Compartmentalizing

[Hunnytree]

Decided to make this a thread all its own. Interested to see if anyone has any comments.

 

I found the LoveShack forum when I googled "men who compartmentalize" ... what does that tell you?

 

I had made this note in one of my many notebooks in the last few months and was thinking about how men do this, and decided to google the thought...see what turned up. Actually a lot turned up. One comment I ran across even suggested that women should compartmentalize more.

 

"Men who compartmentalize everything and put women or relationships with women in a compartment labeled "when everything else is done".

 

I, too, have a long history of failure with anything pertaining to finding men via the internet.

 

I won't call them relationships. But they can last for years, consume you, and while you dwell in your fantasy, these men have you compartmentalized.

 

I wonder how many of you have cracked their passwords and discovered some of their OTHER compartments.

[slubberdegullion]

I think you may be confusing "compartmentalizing" with keeping secrets, but they're not the same thing at all.

 

I can only speak for myself here, but I hope others will weigh in with their comments.

 

My compartmentalizing simply keeps my various aspects of my life separate. For instance, when I'm working on a particular difficult problem or issue in my career, I very seldom discuss it with friends, family or partner. Conversely, I don't take personal issues to work with me. I don't talk about my personal relationships with family or even close friends, nor do I yabber on about my buddies with my partner.

 

Like all aspects of the human condition, there are positives and negatives about it. It's good because it allows me to maintain focus on what I happen to be involved in at the moment, but it can be bad because others in my life aren't made aware of, for instance, a particular issue that may be causing me some real grief.

 

One of the advantages women have is that they seem to be much more holistic in their approach to life; that is, they feel freer to discuss work or personal issues with friends. The downside, though, is that they are more often affected in their work, for instance, by problems with their partner or kids.

[Hunnytree]

While I understand what you are saying, and that yes, I do believe, men compartmentalize in general,,,,here, I was really strictly talking about men and their relationships with women. I do believe that some men compartmentalize relationships; i.e. they may have "limited" relationships. They have someone for dating, someone for sex, someone else for the kind of love that leads to marriage. While I agree these may be his secrets, I don't necessarily agree that I am confused about the way men compartmentalize in general.

 

As concerns what he may feel about you, you might get a good idea by the people in his life that he introduces you to and includes you with. Does he want you in all parts of his life, or is this a limited relationship? Perhaps not having met the family and being kept separate and apart is a sign that the depth of his feelings for you, and his involvement, are lacking. This most certainly tends to be true in LDR's and/or internet relationships.

 

Some men compartmentalize the women in their lives. Perhaps they are able to have relationships with various women, but they cannot commit themselves to one woman because it's too emotionally scary. Some women are duped into falling in love with such a man, who, unknown to them, has a deep-seated fear of commitment. We may be drawn to him because he acts like a normal person, until we get too close to him. Then he begins to pull away and treat you differently. And he ends up breaking your heart. The internet and LDR's simply make this behavior easier for the commitment-phobic, relationship-compartmentalizing type of man.

 

Yes, I believe there are many other levels in life in which it could be viewed that men tend to compartmentalize, the like of which you speak, slubberdegullion. I ran across a book with the greatest title - "Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti." As pertaining to men, the meaning here is that men process life in boxes. Your remarks, slubber, truly speak to that behavior. Here is a quote from the book which can be found in excerpt on the internet.

 

"A man will strategically organize his life in boxes and then spend most of his time in the boxes he can succeed in. This is such a strong motivation for him that he will seek out the boxes that work and will ignore the boxes that confuse him or make him feel like a failure."

 

If you take that thought one step further, it might help us understand even better the way men can compartmentalize relationships.

 

And about the way you describe women, slubber,,,,yes, I would agree. Like the book says, women are like spaghetti. They think and do things associatively in the strongest sense of the word, that everything is connected. When a man watches TV, he is simply watching TV. A woman on the other hand, might sieze this moment, thinking he's relaxed and that this could be a great time to ask him, "What are you thinking, sweetheart?" And no matter how he answers, he can't win. If he says "Nothing," she will think he's lying or hiding something. He's not. He's just parked in one of his boxes. He may, to please her, look around quickly for one of his boxes that has words in it. The problem is she just simply cannot imagine a moment in her mind without words!