Wiseman2 Posted April 24, 2021 Posted April 24, 2021 What exactly bothered you? That he drew this sketch or the language barrier?
Author IrisZion Posted April 24, 2021 Author Posted April 24, 2021 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: What exactly bothered you? That he drew this sketch or the language barrier? The sketch I'm unsure as to what or how he feels for me as I don't want to hurt his feelings or break his heart. He has always been very nice to him even if it was for simply showing interest yet I ve seen guys act like complete jerks if I wouldn't reciprocate yet he has continued to show nice gestures.
Author IrisZion Posted April 24, 2021 Author Posted April 24, 2021 20 hours ago, Gaeta said: I think it's a bit early to draw a conclusion. What do you think ?
Gaeta Posted April 24, 2021 Posted April 24, 2021 3 minutes ago, IrisZion said: The sketch Don't give this too much meaning. I have a daughter that's artistic and can draw very realistic portraits. She draws everyone, even the class mates that annoyes her the most. 1
Author IrisZion Posted April 24, 2021 Author Posted April 24, 2021 (edited) 15 hours ago, Alpaca said: So you weren't feeling the romantic chemistry on the first date. Did you at least feel some degree of physical attraction? I was attracted to him that's why I was the one apparently crushing on him first as I found him really cute. He has a pretty long thin face so a large part of his face (eyes, forehead and nose) was visible and I felt he looked cute. I still think he's cute and he's really kind too. Actually, seems like a simple guy. The issue is that my type or preference in men is a tall, masculine looking guy like my ex. The reason why I fell so hard for him since I saw him was he was my ideal type/man. I'm quite small and petite so he or someone his height/built/looks fits the bill. While this guy does resemble him in terms of hairstyle (same manbun, longish hair/sideburns etc) , he is around 5.4 tall and skinny. We took a full body picture together and looked like two best friends Edited April 24, 2021 by IrisZion
Gaeta Posted April 24, 2021 Posted April 24, 2021 5 minutes ago, IrisZion said: What do you think ? I think you are barely 5-6 weeks out of a relationship and you should just have a good time. Part of me thinks you enjoyed the fantasy, the chase, the mystery and now that he's become reality you're losing interest.
Author IrisZion Posted April 24, 2021 Author Posted April 24, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Don't give this too much meaning. I have a daughter that's artistic and can draw very realistic portraits. She draws everyone, even the class mates that annoyes her the most. One of my most unreliable friends who always gives bad advice said he's a creep to draw me like this. Not paying attention to her but thought would leave it out here
Author IrisZion Posted April 24, 2021 Author Posted April 24, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I think you are barely 5-6 weeks out of a relationship and you should just have a good time. Part of me thinks you enjoyed the fantasy, the chase, the mystery and now that he's become reality you're losing interest. 5 minutes ago, IrisZion said: I was attracted to him that's why I was the one apparently crushing on him first as I found him really cute. He has a pretty long thin face so a large part of his face (eyes, forehead and nose) was visible and I felt he looked cute. I still think he's cute and he's really kind too. Actually, seems like a simple guy. The issue is that my type or preference in men is a tall, masculine looking guy like my ex. The reason why I fell so hard for him since I saw him was he was my ideal type/man. I'm quite small and petite so he or someone his height/built/looks fits the bill. While this guy does resemble him in terms of hairstyle (same manbun, longish hair/sideburns etc) , he is around 5.4 tall and skinny. We took a full body picture together and looked like two best friends No it's this
Alpacalia Posted April 24, 2021 Posted April 24, 2021 5 hours ago, IrisZion said: I was attracted to him that's why I was the one apparently crushing on him first as I found him really cute. He has a pretty long thin face so a large part of his face (eyes, forehead and nose) was visible and I felt he looked cute. I still think he's cute and he's really kind too. Actually, seems like a simple guy. The issue is that my type or preference in men is a tall, masculine looking guy like my ex. The reason why I fell so hard for him since I saw him was he was my ideal type/man. I'm quite small and petite so he or someone his height/built/looks fits the bill. While this guy does resemble him in terms of hairstyle (same manbun, longish hair/sideburns etc) , he is around 5.4 tall and skinny. We took a full body picture together and looked like two best friends Hmmmm... It almost sounds like you're looking for someone who is physically similar to your ex. The sketch and the flowers were a nice sentiment but perhaps for a first date it was a bit much. I received flowers on a fourth date once and I thought it was really sweet. 1 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted April 24, 2021 Posted April 24, 2021 (edited) I have a friend who is not really an artist but tries to be. He sketches everyone and shows them the sketches or gives it to them. I wouldn't be at all concerned about the sketching part. Edited April 24, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease 2 1
Author IrisZion Posted April 25, 2021 Author Posted April 25, 2021 16 hours ago, Alpaca said: Hmmmm... It almost sounds like you're looking for someone who is physically similar to your ex. The sketch and the flowers were a nice sentiment but perhaps for a first date it was a bit much. I received flowers on a fourth date once and I thought it was really sweet. What do you think of him doing this kn first date?
