My GF of 5 years moved out

[tyb]

1 hour ago, JAKE022 said:

The only way to make it happen is to become best version of yourself, and hard no contact with her, than she might regret it in future, work on yourself and do not care what she is thinking/doing , i know it is almost impossible at this point but you will get there in some time if you follow NC rule, you will move on and her eventually regretting break up would be just a byproduct of that process , at this time you will probably realize that you dont want her back 

This is exactly what happened with my last ex, although she was not the person I ever thought I could marry. She reached out multiple times over the years. 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, tyb said:

We have an effortless connection,

She very clearly doesn't feel that way anymore. 

 

[BC1980]

OP, I read a lot of this thread, and it reminded me of the breakup that brought me to LS years ago. I was with my ex for several years, and we lived together for about a year. Anyway, I did and thought a lot of the same things as you when he ended it. I thought he would come back, I could do something to change his mind, I wrote him a letter about how we could work on our relationship (*cringe*), ect. I really hope he threw that letter away. 
 

One thing you have to realize is that by the time someone leaves you, they have already moved on emotionally. They have been thinking about it for awhile and have come to a decision. Emotionally, you are behind them. The reason why they can stay in touch and want to be buddies is because they are not invested in it like you are. It doesn't hurt your ex to talk on the phone and follow you on Instagram the way it hurts you because she has moved on. Some exes also feel guilt and want to make sure the dumpee has no bad feelings and is on good terms with you. My ex was both of these things. He would always initiate contact, but, when I confronted him about why, it wasn't because he wanted to get back together. Of course, I thought it was and hung onto everything he did. 
 

If I could give you only one piece of advice it would be to implement and maintain strict NC. This will force you to move on emotionally even when you don't want to. Right now, you are in the denial and bargaining phases. You think she will come back to you or that you can maintain some kind of contact with her. After my ex left me, I stayed in contact on and off with him for 8 months, and it severely derailed my ability to move on. If you are having a hard time going or sticking to NC, I would suggest setting a goal like 30 days of NC. Do it in small increments. There is a really good book that helped me called "The No Contact Rule." It was written for women but applies to anyone. 

[BC1980]

On 3/26/2021 at 4:15 PM, tyb said:

After she gets her stuff out, part of me just wants to tell her how f’n dumb I must be to ask her to come back after she cheated on me and doesn’t even care or show any regret at all.
 

maybe I can get my balls back once I get that off my chest

You're grasping at straws to try to control the end of the relationship and control how she feels about you. A lot of the stuff you are writing and feeling reminds of things I did/wanted to do. When you are are dumped, you experience a loss of control. You begin flailing and trying to regain control. 
 

The best thing I did for myself was go NC because it allowed me to gain control back. I made the decision for myself to protect myself, heal, and move on. Continuing to talk to her will not bring you resolution. It will only bring more questions and open up more wounds. 

[BC1980]

OP, I also want to add that endings are messy. There is no scenario where two exes talk it out, agree on everything, and walk away with mutual understanding and closure. You want to think there is one last thing you can say, do, or one last conversation that will give you closure and make you feel better. There isn't. You have accept that relationship endings are not tied up in neat little bows. You will likely both have different versions of why the relationship ended. 

[tart6245]

I would be less concerned about her regretting it in the future and just focus on your own needs and issues. She chose to do what she did, and I wouldn't want anything to do with her if I were you after the cheating. Whether her future relationships work out should be of no concern to you.