Wiseman2 Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 How long have you been dating? How old is she? Was she drunk when she said that? Do you feel secure in the relationship or do most any words/actions seem to make you overanalyze? She may be exuberant about you...or if you want a different spin, if someone wants to end it, this is a variation of "it's me,not you". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noluck83 Posted November 21, 2020 Author Share Posted November 21, 2020 She was drunk and we were being affectionate but she has said this line twice now and both times when she was drunk. It makes me worry slightly Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 44 minutes ago, Noluck83 said: I know it could be a sign of self esteem but shes a confident, outgoing, successful independent woman so im struggling to see it as a self esteem thing. People who have low self confidence can still be successful and outgoing. Their confidence can be faked, as can being outgoing. I've been told that I present as confident and social. But inside, I'm an introvert who uses all her energy to socialise then has to recover afterwards. In a social situation, I feel conspicuous and invisible at the same time. And I can be very insecure (though I wouldn't say that I don't deserve to be happy) . But only those who get close to me know the truth. Perhaps you're getting close enough to know the truth. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Noluck83 said: She was drunk and we were being affectionate but she has said this line twice now and both times when she was drunk. It makes me worry slightly What is it you want it to mean? When you are both sober can you communicate with her by simply asking her what she means by that? Trying to read the tea leaves of drunken drivel indicates you are not feeling secure in the relationship. Edited November 21, 2020 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noluck83 Posted November 21, 2020 Author Share Posted November 21, 2020 ive asked what it meant and she says today (sober) 'i meant it as a compliment i sometimes dont feel attractive and last night you were being so lovely i just meant i cant believe im this happy'. It may be down to my own insecurities that ive taken it so litterally but to me its not something id say as id always think i deserved to be happy no matter what. Unless id done something i regret. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Ok, asked and answered. Take it for what it is worth. Not everyone will think and express things Your way. Biggest mistake people make is "what I would do", well it's not you doing it. Relax learn the nuances of communication and expression. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 1 hour ago, Noluck83 said: its not something id say as id always think i deserved to be happy no matter what. Unless id done something i regret. Has she she given you any tangible reason to suspect she's done something she regrets? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 It's a warning. What you do with it is up to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 It could mean she's cheated on you, or just that no one has actually treated her well before. Keep your eyes open, but otherwise don't overthink it unless a red flag appears. Link to post Share on other sites
boymommy Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Insecure people sometimes say things of this nature, sometimes its a strange warning sign like they don't think they feel valued in the relationship and are trying to get YOU to break up with THEM because they feel unworthy. I have been in that position before where the guy said stuff of that nature. It sounded nice "in theory" like a compliment to me, but it was really him putting himself down. Of course that is speculation and it could really have been just a very innocent comment that got a little misconstrued due to her inhibitions being lowered. I'd just keep an eye for any other weird behavior and talk to her about it going forward. It's good to be aware of these types of things because they CAN spell trouble in a relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
boymommy Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 6 hours ago, Noluck83 said: ive asked what it meant and she says today (sober) 'i meant it as a compliment i sometimes dont feel attractive and last night you were being so lovely i just meant i cant believe im this happy'. It may be down to my own insecurities that ive taken it so litterally but to me its not something id say as id always think i deserved to be happy no matter what. Unless id done something i regret. Yeah this is what I have figured. So she has insecurities about her own self worth and value in the relationship due to her own attractiveness. It's been my experience that this DOES in fact cause issues unless the person does work on themselves to find some value and their place within the relationship. Because being in love with someone who is very insecure and doesn't feel like they deserve to be in the relationship (over time) creeps up in ways you wouldn't expect. This is her issue and it would benefit her to resolve why she feels this way about herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 It would raise a yellow flag for me. My last boyfriend was the picture of confidence on the outside - but deep down, he had insecurities, and in vulnerable times he admitted to me that he was constantly afraid he was going to lose me, suggesting he didn't feel worthy or capable of measuring up to what we had. This fear of his came out in all kinds of ways, and I think ultimately he sabotaged our relationship because on some level he didn't feel worthy. Hopefully your girlfriend's insecurities aren't as prevalent and she can learn to accept the love you're giving her. Don't let her insecurities become any kind of burden on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) Actually, “I don’t deserve to be this happy”sounds like low self-esteem. It’s a mild flag no matter how much how you cut it Edited November 21, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrPlop Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 I don't deserve you / You deserve to be with someone better = I don't love you anymore / I cheated / I like someone else / I'm trying to make you dump me first so I don't have to dump you. Red flag OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 “I don’t deserve you “ does generally mean = you deserve better = I’m not into you or did something bad so I’m trying to absolve some of the guilt by at least letting you know this. and yes I know this because I’ve used a similar line before - However “I don’t deserve to be this happy” Is a bit extra and sounds it might legit be about self worth. Need more details . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Yeah, this is most often a breakup move. It's the equivalent of "it's not you, it's me." So you should be worried, in fact, you should be alarmed. And more bad news: most of the time, people make statements like this when a statement really think you're a treasure of a person and yet they feel something is missing. Usually what's missing is raw, visceral, sexual attraction. Sometimes the person like your gf knows this but doesn't know how to break the bad news. Sometimes they feel this, but don't quite know how to articulate the point. I once dating a wonderful woman and always felt something was missing. Wasn't until I broke up and dated others that I realized, I always felt this woman was a friend, not a romantic partner (and this was so even though the sex between us was great). The other times people make statements like this are when they have such deep insecurities and self-loathing that they cannot receive love. Can't take in love. It's like they have a barrier, a wall, that doesn't let in the love you give her. And when people are like that, you really want to run like hell. Because you cannot make someone else feel loved. You can love them and then give them to opportunity to take it in, to feel secure, to bask in your love. But you cannot force them to feel loved. I'm not saying dump her tomorrow, but I'm saying it's likely this woman either feeling the romance for you (even if you have great sex) or she's got serious self-loathing. And unfortunately both can be the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 And of course, this is a serious problem because we want to respect and admire our partners or we won't feel secure. Who wants to date someone who doesn't feel like they deserve our love. That's an absurd situation for you to be in. You're not her social worker or parent. You can tell her to either get comfortable with your love or tell you now she's not, so you can leave. Do Not get into the habit of thinking you can listen and nice her out of her low opinion of herself. You want to draw a hard line. If you don't like yourself, then that tells me I can't like you either. Makes me feel a total loser. You need to tell her this. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 It's a strange thing to say, for sure. It almost sounds like she is thinking about breaking up and was trying to lay the groundwork, plant the seed so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 Important question: Do you think she deserves you? Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 Just keep an eye open. I have heard others ask the same question. A few is when the girl was cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noluck83 Posted November 23, 2020 Author Share Posted November 23, 2020 Another thing ive noticed and it might just be because my guard is up but... she shaves everything before work. We had 4 days off together recently and she didn't shave her intimate area. Then monday morning woke up early and shaved everything and exfoliated. Litterally left for work looking amazing. She has said before that she loves how she doesnt need to make as much effort for me because i tell her shes beautiful anyway so im not sure if im over thinking this. Shes wanting me to move in with her and said she wants us to talk about having a baby so im worried this could be me over reacting. Im a bit confused which way to take this Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 What does her beauty routine have to do with babies and moving in? Unfortunately this seems all over the place. One minute you equate shaving with cheating the next you're talking about babies, moving in and whatnot. Are these sober or drunken conversations? Try to have a cohesive honest sober conversation about what the relationship is and where you see it going Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) Why would she need to shave her c**ch for work if she doesn’t feel the need to shave at home. Is she a stripper Edited November 23, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 You are blowing things out of proportion. Shaving is just part of routine she does before work, like makeup, curling her hair, etc. When ya have a few days off, you may skip the makeup, shaving, washing hair etc. As for the drunk talk, sounds like she's very happy but isn't very good at expressing herself when she is very vulnerable. I've had guys fumble in those drunk moments, and it comes out wrong...I just wanted to burst out laughing but they are trying their hardest to be romantically sincere. We don't know what she is like, her history, her personality, etc. I think it's one of these situations that , all the guessing/assuming is only exasperating the paranoia, and not helping much. If it bothers you, talk to her. Communication is key. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rashed8 Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 Ask her clearly. I think she got someone else in the meantime. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
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