Author IrisZion Posted April 6, 2021 Author Posted April 6, 2021 4 hours ago, SaraSays said: I think you should just be friendly and keep chatting when you go in, and be open to it being something, or nothing. Mention liking the song that's playing, or something topical and lighthearted (a playful spin on a sudden change in weather requiring more layers of clothing, or an extra shot of coffee). Encourage a conversation. See if 1 flows. Ask him a question about himself each time you go in. Comment positively if he has had his haircut. It's early days, and impossible to know if it's just flirting to pass the time of day, or something which could lead to more. I, myself, wouldn't give him your contact details just yet, mindful this is a place you frequent, and it all might be something and nothing. I've always found it charming when someone I randomly crossed paths with gave me a note with their details on it, when I was somewhere (despite it rarely leading to a connection). It has always been a little awkward when we both frequent the place, and nothing grew from it. 1 once came to think a lovely man working in a coffee shop was keen on me (he was chatty and shy, and his colleagues would draw hearts all over cups they gave to me when he had taken the order), but I left the country without knowing if there could be more to it, and I think there was a bit of a spark. I had a group of men from the electricity board in my home 1 time, and 1 of them went on to email me at work spontaneously, and we chatted for a while, but came to realise there wasn't a lasting spark. I agree with you. Plus you never know when they leave? They are workers + professionals or students in some cases who will most likely leave once they find better job opportunities. So you never know. I did see him today again. He was only there for 2 hours I think but he did serve me and was like hey how are you. The shop was obviously so busy so we couldn't have a chance to talk at all as customers kept coming one after another. But yeah I'm taking it pretty lightly.
Author IrisZion Posted April 7, 2021 Author Posted April 7, 2021 OK so another update Today, he was there again and he and his team members were unpacking waterbottles etc. I queued up to for placing an order and a girl was on the till. The moment I came over to the counter, he also came over next to his colleague at the till and was looking at me. Stupidly, I waved at him and he asked me how I was and I asked him back. He said he was good and I went like good to hear he was doing good. I explained how I have to study etc and he was also like the situation outside is not good. His colleague who was taking my order was listening but didn't talk. I gave my order and went over to wait for my drink. He came over and stared again then gave me my drink and wished me have a good day , see you. I did the same.
Wiseman2 Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 With respect. I have interactions like this every day with places I regularly patronize. I do not perceive it as an ongoing relationship. It's perhaps friendly or flirty but certainly not a relationship or a romance. Enjoy the coffee enjoy and the flirting, but date guys from your uni or dating apps. 1
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 He's not going to give you his number while he works, you know that right?
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: With respect. I have interactions like this every day with places I regularly patronize. I do not perceive it as an ongoing relationship. But.... Last time he told her she has beautiful eyes and blew her a kiss.
poppyfields Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) OP, it's possible HE may be telling his workmates that you continue to stare at him too. I mean, how would you know he is staring unless you yourself are staring. You said you can see at the corner of your eye, I am sorry no disrespect but you cannot see someone staring at you from the corner of your eye, you may see them looking in your direction at most, but it may not be at you. Just sayin. Him telling you that your eyes are beautiful and blowing you a kiss was a mind f**k, a way to mess with you a bit. imo. He's a big flirt and imo inappropriately while at work. Frankly I would be creeped AF if a coffee server or waiter blew me a kiss and told me my eyes were beautiful and/or all this blatant staring, if in fact that is what he is doing. So much so I probably would want to find another establishment to get my coffee. Some women might even report him to his manager. Edited April 7, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author IrisZion Posted April 7, 2021 Author Posted April 7, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: He's not going to give you his number while he works, you know that right? Right. I think I ll keep chatting normally and see of he does something.
