RJ09 Posted March 18, 2021 Share Posted March 18, 2021 I want to start this as a way for me to cope with my recent break-up. Please feel free to post anything to vent and rage, instead of reaching out to your ex: So it's been a week today since he broke my heart. And I am alternating between too many intense different emotions. Today, I just want to hear from him. Does he still think about me? Does he miss me at all, even a bit? Is he thinking if he has got it wrong? I just miss him so much and I want to know if he's okay. Is he staring at my name in his phone? Or has he deleted me from his contacts? Is he waiting for me to text him? Has he blocked me already? Is everything alright with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 18, 2021 Share Posted March 18, 2021 (edited) It would help if you deleted and blocked him from all your social media and messaging apps. You never met. How is your separation going? Do you have good support from friends, family an attorney and most of all a therapist? It seems you went down this dark rabbit hole out of loneliness and isolation. You seem blindsided by the marital breakdown. But internet drama is not the answer. Make sure your kids are ok. Did your husband move out? Are you working? Round out your life more and try to adjust to single life and co-parenting. Edited March 18, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 18, 2021 Author Share Posted March 18, 2021 44 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It would help if you deleted and blocked him from all your social media and messaging apps. You never met. How is your separation going? Do you have good support from friends, family an attorney and most of all a therapist? It seems you went down this dark rabbit hole out of loneliness and isolation. You seem blindsided by the marital breakdown. But internet drama is not the answer. Make sure your kids are ok. Did your husband move out? Are you working? Round out your life more and try to adjust to single life and co-parenting. Thank you. I was long over my marital drama, I left my husband. I am not dependent on him on anything and I do work. I don't blame this episode on my marriage. Before I met this guy, although I wasn't happy as he made me, I wasn't lonely too. I know I will survive this, because I am aware of my kids. It's just that I am very introvert and I am not good with people, and this is the only way I can cope with what I'm dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 18, 2021 Share Posted March 18, 2021 I keep my mind busy otherwise it will go to my ex. Even when work I have my ear-phones on and I listen to youtube videos on why it's better to move on than to take back a cheater and all sorts of videos that keeps me focused toward the future and not the past. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 19, 2021 Author Share Posted March 19, 2021 He should be awake by now. He should be saying hi. He'll be starting his work hours while I finish mine. For the past 7 months, it's been our ritual. And while he goes to his meetings, I will be travelling home. But it's been a week now. That I haven't heard from him. Instead, it's been a week now, that my stress skyrockets everytime, at this exact hour. Because I secretly pray that he would say hi again. And everytime, I know, it wouldn't happen anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 19, 2021 Share Posted March 19, 2021 It's normal and it sucks. It will pass as the days go by. I found the 30 days post breakup was an important mark, then when you reach 3 months all the ups and downs has mostly passed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 19, 2021 Author Share Posted March 19, 2021 (edited) 21 hours ago, Gaeta said: I'm not even sure I want to get over him. 21 hours ago, Gaeta said: Edited March 19, 2021 by RJ09 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 19, 2021 Author Share Posted March 19, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: It's normal and it sucks. It will pass as the days go by. I found the 30 days post breakup was an important mark, then when you reach 3 months all the ups and downs has mostly passed. I'm not even sure I want to get over him. I'm not even sure I could last one more day without talking to him. And I know that we need to go through this. If we're meant to have a relationship later, romantic or friendship, I know that it should be on a clean slate. And I know we both need the space. It's just so damn difficult. And I keep catching myself staring at nothing more frequently. It's so ironic that the one person who could make me feel better about everything is the one person who hurt me. Edited March 19, 2021 by RJ09 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 19, 2021 Share Posted March 19, 2021 16 minutes ago, RJ09 said: I'm not even sure I want to get over him. It will feel that way until it doesn't anymore. When my ex broke up with me I spent an entire week crying non-stop! I'd get up crying, cried all day at work, cried myself to sleep. You will be ok. If humanity could not get over breakups we wouldn't be here. People separate, divorce, loses their house, split the kids, and they get over it eventually and move on, fall in love again and find a better happiness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 19, 2021 Author Share Posted March 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: It will feel that way until it doesn't anymore. I know. I know I will survive. It's just so difficult. He thought I didn't love him as much. If he only knew Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 Of course you want to get over a guy who dumped you. Sooner or later you'll realize that your emotions cause you to think in ways that defy logic and common sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 20, 2021 Author Share Posted March 20, 2021 (edited) At times, I wish he had it wrong and he'd change his mind. At times, I'd think it's for the best for both of us. I feel like a pendulum, swinging from no to yes. It's so energy draining and most of the time, it just gets too much. And as if it's not too much that I am dealing with my pain, I worry about his depression too. He may have broken up with me, but I know he needs someone. And no one has been there for him constantly before I came around. I can't help thinking what he must be going through now Edited March 20, 2021 by RJ09 Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 On 3/18/2021 at 1:38 PM, RJ09 said: I want to start this as a way for me to cope with my recent break-up. Please feel free to post anything to vent and rage, instead of reaching out to your ex: So it's been a week today since he broke my heart. And I am alternating between too many intense different emotions. Today, I just want to hear from him. Does he still think about me? Does he miss me at all, even a bit? Is