts