Amanda92 Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 I don't want to boast, but I am an attractive person. Though I'm not good in terms of understanding other people. It's not the first time, when my asexual friend wants to date me. I met this guy online. We have common interests, but he isn't attractive for me, so in the beginning I told him that I want only friendship. He told me that he wants the same. After sometime he told me that he wants to date me. I told him that he agreed in the beginning that it will be only friendzone. He answer: "How can you know intentions before knowing someone. I knew you and you are very interesting and beautiful, so I want something more". I feel that he wasn't honest with me. I've put him to friendzone and for him I was always a potential girlfriend... He even isn't interested in the fact or I think that he is attractive... He thinks that our nice conversation are enough for him. Does he wants to have a girlfriend that doesn't feel any sparks and lust? He push to try and doesn't understand me and I don't understand him. I am very disappointed because I am losing next friend... Why doesn't he respects my needs and what I feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 What needs do you have? did you even try to date him? are you just shallow? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 1 hour ago, Amanda92 said: I met this guy online. We have common interests, but he isn't attractive for me, so in the beginning I told him that I want only friendship. He told me that he wants the same. Have you met in person? How did you meet online! Social media? All you can do in these cases is stop communicating because apparently there's a misunderstanding about the motivation for your communications .. Link to post Share on other sites
Millennial Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 He's not your friend. You met him on a dating website. Expect him to want to date. I saw something on TV about people using dating websites to alleviate boredom and loneliness since tier 4. But making friends is obviously not the best use of the platform and will cause unnescessary complications. You can't blame people on there for looking to do what you are actually meant to do on the platform. I don't think he's wrong for trying it on, and I actually think he should escalate things until you find the "friendship" to be untenable - because that's actually what it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 4 hours ago, Amanda92 said: How can you know intentions before knowing someone". He has a point. Sounds like he was actually quite honest and straightforward with you. Where did you 2 'meet'? Was it on an actual dating site or somewhere else 'online'? You don't specify - I think it can be significant. Also, how do you know he is asexual? Did he just volunteer this information in the course of you two communicating (messaging?) online? That's quite intimate stuff you're sharing with this guy! If this asexual guy finds you 'beautiful', he's 100% a keeper. My take is it's who you are he's attracted to. Was / is this friendship always going to keep online? Have you no intentions of meeting each other at some point? I feel like this may resolve all your issues, at least on your part. 4 hours ago, Amanda92 said: he isn't attractive for me, Is it because you haven't met in person? 'Something' obviously attracted you to each other at the beginning of this 'friendship'. I'd revisit your stance and keep things open, if I were you. 4 hours ago, Amanda92 said: doesn't understand me and I don't understand him Sounds like he does understand you; it's up to you to meet him half-way. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 Real atractive people dont go online dating easily.... lol This chat guy cant even say real stuff about what he likes in you. He just say random stuff. Hes not your freind.You just met him.And he keep pushing,while you told him no. If you said no, act and live no to him. Cut him of. He dont want the same kind of relationship that you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda92 Posted December 27, 2020 Author Share Posted December 27, 2020 6 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: What needs do you have? did you even try to date him? are you just shallow? I need someone who will be attractive for me, but it doesn't mean handsome. I didn't because we agreed to be friends. I'm not shallow. I'm quite smart, but I won't have sex with someone who I don't find attractive... 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you met in person? How did you meet online! Social media? All you can do in these cases is stop communicating because apparently there's a misunderstanding about the motivation for your communications .. This one I met on dating apps and we haven't met, but I had a friend that we met on the website about our hobby and he was the same... 4 hours ago, Millennial said: He's not your friend. You met him on a dating website. Expect him to want to date. I saw something on TV about people using dating websites to alleviate boredom and loneliness since tier 4. But making friends is obviously not the best use of the platform and will cause unnescessary complications. You can't blame people on there for looking to do what you are actually meant to do on the platform. I don't think he's wrong for trying it on, and I actually think he should escalate things until you find the "friendship" to be untenable - because that's actually what it is. But he told me in the beginning that he doesn't want to date with anyone... 2 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said: He has a point. Sounds like he was actually quite honest and straightforward with you. Where did you 2 'meet'? Was it on an actual dating site or somewhere else 'online'? You don't specify - I think it can be significant. Also, how do you know he is asexual? Did he just volunteer this information in the course of you two communicating (messaging?) online? That's quite intimate stuff you're sharing with this guy! If this asexual guy finds you 'beautiful', he's 100% a keeper. My take is it's who you are he's attracted to. Was / is this friendship always going to keep online? Have you no intentions of meeting each other at some point? I feel like this may resolve all your issues, at least on your part. Is it because you haven't met in person? 'Something' obviously attracted you to each other at the beginning of this 'friendship'. I'd revisit your stance and keep things open, if I were you. Sounds like he does understand you; it's up to you to meet him half-way. He wasn't honest. He told me it after months of texting... We wanted to meet, but he never had time... Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 27 minutes ago, Amanda92 said: I need someone who will be attractive for me, but it doesn't mean handsome. I didn't because we agreed to be friends. I'm not shallow. I'm quite smart, but I won't have sex with someone who I don't find attractive... This one I met on dating apps and we haven't met, but I had a friend that we met on the website about our hobby and he was the same... But he told me in the beginning that he doesn't want to date with anyone... He wasn't honest. He told me it after months of texting... We wanted to meet, but he never had time... funny thing is you are saying he isnt honest but you wouldnt care about this if he was hot and you wanted him Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 58 minutes ago, Amanda92 said: This one I met on dating apps and we haven't met, Ok, it may be best to end the conversation. Seek out people to date on dating apps,and make friends through other social media and interest groups. Try not to string anyone along. Just move forward if there's no attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 Being "friends" isn't working. He wants more, you don't. You've also never met him. There is no friendship here to hang on to, for all practical purposes. It's time to cut ties. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Being "friends" isn't working. He wants more, you don't. You've also never met him. There is no friendship here to hang on to, for all practical purposes. It's time to cut ties. OMG! I just saw that! A serious texting relationship, seriously? Should we rip the bandaid off, or just pretend that such a thing exists? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 9 hours ago, Amanda92 said: I told him that he agreed in the beginning that it will be only friendzone. Don't try to make friends out of guys you meet online. They are not interested in being your fiend no matter what they say, they want sex. If you need platonic friends chose women not men who want sex that they aren't going to get. What are you getting out of this friendship except an ego feed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 (edited) Your assumptions are way off. First when you meet a new man, any man, you must start by assuming he wants to have sex with you. That doesn't mean he wants a relationship. It certainly doesn't mean platonic friendship. It means he wants SEX. Start there always. From there get to know him a little. Figure out what you want. If you don't want to date him, back off. Do not pursue a friendship. It's dishonest & almost mean to offer breadcrumbs to a guy. If you think you might want to date him him get to know him a bit more. Figure out what he wants -- NSA sex or a relationship. If a straight guy tells you he just wants to be your friend, you need to assume 1). there is something wrong with him or 2). he's lying to you. Men like the guy you speak of who say they are OK with friends think that they can win you over. It never ends with platonic friendship. They operate from the idea that they can earn your trust over time & then you will date them. This is avoided if you take my advice & assume all new men what to have sex with you. Not every man is sex driven only but if you start there you don't end up in the awkward place where you are. You can always revise your opinion & conclude later that you are both friends with each other but you have to start assuming there is a sexual motive. Especially if you met on a dating app any man who says they are OK with friendship is LYING. Context matters. Only a fool goes on a dating app looking for friends. Finally there is no such thing as a "serious texting relationship." Until you meet it's all just a big pile of nothing. Never ascribe value to someone you don't know. Edited December 27, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator edited at poster's request Link to post Share on other sites
Millennial Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 2 hours ago, Amanda92 said: But he told me in the beginning that he doesn't want to date with anyone... He's on a dating website and he's telling everyone that he doesn't want to date. Sometimes you just have to throw your hands up in the air at some of the tomfoolery that goes on. Well he obviously wasn't being honest about that. Neither will most guys who say such things in such places. Is he seriously pretending to be asexual as well? Proper shameless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Amanda92 said: I'm quite smart, but I won't have sex with someone who I don't find attractive... But he told me in the beginning that he doesn't want to date with anyone... Who said anything about sex? Did he? Is that what this is about? He wants to meet and have sex? If so, like 99% of men on dating sites, lol, this is not him wanting to "date" you, it's him wanting to have sex with you. Second paragraph^^, he wasn't lying. Male "friends" will say they want "more" when what they mean is they want "sex." Amanda, he's not your "friend." He NEVER was. My advice is block and delete. Next time choose your "friends" more wisely and tune up your BS meter. Edited December 27, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 35 minutes ago, Millennial said: Sometimes you just have to throw your hands up in the air at some of the tomfoolery that goes on. Is he seriously pretending to be asexual as well? Proper shameless. ^^I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 idk, you "met" him on a dating site, yet chose the "i want to be friends" route, so people could make the argument that YOU aren't being honest or are changed "the deal". Secondly, you are wasting time contemplating what is "right" and what "should be" when things just as they ARE. He's interested--you're not. You should have stopped trying the friends thing the moment you knew that---ESPECIALLY since you met him via a dating site. If you need friends, find them in normal friends ways--maybe then you would have something to complain about his intentions switching to wanting to date you. You are investing your "friend" energy in the wrong places/people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 4 hours ago, Amanda92 said: He wasn't honest. He told me it after months of texting... We wanted to meet, but he never had time... So you wanted to meet but he didn't / couldn't? Was that pre-covid? How long has this 'friendship' been going on? I have no real advice as I know people who have 'met' online, both as friends and as partners, so I know it's possible. I also don't think you need to physically meet as friends, but I really can't see how you can form an actual relationship exclusively online, so what was this guy thinking if he was too busy to meet? Is there any chance he was actually telling you the truth, ie his romantic 'feelings' developped over time? Either way, you want a friendship and to meet in person, he wants 'more' but has made no effort to meet in person - that sounds too much like you want different things, regardless of motives or intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 Here's a tip: don't offer or accept "friendship" from a guy. It's a ploy that has been used since the beginning of time. Now that the cat is out of the bag, there is no going back to "friendship". This is so easy to resolve...hit the delete/block, button and don't give him a second thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 13 hours ago, Amanda92 said: I feel that he wasn't honest with me. I've put him to friendzone and for him I was always a potential girlfriend... He even isn't interested in the fact or I think that he is attractive... He thinks that our nice conversation are enough for him. Does he wants to have a girlfriend that doesn't feel any sparks and lust? He push to try and doesn't understand me and I don't understand him. I am very disappointed because I am losing next friend... Why doesn't he respects my needs and what I feel? Yeah, this is always really confused me too. It seems like there are a lot of people, largely men, that want you to settle and date them, independent to if you are actually attracted to them.... it’s odd, but I see it a lot Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts