poppyfields Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) 21 hours ago, miss2017 said: I’ve never said I ‘am too good for the chubby’ and I never faked my looks. I suggest you read the entire thread. I don't think V meant those words literally miss2017. It was her interpretation from reading your posts. It wasn't my impression but let's be respectful of others' opinions or interpretations, we are all here trying to help you figure this out. Edited November 18, 2020 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss2017 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: I don't think V meant those words literally miss2017. It was her interpretation from reading your posts. It wasn't my impression but let's be respectful of others' opinions or interpretations, we are all here trying to help you figure this out. Well I disagree. I think it’s quite offensive saying that about me as I never said that or gave the impression of it. I even said I met people at first I was not attracted and then by knowing more about their personality I started to feel attracted, so to me looks and body fat % is not a ride or die deal for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) On 11/16/2020 at 9:10 PM, miss2017 said: That is why there are people who are compatible and people who are not. To me it's not even about how much money you have in your bank account or how many houses you own. It's about the mindset. I could not be with a man who is lazy or wants to be in his comfort zone and not live to his full potential and his best life. Just could not. Because I am focused on living my best life and out of my comfort zone and live to my full potential, so anyone who is not in this mindset would only drag me down or stop my growth. I need someone who thinks similar to me and has the same life goals. So to me it's not about the money, it's about doing what you love in life and growing. But I must say that money usually likes to follow that and that is great. I do love my lifestyle and the travel and nice restaurants and hotels, etc. So I will not play small to accommodate a man who does not have the same lifestyle because I did work hard for it. So I need a man who is compatible with me. I think that's what dating is for. And having said that I just realised now how ridiculous it is for me to go on a date with a man who is living with his mom or in a job he hates, etc. See , you just proved everyone of my points right there to a T , exactly , and he's even being called lazy already, mindsets , accused of wanting to live in his comfort zone, and you haven't even met him yet. Simple as this , some people are just content , some are ambitious , some like to live like this some like to live like that , some like to stand on their head, so what , that's human , we're all different , and thank God. Point is exactly as l said , he'll know and pick all that after meeting you , and if he's not your so called mindset , then he won't be interested , just like you won't be in him. Like ya said , that's what it's all about , well , of course it is. There's plenty of women in his ,there's plenty of men in yours , and plenty of each in 50 other things, ya just don't waste your time going out with an opposite or those that won't even fit whatever it is your about in the first place ,don't even bother meeting them. Which is back to my first post , be selective look for what suits and fits you. Edited November 18, 2020 by Chilli 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 3 hours ago, miss2017 said: Well I disagree. I think it’s quite offensive saying that about me as I never said that or gave the impression of it. I even said I met people at first I was not attracted and then by knowing more about their personality I started to feel attracted, so to me looks and body fat % is not a ride or die deal for me. Well V is a very respected poster here, gives off-the-charts advice and I've never known her to be someone who sets out to offend. Harsh? Yes. But honest. These forums, the written word, is so ambiguous, so many ways one could interpret or misinterpret. But if you felt offended, that's your right. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 On 11/14/2020 at 12:20 PM, miss2017 said: It could have something to do with looks... I was looking at my profile photos on OLD and realised all my photos are from the beginning of this year and no full body photos. I have gained weight after those photos (33 pounds), which is a lot and altered my shape. Maybe they are expecting a skinny elegant woman and I am a little chubby at the moment. I am working with a personal trainer at the gym and have already lost 8 pounds but still have more to go. I think that affects my confidence and it could be it, although I believe that if a man really liked me on the date he would like to see me again, despite my weight... You could have saved most of us a lot of effort and posted this originally. The answer is clear. The guys you meet are expecting a woman with a nice figure and they meet a chubby chick who they aren't attracted to, and worse yet the feel deceived because you didn't describe yourself accurately in your profile. It's the typical online dating bait and switch, I got enough of it when I was dating and it got to the point that I would stop arranging long first dates because of all the deceptive overweight women out there who figured the rolls of fat would be compensated for by their award winning personality. Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) On 11/14/2020 at 3:33 PM, miss2017 said: I was never not honest about my weight! As I said before, I didn’t have full body photos and men never asked me how much I weight when chatting online, so if something was not accurate is about the fantasy they created around how I look, not me not being honest. It's a lie of omission. I highly doubt you aren't aware of this. Have you altered your dating profile to show your full figure? Didn't think so. Edited to add: I see my question was answered in a later post. Let me get this straight. You don't want to upload your chubby pictures because "you don't want to be deceptive because they aren't who you really are.." As if your dating profile with the thinner pictures from last year isn't deceptive. 🤣 This thread is a true look into the minds of all the fat women who wasted my time when I was online dating, and I thank @miss2017 for the perspective. Edited November 18, 2020 by gamon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 On 11/15/2020 at 2:00 PM, miss2017 said: Because when I uploaded them it was my normal weight in the beginning of the year. I have said that before. I am not uploading full body pics of me now because THAT would be misleading on purpose. Let’s say a guy see my pics and loves how I look now, how would he feel if in a couple of months I weight and look very different from that? Makes no sense. I prefer to focus my energy on taking care of me now and date later. Of far greater importance than your weight... is getting the mind of any OLD prospect as near as possible to whatever he/she will encounter upon first meeting you. NOTHING else in/about OLD is as important as this, 5000x over IF you are a woman heading toward meeting men from online. You don't want to deceive anyone You don't want to appear to have been trying to deceive anyone You want to be realistic You want to seem realistic (if you inform them you will show up carrying a yellow bag with large chartreuse polka dots... then that's what you carry. You don't instead show up carrying a moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza) (and with OLD, the men who chase tiny Asian women will be somewhere else chasing tiny Asian women... IF at first you make it clear that you are not a tiny Asian woman ) (you don't do this for THEM... you do it for yourSELF... so that you don't come to LS asking why people don't contact you again after a first meeting) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 Be yourself. Online and in person. A few extra pounds is not as much of an issue as misrepresenting yourself. The other pitfall is you're attracting the wrong men. Be yourself and you'll attract men who want what you are, not what you used to be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lovebooks Posted January 9, 2021 Share Posted January 9, 2021 Chemistry is a real thing. It's either there or not. Sometimes it doesn't appear until later but it's necessary. OLD can't determine that. A person can appear to be appealing and great but in person if there is no chemistry the relationship is not going to go anywhere. Meeting people in person during a shared activity is probably best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 On 11/19/2020 at 10:39 AM, gamon said: You could have saved most of us a lot of effort and posted this originally. The answer is clear. The guys you meet are expecting a woman with a nice figure and they meet a chubby chick who they aren't attracted to, and worse yet the feel deceived because you didn't describe yourself accurately in your profile. It's the typical online dating bait and switch, I got enough of it when I was dating and it got to the point that I would stop arranging long first dates because of all the deceptive overweight women out there who figured the rolls of fat would be compensated for by their award winning personality. Yep , afraid so. l dunno what 30lbs is in kg but it sounds like a lot you'd be a totally different looking girl. And he'd be pissed off at the deception. Dosn't matter who the person is at that stage he doesn't come to meet her he comes to meet the one in the photo. Anyway , easy easy fix , put in now photos , no bs , no problemo and there'll be no more surprises , that's who they'll be coming to meet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 (edited) On 1/8/2021 at 9:51 PM, lovebooks said: Chemistry is a real thing. It's either there or not. Sometimes it doesn't appear until later but it's necessary. OLD can't determine that. A person can appear to be appealing and great but in person if there is no chemistry the relationship is not going to go anywhere. I think you can have a mental chemistry on line, and maybe even an emotional connection, but yeah you have to meet in person to determine physical chemistry/energy which at the end of the day, combined with mental and spiritual energy (if that's your thing), is the glue that attracts us and keeps us attracted, among other things, but that's where it begins. Edited January 14, 2021 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 28 minutes ago, chillii said: Yep , afraid so. l dunno what 30lbs is in kg but it sounds like a lot you'd be a totally different looking girl. 13kg. I'm trying to lose about half that at present and even those 7kg will make a huge difference to my appearance. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 15, 2021 Share Posted January 15, 2021 Yeah right , thanks for that. Yeah 13's a lot , l need to lose 5 or 6 atm too , must admit getting older it's putting up a fight too damn it. Use to be so easy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
QuietRiot Posted January 15, 2021 Share Posted January 15, 2021 (edited) Edit Edited January 15, 2021 by QuietRiot Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 On 11/14/2020 at 6:03 AM, Ami1uwant said: This is the problem... you don’t flirt, you don’t show signs you are interested in something. These are cues guy looks for. Not saying boost his ego. But there are some signs to show you are interested vs being friendly. I don't think this is the issue either. If a guy is attracted to you, he will do his best to get you to feel comfortable with him. I don't flirt and it does not seem to put guys off. If they are interested, they are interested! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 (edited) I think people are putting too much emphasis on pictures and weight. The OP is successful in her work and obviously a good strategic planner. There are a couple of things that I think you could consider, OP: During the date, how is the talking shared out? Do you both talk for an equal amount of time; him more and you less; or you more and he less? It may be that if you are talking more than him, he feels a bit overwhelmed by your more dominant personality. If it is the other way round, that is not the issue. In my experience, generally men talk more than women on dates. The other thing that comes to mind is when you talk on a date, are you (inadvertently perhaps) quite boastful? Are you telling them all about your successes at work, house purchase, car purchase, whatever it is you have achieved? If you are a successful woman, it is possible that a guy would find that intimidating, especially if he has not achieved as much at his age, or is more family-orientated and attaches importance to family connections rather than outright material gains. Not everyone finds achievement attractive, though it is more attractive when the person seems unaware of their achievements. I have a lovely friend who is (inadvertently) quite dominant. She talks most of the time and although she lets guys get some words in, it is not usually for long. It is just the way she is. Most of her long-term friends realise she is not so confident but I suspect most would also find her a bit challenging as a partner. I am sure she has no clue about this but, given that she would not change because it's fundamentally her personality, it's pointless drawing her attention to it. It would just be hurtful. The above are for you to think about. I see no evidence in what you have written that you do any of the above, but then we are not there at the dates. It is worth considering whether you are in fact more dominant than the guys you are dating or that they might perceive you as such. It's good that you are considering what posters say. Edited January 17, 2021 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 13 hours ago, spiderowl said: I think people are putting too much emphasis on pictures and weight. Agreed. But I'm referring to the people who are perusing the dating profiles looking for those they deem worthy of receiving a message. Nothing you, me or anything anyone else can say will ever change that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 (edited) On 1/17/2021 at 4:40 AM, spiderowl said: I don't think this is the issue either. If a guy is attracted to you, he will do his best to get you to feel comfortable with him. I don't flirt and it does not seem to put guys off. If they are interested, they are interested! fyi. I’m a guy... he might show some interest initially but if it’s not reciprocated he’s not bothering anymore. also remrmber the context in the replay. Thus is about a meeting online on a first date and the OP comes off as not interested, stand of fish, might gave better things to do, etc. Edited January 18, 2021 by Ami1uwant Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 22, 2021 Share Posted January 22, 2021 (edited) l mean none of that's gonna help either that is for sure , l wouldn't even bother if a woman was giving off that stuff. And Spidey never the less, you'll still have a different way and feel about you , that's the thing , that op's mostly likely missing, can even feel it in her posts. But the point about the weight stuff too is , not so much about weight in general all kinds of guys like all kinds but, any guy turning up was obviously attracted to her as she was in her pics. So he obviously likes that kinda weightish give or take , but she's nothing like that atm ,so the same guy unless he likes both some do but usually not, it's a dead cause right there the second they meet . lt's as simple as attraction just " is " , one very big side of the equation, that's just how it is. Edited January 22, 2021 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
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