Crush on guy I watch movies with. how to approach it

[Ruby Slippers]

Ignore the haters. Sounds like she's jealous and insecure. Maintaining a good attitude around haters only makes you more attractive. 

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

 I didn’t know his personality before because I haven’t really talked to him as much as I did tonight. He’s way more outgoing than  I thought he was. I decided that I am not too into his personality, even as a (close) friend. Killed my crush.

He may have been trying too hard.  He might actually be reserved but thought he should be gregarious and outgoing to impress you.

Can you talk to him without the others in the "zoom" room??  (One on One)??

[Interstellar]

3 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Terrible experience.  I swear I saw it coming.

Everything was going alright and I was having a good time. Then I get a private message from a girl there. I was kind of apprehensive about her even from the first time I met her last week. She sent me a message that said”What is a deep fake doing in here”

 

I had never even heard the term before so I quickly googled it. Apparently, it is someone with a fake video or something that acts like a real person. Superimposed or something . I don’t know but it’s not me. So I sent

“sorry what?”

She said “LOL sorry I meant this for someone else”.

That’s really abrupt and rude, which is typical of those types. I have been on the receiving end of even worse behavior and it’s inhumanely cruel. You can’t believe a human is actually capable of saying that to another human.  People are lacking in social skills nowadays, and so manners get thrown out the window.  Too busy staring at their cellphone screens along with bad parenting from their parents. 

It’s great that you called her out on her terrible behavior. These people need to be called out more and be held accountable.

Edited December 20, 2020 by Interstellar

[Miss Spider]

Thanks so much, guys. I too can’t believe how rude people can be sometimes. I try to not let it get to me too much. I know that is the objective. 
They’ve all been friends (and hang out irl) for a year+  and I am a new person in the group. 
She is a young woman and I found out today she likes a guy(not the guy I liked, but possibly him too) I believe putting me down was her way of trying to make herself look better in his eyes . Very sad 

Yeah, the guy I’ve liked did a 180 in a bad way, He originally messaged me about my corgi who came in frame and I was very excited: Our private conversation was OK. Just OK butIn zoom meeting he was very talkative, but even the questions he asked me just annoyed me. I don’t want to be mean to anyone because of their personality, but it came off “try hard.” It could be his real personality, I haven’t known him long enough to say
 

He’s still cool though. There are several people in the group who seem cool, so I will keep going, provided no one else is mean to me
 

thanks again

 

 

Edited December 20, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Miss Spider]

@interstellar yes, as horrible as her comment was it is not even near the worst thing that people have said/done to me. It’s really just quite odd thing to say on her part. She was really reaching to be mean to me.anyway moving on 

 

Edited December 20, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[d0nnivain]

@Shortskirtslonglashes

Slow down.   You really don't know this man.  Remember that. You two are not friends (yet); you are barely acquaintances.  Patience & time are needed here. 

I'm sorry your private chat didn't go well, but 2-3 weeks in over Zoom, never having met in person, you don't have enough info one way or the other to ascertain anything.  Watch the moves for 3-4 MONTHS. Yes, I said months.  Hopefully by then the world will be more open again.   As the time passes listen & observe.  He will reveal more of himself.  Then you can figure out if you want to video chat with him just the two of you.  After that you can determine if you would like to meet.  Only after you meet can you determine if he's date-able, but right now he's a stranger. 

[Ruby Slippers]

I know what you mean about try-hard, though. Your first instinct about these things is usually right. 

[poppyfields]

12 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Terrible experience.  I swear I saw it coming.
 

So my plans with my friend fell through and I ended up going to the movie night tonight. I turned on my camera for the first time, but I had my sound muted(as did others). I started to private message more with the guy that I like. I didn’t know his personality before because I haven’t really talked to him as much as I did tonight. He’s way more outgoing than  I thought he was. I decided that I am not too into his personality, even as a (close) friend. Killed my crush. That’s neither here nor there.

 

Everything was going alright and I was having a good time. Then I get a private message from a girl there. I was kind of apprehensive about her even from the first time I met her last week. She sent me a message that said”What is a deep fake doing in here”

 

I had never even heard the term before so I quickly googled it. Apparently, it is someone with a fake video or something that acts like a real person. Superimposed or something . I don’t know but it’s not me. So I sent

“sorry what?”

She said “LOL sorry I meant this for someone else”

 

So I got kind of annoyed and sad. I felt attacked. She called my name out in the chat. I decided to turn my sound on and say “yes?” I called her out. I said “Did you call me a ‘deepfake?’ That’s kind of mean. “ Everyone, including the guy that I was talking to, started snickering. She didn’t say anything. I said “ we cool, but just to be clear I’m not.” Completely unnecessary and same bs I get from women like this. It is depressing that I saw this coming from one of the few women in the group and I was scared to turn on my cam because of it. I see the machinations so clearly and I know what they are trying to do, but it still affects me. I tried to play it off but I turned my camera off and then I just turn zoom off and went to play with my dog.

 

I just hate how I can’t be part of things without someone just trying to pull something on me on me. Other than guilt trips, men don’t play games with me. It’s always been cid women that have done that.  Not all, don’t get me wrong, but enough to where I hate it .  I hate how I couldn’t have a good time and enjoy myself tonight.  I’ll be returning to the group because I have every right to and most of the people are super nice so far but f that girl 
 

OH WELL I GUESS

I'm sorry that happened shortskirts.

I'm wondering how would someone go about "deep faking" on Zoom anyway? 

Zoom is live video chat or conferencing, my friends and family use it to video chat, and we use at work to conduct meetings, courts use to conduct hearings, etc there is no way someone could fake a live video conference.  Not to my knowledge anyway.  If someone knows how, please enlighten. 

Try to shake it off shortskirts, I've come to the conclusion some women are simply jealous, petty and cruel.

Crushes are fun, but I'm glad you discovered he wasn't for you before it went further.

 

Edited December 20, 2020 by poppyfields

[NuevoYorko]

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt.  This might be me being a curmudgeon, as usual, but I really do not get any of it.  

How can you develop a big crush on someone,  then find out you don't like their personality, when you have not met them or even virtually interacted on any real level one on one?  It's a movie watching group.  As I picture it anyway, you are not chatting all the time and when you are, you are not getting "deep" because you are paying attention to a movie?  Or do I have it wrong?  

Plus, you have had superficial contact with this stranger guy for two weeks.  How could anything have developed.

Ok, on to the creepy woman:  again, I do feel bad that you are hurt, but ... really?  She is no one to you.  Just some faceless, meaningless voice from out of nowhere who revealed itself to belong to an A-hole.  It has nothing to do with you, nothing to do with women,  and nothing to do with your relationships with other women in your life.  She has no idea about you whatsoever and vice versa.

My advice:  stop taking any meaningless, superficial fleeting incidents that happen with Internet strangers so much to heart.  It's not good for you. 

[Ruby Slippers]

I've talked to a few guys who've messaged me online during the pandemic on the few social media sites I'm on with a pretty low profile. A few were interesting enough I agreed to a phone call. While you don't get enough info from that to know it's the guy for you, you can definitely get enough info to know he's NOT for you. 

[Miss Spider]

Thank you so much for your empathy, guys. I admit it was silly to get a crush on someone I barely know, but I do it often. What actually happened was I just found him physically attractive and at the time he was being very quiet and only saying a few words, so it was easy for me to fantasize about what he might be like and start to like him. I’ve discovered very quickly he is not that at all. And yes you’re exactly right,Ruby, you can know if someone isn’t what you like very shortly. I can’t say I am not disappointed a little, but more relieved because I don’t need to be dating right now. 
 

For the record, yes, I was hurt. And because my camera was on when she messaged me that and she saw my reaction. My face dropped and I started to almost tear up because I didn’t know what to think of what she said at first. I just saw “fake”— A word that I had heard from other girls in my adolescence and on that I was bullied by. This is a milder incident, but not isolated, even just with internet, “cam”friends. 
 

I guess I am too sensitive. It took me some courage to get on cam, especially with this particular girl in the group.( she reminded me on an intuitive level of someone else I was bullied by) I was proud of myself for doing that and then to have someone insult me was pretty jarring in the moment. Her camera was on but she was the one using dumb filters.  I wish I could have such a little regard for peoples opinions of me that it would not hurt me when someone like that says something like this. I suppose I should work on it. Not give it too much more thought/analyzing. 

 

Edited December 20, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Ruby Slippers]

I have a bit of a crush on a guy at work I've only interacted with in video calls, including a half-hour 1-on-1 call when I started the job. He's funny, cool, and cute. I'm not going to flirt with him. He's probably married, anyway 

Edited December 20, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[Miss Spider]

14 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I have a bit of a crush on a guy at work I've only interacted with in video calls, including a half-hour 1-on-1 call when I started the job. He's funny, cool, and cute. I'm not going to flirt with him. He's probably married, anyway 

Haha that’s awesome. Hey, you never know!!! But crushes are always fun  

[d0nnivain]

Crushes are fun but a sensitive person like you puts too much stock in them.  You need to slow down.  You can find a guy attractive but call it lust rather than a crush when you don't know enough about his personality.  You can graduate to a crush once you know him more.  Then you can work up to a private conversation. 

If you draw your levels differently you may better be able to take baby steps to avoid getting hurt so easily. 

[flitzanu]

hold on, it sounds like this girl thought you were too hot to be a real person and accused you of being a deepfake.  that sounds more like a compliment.

[Miss Spider]

6 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Crushes are fun but a sensitive person like you puts too much stock in them.  You need to slow down.  You can find a guy attractive but call it lust rather than a crush when you don't know enough about his personality.  You can graduate to a crush once you know him more.  Then you can work up to a private conversation. 

If you draw your levels differently you may better be able to take baby steps to avoid getting hurt so easily. 

I don’t regret having a crush on this guy at all and was not hurt by it. We are just not a match after talking and it’s good to know. I was more hurt by what that girl said to me, but I’m over that. Thank you. 

Edited December 21, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Miss Spider]

14 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

hold on, it sounds like this girl thought you were too hot to be a real person and accused you of being a deepfake.  that sounds more like a compliment.

I didn’t interpret it that way. I don’t really know how to interpret it, but I didn’t take it as a compliment. I found out that this girl identifies with being Autistic. I  too many people on the Internet use Asperger’s/autism just as an excuse to be a complete jerk to people. 

[d0nnivain]

Fair enough.  I was just happy for you. . . so . . .

Hopefully you will find somebody fabulous for you when the time is right.  Heaven knows everything about 2020 has been off.  

[Miss Spider]

Thank you  

[flitzanu]

23 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I didn’t interpret it that way. I don’t really know how to interpret it, but I didn’t take it as a compliment. I found out that this girl identifies with being Autistic. I  too many people on the Internet use Asperger’s/autism just as an excuse to be a complete jerk to people. 

i can't keep up with the internet these days, maybe deepfake means something different this week.

the context in how you provided it though, to me, still sounds like some intention of you apparently looked too good to be real, so, i'd take it as a passive aggressive compliment

also, yeah, even if she's autistic that doesn't excuse someone from being a butthole.

 

[Wiseman2]

How do you pick/decide which movies to watch?

[poppyfields]

On 12/19/2020 at 7:55 PM, Ruby Slippers said:

Ignore the haters. Sounds like she's jealous and insecure. Maintaining a good attitude around haters only makes you more attractive. 

Great advice Ruby!  This is true when interacting on any forum, even LS!

Ignore ignore ignore. Or give them a smile, then ignore. 

Please try and remember, their nasty words say more about them (their nastiness and jealousy), than you shortskirts.

Edited December 23, 2020 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How do you pick/decide which movies to watch?

Haha. It’s a democratic process.
 

yes I think I was sad not at her, but at the whole thing that happens to me a lot. ‘Why do people pick on me, what’s wrong with me’ type things. I’m reminding myself that it’s NOT just me and everyone has experienced things like this in one way or another. 

I would like to say that I just got finished on a date with the person that is the OP of the thread. It was actually... great? What I like most about it is it is one of the most “we are starting as friends“ type of things that I have been in. No kiss or anything..  we are just hanging out.. taking it slow.  He’s totally not my type, but there is something about him that I like. It probably won’t go very far, but I’m enjoying it. I’m seeing him again after Christmas. 

[Miss Spider]

The fact that it’s not a dating app situation or the cold approach, it is a slow build the romance, but we both know there’s an underlying romantic interest there.. that makes it even more..... sexy? I am just loving it so much

Edited December 24, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Wiseman2]

Ok. No wine . However make sure you can get on the same page with which movies to watch.

Are you watching movies you like or are just meh about?

Now if a guy has Netflix, Prime video, HBO, etc. and let's you watch as a guest...

That's a keeper