Coffee shop guy and me?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, IrisZion said:

The staff were wearing different colored shirts today so I asked him about it (had asked him about the sunny day yesterday too) but he didn't respond.

Did he just completely ignore you? Is there a chance he didn't hear you?

 

2 hours ago, IrisZion said:

I dont know what's up with him. I try to say things but he hasn't been responding. Is he unhappy or pissed???

Maybe, but it's not necessarily related to you. He could have been having a bad day for any number of reasons. Or maybe his coworkers have noticed his interactions with you and have been teasing him about it or something. 

[IrisZion]

23 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Great. It's difficult to say whether he's being friendly or flirtatious, and given the background and environment, it'll be even more difficult for you.

Store employees are usually outgoing and courteous, and they will engage in conversation with you if it is helpful to their business. If they have a friendly personality and charisma, they can draw more attention.

That's why it is important to distinguish between pleasantries and romantic interest.

Does that make sense?

Yes does but my friend and another said he is not very friendly which was really odd to me as he is not like that at all with me. Today another friend recognized him and said he's rude and noisy , always shouting out the drink names and also sort of joked about how much he works there. For some reason shethought he was Portuguese.

We went in again to the shop as I kind of felt bad that he may have felt that I didn't respond to him properly so I hovered around a bit buying a museli bowl and Pepsi as it's warm. He was normal then coaxed me into buying coconut hot chocolate which I always order and he already knows I'm going to order it. So I eventually bought it as he kept saying do you want coconut hot chocolate too. 

It's rather cute that each time he hears his colleague say coconut hot chocolate, he takes the cup himself and hands it to me. He did it and then was normally have a good day which I wished him too. While heading out, my friend did turn back and laughed saying he was looking over while I was stuffing the items in my bag.

Edited April 19, 2021 by IrisZion

[IrisZion]

16 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Did he just completely ignore you? Is there a chance he didn't hear you?

 

Maybe, but it's not necessarily related to you. He could have been having a bad day for any number of reasons. Or maybe his coworkers have noticed his interactions with you and have been teasing him about it or something. 

No he didn't ignore but didn't answer the question. Either didn't hear it, or felt I don't want to talk to him much or doesn't know how to respond in English in guess??? Tbh I have never heard him speak a full sentence though. Like how you and I are conversing. Never. All he says is short phrases. Even about the weather, he didn't have much to say. So it's could be that too???

Yes maybe they noticed I guess that he's frequently talking to me. Today, he took the drink from the barista himself and placed it at his till while I was paying.

Edited April 19, 2021 by IrisZion

[Sun Seeker]

@IrisZion Where is this coffeeshop? I'm in London and I can speak basic Spanish. I will meet you at this place, then I will go talk to him and find out if he is interested in meeting you outside of his work. Then you will have your answer and can stop all this overthinking.

If he says no then I will take you for a drink instead. Deal?

[IrisZion]

And I just realised he did not bill me for one item. I ordered 3 things and he only asked me to pay 4 pounds whereas the total was 6 pounds. Now when I look at my card balance, it's £4.06 pounds but my total order was £6.57. And i didn't even use the coffee subscription.

Edited April 19, 2021 by IrisZion

[Gaeta]

7 hours ago, IrisZion said:

Well he's gotten really weird. Ever since that day, after we had a convo about the sunny day, I mean I moved away after the chat, towards the counter where they give out the drinks, and now he doesn't talk much.

That reminds me so much of when I was in high school and my friends and I would debate every smile, every look, every move of the guys we had a crush on. 

[mark clemson]

If @Alpaca is right with her "big flirt" theory (and she may well be) then presumably he will (unfortunately, perhaps) shut this down and/or "slow fade" . He will only let it go so far, so as to not let it become a threat to his (putative) existing GF.

Whether this is correct (and whether he even has a GF or not) remains to be seen I suppose. It is certainly one possibility.

This all seems to be taking a bit longer than it should, but maybe that's just me.

[IrisZion]

10 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

If @Alpaca is right with her "big flirt" theory (and she may well be) then presumably he will (unfortunately, perhaps) shut this down and/or "slow fade" . He will only let it go so far, so as to not let it become a threat to his (putative) existing GF.

Whether this is correct (and whether he even has a GF or not) remains to be seen I suppose. It is certainly one possibility.

This all seems to be taking a bit longer than it should, but maybe that's just me.

Well not so nice news but a friend went in today who knows one of the girls in the shop as that girl goes to the same uni as her and the reason for why he's been quieter has now come to light. 

The branch manager was on till when he came over to talk to me two days ago and the girl who was serving me and overhearing our conversation told the manager that he makes a lot of unnecessary banter with a particular female customer. My friend said that another coworker (whom I remember serving me and that time also he came next to her to talk) also complained that he's doing this. And the manager told him he's not here to flirt with female customers if he wants to keep working.

My friend said the girl also speaks Spanish and he talks to her so he told her what actually happened. 

Edited April 19, 2021 by IrisZion

[mark clemson]

^^ Fair enough. You'll certainly do him no favors by getting him to lose his job.

[IrisZion]

3 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

^^ Fair enough. You'll certainly do him no favors by getting him to lose his job.

I usually never started saying convos. He began chatting. I even posted here that it was a big risk he took that day to leave everything and start chatting.

I guess I ll keep quiet unless he says something.

[mark clemson]

^^ then that is how it presumably ends if his boss has forbidden him from talking to you.

An alternative would be to ask him out (relatively quickly) at the store, get a yes or no answer (possibly by phone outside of his work hours so as to not get him in trouble), and if he says yes start going to a different coffee shop (so as not to get him in trouble), and if he says no do whatever you want since he's not supposed to talk to you too much.

OR just look for someone else, which might be simpler at this point.

C'est la vie.

Edited April 19, 2021 by mark clemson

[Alpacalia]

10 hours ago, IrisZion said:

Yes does but my friend and another said he is not very friendly which was really odd to me as he is not like that at all with me. Today another friend recognized him and said he's rude and noisy , always shouting out the drink names and also sort of joked about how much he works there. For some reason shethought he was Portuguese.

We went in again to the shop as I kind of felt bad that he may have felt that I didn't respond to him properly so I hovered around a bit buying a museli bowl and Pepsi as it's warm. He was normal then coaxed me into buying coconut hot chocolate which I always order and he already knows I'm going to order it. So I eventually bought it as he kept saying do you want coconut hot chocolate too. 

It's rather cute that each time he hears his colleague say coconut hot chocolate, he takes the cup himself and hands it to me. He did it and then was normally have a good day which I wished him too. While heading out, my friend did turn back and laughed saying he was looking over while I was stuffing the items in my bag.

Well, I suggested the cookies. It leaves the ball in his court but is also a nice gesture. Plus, you get to keep some for yourself. If he's getting in trouble for speaking to customers you don't want to be a source of that either.

[Gaeta]

Nothing of that would have happened if you had given him your number at the beginning. It's not too late.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, if you ask him out, you'll ruin this fun fantasy. There'll be no deciphering, guessing, interpreting "signs", etc.

No bringing friends in for more figuring out etc. There'll just be the pain of your recent break-up.

It will just be awkward because who even dates someone they can't have a conversation with besides everyday pleasantries? 

[IrisZion]

11 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Nothing of that would have happened if you had given him your number at the beginning. It's not too late.

Well, he gave it himself today. Considering how he was behaving since the last 2 days and what my friend said, I had a feeling it would go either ways. Him completely refraining from any contact to protect his job or if he was desperate then he would give his number. 

I did buy my usual things and when he was putting the items in my bag, i noticed he had a pen with him. As he asked me to pay via contact less, he was writing something and then handed me the paper bag with the napkin which had his full name and number alongwith this emoji

 

I'm just glad I didn't need to give my no as I didn't want to seem desperate. 

Edited April 20, 2021 by IrisZion

[Gaeta]

25 minutes ago, IrisZion said:

Well, he gave it himself today.

**hallelujah**

Did you hear from him?

[SaraSays]

What's the reason you're reacting so defensively, and so concerned with this word "desperate"? I'm not a fan of giving your number, but don't in any way see it as desperation if someone does. I see it as an act of confidence, of a person seizing the moment, assuming a person's doing it for genuine reasons, and regardless of what happens. I wouldn't do it myself in this scenario, but am pretty neutral on if someone else would. What has desperation got to do with this?

People haven't been mean to you, and haven't been dismissive. Noone has attacked you, from what I can see. Why the hesitancy to think about things different to your opinion? Is it possible you can accept that people see the situation differently from you, and you don't need to demean them because of that, but could just accept that there will always be differences in life?

[Gaeta]

33 minutes ago, SaraSays said:

 I'm not a fan of giving your number, but don't in any way see it as desperation if someone does. I see it as an act of confidence, of a person seizing the moment, assuming a person's doing it for genuine reasons,

100% agree it has nothing to do with being desperate. Actually it's the contrary! you come across as confident and assertive and men love confidence in women. I think she thinks that way because her and her friends are stuck in a defensive mode. 

[IrisZion]

58 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

100% agree it has nothing to do with being desperate. Actually it's the contrary! you come across as confident and assertive and men love confidence in women. I think she thinks that way because her and her friends are stuck in a defensive mode. 

No in most people's opinion, they said it would be very desperate on my part to give out my number to someone who simply works there

[IrisZion]

1 hour ago, SaraSays said:

What's the reason you're reacting so defensively, and so concerned with this word "desperate"? I'm not a fan of giving your number, but don't in any way see it as desperation if someone does. I see it as an act of confidence, of a person seizing the moment, assuming a person's doing it for genuine reasons, and regardless of what happens. I wouldn't do it myself in this scenario, but am pretty neutral on if someone else would. What has desperation got to do with this?

People haven't been mean to you, and haven't been dismissive. Noone has attacked you, from what I can see. Why the hesitancy to think about things different to your opinion? Is it possible you can accept that people see the situation differently from you, and you don't need to demean them because of that, but could just accept that there will always be differences in life?

It isn't about differences. It has been consistent "its a fun fantasy" "projection" "you just want a romance" in replies even though I wrote down multiple interactions which most can tell is not some "fantasy".  Saying I don't agree and constantly saying no its not valid and you are simply protecting and fantasizing is not a difference but is just denying I don't believe what you say and no matter how much you keep posting, I will continue to dismiss everything.

[IrisZion]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

**hallelujah**

Did you hear from him?

He has sent whatsapp messages. Calling seems unlikely as he can barely hold a full convo in English. So he's messaged.

[Gaeta]

14 minutes ago, IrisZion said:

No in most people's opinion, they said it would be very desperate on my part to give out my number to someone who simply works there

If you go in a coffee shop and give your number to a random guy then ya sure! But this was not *simply someone*. This was a man that had been flirting/chatting with you for a while. That was not what we call a cold approach. 

Edited April 20, 2021 by Gaeta

[SaraSays]

9 hours ago, IrisZion said:

I didn't take them as gospel. I went alongwith it as I do know the immense language barrier between us. So I did not pursue it in the way I was being told to. The language barrier is clearly even more visible as he can only write and send messages because he cannot hold a full convo in English which I have always known.

The problem is that you also aren't willing to try in Spanish, though. As before, I wonder why you don't mention this, instead of laying all the burden on him? 

[redacted]

Edited April 20, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic

[poppyfields]

21 minutes ago, IrisZion said:

He has sent whatsapp messages. Calling seems unlikely as he can barely hold a full convo in English. So he's messaged.

>>I buy my usual things and when he was putting the items in my bag, i noticed he had a pen with him. As he asked me to pay via contact less, he was writing something and then handed me the paper bag with the napkin which had his full name and number alongwith this emoji.<<

Wait huh?  HE gave you his full name and number on a napkin, how was he able to message you?  Or call you like Gaeta asked?

Something isn't jiving dear, please enlighten us.

Edited April 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[IrisZion]

9 hours ago, SaraSays said:

The problem is that you also aren't willing to try in Spanish, though. As before, I wonder why you don't mention this, instead of laying all the burden on him?

I'm not unwilling to learn as I'm starting a beginners Spanish course next week but basic Spanish and native fluency is different. Also i will admit that I do not like the fact that someone lives in an English speaking country yet has little to no knowledge of the language. If I were living in Spain or Latin America, I would learn the basics before going then gradually learn there by enrolling onto a course at university or schools.

[redacted}

Edited April 20, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic