Katkats7777 Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 Like the guy that I'm seeing right now, is still friends with his ex on instagram and still likes her pictures whenever she makes a new post. Why? Now, from my experience whenever I ended things with a guy, I NEVER kept in touch an ex, not even on social media. I mean like what for? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 I guess it's because they ended on civil terms and they felt no need to jettison the other one as if they never existed. 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katkats7777 Posted February 9, 2021 Author Share Posted February 9, 2021 So when one totally deletes their ex's off on social media including pictures and then they start dating someone new, is it because they do it out of respect for their new girlfriend or do they just delete them because things ended ugly? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 There's no rule....people do things for different reasons. You'd have to ask individuals 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 Depends. How long they were together, why they broke up, how long ago they broke up. I had my ex-husband as friend on FB, I have 2 of my brother's ex as friends as well. They're ex from a long time ago and there is no resentment involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Why not? Don't you want to date someone that can be civil after a breakup? If not what do you think will happen to you if you two break up? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katkats7777 Posted February 10, 2021 Author Share Posted February 10, 2021 Yes civil but I don't understand the whole keeping in touch and still liking each other pictures on social media, they are an ex for a reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Some do, some don't. As you can see, having an ex "orbiting" (or orbiting an ex) can make new partners uncomfortable/"wondering". So I think it's wise not to from that perspective. Some people just do it anyhow, though. It does take a certain level of emotional maturity to remain friends. You'll have to assess whether you think this ex is a threat to your relationship (easier said than done, unfortunately). There are those in relationships who would drop their partner more or less instantly if "the one that got away" was to come back into their lives. Not common, but certainly out there. Hopefully he's not one of those. Just staying friends doesn't mean anything in and of itself, but perhaps you can try to sense the "vibe"/what your gut is telling you about this. I'd say the chance is low, but there. Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 4 hours ago, Katkats7777 said: So when one totally deletes their ex's off on social media including pictures and then they start dating someone new, is it because they do it out of respect for their new girlfriend or do they just delete them because things ended ugly? Out of respect for the new girlfriend, a great girl who has earned his trust. Same thing with guys, she should not have any contact with those exes on social media or through texting. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Katkats7777 said: Yes civil but I don't understand the whole keeping in touch and still liking each other pictures on social media, they are an ex for a reason. As long as they are not messaging privately or meeting up, I don’t see that there is a problem. I have former partners as Facebook friends. I like their pictures when they psost something interesting. It’s not an issue. My brothers ex is my hairstylist (and Facebook friend). My former ex was my niece’s hockey coach. It’s only an issue if people don’t have the ability to maintain a healthy boundary. Quote Out of respect for the new girlfriend Respect goes both ways. Edited February 10, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Seems there are some people that can indeed have good relations with former partners. Is their friendship interfering at the expense of your relationship with this fellow? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 8 hours ago, mark clemson said: It does take a certain level of emotional maturity to remain friends. Maybe but keeping an ex around may not be anything to do with maturity.. There are a whole lot of different reasons as to why some people keep exes around, some of them highly immature. Sometimes the mature thing is to clear out the exes and get on with living in the here and now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 12 hours ago, Katkats7777 said: the guy that I'm seeing right now, is still friends with his ex on instagram and still likes her pictures How long have you been dating? Are you sure it's not an on/off situation? Ok, since you are only seeing him, you've already noticed a red flag you don't like. So just cut your losses. It doesn't matter "how common it is". What matters is it's a deal breaker for you. If it's embarrassing for you to be with someone who is clearly still involved somehow with his "ex", delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. That way you can date men free and clear of this nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, Katkats7777 said: Yes civil but I don't understand the whole keeping in touch and still liking each other pictures on social media, they are an ex for a reason. I'm with you but there is a whole group of people who think it's rude / bad / immature to disconnect on social media. IMO it's more mature & way less confusing to make a clean break on all platforms. If we're broken up I don't want to see the happy life you have without me & I don't want to give you an intimate window into my activities. If that is their only connection & all he's doing is clicking "like" once in a while, find a way to be OK with it. If there is a ton of back & forth to me suck on going interaction especially with a relatively recent EX suggests unfinished business & I would not be OK with that. If the pair share young children it can be a way of keeping the kids connected to the non-custodial parent. In the end if this bothers you that much, you need to tell your new guy how you feel. You also have to know what you are going to do if he doesn't disconnect at your request. Edited February 10, 2021 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Yes it is common. When two people break up, they don't always block each other, delete each other on all social media and never speak again. Many exes can remain on good terms and still follow each other on social media. I still follow several of my exes on social media. It doesn't mean that I am actually "friends" with them or that I talk to them. There is no need for you to be so insecure and jealous about this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: There is no need for you to be so insecure and jealous about this issue She is insecure and jealous as his actions are making her so... No-one here knows whether this is "innocent" contact or not, only he knows that.OP, Why blot your life with this nonsense, just get rid of him and find a guy who is clear of his exes. Studies found that the top reason men want to remain friends with an ex, is for sex. He hopes that one day she will agree to have sex with him again... Women tend to think because they can easily be "just friends" with an ex, it is the same for men... it's not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SarrahStone Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 I’ve never been able to stay friends with exes. Just doesn’t work for me. But I kind of envy folks who can do that. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 There are different levels of post break up "friendship." I'm friendly with my EXs in the sense that when I would see them out or bump into them at work functions (I dated within my industry) I would stop, say hello & spend a few minutes catching up. We have all sent cards when each other's parents died but we are not routinely in contact & we all broke up at least a decade before social media existed. I would need to be disconnected but some people think liking a post is akin to what I described above -- being pleasant & civil, nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 i don't know if normal or abnormal is the right description. i'm friends with my ex gfs on social media and multiple platforms. we have no romantic kindling. most of them i'm friends with their current boyfriends/husbands as well. is it weird, can it be weird? sure, but you can't draw a line that all ex friendships are weird, i'd like to think i'm not the only person in the world that can have them. the ex gfs i'm not friends with are the ones that...hate me. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Yeah I've kept my exes on social media. I just think it's incredibly harsh and contrived to cut out someone completely that has been a significant part of your life for a significant amount of time. You may decide to block for some amount of time for healing and moving on, but I've never had to do that. Does breaking up mean I don't want to ever see their face again? No. Does having them on social media affect my ability to focus on a new relationship? No. (Of course this answer may vary for others, but that's my answer). Does having them there affect their ability to move on? Who knows, it's not my decision to make, it's up to them to delete me if that's the case. Realistically I just want to see my exes happy, since I couldn't because we were incompatible. There's only so much one can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 I am social media friends with every woman I've ever been in a serious relationship with (since I was 16) except one - and that's simply because she fell off the face of the planet. I'm also 49 so the number is substantial. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 11, 2021 Share Posted February 11, 2021 I have one I've known since I was 15 but we broke up years ago. I never gave it much afterthought. I suppose if their breakup was fairly recent then it might be a reason for concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted February 11, 2021 Share Posted February 11, 2021 I am friends on SM with most of my exes and my girlfriend is friends with most of her exes, too. As long as clear boundaries are adhered to, I don't see any issues. If both people trust each other, it shouldn't be a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katkats7777 Posted February 12, 2021 Author Share Posted February 12, 2021 On 2/9/2021 at 8:41 PM, mark clemson said: Some do, some don't. As you can see, having an ex "orbiting" (or orbiting an ex) can make new partners uncomfortable/"wondering". So I think it's wise not to from that perspective. Some people just do it anyhow, though. It does take a certain level of emotional maturity to remain friends. You'll have to assess whether you think this ex is a threat to your relationship (easier said than done, unfortunately). There are those in relationships who would drop their partner more or less instantly if "the one that got away" was to come back into their lives. Not common, but certainly out there. Hopefully he's not one of those. Just staying friends doesn't mean anything in and of itself, but perhaps you can try to sense the "vibe"/what your gut is telling you about this. I'd say the chance is low, but there. I think its moreso, if nothing works out for either one of them in the long run-they will most likely come back to each others lives, like keeping that as an option. so thats why they are letting that door remain open by staying friends on social media and still being friendly. I'm sure it happens. Ex's get together for "coffee." Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 12, 2021 Share Posted February 12, 2021 1 hour ago, Katkats7777 said: I'm sure it happens. Ex's get together for "coffee." Sure, sometimes the Ex's might get back together and/or consider each other potential "fallback partners" or even FWBs. Sometimes they also just want to maintain a friendship with no intent of getting back together. Both situations are definitely possible. I suspect even sometimes one sees "just a friend" while the other is thinking "fallback". Link to post Share on other sites
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