BaileyB Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: Not if he wanted to spare her feelings. What about your feelings? How do you feel when the guy you are dating says “I don’t hate her..?” Edited May 15, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted May 15, 2021 Author Share Posted May 15, 2021 Just now, jspice said: Cool. So why are you here if you know the answers? No I’m saying that could be a possibility too. He cares about her, which I think is normal after loving someone that way. So wouldn’t you think it’s also possible he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings since he does care about her as a person? Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 Just now, Cappygyal said: No I’m saying that could be a possibility too. He cares about her, which I think is normal after loving someone that way. So wouldn’t you think it’s also possible he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings since he does care about her as a person? No Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 5 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: So I was right, he does have feelings for me then. Where did l say that wow lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted May 15, 2021 Author Share Posted May 15, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: Where did l say that wow lol “he's not telling her he likes you because he's afraid he would lose her” Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 (edited) Cappy, what I am not understanding is why you are not discussing all this with HIM? I mean like a good honest no holds barred heart-to-heart. It's time don't you think? Either that or accept the status quo, enjoy your 'relationship' for what it is, nothing more and nothing less. All this head spinning about what this means or that means, isn't getting anyone anywhere. Edited May 15, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 38 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: “he's not telling her he likes you because he's afraid he would lose her” Liking you means nothing compared to loving her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted May 15, 2021 Author Share Posted May 15, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Liking you means nothing compared to loving her. I don’t disagree with you. you’re right. I guess what I’m asking is does he like me in a romantic way? 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jen_tully Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 Can’t you just ask him? Nobody will truly know how he feels except for him!! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 You seem to be able to turn almost anything into "He has feelings for me..." "I don't hate her" is almost the worst thing any man could say about the woman he is sleeping with, yet you seem to think it is a positive. Believe me it is not. Most women hearing that said to his ex, would have broken up with him on the spot. What is wrong with you? I 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted May 15, 2021 Author Share Posted May 15, 2021 37 minutes ago, elaine567 said: You seem to be able to turn almost anything into "He has feelings for me..." "I don't hate her" is almost the worst thing any man could say about the woman he is sleeping with, yet you seem to think it is a positive. Believe me it is not. Most women hearing that said to his ex, would have broken up with him on the spot. What is wrong with you? I Because I think he’s afraid to tell his ex that, yesw he has feelings. Again, why didn’t he say “no I don’t”? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 He basically did... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sawa Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 (edited) OP he is just using you and you deserve much, much better. By desperately hanging onto him you are losing out on finding someone who genuinely cares about youPlease snap out of the denial Edited May 15, 2021 by Sawa 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sawa Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 It's crystal clear to everyone else that his ex is the one he wants snd loves NOT you. He has no romantic feelings for you, you are just a rebound he unfairly uses to get back at his ex and to keep him company when he's bored etc . But you refuse to listen to what everyone is telling you and keeps telling you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 Wouldn't you rather date someone local who is Into you and committed to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 After this last bit, I now firmly believe Cappy is just yanking our collective chain. No one over the age of 12 could think like this. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 I mean - whatever it is, be it that he still loves his ex, or that he cares about her as a friend now, the fact is that she lives in his town, while you live 10 hours away. Even if he were interested in a serious long-distance thing with you, it’s very hard to maintain that, even if feelings are strong (which it doesn’t necessarily sound like, but I may be wrong). It’s more likely, statistically speaking, that he’ll get back with her, due to the close proximity between them, or that he meets somebody else at some point where he lives. But that’s just my first-hand experience with LD (and we were together much longer and even lived together for a while), and of course I really don’t know what your communication is like in general. While you’re in different states and while he’s in your area - how is your communication? A lot of texting/reg phone calls/video calls? And while he’s here - what do you do together? Apparently you haven’t met his family yet, so there’s that. I mean - only you can evaluate that, you’re in the middle of it. What’s your gut feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 6 hours ago, Crazelnut said: After this last bit, I now firmly believe Cappy is just yanking our collective chain. No one over the age of 12 could think like this. Or is actually the ex-girlfriend, desperately seeking assurance that her ex-boyfriend still loves her despite sometimes sleeping with a random long-distance girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted May 15, 2021 Author Share Posted May 15, 2021 6 hours ago, Crazelnut said: After this last bit, I now firmly believe Cappy is just yanking our collective chain. No one over the age of 12 could think like this. I’m not yanking anyone’s chain. I was raised by my dad who is an alcoholic so I never had anyone to talk to me about a lot of things in life, including relationships if you must know.... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 51 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: I’m not yanking anyone’s chain. I was raised by my dad who is an alcoholic so I never had anyone to talk to me about a lot of things in life, including relationships if you must know.... how many people have shared their wisdom with you in this discussion... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 (edited) On 5/14/2021 at 4:18 PM, Cappygyal said: True. That makes sense. and about him saying if you hadn’t slept with someone else we’d be together as indicator that he’s letting her know he’s moving on? No, it's an indicator of what he what he's working toward: getting over the fact that she slept with someone else so they can be together. 22 hours ago, Cappygyal said: Yea, because if she asked if he had feelings for me and his response was, “I don’t hate her” he didn’t actually say no. If he didn’t have feelings for me he would’ve said no instead of being evasive with “I don’t hate her”. Why didn’t he say “no I don’t”? He wants to be sure to leave the door open for her. If he says he doesn't care about you at all, he comes off as a cad who is only using for for sex. He doesn't want to present that image so he takes up one small notch and says he doesn't hate you. Heck, he may even like you as a person, but he's not in love with you and never will be. You are a safe distraction while he figure out how to move forward with the ex. 11 hours ago, Cappygyal said: Because I think he’s afraid to tell his ex that, yesw he has feelings. Again, why didn’t he say “no I don’t”? This is wishful thinking on your part. Let's ask the more relevant questions: Has he told you he has feelings for you? Has he said he's falling in love with you? Has he asked you to be his gf? Has he expressed that he sees a future with you? If you've been dating for 3+ months, as you say, then by now you will have had at least one conversation defining your relationship, clarifying expectations, discussing feelings, etc. Has that happened? Edited May 15, 2021 by introverted1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 (edited) ............................ Edited May 15, 2021 by elaine567 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted May 16, 2021 Share Posted May 16, 2021 Cappygal Gently, I think you need a professional to help you at this point because your behavior is not rational. I hope you do try to get therapy or a professional opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 16, 2021 Share Posted May 16, 2021 Why is always the cads that women go all irrational for Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted May 16, 2021 Senior Moderators Share Posted May 16, 2021 Thread closed pending review by moderators Link to post Share on other sites
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