Author IrisZion Posted April 7, 2021 Author Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: OP, it's possible HE may be telling his workmates that you continue to stare at him too. I mean, how would you know he is staring unless you yourself are staring. You said you can see at the corner of your eye, I am sorry no disrespect but you cannot see someone staring at you from the corner of your eye, you may see them looking in your direction at most, but it may not be at you. Just sayin. Him telling you that your eyes are beautiful and blowing you a kiss was a mind f**k, a way to mess with you a bit. imo. He's a big flirt and imo inappropriately while at work. Frankly I would be creeped AF if a coffee server or waiter blew me a kiss and told me my eyes were beautiful and/or all this blatant staring, if in fact that is what he is doing. So much so I probably would want to find another establishment to get my coffee. Some women might even report him to his manager. No I dont think so. And yes I do look at people sneakily lol. I have stared back a little but looked away as the constant gaze was something I didn't know how to react to. Nor can he see me smile as we wear masks. Yeah I think he's probably a flirt and gets bored at work so maybe does this to pass time? Plus asking for his number or him giving me his number is difficult as like I said the shop is very busy, lots of customers, there are a lot of staff members constantly around etc. I mean if he's bold enough he will probably do something extra but I guess we will see ?? As the move he made was pretty bold as he was not even on the till and to stand next to his colleague and start chatting when she was taking my order was funny. He has definitely stepped up from continously staring. Maybe felt it wasnt working as we barely spoke. Edited April 7, 2021 by IrisZion
mark clemson Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 Hmm. Why not taking the bull by the horns here and asking him out? Seems like the logical next step. If he is prevented by a work policy or risk of reprisals from mgmt from asking you, perhaps "staring" is the best he can do until you take the hint. 1
poppyfields Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) Aren't you creeped out though, even a little? This strange man who serves you coffee blowing you a kiss and telling you your eyes are beautiful? And constantly staring at you? I dunno, I guess it's me. I am imagining myself in that scenario and I would be seriously creeped out, I'd find another place to get my coffee. But if you enjoy that type of attention, more power to ya. Let us know what happens! Edited April 7, 2021 by poppyfields
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 18 minutes ago, IrisZion said: Right. I think I ll keep chatting normally and see of he does something. Continuing to do what you do, will not get you a different result. He is surrounded by co-workers and customers that could file a complain against him if he gives you his number during work hours. You want him to risk his job?
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 6 minutes ago, poppyfields said: This strange man who serves you coffee.. Change 'strange man' by 'hot latin man'......it's less creepy
Author IrisZion Posted April 7, 2021 Author Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) 17 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Aren't you creeped out though, even a little? This strange man who serves you coffee blowing you a kiss and telling you your eyes are beautiful? And constantly staring at you? I dunno, I guess it's me. I am imagining myself in that scenario and I would be seriously creeped out, I'd find another place to get my coffee. But if you enjoy that type of attention, more power to ya. Let us know what happens! I think he's cute and I guess it's also to do with the fact that he resembles my ex a little. Though my ex was much more masculine looking. He's a more feminine version of him as he has softer features when compared to my ex who had this really rugged, manly look. I miss my ex a lot and I guess I keep searching for him in every guy I meet. It's always usually the ones who look like him that are also attracted to me. I haven't been happy since he left and this makes me feel a bit better than the countless nights I spent in tears over the last 4 years. Just a month ago, I was so broken. If he starts making inappropriate comments or touching me when giving me the cups of coffee then I would probably rethink but so far he hasn't and I doubt he would be able to as the shop is pretty busy. It's also upto him though as cashiers make small talk all the time. I went to a different cafe today and the dude commented on how pretty my earrings looked. So the ball is in his court. If he wants, we can be friends first. Edited April 7, 2021 by IrisZion
Author IrisZion Posted April 7, 2021 Author Posted April 7, 2021 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Continuing to do what you do, will not get you a different result. He is surrounded by co-workers and customers that could file a complain against him if he gives you his number during work hours. You want him to risk his job? That's not really true tho. A friend had a barista give her his instagram handle and he worked at this same chain of cafe. He can easily write and give it.
Author IrisZion Posted April 7, 2021 Author Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Hmm. Why not taking the bull by the horns here and asking him out? Seems like the logical next step. If he is prevented by a work policy or risk of reprisals from mgmt from asking you, perhaps "staring" is the best he can do until you take the hint. I dont think so as there are multiple Starbucks, Costa, Nero and others have male staff giving out free coffee's to pretty girls, flirting with girls etc. So it's not uncommon here. Also he was openly chatting in front of his colleague for no reason when he wasn't even serving me. She was, so I guess him being friendly towards customers would give him bonus points?? That he keeps them happy? Edited April 7, 2021 by IrisZion
mark clemson Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 ^^ Dunno. Maybe. I can't think of a reason why he wouldn't give you his # at this point. But he hasn't. In his case there may legitimately be one (e.g. a policy against it, which would not surprise me at all in a coffee shop). Conversely, I can't think of a reason why YOU wouldn't give him your # at this point either, unless you're not actually interested and/or are "playing coy". Don't know what else to tell you.
Author IrisZion Posted April 7, 2021 Author Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, mark clemson said: ^^ Dunno. Maybe. I can't think of a reason why he wouldn't give you his # at this point. But he hasn't. In his case there may legitimately be one (e.g. a policy against it, which would not surprise me at all in a coffee shop). Conversely, I can't think of a reason why YOU wouldn't give him your # at this point either, unless you're not actually interested and/or are "playing coy". Don't know what else to tell you. I'm not giving him my number as I'm unsure tbh. I'm not certain if he's simply flirting to pass time or is genuinely interested. He seems to have stepped up from staring to get me to make small talk. Which worked. But i need some kind of confirmation that he actually wants to talk. Another point is language. He has a very thick Spanish accent and I'm not sure if we will be able to converse much? He does speak English but I'm talking about deeper conversations not just the usual fun stuff or superficial stuff. If you know what I mean. I am pointing this out because I speak to some Latin American staff members at my uni and we could never go past the usual small talk or little more than that as they always had difficulty expressing themselves in English. I am enrolled in beginners Spanish course which starts from 26 April but it's basic Spanish. I am also a postgraduate student with lot of stuff to do so even though I will be learning the language, beginners version, my first priority will be my current degree studies not the language. Whereas he's fluent. So that's also a reason. Edited April 7, 2021 by IrisZion
mark clemson Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) ^^ Fair enough. Sounds like you are still "researching him". Nothing wrong with that I suppose. Edited April 7, 2021 by mark clemson
Author IrisZion Posted April 7, 2021 Author Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, mark clemson said: ^^ Fair enough. Sounds like you are still "researching him". Nothing wrong with that I suppose. Yes I want to be fully sure. Because my uni is nearby and their coffee shop is closed. Also the coffee there wasn't that good so I need to get mine from this particular shop as it's the closest. Almost all students of my uni go there to get food, drinks so I don't want to make things awkward or ugly. What if I give him and it becomes a kind of gossip within his workplace etc? As many female staff at the shop are also Spanish speaking, with whom he talks to in Spanish. That's why. Edited April 7, 2021 by IrisZion 1
glows Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) So next time he takes your order mention you notice he speaks Spanish and tell him you're taking a beginner's course soon. Most people are delighted to hear that others are interested in their mothertongue. If he gives you a deadpan look or just smiles at you being polite, you know he's not interested. If he offers a language exchange or invites you out, you'll have your answer. You're building this up way too much in your head. Start off casually and talk to him like a friend. Edited April 7, 2021 by glows
poppyfields Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Change 'strange man' by 'hot latin man'......it's less creepy LOL, not for me, but again if y'all enjoy that type of attention, more power to ya! I spent some time in Italy years ago, and yeah the men off the street would oohhh and ahhhh, stare, blow kisses and proclaim undying love, it was overwhelming and ridiculous! This was in Venice. A shame really because it made my trip there not all that much fun and we quickly left and traveled to Florence! Where is was beautiful and the men much more respectful and "polite." lol Good luck though Iris, if your goal is a date, I hope it happens! Edited April 7, 2021 by poppyfields
Author IrisZion Posted April 7, 2021 Author Posted April 7, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, glows said: So next time he takes your order ask him mention you notice he speaks Spanish and tell him you're taking a beginner's course soon. Most people are delighted to hear that others are interested in their mothertongue. If he gives you a deadpan look or just smiles at you being polite, you know he's not interested. If he offers a language exchange or invites you out, you'll have your answer. You're building this up way too much in your head. Start off casually and talk to him like a friend. Yeah I ll try this. My main goal is to talk to him casually and like a friend too. Edited April 7, 2021 by IrisZion 1
Author IrisZion Posted April 7, 2021 Author Posted April 7, 2021 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: LOL, not for me, but again if y'all enjoy that type of attention, more power to ya! I spent some time in Italy years ago, and yeah the men off the street would oohhh and ahhhh, stare, blow kisses and proclaim undying love, it was overwhelming and ridiculous! A shame really because it made my trip there not all that much fun and we quickly left and traveled to Florence! Where is was beautiful and the men much more respectful and "polite." Good luck though Iris, if your goal is a date, I hope it happens! Tbh my main goal was if my ex returned but so far no hope so here's where I am today trying to make myself happy
glows Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 2 minutes ago, IrisZion said: Yeah I ll try this. My mainbgoal is to talk to him casually and like a friend too. Great.. lots to talk about. And yes, I understand your hesitation if that's the last coffee shop standing around campus. Keep it light and casual. Most people want to interact and find things in common with others so do that and let us know how it goes.
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2021 Posted April 7, 2021 15 minutes ago, IrisZion said: Another point is language. He has a very thick Spanish accent and I'm not sure if we will be able to converse much? He does speak English but I'm talking about deeper conversations You are way ahead of yourself here. You are ONE month out of a 4 year relationship right? Have fun !! go out with a hot guy, let him make you feel sexy again, and forget about deep conversations! You are young, have fun!! 1
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