LucyMac Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 Hi all, I'll try keep this brief. Me (21F) and this girl (23F) have kinda had an unspoken attraction towards each other for a while now. First time we met she told me she liked me, but I wasn't really ready for anything and it was quite unexpected. Since then we've seen each other every now and then in group settings but nothing has happened. However, in November we were at a party (I live in a COVID free country thank god), and she finally made a move on me and I showed her that I was attracted to her too, but she was too drunk and I was sober so nothing happened. Afterwards I messaged her to ask her what she was thinking about everything and we both said we really liked each other but not only do we live in different cities now, but also she said she was in a weird place mentally atm and not ready for anything serious. I understood and agreed, and we both said we would see each other when we were next in the same city. We talked over a few days after that conversation but we haven't spoken in about a month. I'm not sure what to do now. I would love to talk to her and I still have feelings for her, but I'm not sure if I should also just give her space so she can figure her stuff out. We will potentially be in the same city at the end of Feb/beginning of March but only if I message her to ask her plans probably. I don't want to be overbearing, but I still like her, and I don't know what she's thinking about everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 19 minutes ago, LucyMac said: she said she was in a weird place mentally atm and not ready for anything serious. Ok let it go. Wait for her to reach out. She may want to put the drunk thing behind her, she may not want to pursue a LDR, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 5 hours ago, LucyMac said: we both said we would see each other when we were next in the same city. We will potentially be in the same city at the end of Feb/beginning of March but only if I message her to ask her plans probably. You agreed to get together when you were next in the same city. That will happen in about 5-6 weeks. So inform her of your plan to be in the same city. What is your hesitation? If you don't tell her, how is she supposed to know you will be around? Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 17 hours ago, LucyMac said: Hi all, I'll try keep this brief. Me (21F) and this girl (23F) have kinda had an unspoken attraction towards each other for a while now. First time we met she told me she liked me, but I wasn't really ready for anything and it was quite unexpected. Since then we've seen each other every now and then in group settings but nothing has happened. However, in November we were at a party (I live in a COVID free country thank god), and she finally made a move on me and I showed her that I was attracted to her too, but she was too drunk and I was sober so nothing happened. Afterwards I messaged her to ask her what she was thinking about everything and we both said we really liked each other but not only do we live in different cities now, but also she said she was in a weird place mentally atm and not ready for anything serious. I understood and agreed, and we both said we would see each other when we were next in the same city. We talked over a few days after that conversation but we haven't spoken in about a month. I'm not sure what to do now. I would love to talk to her and I still have feelings for her, but I'm not sure if I should also just give her space so she can figure her stuff out. We will potentially be in the same city at the end of Feb/beginning of March but only if I message her to ask her plans probably. I don't want to be overbearing, but I still like her, and I don't know what she's thinking about everything. Afterwards I messaged her to ask her what she was thinking about everything - why'd you do this? Comes across as relationship-y talk or that you're seeking it. She just seems like someone that wants to have fun, so why not just let it be that and have fun? She knows you like her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucyMac Posted January 20, 2021 Author Share Posted January 20, 2021 I messaged her because she told me repeatedly that night she liked me, yes she was drunk but she's also told my other friends on other occasions that she liked me too, and because we've been like this for two years now. I mean put it this way, if she just wanted to hook up she we would've done that already. And I guess I am seeking something more...which is why we haven't just hooked up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, dramafreezone said: Afterwards I messaged her to ask her what she was thinking about everything - why'd you do this? Comes across as relationship-y talk or that you're seeking it. She just seems like someone that wants to have fun, so why not just let it be that and have fun? She knows you like her. I agree. This was weird. The OP seems really passive. OP: just tell her that you're going to be in that city on such and such dates and you would like to take her out. This wishy washy stuff is for the birds. She will either say yes, maybe or no. The last two are no's by the way. Who knows what she'll say but at least you'll know. Edited January 20, 2021 by Mrin Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucyMac Posted January 20, 2021 Author Share Posted January 20, 2021 I really don't see how it was weird to message that? @Mrin There are clearly feelings there and I wanted to be sure it wasn't just because they were drunk etc, before I went back to my city as we are also friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 7 hours ago, LucyMac said: I really don't see how it was weird to message that? @Mrin There are clearly feelings there and I wanted to be sure it wasn't just because they were drunk etc, before I went back to my city as we are also friends. No worries. So it is an initiative/vulnerability thing and it is part of the whole "dance". You messaged her asking what she was thinking. For her, that required "putting herself out there" to say something like "I really like and you and want to spend more time with you". That's an uncomfortable thing. Here's what I would have suggested: "Hey, it was fantastic seeing you the other night. Love our chemistry together. I swear, you're like a magnet to me. Ha! I'd like to see you again. How does next Friday work?" This gives her an opportunity to just go with it, rather than putting herself out there. To follow your lead in the dance... or not. But either way she feels desired and pursued by you. Anyhow, that's just my two cents. EDIT: Oh sorry, I didn't see you're a woman too. Very hetero-centric of me. That complicates matters. Ya, that makes this dance more difficult right? My daughter is a teenage lesbian and we talk about this yin/yang thing a lot. Mrin Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 (edited) Whenever someone says they're not ready for anything serious, that's code for "slow down, I get the feeling you want to be something more and you're going way too fast." A lot of people don't want to talk about feelings if you've never even been out officially. It is too much too fast. She said she liked you. What's wrong with just asking her out? Once you do that she'll know that you like her. Don't go to step 10 before you've even done step 1. Talking about feelings is relationship-y stuff. Edited January 20, 2021 by dramafreezone Link to post Share on other sites
amygirl908 Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 You two were friends before this party so I don't see why you couldn't reach out in a friendly way. It seems like you both like each other and enjoy spending time together and the timing just hasn't been right. I would slow down on the feelings talk but if you've been friends for that long I don't think it would be weird or awkward to reach out. See how she's doing and if she wants to meet up when you're in town. I do that with all of my friends when I'm traveling and I don't think it's weird or awkward at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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