prince0fgame Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: This is someone you already had interaction with? Those were just two examples I gave. I have many more with random women from the streets. [redacted] Edited April 2, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 I agree a woman has to give a man the green light but usually the pursuing is initiated by the man. I can smile at him, start a conversation, even give him a compliment, but the suggestion of meeting later has to come from him. Most men *need* to engage in that pursuit themselves. 1 1
Alpacalia Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 13 minutes ago, prince0fgame said: Plausible deniability Is that similar to the inverse square law?
Author IrisZion Posted April 2, 2021 Author Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: So being friendly and starting chats will help? Edited April 2, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author IrisZion Posted April 2, 2021 Author Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, prince0fgame said: I understand the risk on his part. He may feel like if he flirts then the customer may complain that he's a creep etc. But I stare back which means I notice him looking. And I don't seen to have a problem. So he could use that as an excuse to be friendly? The only confidence he showed was this "there were 3 cash registers empty. He was the middle one and he waved at me quickly before i could go to the register in front of me who was literally expecting me to be served" Edited April 2, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
prince0fgame Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, IrisZion said: What kind of bait??? Do you think he gained some confidence?? Considering there were 3 cash registers empty. He was the middle one and he waved at me quickly before i could go to the register in front of me. the confidence I am talking about is that you won't report him to his manager if he tries to hit on you. Edited April 2, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed divisive comment
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 Just now, IrisZion said: So being friendly and starting chats will help? *flirting* will help. Smile Start conversation Give him a compliment Ask him a personal question Ignore the 20 people behind you waiting for their order lol. 3
prince0fgame Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: *flirting* will help. Smile Start conversation Give him a compliment Ask him a personal question Ignore the 20 people behind you waiting for their order lol. This is good advice. The OP seems to be playing the whole thing out in her head. Sometimes women do that. They focus on nuanced things and the guy is like the easiest person to seduce in the entire world. She just needs to use her feminine charms and open her mouth and break the ice. 2
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 5 minutes ago, IrisZion said: "there were 3 cash registers empty. He was the middle one and he waved at me quickly before i could go to the register in front of me who was literally expecting me to be served" I'm sorry but that means nothing. Each person working at the coffee shop as an ID coded in their cash register. The number of customers they serve and the speed they serve them is calculated. It had nothing to do with you. 1
Author IrisZion Posted April 2, 2021 Author Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) 29 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I'm sorry but that means nothing. Each person working at the coffee shop as an ID coded in their cash register. The number of customers they serve and the speed they serve them is calculated. It had nothing to do with you. I know that but I'm not sure if that's the case. Considering all the staring he's been doing. And unlike that day where he simply didn't want to serve me and left the till even though I was in front of him to look around for staff. When there were no staff to serve me, he called me. There weren't like many customers and he could have avoided serving me as the dude in the front of the till was the one who thought I would go up to him to get served. Edited April 2, 2021 by IrisZion
mark clemson Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 This feels somewhat like an extended exercise in "beating around the bush". Consider doing something along the following lines the next time you see this guy at the coffee shop: You: You seem nice, Name. Him: Thanks. You: Can I ask if you're seeing anyone right now? Him: Yes or No. You (if Yes): Ah ok, good for you. I'll have a <drink>. You (if No): Oh, that's cool. I was wondering if you'd like to go have lunch sometime. By the way my name's Iris. What do you say? Him: Yes or No. You: (If Yes): Great, let me get your cell # and I'll text you and we can set something up. You: (If No): Ah, oh well, that's too bad. I'll have a <drink> anyhow then. The worst likely thing that can happen here is that if he's taken or not interested he'll follow up (in now unappreciated ways) such as asking you why you wanted to know etc. IF that happens (possible, but not likely IMO) you might feel a little embarrassed when you see him and/or have to start going to another coffee shop. Something to consider.
spiderowl Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 I presume you see the staring as pleasant in some way? I think a guy staring for extended periods can be quite creepy. It's an aggressive thing to stare someone down. If you think he's ok and not creepy, then you could joke with him when paying for your food. Just be friendly and nice. If he's interested, he will find a way to catch up with you at some point. There must be other guys at uni besides this one.
Author IrisZion Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 4 hours ago, spiderowl said: I presume you see the staring as pleasant in some way? I think a guy staring for extended periods can be quite creepy. It's an aggressive thing to stare someone down. If you think he's ok and not creepy, then you could joke with him when paying for your food. Just be friendly and nice. If he's interested, he will find a way to catch up with you at some point. There must be other guys at uni besides this one. Haha yes I find it flattering. But I do agree with what you are saying. But aggressive thing?? The stare is really consistent. I also don't know what he stares at lol as the only times he sees my face is outside the shop when I walk in otherwise in the shop I wear a mask as it's mandatory. Uni is heavily monitored and you cannot really socialize due to covid hence the issues.
smackie9 Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 Write your number down on a piece of paper and slip it to him when you hand over the money.
Author IrisZion Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 (edited) 25 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Write your number down on a piece of paper and slip it to him when you hand over the money. OK so update. Hes Latin (Colombian to be exact) but has lived in Spain before moving to the UK 4 years ago. His communication skills in English is not very good. He has a pretty thick accent which is okay but he clearly cannot express himself as clearly as I can in English. I don't speak Spanish and he only speaks in Spanish with the colleagues who are also Spanish speaking and his friends (also Spanish speaking). He had 3 friends visit him today in the shop and all were talking in Spanish. Now I'm unsure what he actually wants when there is clearly a huge communication issue. A friend who went in with me today observed him and says he probably wants a one night stand as dating is clearly out of question when 2 people cannot communicate properly in 1 language. Or he thinks I'm Latin american too because I have gotten comments from latino people that I look Latin. But surely he can tell by my accent that I'm definitely not Spanish or Latin. Edited April 3, 2021 by IrisZion
smackie9 Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 If you have Siri on your phone, you can ask it to translate whatever into Spanish and learn in the process. And BTW there is no telling what this guy's intentions are unless you go on a few dates with him.
Author IrisZion Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, smackie9 said: If you have Siri on your phone, you can ask it to translate whatever into Spanish and learn in the process. And BTW there is no telling what this guy's intentions are unless you go on a few dates with him. Even if I do learn basic Spanish, it's just beginner words right? He's fluent as its mother tongue. I'm already enrolled on a beginner Spanish course which is due to start next month but beginners Spanish won't help me communicate with him ? I'm starting to think he's probably looking for a hook up ??
smackie9 Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 OK sounds like your anxiety is doing the talking....may as well just walk away and forget about him.
Author IrisZion Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, smackie9 said: OK sounds like your anxiety is doing the talking....may as well just walk away and forget about him. No not anxiety. I'm trying to analyse the situation but can't come to a conclusion as I don't understand what the guy wants? I don't want to appear easy or cheap hence I'm not giving obvious hints other than just staring back. I have to go to the shop everyday for snacks and drinks and the least I want is a scandal for both of us tbh
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 25 minutes ago, IrisZion said: OK so update. Hes Latin (Colombian to be exact) but has lived in Spain before moving to the UK 4 years ago. His communication skills in English is not very good. He has a pretty thick accent which is okay but he clearly cannot express himself as clearly as I can in English. I don't see the problem. He's been 4 years in UK so he does understand and speaks English enough to be put in front of customers. Do you absolutely need someone that is fully articulate in your mother tongue? His English will get better when he makes English friends and an English girlfriend. He's aware his English isn't A1 so that's why he's intimidated by English women. 1
Author IrisZion Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I don't see the problem. He's been 4 years in UK so he does understand and speaks English enough to be put in front of customers. Do you absolutely need someone that is fully articulate in your mother tongue? His English will get better when he makes English friends and an English girlfriend. He's aware his English isn't A1 so that's why he's intimidated by English women. Yes I know but interacting in a limited way is another thing and having long deep conversations over multiple topics is another. I know this as multiple times it has happened that latin people who work at my uni could speak English well enough but when it came to expressing their feelings, it was really difficult as they couldn't find the right words or expressions to say what they wanted to. I'm not English either. I'm British born South Asian . Edited April 3, 2021 by IrisZion
smackie9 Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 (edited) ohhh that explains everything. If this looking like a gong show, I would walk. Because you are too shy, if you make a move you fear of looking cheap/loose...so what other choice do you have? Edited April 3, 2021 by smackie9
Author IrisZion Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, smackie9 said: ohhh that explains everything. If this looking like a gong show, I would walk. Because you are too shy, if you make a move you fear of looking cheap/loose...so what other choice do you have? No I'm not shy at all. It's just that I'm unsure of his intentions and I have to go there everyday so don't want to start anything myself as he's a stranger to me. If he was a student at uni, I would have made the move like I did with my ex. He used to do the same thing and I made the move on him. We were together for 4 years and he was white so it's not like I can't. Edited April 3, 2021 by IrisZion
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 11 minutes ago, IrisZion said: Yes I know but interacting in a limited way is another thing and having long deep conversations over multiple topics is another. I know this as multiple times it has happened that latin people who work at my uni could speak English well enough but when it came to expressing their feelings, it was really difficult as they couldn't find the right words or expressions to say what they wanted to. I'm not English either. I'm British born South Asian . Ok that's alright. Then he's not the man for you. It's better you let go of that crush. You don't need to know what he wants, it won't change the fact he's not a suitable bf for you. Let it die, don't pay him attention.
Author IrisZion Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Ok that's alright. Then he's not the man for you. It's better you let go of that crush. You don't need to know what he wants, it won't change the fact he's not a suitable bf for you. Let it die, don't pay him attention. Yeah I guess ll leave it. If he actually says something on his own then we ll see what to do. 1
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