Alpacalia Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 26 minutes ago, IrisZion said: What do you think of him doing this kn first date? I think it would be a welcome gesture if you really like him and have built up a good rapport, but if you're unfamiliar with him and are unsure of his motives, you might be wary. What are your thoughts on it?
introverted1 Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 22 hours ago, IrisZion said: While this guy does resemble him in terms of hairstyle (same manbun, longish hair/sideburns etc) , he is around 5.4 tall and skinny. And you only just realised this? 2
Author IrisZion Posted April 25, 2021 Author Posted April 25, 2021 2 hours ago, Alpaca said: I think it would be a welcome gesture if you really like him and have built up a good rapport, but if you're unfamiliar with him and are unsure of his motives, you might be wary. What are your thoughts on it? I dont know. I think he's really kind and sweet.
Alpacalia Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 6 hours ago, IrisZion said: I dont know. I think he's really kind and sweet. Okay, then. Spend time with him if you're curious about him. But don't do something that he could interpret as strong interest if you're not feeling it. 2
Wiseman2 Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 15 hours ago, IrisZion said: I dont know. I think he's really kind and sweet. Ok, you knew that about him already from the coffee shop interaction. So it seems like you have your answers. He's nice and there's a language barrier. However you knew that as well, no? Just curious why you decided to pursue this? 1
Author IrisZion Posted May 9, 2021 Author Posted May 9, 2021 (edited) So update I went out with him on three dates. Turns out he's even more unhappier than me. He told me how the company is exploitative and the management treats them as robots. Lot of bullying, discrimination and stress. And since he's younger, some of his colleagues pick on him and rebuke him for talking too much with customers (me and he said he got a lot of heat for it from the lady who was hearing the conversation), being loud etc. The managers are not very nice and his hours have also been cut a lot. On the third date, he just came up to me and straight up hugged me before having a breakdown of how things aren't going right. As his hours have been slashed and he only works 1 or 2 days a week now. Earlier he was doing 4 days a week but now the older colleagues and floor manager have taken up his shifts. He has found another job in an Italian restaurant where he works on the days he's not at this cafe . He also said the only thing that made him enjoy his job was me and seeing me, also said that was the only thing that made him look forward to work otherwise he would either be drunk or highly caffeniated just to be at work or just annoyed. I did think he looked really high/drunk to me on 4 occasions as his behaviour was really odd (overexcited) and weird. Sometimes he looked upset too. I dont know what to do. Edited May 9, 2021 by IrisZion
Calmandfocused Posted May 9, 2021 Posted May 9, 2021 He’s dependant on mood altering substances. He’s crippled emotionally and in a very bad place right now. Those 2 pieces of information are really all you need to know.
Author IrisZion Posted May 9, 2021 Author Posted May 9, 2021 2 hours ago, Calmandfocused said: He’s dependant on mood altering substances. He’s crippled emotionally and in a very bad place right now. Those 2 pieces of information are really all you need to know. So what do you think of this???
Wiseman2 Posted May 9, 2021 Posted May 9, 2021 4 hours ago, IrisZion said: Turns out he's even more unhappier than me. That's ok. It's just 3 meetings and a complete mismatch. If you are depressed why not see a physician for an evaluation and referral to a therapist for ongoing support? That's a lot more helpful to you than chasing random guys who resemble your ex. He seems to be telling you he's too broke and troubled to date anyone. Why not step away from this and focus on university?
Author IrisZion Posted May 9, 2021 Author Posted May 9, 2021 48 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: That's ok. It's just 3 meetings and a complete mismatch. If you are depressed why not see a physician for an evaluation and referral to a therapist for ongoing support? That's a lot more helpful to you than chasing random guys who resemble your ex. He seems to be telling you he's too broke and troubled to date anyone. Why not step away from this and focus on university? He's not saying that. He wants us to be official but this is his story which he said he wanted me to know as he was very upset that day. He got me a pair of earrings and also got me my fav drink from his shop but like I said, he had a breakdown shortly after as he had a pretty rough morning at work. I'm focusing on university not just him.
Gaeta Posted May 9, 2021 Posted May 9, 2021 Oh boy! then tell him exactly that, a full on relationship isn't what you're looking for at this time as you want to prioritize your study. Sometimes we have to be careful of what we wish for. You wanted this guy reall bad, now that you have it you could do without him.
Author IrisZion Posted May 9, 2021 Author Posted May 9, 2021 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: Oh boy! then tell him exactly that, a full on relationship isn't what you're looking for at this time as you want to prioritize your study. Sometimes we have to be careful of what we wish for. You wanted this guy reall bad, now that you have it you could do without him. No I dont mean I don't want this relationship. I feel really obligated now
ExpatInItaly Posted May 9, 2021 Posted May 9, 2021 3 hours ago, IrisZion said: No I dont mean I don't want this relationship. I feel really obligated now Why? It's been 3 dates. You're not obligated. Explain to him that you don't think it's a match.He's a big boy. He'll manage. 1
Author IrisZion Posted May 9, 2021 Author Posted May 9, 2021 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why? It's been 3 dates. You're not obligated. Explain to him that you don't think it's a match.He's a big boy. He'll manage. He's already so stressed and unhappy. Me backing out will cause him more unhappiness. I don't want to treat him unkindly when he's only been nice to me
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