How do You Stop CARING. LDR

[Mista Luna]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

This is a great deal of mental and emotional energy you are putting into someone you've never met.

It seems your emotions are going 1000 miles per hour, but in your head, not in reality.

You seem to have come up with this whole mapped out algorithm on how your relationship with him will go.

Having experience in cyberrelationships is not a plus or a safeguard.

It simply means you live in your mind a lot and need to be both sides of imaginary relationships sort of projected on to a phantom.

I really empathize with the last sentence, because I find that it is something I have done, and might still be doing. Perhaps I do feel like this is a projection of a past cyber relationship that might 'go right'. 

Maybe then I'm invested in redoing this 'right', and perhaps compensating for past hurt/mistakes with the possibility of this becoming mutual/beneficial. Perhaps that's exactly why I believe in giving it 3 more months, because I do see potential. 

And, I agree on the fact that it is not a safeguard or a plus, especially compared to irl relationships. 

Thank you for putting things in a more clearer perspective, I have a lot of attachment to cut through haha. 

[Mista Luna]

3 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Yes, this. I just realised my posts were a bit too flowery / not blunt enough, but the above was what I meant. No actual firm date from your guy, no emotional investment, no 3 month review (unless you meant on the working side of things, though if your guy is barely there, you should be fine).

 

I'm glad for your continued advice and perhaps 'flowery' way of putting things, because I tend to be rather soft haha. ^^ I'm a 'rip off the bandaid slowly to minimize the pain' rather than the 'rip it off at once' type of person. Unfortunately, I feel the need to keep this promise, because it was something mutually agreed on, and following through on my promises is a trait that I am rather stubborn about...While my emotions seem to be moving as someone mentioned above, '1000 mph', I don't want my actions to seem that way. I'll try to take my time during these 3 months to trust my gut, and slowly edge off, especially with as you say, no set emotional investment/plans for meeting. 

[Mista Luna]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It's unlikely to work if it's subtle. 

You already gave yourself your own advice: time and distance away from the platform and away from him. It won't necessarily be easy, but there's not much alternative. You probably won't move on if you attempt to keep in touch once in a while, for example. I would forget the 3-month plan to re-evaluate where things are at with him; that's the sort of thing you might do in a real relationship, but not for some random internet dude. You will have to find other things and people around you to occupy your time, away from the internet (or focusing on people you already know in real life, if pandemic restrictions mean your contact is limited to digital platforms for now)

You mentioned this earlier: "I've...had a bit of a history with online complications"

What is the backstory? It seems there might be a pattern here, so I am curious (and with no judgement), have you dated much in real life? 

Ahh...You might have a point. 

I did give myself my own advice, but I find myself swarmed in overthinking, and I am afraid towards 'ripping off the bandaid in one go'. This is probably the after effects of becoming emotionally attached, unfortunately. ;; I am naive in the sense of my optimism and illusion I suppose. :') 

Though, I do tend to be rather occupied during this time, with irl work, friends, etc. Perhaps then, submerging myself more into them would benefit me. 

As for online complications...Uhh how do you say this: 

First off, I haven't dated much in real life, because I am afraid to take that extra step forwards. It's usually: I show an active interest in them, but then become avoidant once they decide to perhaps reciprocate the notion. I'm a bit scared of that confrontation, for reasons I myself don't even know. Making things official or setting things down has always made me nervous. Perhaps that's why I feel the need to play around in these online relationships where I won't have to make something set right off the bat. But, it hurts me in the end because I do, one day, want a committed relationship with somebody I am emotionally attached to.

When I say I have a bit of history with online complications, I've had many periods of conversations hovering over such a boundary. Though, I feel like the one most worth mentioning is the one that feels most similar to my current predicament. Not a pretty story...

T/W ahead!

2 years back, I met this person, dubbed Ryan. Ryan was in short, the person who I caught feelings for with sexual origins. Not exactly the right place to begin, right? XD He started telling me more about his real life, and I felt he expressed vulnerability to me, which led me astray. I developed the infamous 'White knight syndrome' over him. It was an overall negative experience of 2 years with on and off connections, sexual innuendo, emotions, and so on. It wasn't a year after I distanced myself (after he was exposed as a pedophile) that I realized he was purposefully manipulating my worry to keep me there, telling me about all the horrible things he went through, without even wanting help, or to fully open up. I let my emotional attachment keep me there, essentially coping with my now dealbreakers of him only talking to me when high/drunk/horny/destroyed because I thought there would be a way I could help him through it, and advance our relationship. It was taxing, it was horrible. 

I feel like I can almost hear what you write next. :'D 

[Emilie Jolie]

2 hours ago, Mista Luna said:

Unfortunately, I feel the need to keep this promise, because it was something mutually agreed on, and following through on my promises is a trait that I am rather stubborn about.

