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Does he want his ex back? I'm flying out to be with him for VDAY tomorrow.

Cappygyal

By Cappygyal
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
37 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

It’s definitely true. I posted screenshots earlier in the thread but the mods removed it.

Why is what his friends said a clue to scramble?

Cappy, I have a very sensitive question to ask you, and I ask only out of concern.  But have you ever been evaluated by a doctor for a possible spectrum disorder?

I ask only because you seem to have difficulty interpreting what others are thinking or feeling, including the man who is the subject of this thread, his friend(s), and posters here attempting to advise and help you.  Things that are quite obvious to everyone else you seem oblivious to spinning your own story even when your story makes no sense.

Like now, asking why what his friend said should be a clue to scramble (walk away, leave, end it).

>>his friend said, “don’t screw it up with the *ex’s name*, she’s the best you’re ever going to get”.

I mean no disrespect but I am shaking my head in near disbelief that you would ask this question, when the answer is so obvious.

I'm sorry Cappy, take care.  

Edited by poppyfields
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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

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Posted
Just now, BaileyB said:

Do you really have to ask that question, after 12 pages of discussion...

I figured of course they said that about her because they know her and they don’t know me - that’s why I’m asking.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

I figured of course they said that about her because they know her and they don’t know me

Of course you would believe that. It’s not what they meant...

Edited by BaileyB
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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

Posted
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Posted
31 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Of course you would believe that. It’s not what they meant...

Oh...

so you’re saying they met me and don't believe I’m a catch? 😕 

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

Oh...

so you’re saying they met me and don't believe I’m a catch? 😕 

Which woman did they tell him that he should date?

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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

Posted
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Posted
6 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Which woman did they tell him that he should date?

Her...

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
29 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

Oh...

so you’re saying they met me and don't believe I’m a catch? 😕 

The guy you're seeing would have described you to his friends as "the chick I hook up with sometimes".   So, because this guy doesn't consider you an option as a girlfriend, his mates wouldn't have given it any thought at all.  

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LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

It’s definitely true. I posted screenshots earlier in the thread but the mods removed it.

Why is what his friends said a clue to scramble?

At the risk of embarrassing myself and you, too, I'm going to answer this.

Because after meeting you, instead of commenting on you, the friends overlooked you and commented on the ex. If there ever was a time for a prospective gf to be on the radar with his friends, that was it. Instead, no criticism of you, nor praise, just indifference. Cappygal, you should scram and save yourself whatever it is left he has to offer (or not) you.

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LynneVicious Established Member

LynneVicious

Posted
Posted

Op,

I think everyone is just trying to help you not get hurt. 

What is your end game here? If you’re just looking for casual fun, then this will work. 
But if you think this is blossoming into a relationship, then you’re bound to get hurt. 

Pmease take the advice of those who are more experienced as well as your friends and cousin...

What everyone is trying to say, gently, is if his ex wants him back, he’ll leave you like a hot potato. He is using you as an emotional bandaid and for sex. 
 

Didnt you mention that last time you were there, he was talking to his ex and as soon as you left, he ran to her? If he wanted you the way he wants his ex, you would know it. And wouldn’t have to ask friends or strangers from the internet. 
 

Really, leave this guy be and date locally and date someone who is emotionally ready. 

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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

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Posted
On 3/25/2021 at 10:16 PM, LynneVicious said:

Op,

I think everyone is just trying to help you not get hurt. 

What is your end game here? If you’re just looking for casual fun, then this will work. 
But if you think this is blossoming into a relationship, then you’re bound to get hurt. 

Pmease take the advice of those who are more experienced as well as your friends and cousin...

What everyone is trying to say, gently, is if his ex wants him back, he’ll leave you like a hot potato. He is using you as an emotional bandaid and for sex. 
 

Didnt you mention that last time you were there, he was talking to his ex and as soon as you left, he ran to her? If he wanted you the way he wants his ex, you would know it. And wouldn’t have to ask friends or strangers from the internet. 
 

Really, leave this guy be and date locally and date someone who is emotionally ready. 

I do agree he probably isn’t emotionally ready.

Serious question though- I’ve seen rebounds workout and they’ve gone on to date, sometimes even get married. So my question is, why are you so sure this won’t develop into something more like some of the other rebound relationships?

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

I do agree he probably isn’t emotionally ready.

Serious question though- I’ve seen rebounds workout and they’ve gone on to date, sometimes even get married. So my question is, why are you so sure this won’t develop into something more like some of the other rebound relationships?

The rare rebound relationship where rebound does work out involve both parties being enamored with the other fairly quickly.   This guy doesn't even see you as a girlfriend, let alone someone for his future.  

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
On 3/2/2021 at 7:07 AM, Cappygyal said:

I’m clearly the one that he wants.

Actually, no you aren't. You're the distraction/tool. That's it.

  • Like 2
princessaurora Established Member

princessaurora

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, basil67 said:

The rare rebound relationship where rebound does work out involve both parties being enamored with the other fairly quickly.   This guy doesn't even see you as a girlfriend, let alone someone for his future.  

Exactly. My husband had actually just got out of a LTR a few days before I met him. We met at a party right before school got out for the summer that the ex was throwing. But the connection was so strong between us from the moment we looked at each other. I was there with my boyfriend and still felt it. I believe  even if he was still with her, he would have too. His best friend that was sitting right next to him told him when they first  spotted me he was done for because he had never seen him look at any girl the way he looked at me. It really was love at first sight, cheesy as that sounds. He walked over and we conversed for a moment before my possessive boyfriend pulled me away.  But he pursued hard. First he called my boyfriend's room since he knew I was staying with him the last week of school. He left a fake name and message. I called him back and he said he had got my home number out the book and asked if he could call me when we returned home for the summer. I told him yes. 

My parents took me on a surprise trip as soon as I got home. I returned to 19 messages on my voicemail from him. He called again when I was listening to the 19th one and I picked up. With any other guy this would have scared me, but not him because I knew he was the one. 

We talked on the phone for the next month every night sometimes up to 6 hrs. After a month he finally broke me down to see him and we kissed. Then I broke up with my boyfriend.  But I still didn't have sex with him for 3 months which was so hard, but my instincts kept telling me to wait because he had just come out of a LTR. So I did.  

Do you see the difference here? My now hubs was persistent and would stop at nothing to win my affection. He still wanted to spend time with me even though I didn't sleep with him for months. Your loser guy just sits on his butt, throws  out a few lies to make you feel good and then waits for you to show up so he can get his rocks off. You are free easy sex, nothing more and if you would listen to us you could find yourself a guy you would mean so much more to. So what are you waiting for? 

My situation is a very rare instance. Normally rebounds are just a fun distraction with very little emotions involved. In this instance you are the one  doing all the work. You've flown to him twice and were kicked to the curb after the first time when he thought he had another chance with her. He's only with you now because she is not an option. How can you not understand that? My husband's ex made herself an option again several times throughout our relationship, but he told her he was happy with me and was not going to give me up. She did semi succeed at the 4 yr mark when we went through a rough patch and temporarily broke up, but he was still sleeping with me on the side, among other girls. From the moment he met me, he was never able to be faithful to her again.  I'm the one who walked away from him  because I wasn't going to settle for being one of the 8 girls he was sleeping with when I had been his exclusive girlfriend for the last 4. And shortly after that he cut off all ties with the ex but I still ignored him for almost 12 months. Why? Because I knew my worth and had self respect. I wasn't going to share him. I was better than that. 

You are never going to be that girl because you don't even respect yourself. He is using you for sexual fulfillment and will continue to go do so until 

A. You wake up and walk away. 

B. He gets back with her.

C. He falls in love with someone else. 

If you were just in it for the sex, I would tell you to go ahead and have fun, but it is obvious you have feelings for this guy and are in denial that he doesn't feel the same. But he will tell you whatever you want to hear to keep you in his bed and your heart will be broken in a million pieces the day he decides it's time to throw you out of of it.  Listen to us, listen to your friends. You are going to get hurt. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

Posted
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Posted
8 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

Exactly. My husband had actually just got out of a LTR a few days before I met him. We met at a party right before school got out for the summer that the ex was throwing. But the connection was so strong between us from the moment we looked at each other. I was there with my boyfriend and still felt it. I believe  even if he was still with her, he would have too. His best friend that was sitting right next to him told him when they first  spotted me he was done for because he had never seen him look at any girl the way he looked at me. It really was love at first sight, cheesy as that sounds. He walked over and we conversed for a moment before my possessive boyfriend pulled me away.  But he pursued hard. First he called my boyfriend's room since he knew I was staying with him the last week of school. He left a fake name and message. I called him back and he said he had got my home number out the book and asked if he could call me when we returned home for the summer. I told him yes. 

My parents took me on a surprise trip as soon as I got home. I returned to 19 messages on my voicemail from him. He called again when I was listening to the 19th one and I picked up. With any other guy this would have scared me, but not him because I knew he was the one. 

