Should I be more open to dating women with kids?

[ironpony]

In my 30s, it's really hard to find a woman around my age who doesn't have kids, and it seems that literally 90 percent of single women in their 30s have kids, at least where I am from.  And if they do not have them they still want them and I lost a long term gf as a result of it her wanting them years ago.  So that makes me rethink a lot, and maybe I should be more open to a woman with kids therefore, if 90 percent seem to have them?

[Alpacalia]

22 minutes ago, ironpony said:

In my 30s, it's really hard to find a woman around my age who doesn't have kids, and it seems that literally 90 percent of single women in their 30s have kids, at least where I am from.  And if they do not have them they still want them and I lost a long term gf as a result of it her wanting them years ago.  So that makes me rethink a lot, and maybe I should be more open to a woman with kids therefore, if 90 percent seem to have them?

As long as your comfortable knowing that the kids will always come first and that the father will always be in the picture.

Edited April 1, 2021 by Alpaca

[central]

You can date older women who don't have kids and can no longer have them, just date anyone but not with long term intentions, or wait 10 years or so to find women your age without kids and unable to have them.  When I left my ex in my early 40s, I met many women without kids who did not want them.

[LivingWaterPlease]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

.  So that makes me rethink a lot, and maybe I should be more open to a woman with kids therefore, if 90 percent seem to have them?

If you're asking if it's reasonable for you to be more open to a woman with kids, I'd say not unless you're open to it. Don't do it because 90 percent seem to have them. Do it because you're OK with it. If you're not, wait to find someone who doesn't have them.

The needs I have in regards to what the men I date offer are pretty limiting. I still stick with them. Otherwise can find oneself in a R where resentment is building, etc. Decide what you need and stick with it. If you're without a gf for awhile, so be it. At least you're not in a R that doesn't fit either of you.

[chillii]

l wouldn't be at your age no way , not unless the ex actually passed away or something. Should still be plenty around without kids and why on earth would you want to possibly end up a part time father to someone else's child at your age anyway. Not to mention allllllll, the bs thats's also gonna come with it like her problems , ex problems ,the poor childs problems bc his real dad is not you, you couldn't even imagine what you'll probably deal with. And then when it doesn't work out the poor kid loses another father figure and has a broken heart , again. Just who would even want to go there , wth for. Look for a woman that still has a fresh body from not having any kids and that can have your kids in the future , your family , not someone elses.

Edited April 1, 2021 by chillii

[ironpony]

Yeah I guess so.  Good points.  It's just for the last few years it really has been slim picking when it comes to women without kids, it seems.  I could try older women, I mean there is one older woman who is into me and asked me out and she is almost 20 years older, but I feel awkward about that.  Do you feel like people look at you think, what are you doing with a naughty cougar type, or is it just shallow to be concerned about what others think, even if it's your own family?

[chillii]

omg forget her , of course she's keen , won't end well though. At your age 25 up is well within and yeah a lot of women have had a child by then but a lot haven't too and would love a family. if that's what you'd like in the end. l know pickings might be slimmer childless wise but they'll still be round just be patient and wait for someone worthwhile, it always served me well. Well unless you just wanna play about .

[Goodguy05]

No not necessarily I dated a woman with kids unless you really don't mind and it's not something you feel you won't be able to handle then ok but expect a lot more with a woman with kids 

[Miss Peach]

I'm a single mom who would probably be in your target dating pool based on what your describe. 

 

Why is it you wanted a woman without kids? I've heard a lot of different reasons from the men I've dated. Some have been great with kids while others were horrible. Some have met a few bad women and swore off everyone with kids.

 

If I were dating someone with kids there are things I wouldn't want to get involved with. You need to think of yours but here are mine:

• What is the situation with the ex like? Are they involved? I wouldn't get involved where there is a lot of contention, going to court, etc.
• What sort of time do you spend with the kids? I have 50/50 so I still can date about 3-4 times per week without the kiddo without resorting to bedtime or other unconventional dates. Most guys I've met have found that sufficient until we're in a place where we can include the kiddo. I don't know if I could get enough time for *me* with someone who had a significant amount of time with the kids unless they had a great support network like family who regularly helped.
• Do they want more kids? I don't want more kids. This one really runs the gamut if you want kids yourself.
• What role do they want someone to play with their kids? Some are looking for daddy/mommy. For myself I'm looking for a adult who likes my kid to be more of another adult mentor or role model as my kiddo has a dad in the picture. What roles are you OK with playing?
• What's the financial situation? Are they reliant on child support they rarely get? Can they support themselves? Are you wanting or able to support a woman? For me I have a good job and usually do better than most men which they are not expecting. So I really don't fit the struggling single mom stereotype. I've also gotten really good at balancing things.
• How much can you plan versus be spontaneous? How do you manage your time? This is probably the biggest con for dating me. I have to plan so I can't get things done. This is how I have such a full life. I can arrange time and have what we do be a surprise but I am very guarded with my time. I know a lot of single parents wing it more but that's why they never have time for themselves, to date, etc.

[dramafreezone]

I like dating women with kids.  They don't play a lot of BS games, are upfront with the time that they can spend with you.  Highly underrated.

Marrying is a different story.  I would say it's highly unlikely that I would marry a woman with kids, but I have no issues casually dating them.

Edited April 1, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Allupinnit]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

I like dating women with kids.  They don't play a lot of BS games, are upfront with the time that they can spend with you.  Highly underrated.