It doesn't sound like he would mind too much if the 'promise' was broken. You are allowed to back up and change your mind at any step, and it's ok to review this policy. He isn't interested, you have just put in black and white your cyber-relationship history in a way that suggests you are self-aware of your patterns of emotional attachment, so you must know deep down this is a dead-end.

He's a stranger online that you will never meet. That, unfortunately, is the long and short of it. I'm sorry, OP.

[Mista Luna]

On 1/8/2021 at 11:28 AM, Emilie Jolie said:

It doesn't sound like he would mind too much if the 'promise' was broken. You are allowed to back up and change your mind at any step, and it's ok to review this policy. He isn't interested, you have just put in black and white your cyber-relationship history in a way that suggests you are self-aware of your patterns of emotional attachment, so you must know deep down this is a dead-end.

He's a stranger online that you will never meet. That, unfortunately, is the long and short of it. I'm sorry, OP.

Dear Emilie,

I wanted to save my reply for when I had truly acknowledged that fact, and your advice, so I did! Thank you for giving me insight into what I was really running, and the risks with no return, I feel like it has taken me awhile, and maybe even more to come to terms with it. 🤧 They say time or someone/something else helps heal, forgive, and reflect. I think I’ve gotten to know both. 
Thank you for checking on this last month, and for sticking with this thread. I believe it’s come to a satisfactory end of the chapter! 😌

Thank you for your help and time,

M

[Emilie Jolie]

Hi Mista Luna!

I've logged back in after a bit of a break especially for you! So 'Tom' hasn't fulfilled his end of the promise to start opening up before the 3-month timeline? What was his excuse? And yes, I know, my advice is always stellar ;).

 That's real life experience for you!

I'm so sorry to hear that though, I remember how much you really liked him.

Sounds like you've already met someone else? Fast turnaround, eh.

Take it easy, girl; there's no rush!

[Mista Luna]

29 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Hi Mista Luna!

I've logged back in after a bit of a break especially for you! So 'Tom' hasn't fulfilled his end of the promise to start opening up before the 3-month timeline? What was his excuse? And yes, I know, my advice is always stellar ;).

 That's real life experience for you!

I'm so sorry to hear that though, I remember how much you really liked him.

Sounds like you've already met someone else? Fast turnaround, eh.

Take it easy, girl; there's no rush!

Hey Emilie! It’s awesome to hear back from you again!

Well to be honest, he’s completely gone silent! Has been for a past month! I think...he’s got his own problems to find and fix first, and I’ve got my own life that keeps me busy with anyways. I’ve offered support, and everything I could think of to him, and that’s honestly good enough for me to say that I did try, and that it’s probably nothing personal. We move on!

Yeah...Real Life is like...what they don’t tell you in the Wattpad romance section you read as an inexperienced person. X’D

Aww thank you though...I really did. And I wish him all the best! 
Hm, and yes, I suppose I have met someone else? The dynamic isn’t as magnetic as Tom, but perhaps more...mutual in a sense. I don’t worry as much about them not reciprocating the notion. Turbulence just seems to be imminent in any relationship I engage in, though.😂 

I think...I will try to take this one slower, even if I’m fumbling for the whereabouts of brakes at the moment haha! There really is no rush, as you said, and it is important to get your head on first before you try again. 
I’d love to hear how you’ve been doing though! 
Cheers!

[Emilie Jolie]

11 minutes ago, Mista Luna said:

Hm, and yes, I suppose I have met someone else? The dynamic isn’t as magnetic as Tom, but perhaps more...mutual in a sense. I don’t worry as much about them not reciprocating the notion. Turbulence just seems to be imminent in any relationship I engage in, though.😂 

I think...I will try to take this one slower, even if I’m fumbling for the whereabouts of brakes at the moment haha! There really is no rush, as you said, and it is important to get your head on first before you try again. 

Mutual is what we all want! Much better than turbulent long term, right?

 1 month of silence? Wow. How immature... Yeah, that doesn't sound so good. Whatever Tom's reasons, the stonewalling for an entire month really is a bad sign 😬. You did all you could to help: shows how lovely you are, ML 🥰. His loss BIG TIME.

Excited for you that you've met someone else! I want to know all about it!! How did it happen?? Pace yourself with this one, and make sure he's interested and available 🤪.

20 minutes ago, Mista Luna said:

I’d love to hear how you’ve been doing though! 

Thanks, lovely. ☺Oh you know, this and that. Back to work, pandemic, lockdown, side job, etc. Might have met someone at work, too 😉. Will let you know if things develop.

Glad you're back here, honestly. There's a bit of a doom and gloom vibe about atm, not gonna lie. 

 

[Mista Luna]

3 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Mutual is what we all want! Much better than turbulent long term, right?

I'd definitely say so! :')) The adrenaline rush is great, but well, I'm starting to find that I can't survive on just Monster Energies either. X'D

3 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

1 month of silence? Wow. How immature... Yeah, that doesn't sound so good. Whatever Tom's reasons, the stonewalling for an entire month really is a bad sign 😬. You did all you could to help: shows how lovely you are, ML 🥰. His loss BIG TIME.

Haha, I think I needed to hear this outside my head for some time.  Thank you for saying that, you honestly feel like such a sweet soul, EJ! ❤️ Lovely Squad we roll!!

 

3 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Excited for you that you've met someone else! I want to know all about it!! How did it happen?? Pace yourself with this one, and make sure he's interested and available

Pfft--I think I might have! I met this person (and so dub him 'Hugo') 2 weeks back on a Myers Briggs sort of platform--yes, online again, and through something typically...obscure. Yes! X'D I might really have a knack for this sort of attraction haha! So...what might be the difference be this time? 
A) He has actively told me that he does like me, and he does want to meet as soon as quarantine ends. (It's cute how he tells me all these plans, but you didn't hear that from me)

B) He doesn't leave me on read, and when he's busy, he will tell me in most cases! (I like how he does take note on my sensitivity on response times haha) We talk a bit every day, and both have a lot of fun! Have confirmed through voice calls, the laughter is most definitely real.  

C) It's weird...I think while we have similar interests and ways of looking at things, we behave and interact differently, and yet somehow make rather fluid conversation either way. 

I think, if anything I'm just curious as to what I truly feel about this person. It feels a bit different, but is it going to falter at infatuation like the others? And if so, is it risky to continue at such a fast pace? As it stands, this person has disclosed information that's highly personal towards himself, and sometimes I worry that I'm purposely avoiding his questions towards mine. And as for me, I worry about growing to miss our banter because he's testing this week, and I'm not sure if the absence will lessen the mutuality of interest. 'If it's meant to be, it will be', am I right? X'D I'm not used to leaving things up to fate, or having to not struggle against sustaining a relationship. 

So! Yes, I'm going to observe his reactions this week, and the one after that, and so on. X'D Ah, and be on my toes not to fall in too deep before I know if we're going to meet or not. :') 

3 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Thanks, lovely. ☺Oh you know, this and that. Back to work, pandemic, lockdown, side job, etc. Might have met someone at work, too 😉. Will let you know if things develop.

Glad you're back here, honestly. There's a bit of a doom and gloom vibe about atm, not gonna lie. 

It seems like things are stable for you, if that's the right verbiage? And, someone at work? Rad! Spill! How'd it happen, what are the signs? How's the overall dynamic going? 

Thank you, I'm glad to hear back from you as well! It does seem like the vibe is...not especially well, given the global and personal affairs, but I know things will shape up if we make the effort! If we can make technology as advanced as it is today, healing the vibe should be doable. 

Hang in there! 

[Emilie Jolie]

46 minutes ago, Mista Luna said:

I'd definitely say so! :')) The adrenaline rush is great, but well, I'm starting to find that I can't survive on just Monster Energies either. X'D

Haha, I think I needed to hear this outside my head for some time.  Thank you for saying that, you honestly feel like such a sweet soul, EJ! ❤️ Lovely Squad we roll!!

 

Pfft--I think I might have! I met this person (and so dub him 'Hugo') 2 weeks back on a Myers Briggs sort of platform--yes, online again, and through something typically...obscure. Yes! X'D I might really have a knack for this sort of attraction haha! So...what might be the difference be this time? 
A) He has actively told me that he does like me, and he does want to meet as soon as quarantine ends. (It's cute how he tells me all these plans, but you didn't hear that from me)

B) He doesn't leave me on read, and when he's busy, he will tell me in most cases! (I like how he does take note on my sensitivity on response times haha) We talk a bit every day, and both have a lot of fun! Have confirmed through voice calls, the laughter is most definitely real.  

C) It's weird...I think while we have similar interests and ways of looking at things, we behave and interact differently, and yet somehow make rather fluid conversation either way. 

I think, if anything I'm just curious as to what I truly feel about this person. It feels a bit different, but is it going to falter at infatuation like the others? And if so, is it risky to continue at such a fast pace? As it stands, this person has disclosed information that's highly personal towards himself, and sometimes I worry that I'm purposely avoiding his questions towards mine. And as for me, I worry about growing to miss our banter because he's testing this week, and I'm not sure if the absence will lessen the mutuality of interest. 'If it's meant to be, it will be', am I right? X'D I'm not used to leaving things up to fate, or having to not struggle against sustaining a relationship. 

So! Yes, I'm going to observe his reactions this week, and the one after that, and so on. X'D Ah, and be on my toes not to fall in too deep before I know if we're going to meet or not. :') 

It seems like things are stable for you, if that's the right verbiage? And, someone at work? Rad! Spill! How'd it happen, what are the signs? How's the overall dynamic going? 

Thank you, I'm glad to hear back from you as well! It does seem like the vibe is...not especially well, given the global and personal affairs, but I know things will shape up if we make the effort! If we can make technology as advanced as it is today, healing the vibe should be doable. 

Hang in there! 

Lovely Squad, you say? I AM IN 🤩.

Yeah, leaving your love interest on read is not where it's at. If you like 'em, you show 'em, right? All these mind games about when to reply and what to say...Jesus, honestly. Go with your feelings, duh.

I like the sound of this Hugo 😉. But hun, if he's opening up to you, you're gonna have to give him something back. Listen, you know my take on these online things, I've made no secret of it. I've changed my mind slightly now I've seen my BFF ensconsed in one of those. She's US based, he's in the UK, they've been chatting for a bit and I tell you this is L.O.V.E in its purest form. She is glowing with happiness, talks about him non stop, they are 100% meeting at the end of the year - she's flying to him, super romantic.

I've known her literally forever and I've NEVER seen her like this. She knows things about him pretty sure she'd never have found out had they not invested time getting getting to know each other from a distance. So cute.

She met the guy on some obscure thing online as well.

I dunno ML, by the sounds of it you could have sthg similar on your hands. Bit jealous over here 😉. My advice: COMMUNICATE. TALK. Find your flow.  Trial and error at first but you need to go for it, sweets!

Tell each other at what pace you want to go. You need to be open books to each other for this thing to shape up. That's what my friend's done, and she's a bit of a newbie / nervous wreck she's so inexperienced. He is the stable and patient type, thankfully. 

Endearing, actually. They went kind of slow ish at first (but not too slow - a little contact every day) then gradually built things up. They have a crazy connection though, they sound like the real deal to me.

As for the guy at work? No, I wouldn't say stable - I don't do stable too well 🤪.

He's much younger than me. I'll leave it there 😉. 

Yeah, technology and vaccines will keep us all sane, hopefully 🙂.

Keep us posted! Will be logging on especially for you.

 

[Mista Luna]

On 2/13/2021 at 2:46 PM, Emilie Jolie said:

Lovely Squad, you say? I AM IN 🤩.

Yeah, leaving your love interest on read is not where it's at. If you like 'em, you show 'em, right? All these mind games about when to reply and what to say...Jesus, honestly. Go with your feelings, duh.

I like the sound of this Hugo 😉. But hun, if he's opening up to you, you're gonna have to give him something back. Listen, you know my take on these online things, I've made no secret of it. I've changed my mind slightly now I've seen my BFF ensconsed in one of those. She's US based, he's in the UK, they've been chatting for a bit and I tell you this is L.O.V.E in its purest form. She is glowing with happiness, talks about him non stop, they are 100% meeting at the end of the year - she's flying to him, super romantic.

I've known her literally forever and I've NEVER seen her like this. She knows things about him pretty sure she'd never have found out had they not invested time getting getting to know each other from a distance. So cute.

She met the guy on some obscure thing online as well.

I dunno ML, by the sounds of it you could have sthg similar on your hands. Bit jealous over here 😉. My advice: COMMUNICATE. TALK. Find your flow.  Trial and error at first but you need to go for it, sweets!

Tell each other at what pace you want to go. You need to be open books to each other for this thing to shape up. That's what my friend's done, and she's a bit of a newbie / nervous wreck she's so inexperienced. He is the stable and patient type, thankfully. 

Endearing, actually. They went kind of slow ish at first (but not too slow - a little contact every day) then gradually built things up. They have a crazy connection though, they sound like the real deal to me.

As for the guy at work? No, I wouldn't say stable - I don't do stable too well 🤪.

He's much younger than me. I'll leave it there 😉. 

Yeah, technology and vaccines will keep us all sane, hopefully 🙂.

Keep us posted! Will be logging on especially for you.

 

Dear Emilie,

Salutations from a fellow Lovely Squad member, sending good vibes to you, your health, and your workplace romance--which, by the way, reminds me of how we might be rather similar in that we "don't do stable too well". X'D Is it something that just happens to you, or more so your personal attraction? Maybe both? LMK! 

Secondly, your BFF's connection sounds adorable, steady, and amazing.  I might be jealous myself! It truly fills me with wonder to see how much happiness one can give another with their very interactions. So wholesome, lovely squad material for sure! >:D It's really awesome to see LDR relationships that do work out, and progress nicely, despite initial odds!! Wishing them all the best, and hoping that they are each other's "the one".  (I...really hope that works out grammatically, but if it doesn't, you read it wrong :') )

Thank you for your advice on pacing and communication--and let me tell you, it's not as dreamy as your BFF's! X'D At the moment, I think we've waned because of his workload, but when I ask him, he says otherwise. Personally, I'm mystified at how people can continue liking at the beginning despite having lower contact periods...It's strange! But perhaps that's merely infatuation talking. 

On the flip side, there comes a time where I wonder: "Is it wrong to flirt with multiple people at the same time?" Recently, a friend and I took it a bit too far, and crossed the line of platonics. Of course, we had a talk about it, and agreed that it wasn't going to be anything serious, and nothing changes. I told him that I was talking to someone else, and he was...fine with it? I thought I'd be, but--I don't want to be that person who played with and led me on in the past. Moreover, I sense that this friend has become more insistent and frequent with his texting, and what he says. I think he might be pushing my boundaries, and I regret saying it was fine before. Maybe I was projecting my infatuation for Hugo onto this friend while I was talking to both, and maybe then, it was wrong of me to assume that I was intentionally okay with a less platonic dynamic with said friend. 

I guess my question is: "Should I give them both just time? Or should I start establishing new boundaries?" 

Really thinking of leaving both of them on read, because it's getting to a point where one is too much, and the other is too less. Gah! Stability rules! 

How are you doing? And cheers to technology, vaccines, and that one comfort food on Fridays. 

-ML

 

[World Peace Guy]

I don't know if I my advice will be good in this situation, but this seems extremely one sided to me. I think you lost him, to be honest, but that is not such a bad thing. He may not be worth keeping. Anyway, best suggestion I can offer is that you should ghost him for 3 months, and if he doesn't make some effort during that three months to contact you, make it permanent. You can't be doing all the work in the relationship. That makes your feelings grow stronger, while his grow weaker. So trying to contact him, is just making it harder on yourself. Let him do the work, but don't make it easy for him. He needs to put some effort in it, for his feelings to grow. Otherwise, it is hopeless.

[Emilie Jolie]

12 hours ago, Mista Luna said:

Dear Emilie,

Salutations from a fellow Lovely Squad member, sending good vibes to you, your health, and your workplace romance--which, by the way, reminds me of how we might be rather similar in that we "don't do stable too well". X'D Is it something that just happens to you, or more so your personal attraction? Maybe both? LMK! 

Secondly, your BFF's connection sounds adorable, steady, and amazing.  I might be jealous myself! It truly fills me with wonder to see how much happiness one can give another with their very interactions. So wholesome, lovely squad material for sure! >:D It's really awesome to see LDR relationships that do work out, and progress nicely, despite initial odds!! Wishing them all the best, and hoping that they are each other's "the one".  (I...really hope that works out grammatically, but if it doesn't, you read it wrong :') )

Thank you for your advice on pacing and communication--and let me tell you, it's not as dreamy as your BFF's! X'D At the moment, I think we've waned because of his workload, but when I ask him, he says otherwise. Personally, I'm mystified at how people can continue liking at the beginning despite having lower contact periods...It's strange! But perhaps that's merely infatuation talking. 

On the flip side, there comes a time where I wonder: "Is it wrong to flirt with multiple people at the same time?" Recently, a friend and I took it a bit too far, and crossed the line of platonics. Of course, we had a talk about it, and agreed that it wasn't going to be anything serious, and nothing changes. I told him that I was talking to someone else, and he was...fine with it? I thought I'd be, but--I don't want to be that person who played with and led me on in the past. Moreover, I sense that this friend has become more insistent and frequent with his texting, and what he says. I think he might be pushing my boundaries, and I regret saying it was fine before. Maybe I was projecting my infatuation for Hugo onto this friend while I was talking to both, and maybe then, it was wrong of me to assume that I was intentionally okay with a less platonic dynamic with said friend. 

I guess my question is: "Should I give them both just time? Or should I start establishing new boundaries?" 

Really thinking of leaving both of them on read, because it's getting to a point where one is too much, and the other is too less. Gah! Stability rules! 

How are you doing? And cheers to technology, vaccines, and that one comfort food on Fridays. 

-ML

 

Great to hear from as always, ML 🥰.

Keeping my work romance under wraps, sorry ML! Getting supersticious in my old age. I actually want this one to work 😉.

And hey, I'm not that unstable!

Yep, BFF and her guy have it figured out; slow and steady. Took her a whole of 6 months to share her real name with him!

You do like your work-aholic guys, don't you! So Hugo isn't jealous?! Marry him already!😅 He knows you meant no harm with that guy. I mean; you've been talking to each other online for a month....Yep yep, I know what you're going to say - too much of a bias with online romances. Guilty as charged.

Rooting for yours and BFF's all the way, though. I know these things work sometimes.

I don't know about you, but while I'm a one-man woman, I still have friends of any gender I banter with. A secure guy wouldn't flip a switch over it. 

I have no advice for you here, ML - one guy at a time is enough for me 🤪. Looks like you put yourself in a bit of a pickle, sweets... 

Anyway. Pick one, pick both, pick neither...Whatever you do, tell them both honestly and don't let yourself be manipulated. Oh. And meet them!

Have a great w/e, ML! Looking forward to your updates 😊.

[Mista Luna]

On 2/20/2021 at 10:56 AM, Emilie Jolie said:

Great to hear from as always, ML 🥰.

Keeping my work romance under wraps, sorry ML! Getting supersticious in my old age. I actually want this one to work 😉.

And hey, I'm not that unstable!

Yep, BFF and her guy have it figured out; slow and steady. Took her a whole of 6 months to share her real name with him!

You do like your work-aholic guys, don't you! So Hugo isn't jealous?! Marry him already!😅 He knows you meant no harm with that guy. I mean; you've been talking to each other online for a month....Yep yep, I know what you're going to say - too much of a bias with online romances. Guilty as charged.

Rooting for yours and BFF's all the way, though. I know these things work sometimes.

I don't know about you, but while I'm a one-man woman, I still have friends of any gender I banter with. A secure guy wouldn't flip a switch over it. 

I have no advice for you here, ML - one guy at a time is enough for me 🤪. Looks like you put yourself in a bit of a pickle, sweets... 

Anyway. Pick one, pick both, pick neither...Whatever you do, tell them both honestly and don't let yourself be manipulated. Oh. And meet them!

Have a great w/e, ML! Looking forward to your updates 😊.

Happy Thursday Emilie! 

Here’s to your work romance, then! 🥂 I sincerely hope everything works out well for you! You’re a Lovely Squad member after all! 😌✨

OMG—Your BF’s situation sounds so wholesome, and so healthy!! Honestly, I live for that.

And, that definitely sounds reasonable, having a variety of platonic relationships to vibe with! Keyword secure. 😂 
As for Hugo...there’s been a bit of an update! 😭 I don’t think I need to have to worry about choosing, or whatnot haha! He’s told me of a second person, let’s say—“Kate”. Is it strange I feel like I’m being used as a “Plan B”? He claims that he started talking to me before he realized he might like Kate...But they have been friends for a long time! I think that it might work out between them, which is sweet, but also—

“I started talking to you way before I started noticing I possibly liked Kate, and you know I don’t see this being super serious.” 
This. This makes me want to distance myself until he fully figures it out? I don’t like feeling like a second to best, and while we did acknowledge that we would see where this went before, what he said now rubs me the wrong way for some reason...I feel like my efforts of reaching out and whatnot might not be reciprocated these days. And funnily enough, it feels...a bit painful, yet maybe knowing? 
 

How are you though? The weekend is almost here E!  Hang in there for work!

ML

[Emilie Jolie]

@Mista LunaRight back at ya Lovely Squadder 😊

Sorry to hear about Hugo, ML. Got this one totally wrong, didn't I?!😬 He sounded so promising. Do you want to be a Plan B? Up to you I suppose. Don't you hate it when non-committed guys who want to play the fields also have no gumption and are happy to lead you on without a care in the world?

There'll be a good'un around the corner just for you, hun, don't you worry  

As for me, still top secret! Keep your fingers crossed for me, will you...🤪. 

BFF still happily ensconced with her online guy. They have ups and downs but they communicate really well together, and he's like a rock - a stand-up guy who doesn't get himself caught in misunderstandings. He does like the sound of his voice a bit I've noticed, very keen to show himself up as an incredible guy, from what I understand. Making me very suspicious, if you know what I mean? You know the type; you think they're humble at first sight, then you get to know them up close and you realise what they love most is blowing their own trumpet on the sly. You know, the fake modest dude. Not my cup of tea; I like actual modest guys .

Anyway. Still on lockdown here but have exciting plans for the weekend (namely a walk on the beach with the One who Shall Not Be Named 😅.

Looking forward to your updates, Lovely  

 

 

Edited February 26, 2021 by Emilie Jolie

[spiderowl]

On 1/2/2021 at 4:46 AM, Mista Luna said:

Dear Viewers, 

Hi! I hope everyone's staying safe and happy!

Long story hopefully short:

I met this person (we'll call him Tom) in September of last year through a creative writing platform. Over time we got closer through character development, revisions, etc. until irl things were brought up, and viewpoints/pictures were shared. We found that the other shared very similar perspectives and was just as mature and open minded, so I became emotionally attached. If that weren't enough, some sort of sexually charged rivalry started between the two of us, and the dynamic became quite...active as well. We were both attracted and comfortable until we had an argument in October.

He had gotten high while talking to me, and while I am normally nonchalant about certain habits, I had a bit of a bad experience from it due to a past toxic relationship. When I proceeded to confront him about it, he told me he didn't see why I should feel disrespected because he got high. At that point, I honestly shouldn't have asked in the first place: it's always a choice for me to ignore him and set my boundaries without confrontation, but I snapped, and proceeded to show aggression. (Not cursing, just being condescending. I wanted him to admit his fault. :') ) He got hurt from my anger, and I got hurt from his initial reason of reaction. 

Being recklessly impulsive, I left the conversation. After a while, I decided that perhaps this relationship--whatever it was--was worth trying to compromise for despite the obstacle at hand, so I went back to see if I could work out a compromise through communicating what happened and explanations from both sides. Lots of excuses and lots of never ending roundabouts later, we decided on distance. He told me he wanted space to think about it and was not talking to anybody on. So, for 3 months I waited, sent the occasional supportive/holiday message, and hung around. He never responded to my messages, and was plenty active with his profile/friends. I got hurt, and by the end of 3 months in, I told him I had had enough and was leaving because I felt oddly played with. Like I was the only person trying to work through the obstacle. 

He pulled me back with a bit of a sincere string of messages, saying he had never intended for it to be like that. We talked about what we wanted in this relationship and left it at non-defining, just to see where it went, with romantic innuendo. I gave in and stayed, only to be ghosted for a week after a few days of talking. (I told him I'd be gone for a week, to no acknowledgement, even after 1 week went by) I got mad, and let him know. He kept asking how he could fix it, and whatnot. His reason being he was incredibly busy with work, and got into a rather solitude/dark mood. I think he did make an effort to appease me, and did work on trying to be consistent. 

Now we're here, and, while it's only been 3 days, I find myself growing anxious about his absence yet again. Looking back on the conversations, he does provide in depth and thoughtful responses, so I guess it's most likely work related, and not that he's completely disinterested. I don't like feeling like this, but it is only the 3rd-ish week getting back into this thing. Is this what's supposed to happen? I know that he has no obligation to reply, but we both promised that we would make an equal effort. It feels like I'm the only one initiating things and still the only one trying to work things out, though he provides genuine enough responses to them. I think I might burn out, but I want to see where this goes in 3 months, no matter how tedious, or heart breaking, or hard it might be. 

Are there any tips for how to stop caring so much? Or how to not burn out? Or if I should stop caring at all? I'm a bit confused, lost, and worried. ^^

 

Many thanks,

Mista Luna

For whatever reason, he is not interested in a relationship, whatever he says.  If he was, he would be keen to contact you and to maintain contact.

It's hard not to care when you have become attached to someone but once you figure our that being attached to him just means pain, you will detach yourself.

Honestly, as soon as you can, it is best to move on.  He is long distance and that is never a good start.

[spiderowl]

Can't help but feel you would be better off chatting to people who are nearer to you.  If someone is long-distance, then they are likely to meet someone nearer and also likely not to take a long-distance relationship as seriously as one that could develop nearby.  There is nothing wrong with you, just that you are setting yourself up for a difficult time if you allow long-distance guys to flirt with you.

Guys like to flirt online and engage in sex chat.  They enjoy it for what it is.  It does not mean they will date you or want the relationship to develop beyond online, particularly if they are long distance.  A guy wanting to flirt with you does not mean he really likes you, is getting attached, or will want a relationship with you in the future.  It might, but guys flirt just for the sake of it too.

Best to find someone nearby.  Take time getting to know him before you get attached - people usually show their true colours after a few weeks.  If you flirt online with them or have sex chat, then do not expect anything more to develop.  Guys will want to encourage you to continue this if they enjoy it, but it does not mean they would go as far as to meet.  A guy who really does like you will be available to you, will care about your feelings not just want to flirt, and will be determined to meet you as soon as it is safe.  He will also be free to meet you, i.e. not have another girlfriend somewhere in the background.

Good luck, you are learning lots and will develop intuition about who to trust and who to avoid.

 

[Mista Luna]

On 2/25/2021 at 6:59 PM, Emilie Jolie said:

@Mista LunaRight back at ya Lovely Squadder 😊

Sorry to hear about Hugo, ML. Got this one totally wrong, didn't I?!😬 He sounded so promising. Do you want to be a Plan B? Up to you I suppose. Don't you hate it when non-committed guys who want to play the fields also have no gumption and are happy to lead you on without a care in the world?

There'll be a good'un around the corner just for you, hun, don't you worry  

As for me, still top secret! Keep your fingers crossed for me, will you...🤪. 

BFF still happily ensconced with her online guy. They have ups and downs but they communicate really well together, and he's like a rock - a stand-up guy who doesn't get himself caught in misunderstandings. He does like the sound of his voice a bit I've noticed, very keen to show himself up as an incredible guy, from what I understand. Making me very suspicious, if you know what I mean? You know the type; you think they're humble at first sight, then you get to know them up close and you realise what they love most is blowing their own trumpet on the sly. You know, the fake modest dude. Not my cup of tea; I like actual modest guys .

Anyway. Still on lockdown here but have exciting plans for the weekend (namely a walk on the beach with the One who Shall Not Be Named 😅.

Looking forward to your updates, Lovely  

 

 

Dear Emilie, 

Hey lovely! ❤️ It's been quite a long time, hasn't it? I didn't know when was best to write back, so I waited until most of what was a former chapter ended to pick up my figurative quill pen. (Quill because I'm feeling strangely nostalgic of times I never lived through of course. <3) 

Hopefully you've been doing well, and have had positive progress with the One Who Shall Not Be Named.  I have kept my fingers crossed for you two ever since. Have you been keeping up the excitement in your life? 

Reading back on your notes about your BFF's online boyfriend...I hope that they've also been doing well? And, agreed, people like him are not too much to my taste either. (Though perhaps he's simply showcasing his best self to her?) I'd rather someone practice what they preach, even if it means someone un-ironically telling me how attractive they are and whatnot. In which case, I admire their confidence, yet would probably distance myself from their narcissism haha. At least I'd know to do so, though. 

As for me...I didn't feel like being Plan B, per say. : ) Now, we are happily friends who have a comfortable dynamic of replying whenever we feel. Sometimes within the day, sometimes after a week. It's mutual, and that's what I like about it. I've never really had a peaceful resolution with any potentials before, and so this is refreshing to me. ❤️ 

As for the original Tom...To put it plainly: I offered him an ultimatum. (I was tired of having to text him and go through the same notions of 'working things out' when I was the one turning the wheels of the cart up the hill at his 'willingness to try'.) I told him that I liked him but things were not going to work out like they did before so he would either have to a) make an active effort to talk with me, or b) end things so we could go our separate ways. I told him that I'd leave the conversation and give him a chance to exit without confrontation because he seemed to despise the very concept, and I didn't want to pressure him with my own words to make a decision that is ultimately his. 

He ended up leaving! Unsurprisingly, seeing as how I laid my terms out in three clean texts haha. As a last bit of closure to myself (and to which, perhaps I shouldn't have written it in that way), I texted him one last message.

"I know I said that I wouldn't pester you anymore once you've made your decision--And I meant it. But, I'd still like to say one last thing before I 'let you go' as well. I'm ready to move on. But, just because this decision has been made for the current circumstances now, doesn't mean that it's not changeable in the future! I'm not going to sit here waiting and holding onto any sort of 'hope', but I'd still like to have you in my life sometime later, if you decide the same. If there comes a time where you'd like to talk again--Come find me on my social media. I won't exactly be waiting, but I'm sure I'll be happy to see you. Just in a new chapter. :)" 

And truthfully, I started healing from it. I was at peace, and I was happy with how it ended. I am meeting new people and looking forward to a new part of my life. 

Until he proceeded to follow me on my social media not a month after. 

Thankfully, he hasn't said anything. I expected us to reconnect, but not so soon...I don't know what to expect, but I know I'm not going to crawl back to this man after what happened. But...needless to say I'm worried. Best case scenario he's simply an onlooker and texts me at least a few months later when I'm situated with my life. 

I'm sure this has you quirking a brow haha! Please tell me about how things are for you when you get the chance! 

 

Best.

ML ❤️

[Mista Luna]

On 2/25/2021 at 6:59 PM, Emilie Jolie said:

@Mista LunaRight back at ya Lovely Squadder 😊

Sorry to hear about Hugo, ML. Got this one totally wrong, didn't I?!😬 He sounded so promising. Do you want to be a Plan B? Up to you I suppose. Don't you hate it when non-committed guys who want to play the fields also have no gumption and are happy to lead you on without a care in the world?

There'll be a good'un around the corner just for you, hun, don't you worry  

As for me, still top secret! Keep your fingers crossed for me, will you...🤪. 

BFF still happily ensconced with her online guy. They have ups and downs but they communicate really well together, and he's like a rock - a stand-up guy who doesn't get himself caught in misunderstandings. He does like the sound of his voice a bit I've noticed, very keen to show himself up as an incredible guy, from what I understand. Making me very suspicious, if you know what I mean? You know the type; you think they're humble at first sight, then you get to know them up close and you realise what they love most is blowing their own trumpet on the sly. You know, the fake modest dude. Not my cup of tea; I like actual modest guys .

Anyway. Still on lockdown here but have exciting plans for the weekend (namely a walk on the beach with the One who Shall Not Be Named 😅.

Looking forward to your updates, Lovely  

 

 

Dear Emilie,

It's been another while! I'm sure you're not on here anymore, but I thought I'd leave this here for perhaps a nice (hopeful) ending to this silly thread story in case you decided to come back one day. 

You were right, you know? I found someone just for me (not Tom, thankfully), and maybe it's just the beginning, but I truly intend to keep him by my side. 

Hopefully to marriage, as my lover. Maybe for life? It feels so giddy and childish reading this back. 

My fingers are still very much pretzel-ed for your own special person, but even if it didn't work out, I sincerely hope that all is well with you. 

All the best, and take care of yourself! B)

ML