We talked on the phone for the next month every night sometimes up to 6 hrs. After a month he finally broke me down to see him and we kissed. Then I broke up with my boyfriend.  But I still didn't have sex with him for 3 months which was so hard, but my instincts kept telling me to wait because he had just come out of a LTR. So I did.  

Do you see the difference here? My now hubs was persistent and would stop at nothing to win my affection. He still wanted to spend time with me even though I didn't sleep with him for months. Your loser guy just sits on his butt, throws  out a few lies to make you feel good and then waits for you to show up so he can get his rocks off. You are free easy sex, nothing more and if you would listen to us you could find yourself a guy you would mean so much more to. So what are you waiting for? 

My situation is a very rare instance. Normally rebounds are just a fun distraction with very little emotions involved. In this instance you are the one  doing all the work. You've flown to him twice and were kicked to the curb after the first time when he thought he had another chance with her. He's only with you now because she is not an option. How can you not understand that? My husband's ex made herself an option again several times throughout our relationship, but he told her he was happy with me and was not going to give me up. She did semi succeed at the 4 yr mark when we went through a rough patch and temporarily broke up, but he was still sleeping with me on the side, among other girls. From the moment he met me, he was never able to be faithful to her again.  I'm the one who walked away from him  because I wasn't going to settle for being one of the 8 girls he was sleeping with when I had been his exclusive girlfriend for the last 4. And shortly after that he cut off all ties with the ex but I still ignored him for almost 12 months. Why? Because I knew my worth and had self respect. I wasn't going to share him. I was better than that. 

You are never going to be that girl because you don't even respect yourself. He is using you for sexual fulfillment and will continue to go do so until 

A. You wake up and walk away. 

B. He gets back with her.

C. He falls in love with someone else. 

If you were just in it for the sex, I would tell you to go ahead and have fun, but it is obvious you have feelings for this guy and are in denial that he doesn't feel the same. But he will tell you whatever you want to hear to keep you in his bed and your heart will be broken in a million pieces the day he decides it's time to throw you out of of it.  Listen to us, listen to your friends. You are going to get hurt. 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for breaking it down. I just thought me flying down there was okay because he has his own home and I live with my family so flying to see him was the only option.

princessaurora Established Member

princessaurora

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

Thank you for breaking it down. I just thought me flying down there was okay because he has his own home and I live with my family so flying to see him was the only option.

It's not just about that. It's about the way he treats you in general. I just want to see you find a man who treats you as a priority and bends over backwards for you. This is clearly not that person. 

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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

Posted
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Posted (edited)
On 4/1/2021 at 12:37 PM, princessaurora said:

Exactly. My husband had actually just got out of a LTR a few days before I met him. We met at a party right before school got out for the summer that the ex was throwing. But the connection was so strong between us from the moment we looked at each other. I was there with my boyfriend and still felt it. I believe  even if he was still with her, he would have too. His best friend that was sitting right next to him told him when they first  spotted me he was done for because he had never seen him look at any girl the way he looked at me. It really was love at first sight, cheesy as that sounds. He walked over and we conversed for a moment before my possessive boyfriend pulled me away.  But he pursued hard. First he called my boyfriend's room since he knew I was staying with him the last week of school. He left a fake name and message. I called him back and he said he had got my home number out the book and asked if he could call me when we returned home for the summer. I told him yes. 

My parents took me on a surprise trip as soon as I got home. I returned to 19 messages on my voicemail from him. He called again when I was listening to the 19th one and I picked up. With any other guy this would have scared me, but not him because I knew he was the one. 

We talked on the phone for the next month every night sometimes up to 6 hrs. After a month he finally broke me down to see him and we kissed. Then I broke up with my boyfriend.  But I still didn't have sex with him for 3 months which was so hard, but my instincts kept telling me to wait because he had just come out of a LTR. So I did.  

Do you see the difference here? My now hubs was persistent and would stop at nothing to win my affection. He still wanted to spend time with me even though I didn't sleep with him for months. Your loser guy just sits on his butt, throws  out a few lies to make you feel good and then waits for you to show up so he can get his rocks off. You are free easy sex, nothing more and if you would listen to us you could find yourself a guy you would mean so much more to. So what are you waiting for? 