Marrying is a different story.  I would say it's highly unlikely that I would marry a woman with kids, but I have no issues casually dating them.

This is unfortunately the story I hear from my single mom friends - a lot of men only want casual with them. 

[notbroken]

At some point you are going to eliminate most of the people in the dating pool if you don't date women with kids.  You sure might eliminate most of the quality people the older you get. 

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, ironpony said:

It's just for the last few years it really has been slim picking. or is it just shallow to be concerned about what others think, even if it's your own family?

You could try first dating women with cats, dogs, etc. and see how they handle that situation first.

[elaine567]

You are 37 and live at home with your parents having never moved out.
What do you think you could offer a woman with kids?

[ZA Dater]

15 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

You are 37 and live at home with your parents having never moved out.
What do you think you could offer a woman with kids?

I think that is irrelevant. More relevant is if the OP actually likes kids. If he does well then its worth a try but be read for much more complications, irrespective of the ages of the kids. For me I would only do this if the EX was not in the picture at all and she can support herself and the kids.

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, Allupinnit said:

This is unfortunately the story I hear from my single mom friends - a lot of men only want casual with them. 

Well, a lot of women with children only want casual.  Some have no desire to get married again anyway.

Taking care of another man's kids, I just can't see myself doing it, unless the kid is very young and doesn't really have any type of attachment to the father.  I know the hell I put my stepfather through.😄

Edited April 1, 2021 by dramafreezone

[ZA Dater]

20 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

W unless the kid is very young and doesn't really have any type of attachment to the father.  

Very good point this.....

[Allupinnit]

7 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Well, a lot of women with children only want casual.  Some have no desire to get married again anyway.

Taking care of another man's kids, I just can't see myself doing it, unless the kid is very young and doesn't really have any type of attachment to the father.  I know the hell I put my stepfather through.😄

 

 I don't know any of my single mom friends who don't want to get married again.  And they really hate being used for casual sex.  

But if your experience is that the ones you date are cool with that, then party on. 

Edited April 2, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Pejorative / Demeaning Statement Removed

[Brooke02]

 

How about someone with older kids? Theres a huge difference between a women with a 3 year old vs. a woman with teenagers.

[prince0fgame]

In ancient societies young people were supposed to have kids yet not raise them (How could they? They are practically children themselves) because they were in peak reproductive health. Making it to your 40's was not a guarantee. And the entire village would take part in raising the children. Humans are tribal creatures and this way of living is close to how nature intended it. At some point in human history marriage was invented and ordained by the church and now you have a civilization of young people having kids and given the responsibility of raising them as well. However, even in the early times of man made marriage, there was still a "village-like" way of raising children. Fast forward to modern times it seems like a red flag if you have kids early and are still single. 

There is nothing wrong with it. Nature intended for young virile people to have children. It is the human ego that created a society where chidden are forced to raise children on their own while the elders are tossed aside in nursing homes.

If you see a single woman with kids, just chalk it up to nature. Her desire to have children is deeply ingrained into her DNA. This is to ensure the survival of the human species. It's not her fault the romance didn't work out with the baby father (most romances don't last forever anyway). 

Our current cultural values do not align with the tribal way of living. And this makes dating rather difficult. And because of this, there seems to be a taboo with single mothers. This is a limited viewpoint IMO.

If it is your experience that 90% of single women over 30 have kids, then it could ONLY mean it's natural (intended by nature). What is unnatural is actually a woman over 30 with no kids. 

As a man, you can take part of the "village" mentality to help along her kids. You don't have to be the main one if that's too much pressure. Just look at yourself as part of a greater whole in that kid's life and do what you can to be a positive influence while you are dating the mother. 

That's really all that's asked of you. Seek to be a blessing and positive influence in every situation in life and things will generally be fine. 

 

Edited April 2, 2021 by prince0fgame

[Trail Blazer]

I've dated single moms before, but I wouldn't again by choice.  I've got my own kids to worry about wothout needing to worry about anyone else's.

[Uruktopi]

3 hours ago, Brooke02 said:

 

How about someone with older kids? Theres a huge difference between a women with a 3 year old vs. a woman with teenagers.

True

And for the ones of a certain age range, there is another case to have in mind. Adult and even married daughters and sons.

It may seem that, as they are now autonomous and have their own lifes, there are no more related challenges when their mother or father date.

Even so, if the dating trend to evolve to something more important than casual, their opinions about the "newcomer" may have some wheight. 

[glows]

On 3/31/2021 at 5:05 PM, ironpony said:

In my 30s, it's really hard to find a woman around my age who doesn't have kids, and it seems that literally 90 percent of single women in their 30s have kids, at least where I am from.  And if they do not have them they still want them and I lost a long term gf as a result of it her wanting them years ago.  So that makes me rethink a lot, and maybe I should be more open to a woman with kids therefore, if 90 percent seem to have them?

If you're going to approach women this way make no mistake that kind of low self-confidence has a stench from miles away. People know when they're a downgrade or when you're not quite invested because of some issue with their kids or family or background or some other reason. This all depends on whether you want kids yourself or whether they appeal to you. If you don't, this is not a question at all. Just don't go there. Stick to dating women without kids.

[ironpony]

Oh I don't think I show low confidence, I just wasn't very interested in women with kids, unless that's low confidence?

[Fletch Lives]

Most women want kids or have kids at some point. Kids are more little people to love you.

If you want to date women, you should probably learn to like kids. They go with the territory.