Author TheEternalPessimist Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 19 minutes ago, Minneloa said: Ok, so you believe that you are right about this and everyone else is wrong. Where does that leave you, exactly? You still cannot control how others handle their own lives and decisions. So what is your plan? Seethe with resentment at the uncaring ways of the world? Rage against the machine? My plan is to raise awareness and try getting to the bottom of this ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said: That's your choice but to me it's impolite to keep people hanging, you're basically delaying having to face a certain situation for your own selfish benefit when you behave like that, in my opinion. Is your relationship with male friends the same way. And I think people are well aware it is to their own benefit when decide they don’t want to talk to someone anymore. Doesn’t mean that they are going to start talking to everyone they don’t want to talk to because of this Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 10 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said: My plan is to raise awareness and try getting to the bottom of this ^^ Whose awareness? The bottom of what, exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheEternalPessimist Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 17 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Is your relationship with male friends the same way. And I think people are well aware it is to their own benefit when decide they don’t want to talk to someone anymore. Doesn’t mean that they are going to start talking to everyone they don’t want to talk to because of this I have one guy friend but he lives in another country and he got married recently so I expect that friendship not to last, unfortunately 9 minutes ago, Minneloa said: Whose awareness? The bottom of what, exactly? The awareness of the general public and I guess whoever reads this thread now or in the future. Get the bottom of this trend, understand how someone can be super close to me to now behaving as if I never existed all of it in just a few months because I don't find that natural or normal. That's just one specific friend but it follows a pattern nontheless. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 Just now, TheEternalPessimist said: The awareness of the general public and I guess whoever reads this thread now or in the future. Get the bottom of this trend, understand how someone can be super close to me to now behaving as if I never existed all of it in just a few months because I don't find that natural or normal. That's just one specific friend but it follows a pattern nontheless. Given that the overwhelming majority of the replies here and in your previous threads have found your expectations to be unreasonable, have you considered modifying your own mindset instead? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheEternalPessimist Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 Just now, Minneloa said: Given that the overwhelming majority of the replies here and in your previous threads have found your expectations to be unreasonable, have you considered modifying your own mindset instead? No because my expectations are not unreasonable, the opinions on a forum do not represent reality and come from people who don't know me personally. I have already had to make huge accomodations in the past and make changes to my mindset before to please other people but I don't plan to do that eternally and every single time when I'm the only one making efforts. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 2 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said: No because my expectations are not unreasonable, the opinions on a forum do not represent reality and come from people who don't know me personally. I have already had to make huge accomodations in the past and make changes to my mindset before to please other people but I don't plan to do that eternally and every single time when I'm the only one making efforts. So, if you do not value the input of the forum members and do not find their perspectives relevant or useful, what do you hope to gain from posting here? It seems that your mind is already made up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheEternalPessimist Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 Just now, Minneloa said: So, if you do not value the input of the forum members and do not find their perspectives relevant or useful, what do you hope to gain from posting here? It seems that your mind is already made up. It's interesting to get all of your opinions nontheless even though I didn't expect 99% of people here telling I'm too demanding or obsessive. I still hope to get my point across regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 1 minute ago, TheEternalPessimist said: It's interesting to get all of your opinions nontheless even though I didn't expect 99% of people here telling I'm too demanding or obsessive. I still hope to get my point across regardless. Yes, 99%. Are you willing to consider that this might, in fact, represent a sizable portion of the folks “in reality”? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheEternalPessimist Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 4 minutes ago, Minneloa said: Yes, 99%. Are you willing to consider that this might, in fact, represent a sizable portion of the folks “in reality”? Not really because there's a key difference in reality: People know me personally Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 So have you asked your IRL friends for their opinions on this issue? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheEternalPessimist Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 I asked a familiar member who I'm close with and who agrees with me on this general trend. Before you say it's a family bias, that person has no problem criticising me on my behavior at times and I do to same to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) Ok, so that’s sample size one. I’m just wondering why you so easily dismiss 99% of the posters here. Is it that hard to believe that their views might actually represent a “real world” perspective? Edited February 28, 2021 by Minneloa Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) 53 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said: I have one guy friend but he lives in another country and he got married recently so I expect that friendship not to last, unfortunately The awareness of the general public and I guess whoever reads this thread now or in the future. Get the bottom of this trend, understand how someone can be super close to me to now behaving as if I never existed all of it in just a few months because I don't find that natural or normal. That's just one specific friend but it follows a pattern nontheless. I think you should focus on finding more friends with similar hobbies and interests. Easier said than done, I know ... And people have offered explanations why that happens ( they weren’t really true friends/ your friends lost interest/ women saw you as a stand in for a lot of the emotional support and attention bfs or other guys provide/ people tend to not spend a lot of time with anyone but their absolute closest friend(s)who often is their SO. ) It’s normal. That’s really why. It’s sad, but true. Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheEternalPessimist Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, Minneloa said: Ok, so that’s sample size one. I’m just wondering why you so easily dismiss 99% of the posters here. Is it that hard to believe that their views might actually represent a “real world” perspective? The sample size doesn't matter, there is that key difference I mentioned earlier which matters a lot more than how many people I've asked about this in real life I think there's also an age factor that comes into play with this and a cultural factor. I'm European and in my mid-20s whereas most people on this forum are older American adults as far as I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said: The sample size doesn't matter, there is that key difference I mentioned earlier which matters a lot more than how many people I've asked about this in real life I think there's also an age factor that comes into play with this and a cultural factor. I'm European and in my mid-20s whereas most people on this forum are older American adults as far as I know. So are you essentially trying to convert folks you view as misguided? I ask because I am trying to understand what you aim to achieve here. It seems that you have already concluded that your perspective is the only valid one, so why continue to engage with folks whose views you do not respect? Moreover, how does this help you come to terms with these personal situations that are troubling you so greatly? Edited February 28, 2021 by Minneloa 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheEternalPessimist Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 I'm not trying to convert anyone, I am simply conveying my points based on facts and using concrete examples of behavior(s) I find to be unacceptable. While my perspective is not THE only valid one, it's sad and disheartening that more folks aren't willing to put themselves in my shoes and understand the points I'm making without trying to pin the blame on me and giving my friends a free pass Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 7 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said: it's sad and disheartening that more folks aren't willing to put themselves in my shoes and understand the points I'm making without trying to pin the blame on me and giving my friends a free pass We give our own friends a free pass when a friendship fades. So of course we do it for your friends too. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheEternalPessimist Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 33 minutes ago, basil67 said: We give our own friends a free pass when a friendship fades. So of course we do it for your friends too. That's part of the problem in my opinion, when you do that you allow bad behavior to be perpetuated and even rewarded. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said: That's part of the problem in my opinion, when you do that you allow bad behavior to be perpetuated and even rewarded. As opposed to? I don’t see it as a free pass. Just more of acceptance of something that happens. The only alternative is to be mad about it, which fair enough if you feel that way, but it’s not gonna accomplish much good. Understanding, acceptance, and moving on is much preferable. Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheEternalPessimist Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: As opposed to? I don’t see it as a free pass. Just more of acceptance of something that happens. The only alternative is to be mad about it, which fair enough if you feel that way, but it’s not gonna accomplish much good. Understanding, acceptance, and moving on is much preferable. When people behave in a certain way and you don't call them on it because you think you're above it (when they go low, we go high mentality), you effectively give them the green light to behave that way again and again with other people and constantly get away with it. Edited February 28, 2021 by TheEternalPessimist Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 6 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said: When people behave in a certain way and you don't call them on it because you think you're above it (when they go low, we go high mentality), you effectively give them the green light to behave that way again and again with other people and constantly get away with it. I would agree with you if getting angry at someone that doesn’t want to be your friend somehow made them change their mind / their behavior but it just doesn’t Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 They are your friends, it is supposed to be a natural and fun, MUTUAL relationship. You have no right to tell them how to act. Their participation in the friendship is voluntary, it is not mandatory. If they decide to withdraw, then you have to allow them to do it. Who really wants friends that feel obligated to be your friend, who don't actually want to hang out with you, who would rather go hang out with other people, who have no interest in what you do or say? Friendship is not for life, they are not your relatives. THEY decide if they like you enough to carry on. You have no control over that, just like they have no control over you, if you decide to cut them off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 46 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said: That's part of the problem in my opinion, when you do that you allow bad behavior to be perpetuated and even rewarded. It's only a problem for you. For the rest of us, it's simply how the world works. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) 33 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said: When people behave in a certain way and you don't call them on it because you think you're above it (when they go low, we go high mentality), you effectively give them the green light to behave that way again and again with other people and constantly get away with it. Actually, they won't get away with it. Natural consequences will see them lonely and without friends after they've burned all their bridges. Edited February 28, 2021 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
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