George Gracie Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 Me and my ex broke up 5 months ago. I got with a new girl 2 months after. I fell in love with my new girlfriend. She makes me happy and she’s amazing. She’s better than my ex. She took my mind off my ex a lot. Sometimes I would still think about my ex but I wouldn’t pay much attention to it. But me and my girlfriend were having sex and my mind was wondering around and thinking about random things. Then I started thinking about my ex. I didn’t want to. It made me feel guilty and terrible. One day I was alone and I started masturbating. I was imagining my girlfriend then my ex came to mind once again. It made me mad so I focused on my current girlfriend. Now after that Iv noticed things have been reminding me of my ex. I chant get her off my mind. I think about my ex more than my current girlfriend. I feel terrible. Any advice?
FMW Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 I doubt that two months between your ex and your current girlfriend gave you enough time to fully process the breakup and all the feelings that come with it. That doesn't mean that you want your ex back or that you don't love your current girlfriend. It just means you have unfinished business - in your head - with your ex. Give yourself permission to think about your ex when your girlfriend isn't around for a bit to figure out what you need to resolve. Trying to just shove it away and ignore doesn't work, that's why it's unburied itself from your subconscious.
Author George Gracie Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 52 minutes ago, FMW said: I doubt that two months between your ex and your current girlfriend gave you enough time to fully process the breakup and all the feelings that come with it. That doesn't mean that you want your ex back or that you don't love your current girlfriend. It just means you have unfinished business - in your head - with your ex. Give yourself permission to think about your ex when your girlfriend isn't around for a bit to figure out what you need to resolve. Trying to just shove it away and ignore doesn't work, that's why it's unburied itself from your subconscious. So how should I approach this.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 I agree that 2 months wasn't enough time to get over the last relationship, so you've carried it into this one. At this point, you'll just have to let those thoughts gradually work their way out of your psyche.
Author George Gracie Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I agree that 2 months wasn't enough time to get over the last relationship, so you've carried it into this one. At this point, you'll just have to let those thoughts gradually work their way out of your psyche. Well the thing is I have bad anxiety. So my anxiety is telling me that I don’t really love my girlfriend.
ShyViolet Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 The mind wanders and thinks about all kinds of things. Just because you have been thinking about your ex lately, doesn't mean that you literally want to break up with your current GF and be with your ex again. They are just thoughts. Stop beating yourself up for it and stop reading so much into what it means. If you don't make a big deal out of this, it will pass. You won't be thinking about your ex forever. You can love your girlfriend while at the same time sometimes think about other people. We are not robots, our minds wander and think about lots of things.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 53 minutes ago, George Gracie said: Well the thing is I have bad anxiety. So my anxiety is telling me that I don’t really love my girlfriend. Sounds like you need to work on your anxiety, either with counseling, meditation, or other methods.
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 41 minutes ago, George Gracie said: So my anxiety is telling me that I don’t really love my girlfriend. She is the rebound and you just woke up to that fact. Let her go, it is unfair to make her think you are "all in" when your thoughts are with your ex. Rebounds tend to get very upset, as to them it all seemed so perfect, but you were merely slotting her into the place your ex occupied, that is until you realised your mistake... She may be better than your ex but she is NOT your ex, that is the problem... You need to get your ex completely out of your system before you start dating again.
Author George Gracie Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 14 minutes ago, elaine567 said: She is the rebound and you just woke up to that fact. Let her go, it is unfair to make her think you are "all in" when your thoughts are with your ex. Rebounds tend to get very upset, as to them it all seemed so perfect, but you were merely slotting her into the place your ex occupied, that is until you realised your mistake... She may be better than your ex but she is NOT your ex, that is the problem... You need to get your ex completely out of your system before you start dating again. But I really fell for this girl. She wants to stay until I’m over my ex.
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 8 minutes ago, George Gracie said: She wants to stay until I’m over my ex. She is a fool if that is what she wants to do. She will come to realise this.
Author George Gracie Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 I almost completely forgot about my ex. I mean there was a couple thoughts here and there and now that I’m focusing on them I can’t stop thinking about her. I want to forget about her so I can focus on me and my current girlfriends relationship. I’m scared maybe I’m not over her. And that maybe my girlfriend was a rebound but I caught feelings. I’m just scared maybe I don’t really love my girlfriend. Someone help.
honesttruth23 Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 Hi George, sorry you have to go through a bit of a confusing time, I know it's not easy. Can you give a little bit more information on the relationship you and and your ex had. Also, some information on your current relationship with your new gf. When you met. How long youve been dating. How old are the both of you, etc.
Stret Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 3 hours ago, George Gracie said: But I really fell for this girl. She wants to stay until I’m over my ex. I had a boyfriend that got out of ten years long relationship. We met a year later and I was his first gf after his long relationship. He said I hit him like a train and he didn't know you can feel that strongly about a person. About three months into our relationship he was weird and I asked him what's going on. He said he thought he was not over his ex yet. I reacted to it by breaking up with him. We stayed friends, or at least we stayed in touch. He said that the day after he told me he was not over his ex, he realised he was over her and had no idea why would he think it was not over. He said that idea that he was not over her came to him because we were watching a movie and something reminded him of his ex and the time they spent on beach together that was great (the scene in the movie was from the beach). Then he started to worry does it mean he was not over her. And that thought has completely occupied him and made him feel guilty and anxious. The moment he said it to me it took all the power out of it and the thoughts disappeared. He then saw a therapist who diagnosed him with Primary OCD. It is not an OCD as we know it, but a mental disorder of some sort where a person gets a fear of something (that he is not over his ex) and that thought becomes obsessive. He then told me that in the past he would see a sweet kid in the bus and think: oh, what a cute child. Then obsess for weeks if that meant that he was a paedophile. Or he would see a guy that he thought was good looking and obsess if that meant that he was a gay. Anyway, these obsessive thoughts are permeating every cell in his body. But he said that in his case, telling it to someone takes the power away from the thoughts and they go away. He said that ANXIETY was killing him when he had those issues. I just thought I'd tell you this story in case you see some parallels. Your case is different but maybe you have something similar, or then it is a good old case of really not being over someone. My guess is in that case that it didn't end with a proper closure so there are some unresolved issues. Would it help if you met your ex and had a coffee with her? Instead of all the good things you had think of all the stuff that wasn't good between you two. It is easy to romanticise and think if we perhaps lost something valuable while thinking of the good things that we had. Just remember you broke up for a reason - you are not meant to be together because you are not compatible as a couple. If she broke up with you than she is not the one. If you broke up, remember why you broke up. Try and give yourself some space in a new relationship to see what you really want to do? It is not fair to your new gf if you are not ready to be fully dedicated to her.
Recommended Posts