A very bad day... can't believe it!

[scobro]

i'm not a desperado but i know i would never meet a nicer girl than her, both looks or anything

 

You will trust me.You are hurting right now so you have put your ex on a very high pedastal and probably are magnifying all her good qualities way beyond what they really are but this is normal.Try and focus on how to better yourself and not so much on her.

 

I am here crying my eyes out even though i'm supposed to be a man!

 

hey thats part of having feelings.I cried because my ex use to go out every weekend and I knew she was going to see the other guy.I sat on the couch cried all confused and devastated she could be so heartless to not even care how I felt.I use to wait up for her at night sometimes she would come home at 4:00am sometimes not at all.This is after 1 week of ending us.Don't feel bad about crying be glad that you do it means you care.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

You will trust me.You are hurting right now so you have put your ex on a very high pedastal and probably are magnifying all her good qualities way beyond what they really are but this is normal.Try and focus on how to better yourself and not so much on her.

 

 

 

hey thats part of having feelings.I cried because my ex use to go out every weekend and I knew she was going to see the other guy.I sat on the couch cried all confused and devastated she could be so heartless to not even care how I felt.I use to wait up for her at night sometimes she would come home at 4:00am sometimes not at all.This is after 1 week of ending us.Don't feel bad about crying be glad that you do it means you care.

 

cheers but i have never felt like this before about an ex-girlfriend, I always had her on a high pedastal, i'm fed up bettering myself, i can't do anymore

 

if i knew she was seeing someone else I would feel better but she said she isn't, its worse when a girl leaves you for no apparent reason except 'sorry but i don't feel as much for you as you do for me'

 

we were inseparable right from the start, i've never been like this, usually once a week was enough but we seen each other every single day and i missed her if she even went out for a smoke, she used to come back and say i missed you

 

this is never going to happen again, i know in my heart it won't

[scobro]

if i knew she was seeing someone else I would feel better

 

I honestly doubt it.

 

but she said she isn't, its worse when a girl leaves you for no apparent reason except 'sorry but i don't feel as much for you as you do for me'

 

My ex wife tried that one,90% of the time there is another person involved may not always be sexual but another person usually fits in the equation somewhere.My wife said there was nobody else I believed my wife, then found out she was lying.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

I honestly doubt it.

 

 

 

My ex wife tried that one,90% of the time there is another person involved may not always be sexual but another person usually fits in the equation somewhere.My wife said there was nobody else I believed my wife, then found out she was lying.

 

you think so? should I break no-contact and ask her? i know she tells white lies, i knew she was lying the other night when she called to get her stuff, she just didn't want to talk to me, some lies about having to meet her nieces, i know it wasn't true

 

but i really hope she wouldn't outright lie to me

[kitten chick]

It doesn't sound like now is the time for you to be finding these things out. You're in a very delicate state and you won't be able to handle whatever answers she gives you. It really doesn't matter right now why she's not there, just that she isn't. There will come a day when it is right for you to get the answers that you need but for now you need to focus on healing yourself.

[scobro]

you think so? should I break no-contact

 

Yes I think so and no do not break no contact.You will not get the truth if she tells you anything it will be what she knows she can get away with.My wife did so much lying and denying I can't trust anything she ever says now so that is why I am on week 3 for my no contact.Let it go and move on thats what I try and do.

[hooghie]

I just got caught up - wow- I'm sorry you are going through this....

 

I wouldn't bother asking her about anohter guy. I doubt she'll tell you if there is (I know I wouldn't). I think she is trying to let you down without hurting you too much because she does care about you, but she's not in love with you and doesn't see herself with you in the future. I think you know that.

 

If you feel that you cannot move on without a clear answer as to what happened- ask her what made her go from a time where she couldn't even have a smoke without missing you to not wanting to be with you.

 

good luck. I DO know what you mean about never finding someone like this again, but maybe you also won't get hurt like this again. There are ups and downs to everything.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

I just got caught up - wow- I'm sorry you are going through this....

