Teebeevee Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 My fiancé and I had recently decided to break up. He had told me he has feelings for someone else and that he hasn’t been happy with our relationship. He felt stuck, disconnected from me, lack motivation to put effort in our relationship, doesn’t trust me that I won’t make him unhappy with the way we communicate and how I can’t stop being an avoidance and disconnected person. He’s an emotional being I know him he needs a lot more when it comes to emotional connection. But we had connected in the past plus we’ve fallen in love deeply before . I can admit we were both responsible for lacking effort in staying in love.We were happily building our lives together for our future. We own a home together we’re engaged when people look at us and when we look at us we just make so much sense. The problem was we were going through a rough patch in our relationship. We got caught up in living like a bored married couple just living through the motion. We both felt that and knew it but never put any effort to fix it. I try to be logical with him and said let’s not forgot everything we’ve built together. That it’s common for couples to go through such thing. But he’s totally convinced that he can’t be happy with me? That he can’t fall in love with me again? I’m so lost cause I will give him his space to think about it but I have this urge to always wait for him. But at what point should I consider calling it quits for my own well-being. I can’t function like I used to anymore. (The girl he had an affair with is not a concern he just wanted to seek some type of happiness apparently they’re not in contact anymore) Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 5 minutes ago, Teebeevee said: But at what point should I consider calling it quits for my own well-being. Now would be a good time. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 So what are you not telling us? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) Sorry to hear that. How long were you dating? How long have you lived together? How can you "break up" if you live together and co-own the house. Who will buy whom out? How will you divide assets and sort out co-purchases? You'll have to figure out how to sort all that out. It seems like he never wanted to marry and that was all a carrot and stick to co-own and live together for convenience. He, like most cheaters, tells them "we're just roommates". Meanwhile you're installed there like furniture and he and his flings have fun.. Get an attorney, banker whatever you need to extricate yourself. Edited December 13, 2020 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 It sounds to me as though, unfortunately, he emotionally checked out a while ago and is moving on. If he's falling for someone else, he did the right thing ending it with you, painful as that is to accept. Sometimes these things can come back together, and other times it really is the end of the road. You say that other people would say you two made sense together, but I don't get the impression he felt that way anymore. Others' impression of your relationship has no bearing on how good the relationship truly is (or is not). If you had both been aware for a while that it wasn't working, but didn't really take steps to address it, perhaps it's time to concede that you just weren't that compatible. For context, how long had you been together? When was the wedding scheduled for? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 It's going to take a while to extricate yourselves from one another with a mortgage & all that entails. You will also have to halt & wedding plans & get back as much of any deposits as possible. Personally I would have called it quits when he cheated. If he wants out, let him go. It's easier now that later when you would have to get a divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teebeevee Posted December 13, 2020 Author Share Posted December 13, 2020 We’ve been together for 6 years. We’re always together. Towards the end of our relationship he felt trapped and so did I. We agreed to live apart for now for him to sort out his emotions. He doesn’t like the other women enough to end us but he’s afraid he cant be happy with me because of the way I’ve made him felt (arguments) and the lack of excitement in our relationship (we both lack it). I told him falling in love is easy by staying in love is hard. It takes effort. He’s suffer from depression and anxiety before he’s also a therapist so I don’t know if this could be a factor. Because before the last month of our relationship he would constantly adored and catered to me but since I’ve been so disconnected to him he felt the out of love feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 21 hours ago, trident_2020 said: Now would be a good time. ^ He. Has. Feelings. For. Someone. Else. Let go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 14, 2020 Share Posted December 14, 2020 13 hours ago, Teebeevee said: We’ve been together for 6 years. We’re always together. Towards the end of our relationship he felt trapped and so did I. We agreed to live apart for now for him to sort out his emotions. He doesn’t like the other women enough to end us but he’s afraid he cant be happy with me because of the way I’ve made him felt (arguments) and the lack of excitement in our relationship (we both lack it). You realize he's going to date this other woman during this time apart, no? He will break up with you completely if that goes well. This is not the way to resolve issues when you are engaged to be married, OP. Living apart is moving backwards and the "soft" way to end it altogether. I don't know whose idea this was, but it's not a good one. If he wants to move out, you would be wise to consider this relationship over. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 14, 2020 Share Posted December 14, 2020 13 hours ago, Teebeevee said: . He’s suffer from depression and anxiety before he’s also a therapist so I don’t know if this could be a factor. It's tragic to watch a relationship die in front of your eyes. You both sort of knew that was happening and unfortunately he dealt with it it in the most cowardly selfish way possible. It's good you are living apart so you can reflect and regroup in peace and decide how to best uncouple this situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 14, 2020 Share Posted December 14, 2020 You are right that falling in love is easy but staying in love takes work. He's not interested in doing the work. Yes, his anxiety & depression are factors but blaming this break up on them alone is a cop out. You two moving out & sorting through his emotions independently will only convince him he can live without you. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. You need to be together working as a team to fix what's wrong. If you don't work together, it's just over. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 The fact that you guys felt into a rut when living together is most likely a sign that you two just belong together. Link to post Share on other sites
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