he thinking if he has got it wrong? I just miss him so much and I want to know if he's okay. Is he staring at my name in his phone? Or has he deleted me from his contacts? Is he waiting for me to text him? Has he blocked me already? Is everything alright with him? Q. Does he still think about me? A. Not enough. Q. Does he miss me at all, even a bit? A. Not at all. Q. Is he thinking if he has got it wrong? A. No. He may think of you but you are not important enough for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 20, 2021 Author Share Posted March 20, 2021 😔 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 17 hours ago, RJ09 said: I'm not even sure I want to get over him Why is that? Seems confusing, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 20, 2021 Author Share Posted March 20, 2021 15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Why is that? Seems confusing, no? It is confusing. But it felt great loving him. It made me happy Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 21, 2021 Author Share Posted March 21, 2021 "It is lonely when you’re among people, too,” said the snake." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince So you said, a million times. I, at least have my kids, my mom, my friends. And you have no one else. I want to tell you now, that you, at least, don't have to pretend you're okay in front of anybody. You can scream if you want to, punch the walls if you need to. And I? I have to run to my room to hide my tears. Take deep, deep breaths and choke on my tears if I can't. I can't just lay on my bed and crumple and cry out loud. You see, having people around doesn't make me less vulnerable. And all I want to do now is just cry. Just cry all day. I don't want to get up in the mornings and act like everything is normal. Because nothing is. I'm so hurt and I can't even acknowledge my pain. Remember I told you, never make me cry? Cause I hardly do. And now, it's all I want to do. And it's just so hard. I feel this gut wrenching pain, like someone squeezing my heart out and I just have to ignore it most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 Have you spoken to a therapist about this intense and prolonged pain? Yes break-ups hurt a lot. Hopefully this is just expressing your thoughts and you didn't send this to him. In fact it's so well written, you could start with reading this to a therapist to begin to explore all these feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 21, 2021 Author Share Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you spoken to a therapist about this intense and prolonged pain? Yes break-ups hurt a lot. Hopefully this is just expressing your thoughts and you didn't send this to him. In fact it's so well written, you could start with reading this to a therapist to begin to explore all these feelings. I don't communicate with him anymore. These are the things though that I want to tell him. Edited March 21, 2021 by RJ09 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 It's important to let your pain out. I have a teen at home and I kept it together in front of her always then I'd go for a car ride by myself and cry out loud as long as I needed. And I did that regularly. After a good cry we feel better and see clearer. Don't deny yourself that relief. It's important in the recovery process. During my previous breakup I didn't let myself feel the pain, I pushed it down and did all I could to ignore it. The result was it took me years to get over it. Not this time around, I'm letting it all out and it's working, I'm processing my breakup much better. Your ex is responsible for himself. He doesn't need you to mother him. He broke up with you, he's doing fine. He broke up to get a relieve and he got it. Don't worry about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 21, 2021 Author Share Posted March 21, 2021 @Gaeta, thank you so much for being so kind. Yeah, I'm not denying myself to feel whatever I feel, just that I just can't do it all the time. I know I'm going through a process, and I know I'll come out of it alive. Long time ago, I promised myself I won't let myself go through this again, but here I am. I do believe things happen for a reason - though knowing it doesn't make it less difficult or painful. But I'm glad to receive kind words from people like you. I know I'll be fine in time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 21, 2021 Author Share Posted March 21, 2021 Maybe we compromised too much. We wanted it so much to work that we compromised so much of ourselves. In the end, it became our downfall. We went back to who we really are. I was too insecure and I pushed you away. And you were too depressed to see reason. It's what broke us apart. Maybe, it's not meant to succeed. We were more than willing to accept each others' flaw - but it ate us up, to the bone. We tried so hard to understand each other, and never argued about it. Until we couldn't understand anymore. Until all we felt were our own pains. It consumed us both. Until there was nothing left to do but to let go. We thought we were so smart, to be so aware of each others' misgivings. Maybe we are. And that's what's keeping us apart. Maybe we know, there's really nothing more we can do. For the longest time, we only let our emotions overcome us. But we are not Shrek and Fiona aren't we? We're not living a fairy tale. And we came crashing down to the real world. Soon as we let other people in into our world, we fell apart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RJ09 Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 Today I'm being consumed by the need to ask you why. You said you can't get past what happened. And I just accepted it. And never said anything. But today, I want to know, was that it? I'm pretty convinced you still love me. That you're just so hurt and afraid I may not love you as much. But then, if that's the case, why would you choose to hurt me instead? Am I fooling myself here? Or I just can't accept that it's over? Today's been pretty bad. And these past nights, I've been forcing myself to sleep early just so I can escape the thoughts of you. Can I ask you why? Would you say the truth? Would I be able to accept your answer? Would it make any difference? Would it make things worse? Are you at peace now with our situation? Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 What happened exactly that he can't get past? That might matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 4 hours ago, RJ09 said: I'm pretty convinced you still love me. That is the hardest part to come to terms with. The toughest part of letting go is realizing the other person already did. I hate that quote but make a point of reading it once in a while because it has all the answers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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