 

I wouldn't bother asking her about anohter guy. I doubt she'll tell you if there is (I know I wouldn't). I think she is trying to let you down without hurting you too much because she does care about you, but she's not in love with you and doesn't see herself with you in the future. I think you know that.

 

If you feel that you cannot move on without a clear answer as to what happened- ask her what made her go from a time where she couldn't even have a smoke without missing you to not wanting to be with you.

 

good luck. I DO know what you mean about never finding someone like this again, but maybe you also won't get hurt like this again. There are ups and downs to everything.

 

i phoned a friend tonight who knows her well, he said if he knew he would tell me, i know he would, i asked him to subtely ask around the scene, thing is I truly deep down don't think she is seeing anyone

 

only last week she was telling me 'i love you too'

 

i can't understand such a change, lately she was asking 'are we ok',quite a lot actually due to me not answering the phone etc. , there was a series of nights where I didn't go out and a couple of times I left her at parties and went home alone, all this was too much booze and I explained i was sorry for that, lately i was staying aware and making sure she got home with me

 

my mum is giving me false hope though telling me about people who spent time apart then got together e.g. the cold feet syndrome, my mum reckons i should give her a few weeks space then call her

 

i don't want false hope but i know she wants to see me again but I think not in the romantic sense, small talk with her would be strange, she knows i'm incredibly deep and emotional

 

could it be cold feet?

 

she mentioned just the first time about how she would be nervous about asking for me back, mind you the second dump wasn't like this, during our one week break i was up the left with anxiety and I told her exactly how I felt, maybe she feels I am too much bother or something

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

forgot to mention she said she just got carried away with our relationship... what does that mean? i couldn't do that except with someone i was mad about, i couldn't be carried away with say a girl i dated last April and knew after 1 date I wasn't into her

[hooghie]

Sounds like there are a lot of things. I think it is very unlikely it is a cold feet situation. You left her at parties, you ignored her when she's called you, cancelled a concert with her at the last minute, anxiety issues, etc.

 

You kind of sound high maintenence. Please don't take that the wrong way- my BF who is the love of my life is EXTREMELY high maintenence, but I usually don't mind- maybe with everything going on with her- it got to be too much for her- not necessarily that you are 'too much of a bother,' but it may have gotten to a point where those feelings she once had for you are no longer there.

 

I know you are hurting and I know it's really hard, but you need to spend some time on yourself. DO NOT EVEN THINK about taking your life or allowing yourself to fall into a hole of depression/alcohol. Think about how it would make your mom feel! Try and work on your anxiety issues- find the route. I think the drinking makes it worse and I also wonder why you get upset with her drinking and tell her she needs to cut it, but then you spent a weekend with her completely drunk.

[hooghie]

forgot to mention she said she just got carried away with our relationship... what does that mean? i couldn't do that except with someone i was mad about, i couldn't be carried away with say a girl i dated last April and knew after 1 date I wasn't into her

 

No idea. What context did she say that in? Only way I would say that would be to mean that I allowed myself to fall too deeply in love, but I don't think that is what she meant as she has broken up with you....more than once.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

i'm not high maintenance, not usually anyway, she had not answered my calls at times in the middle of the night, i was annoyed at her and most of all worried about her to see if she was OK, just another time a silly half drunken argument about music when she had her period and she went home, she ended up feeling very silly about this

 

i don't know what context she said it in specifically... just about oh i haven't been alone enough and I got carried away

 

i was only anxious on the 1 week break thing, not normally, she made me feel 100% sure about us, i was anxious as I felt i was in limboland with her and obviously anxious about how she would be with me

 

I was anxious a bit at the start as I have a history of 4month relationships and she said she never wanted to hear this stuff again because its not going to happen and 'for me this is it' i.e for life I want to be with you, called herself Mrs. (my surname ) , called my house 'our house'

 

I for our sake was trying to knock the drinking out and I was getting there and so was she

[whichwayisup]

cheers but i have never felt like this before about an ex-girlfriend, I always had her on a high pedastal, i'm fed up bettering myself, i can't do anymore

 

This really stood out for me.

 

You shouldn't have to "keep bettering yourself" for anybody. You are who you are....

We make small changes, or compromises in relationships, but noone really "changes" who they are. The mistake I think is putting her up on that pedistool, like she is pure perfection. Noone is perfect and without flaws. I see now her comment before, that 'she's not good enough for you' may have meant because you've put her so high up on the pedstool ... Like she knew you felt that way. Know what I'm saying here?

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

This really stood out for me.

 

You shouldn't have to "keep bettering yourself" for anybody. You are who you are....

We make small changes, or compromises in relationships, but noone really "changes" who they are. The mistake I think is putting her up on that pedistool, like she is pure perfection. Noone is perfect and without flaws. I see now her comment before, that 'she's not good enough for you' may have meant because you've put her so high up on the pedstool ... Like she knew you felt that way. Know what I'm saying here?

 

i don't know really what you mean whichway, i don't think she ever said she was never good enough for me as such, noone is perfect without flaws and so is no relationship, this was the best ever girl I had hence why i'm wrecked here and thinking about what went wrong

 

i'm being obsessive and worried about the future

[Ruff Ryder]

Brainrightheartwrong ive been following your story very ancious to see what happens.

 

The way i see it is that you had something special with this girl and she felt the same. But in life as it is in love somethings just cant be explaind. Circamstance dont let things happen or stop things that are happining.

 

You should not beat yourself up looking for a reason. There is no such thing as not good enought when it comes down to love.

 

You need to look into the future because if you keep looking behind you youll never know where your going.

 

If it is ment to be it will.. Ive been in similar situwations in the past and some times the best way to move forward is to let go of whats keeping you where you are (stuck in a moment-u2).

 

Keep your head up the pain will go away and the nigh does turn to day and you will love again and you will heal maybe not today but someday you will. Take every moment as it comes and never look at you and her as a mistake or a issue look at it as a learning curve and take that forward with you. Dont try to forget her just try to survive without her. If i was you id just take the pain and try to go on with life as misrable as it seems right now, but like i said it will get better.

 

Head up mate have a blast and enjoy life you must try)

 

Stay strong my friend

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

Brainrightheartwrong ive been following your story very ancious to see what happens.

 

The way i see it is that you had something special with this girl and she felt the same. But in life as it is in love somethings just cant be explaind. Circamstance dont let things happen or stop things that are happining.

 

You should not beat yourself up looking for a reason. There is no such thing as not good enought when it comes down to love.

 

You need to look into the future because if you keep looking behind you youll never know where your going.

 

If it is ment to be it will.. Ive been in similar situwations in the past and some times the best way to move forward is to let go of whats keeping you where you are (stuck in a moment-u2).

 

Keep your head up the pain will go away and the nigh does turn to day and you will love again and you will heal maybe not today but someday you will. Take every moment as it comes and never look at you and her as a mistake or a issue look at it as a learning curve and take that forward with you. Dont try to forget her just try to survive without her. If i was you id just take the pain and try to go on with life as misrable as it seems right now, but like i said it will get better.

 

Head up mate have a blast and enjoy life you must try)

 

Stay strong my friend

 

 

great quote ruff! i like it!

 

i have to admit i've cried all night talking to my mum and a good girlfriend of mine

 

we had something special, both of us as you said

 

i've been told not to be stupid after saying i'm not in the same league as her

 

no me and her weren't a mistake and its impossible to forget about her, how could i? i'm listening to the cd's i made for her here and remembering all the trips we had together, all the nights together!

 

a good friend of mine, a girl says its over, but maintained she fought and fought for her husband ( my best friend ), my mum says i should fight for her and call next week or 2 weeks, they all say what have you got to loose?

