Slept with housemate and now its incredibly awkward

[London12345]

i've recently moved into my my friend Jesse's house on a temp basis (as the flat i'm buying has been delayed) and i ended up sleeping with my 'friend' who offered me the room. the long story short is that we have been friends for a year or two but have become close friends in the last 4/5 months. my new room is in the middle of an extremely busy road in london and its really difficult to sleep so Jesse is like 'sleep in my room if it's too noisy."

Below is a quick breakdown of what happened:

night 1: slept in his room and chatted and watched a film. he spooned me and we fell asleep.

night 2: he made me dinner then we drank red wine and listened to music. he said i can just stay in his room til i leave since its noisy. we eventually go up to his room and we end up kissing for a while but then fall alseep.

night 3: we go to sleep the next night and he goes down on me then we stop (it was amazing). we have two other flatmates who are on a different floor so we both act the next day like nothing happens.

night 4: me, jesse and the two other flatmates have a little party of 4 and when they leave the room he kisses me and says hes been thinking about me all day and 'should we go upstairs'. so we sneak off and end up having amazing sex (it was honestly unbelievable - in various positions all around his room for hours). the next day its pretty chilled and we dont mention it but i stay in his room that night (but also tell him that i'll go back to my own room as its too intense if im there all the time for the next few weeks and he agreed).

basically since then i feel like there's been an 'off' button with him - maybe because we were hanging out thurs/fri/sat and drinking we were more relaxed with each other but i'm writing this on a tuesday night as last night and tonight have been SUCH a different vibe. is it because we're both a bit awkward or is it because he likes the chase (which him AND his flatmates have said before) and now that he has 'had' me the interest has gone. i wish i could excape and move to my new place rather than keep up this akward pretence for the next while with flatmates that have genuinely no idea. 

what should i do? just act like normal?! there's a running joke between us that he's dead inside so maybe he is and i need to stop over analysing.

any advice on how i should act for th enewxt few weeks will be much appreciated!!

for context we're both 29.

[ShyViolet]

22 minutes ago, London12345 said:

is it because we're both a bit awkward or is it because he likes the chase (which him AND his flatmates have said before) and now that he has 'had' me the interest has gone.

Honestly, yes, I think this might be the case.

Luckily you are just there temporarily for a few weeks and not stuck in a year lease or something like that.  Is there a different friend you could stay with?  How long exactly until you can move into your own place?

[elaine567]

23 minutes ago, London12345 said:

(but also tell him that i'll go back to my own room as its too intense if im there all the time for the next few weeks and he agreed).

You rejected him...

[salparadise]

You didn't say what you want out of this... but if it were me I'd be sexing him every night and again every morning, and being attentive and affectionate in between. But that's just me. At some point I guess you'll both need to say how you feel about each other, but I wouldn't interrupt the flow. I would not go back to the other room. Make him feel like the luckiest man in the world!

Edited February 16, 2021 by salparadise

[London12345]

7 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

You rejected him...

it looks that way on black and white but we definately had a mutual understanding this wasnt a thing. he was veryyyy flirty with me then as soon as he gets me the interest has gone straight away. i guess it would be good if he continued the charade for another two weeks to avoid the massive change in atmosphere!

 

is he just a player?!?!

[salparadise]

I doubt that's it. I'm guessing he's protecting his ego and his heart against potential rejection. You still haven't said what you want.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

The only thing riskier than sleeping with a roommate is sleeping with a co-worker. It's going to be unpleasant and awkward until you find a new living arrangement. 

The reason things are weird now is because he assumes you have expectations for more, and he's not interested. Blinders come off after a man orgasms, and the reality of the situation hits. 

[d0nnivain]

He doesn't know what you want  / expect.  Doesn't sound like you do either.  He's playing cool (sadly so cool that you feel like you're getting frost bite) but he wants to guard his heart & save face. So you have to open up.  

Be cool & chill in public around the other flat mates.  Do talk to him privately about what you want.  If you want more sex, tell him that.  If you want it to stop, tell him that. If you want to cool it until you move to your place, tell him when this temporary housing situation will end.  

If you say you are open to seeing where this goes & he rejects you, still be chill in the house but sleep in your own room. 

[bananatree]

"Hey flatmate... so, I guess the past couple times we, like, had sex or whatever.  Honestly, it was amazing.  You're a total stud. But, I get that we are flatmates, and none of this has to mean any more than it does.  So, I really don't want it to be awkward between us.  Really.  We can totally go back to being friends and friends only. Cool bro?"

I think if you actually want something more and you LIKE him like him, give the same speech as above and let him come back to you.  Remember, it's the chase.  Put on your little toreador outfit (metaphorically) and flash him your tiny red flag.