My situation is a very rare instance. Normally rebounds are just a fun distraction with very little emotions involved. In this instance you are the one  doing all the work. You've flown to him twice and were kicked to the curb after the first time when he thought he had another chance with her. He's only with you now because she is not an option. How can you not understand that? My husband's ex made herself an option again several times throughout our relationship, but he told her he was happy with me and was not going to give me up. She did semi succeed at the 4 yr mark when we went through a rough patch and temporarily broke up, but he was still sleeping with me on the side, among other girls. From the moment he met me, he was never able to be faithful to her again.  I'm the one who walked away from him  because I wasn't going to settle for being one of the 8 girls he was sleeping with when I had been his exclusive girlfriend for the last 4. And shortly after that he cut off all ties with the ex but I still ignored him for almost 12 months. Why? Because I knew my worth and had self respect. I wasn't going to share him. I was better than that. 

You are never going to be that girl because you don't even respect yourself. He is using you for sexual fulfillment and will continue to go do so until 

A. You wake up and walk away. 

B. He gets back with her.

C. He falls in love with someone else. 

If you were just in it for the sex, I would tell you to go ahead and have fun, but it is obvious you have feelings for this guy and are in denial that he doesn't feel the same. But he will tell you whatever you want to hear to keep you in his bed and your heart will be broken in a million pieces the day he decides it's time to throw you out of of it.  Listen to us, listen to your friends. You are going to get hurt. 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank goodness my cousin is his confidante or I wouldn’t know...

I posted a video of the two of us together yesterday afternoon. Later on someone sent him a screenshot of her/his ex’s dating profile to him and he freaked out and contacted her...

Edited by Cappygyal
Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

I posted a video of the two of us together yesterday afternoon. Later on someone sent him a screenshot of her/his ex’s dating profile to him and he freaked out and contacted her...

Why not take it down if it embarrasses you that he's still crazy about her? 

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted

Girl, you know exactly what you were doing with that move!!!🙄  It's a desperate ploy to try to claim him and scare off other women, specifically I'm imagining this ex that he OBVIOUSLY still likes.  

You act like it's a good thing that you are being filtered this information. Meanwhile it's making you more desperate and pathetic in your efforts and you are attempting to manipulate him, his dating opportunities and the situation.   It won't change that he is not CHOSING you.  You are second team.  

Whole lot of drama that I can pretty much guarantee will not go as you hope the outcome will be. 

  • Like 5
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

Thank goodness my cousin is his confidante or I wouldn’t know...

I posted a video of the two of us together yesterday afternoon. Later on someone sent him a screenshot of her/his ex’s dating profile to him and he freaked out and contacted her...

Are you surprised by this?

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted

It seems like you have this slightly delusional stance that you two are fighting over this "prize" 🙄🙄🙄🙄 and that the little inroads you make or even the detective work that is filtered to you by your cousin, means you are winning the battle or fighting gallantly. But you are second choice. It's obviously to almost everyone (everyone?) participating in giving you advice. This isn't going to end the way you want.

  • 1 month later...
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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

Posted
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Posted

We started seeing each other in February. He lives 10 hours away but his family lives in the same city as me. He came up to be with his family that he hasn’t seen in almost 6 months for Mother’s Day. He is planning on staying for 2 weeks, so we’ve made plans to see each other a few times while he’s visiting his family. 

Anyways his ex girlfriend fell ill and I overheard them talking on FaceTime at 7 am yesterday. I heard him say I can come take care of you if you want. She said it was nice but she wouldn’t want to take time away from being with his family. After they get off the call he sends her a voice message saying, “if you start to feel worse or don’t get better soon let me know and I’ll come back to take care of you”. 
 

Their backstory: 
-together for 2 years 
-wanted to marry her 
-they broke up in late November 
-they don’t follow each other on social media; I’ve seen him check her profile and stories a quite a few times but I chalked it up to curiosity because it’s normal to be curious about an ex
-no children

- the 10 hour drive is back to where he lives. He and the ex live in the same city.

-her family is 2 hours away

-I don’t know exactly what’s wrong but I overheard her say something about being in a lot of pain because of her kidneys and she recently got out of he hospital

-Their breakup: They had an argument, broke up, she slept with someone while broken up, he asked her and she told him the truth, he didn’t handle it well according to him, so she kicked him to the curb. He said that she left him.

I’m not sure what to make of this? 

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

I am sorry but you do not have a hope in hell of making this work.
I wish you had listened to everyone right at the start, it would have saved you a load of heartache...

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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

Posted
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Posted
23 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I am sorry but you do not have a hope in hell of making this work.
I wish you had listened to everyone right at the start, it would have saved you a load of heartache...

But he may be trying to be a good friend by trying to take care of her when goes back next week?

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Cappygyal said:

But he may be trying to be a good friend by trying to take care of her when goes back next week?

Yeah sure....

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

Not a hope in hell...

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