 

i don't know, i'm confused and most of all upset, most of loveshackers say no contact

[whichwayisup]

Hey, what I meant before was, you put her high up on the pedistool and maybe she felt it. Like you looked at her with such perfection (even though I know you see the flaws, maybe to her it didn't come off that way) and possibly that is why she told you that she wasn't good enough for you. She didn't want to let you down, or burst your bubble about her. I could be wrong, so don't worry about and I hope I didn't insult ya by saying what I did.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

well in the process here of not eating and drinking a lot

 

the feeling just gets worse by day, i am just existing thinking about her not being with me, i have lost the love of my life,it will be too hard i think to avoid her

 

she never ever said she was too good for me, she said she didn't want to hurt me

 

she did this to a guy last year ' a lovely guy but she wanted more and she didn't want to do anything on him' , to be honest i've always felt like this guy and I quizzed her about him during our time together, she told me he was the rebound guy and for me this is it i.e. us two together for life

 

i did put her high up on the pedistool, this is because thats how i felt about her, she is beautiful and very talented... seriously talented

 

I wish i was 21 again, lived life like I didn't care and never had these worries, back then i was happy enough all by myself but it gets worse as you get older

[hooghie]

I wish i was 21 again, lived life like I didn't care and never had these worries, back then i was happy enough all by myself but it gets worse as you get older

 

 

I know exactly what you mean there. At times I think- I'm so much smarter now-I know who I am, I'm more confident, etc., but other times I wish I were in my early twenties again, but with the brain I have NOW.

 

Take care of yourself through this- I know it's hard, but you'll get through it.

[Ruff Ryder]

Whats up again?

 

Like you said most of the love shack community say NC but every situation is diffrent you need to do what you feel is right.

 

If you feel the need to keep this girl and that she is worth fighting for then go for it. Just be carefull you dont burn your self.

 

You sound like a good kind man, maybe its time to be a little harsh TOUGH LOVE maybe she needs it. Stop trying to beat yourself up or understand cause it wont happen so STOP IT.

 

Listing to the cd's you made for her?????? Ouch that has to hurt a lot. Maybe you should just chill for a while, i know your very broke up and not doing to well. It hurts like hell (i had my ex at my place last night, it was good to see her however the pain is still there and wasnt ready for it) So just be sure of what you really really want. Sometimes the anger and fustration will over take the pain and thats when you start the healling proccess.

 

So for now try the 2 week thing or if she is worth fighting for you could start today.. (send her flowers with the cd's you made for her TODAY)

 

Take it easy my friend.

 

Ruff

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

cheers Ruff,

 

i gave her the cd the day she came down for her stuff, i had already made it before, it is on my PC and I can't stop listening to it, there is many of my favourite songs on it

 

i can't feel anymore burnt than I am, I love this girl so much, I just wish she was here to hug her and tell her this, today i haven't even answered my phone, it is probably my mother but the terrible thing is I hate when its not my ex

 

last night i was stuck for friends to head out with so i had to go to the bar she goes to, i knew she wasn't there last night, i talked to her ex and a musician she plays with, luckily I didn't mention her, just small talk! the barman asked me "wheres your missus?" i told him we were broke up and he was shocked, i asked him to say nothing about me being here tonight.... right now she'll be playing down there and she will have known I was there last night... all alone!

[westernxer]

Reading this is making me depressed.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

please don't read it, sorry for depressing you

[westernxer]

No apology required. I think the secret to moving on is what you wrote here:

 

I wish i was 21 again, lived life like I didn't care and never had these worries, back then i was happy enough all by myself but it gets worse as you get older

 

It doesn't have to get worse if you don't let it.

[whichwayisup]

It's time for you to read No Foolin' thread in the Coping section.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/?highlight=no+foolin%27

 

Hope that helps and that you feel better soon.