I think my wife is cheating on me with a coworker

[understand50]

MrFlibble,

Take it from one who has reconciled with a WW, I think you need to look at all you are doing, and decide if reconciliation is somewhere in the cards, and if so let her know.   Right now, you run the risk of going from the person in the right to the one who over reacted. Now, before everyone gets crazy, I am not saying what you have done is wrong, nor that you should not have done it, but your tone is one who is not giving an consideration to you wife and the mother of your children.  The worst thing for you, is after you come to a decision, she decide, no, I have had enough, and kicks you out.  Not to mention, when the kids get old and start judging you on how and why the marriage broke up.    IF she was not physical, and you seem to believe so, they may wonder why you did what you did. 

It is a balancing act.  Being tough, but having compassion.  Maybe you do not want her or the marriage and this is an escape hatch. From your tone, you sound to me hard and unbending.  Taking divorce off the table, may help you get at the truth, but is it really off the table?  From your last email, no.  Are you being honest.   It always surprises me that some with say, OK, tell me all, but if so and so happened its over, and then be surprised that the other will not talk to them. In other word, tell me the truth, so I can sock you in the mouth and feel good about it.

So, decide what you want out of this.  Keeping  your wife, and children on tender hooks is not good or cool.  Lay down your line, stick to them, and remember that once you take a path, you may not be able to take things back.   I would hate,  in the end, to have you regret giving your up family, when all you may have wanted is truth and honesty.   Many have reconciled, and had good marriages, some not so much.  Many divorced and life went on, some did both.  I think most, if not all,  had regrets on breaking up their marriages.  What is the the end game here?  I know it is hard, but try and think where you will be in a year, and remember, she is the mother of your children, you may divorce, but you will have a relationship for the rest of your life. 

I wish you luck...

 

 

 

 

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

5 hours ago, elaine567 said:

NO lawyer would have ever suggested those.
Paternity tests are a can of worms in so many different ways.
You are now telling your wife you suspect she has been unfaithful for your whole marriage.
Do you honestly think that or is this just more punishment? 
Yes atm she will agree to everything, but once the dust settles that will rankle.
The fact you were prepared to walk away from these kids will hit home.
You will only love them IF they are yours.
You actively tried to prove they were not yours...
And whilst understandable on one level, I guess you just inserted another big wedge into your marriage.

Your wife likely had grievances and resentments, that is why she cheated.
It is why most women cheat.
"Men"  mostly cheat for excitement and "extra" and variety or just pure sex, and "women" mostly cheat because they perceive themselves to be unhappy with the man they have.
Whilst you want and feel you need your pound of flesh, you need to consider what acquiring it will cost you long term.

Yes, I do not blindly trust her on anything now. That unreserved trust is GONE. She knows that and understands. It might come back one day, I hope, but for now what she did makes me question everything she says and does. I can be 98% sure she's truthful but it's not the same. That's what betrayal and cheating and lying does. It destroys trust and respect.

But saying that I will love my kids ONLY if they are mine and if they are not I will walk out of the door without looking back is probably the worst thing anyone has told me here. It's sick, really.

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

1 hour ago, Acacia98 said:

I feel like when she suggested the zoo outing, the boundaries were already getting hazy.

 

Nah, we just didn't set them. That's on both of us. The ZOO outing was simply to see if we can hold it together so spending Christmas together won't end up in flames. Well..

 

 

Edited December 14, 2020 by MrFlibble_is_very_cross

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

55 minutes ago, SilentKajun said:

Mr. Flibble, I'm a long time lurker on the various infidelity sites and have gone through the pain in my first marriage.  I rarely post but I feel compelled to chime in on your story.  Having read hundreds if not thousands of such stories, I have to say I think you're  doing the right thing by giving your wife a chance at R.  

Believe me, I'm usually in the "burn the witch" camp when it comes to infidelity.  Most stories I read are so disheartening due to the lack of remorse and lack of effort to repair a marriage by the WS.  I don't think that's the case with your wife.  In fact I believe that she may be one of the most remorseful WS that I've read about.  Obviously, you have to do what feels right for you, but I think your marriage has all the ingredients for a successful R.  You deserve praise for at least seriously considering R.  

Whatever happens, you have my best wishes.  

I hope so too. I trully believe she's sorry for what she did and is remorseful. I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't give us a chance to save what we have.

44 minutes ago, understand50 said:

MrFlibble,

Take it from one who has reconciled with a WW, I think you need to look at all you are doing, and decide if reconciliation is somewhere in the cards, and if so let her know.   Right now, you run the risk of going from the person in the right to the one who over reacted. Now, before everyone gets crazy, I am not saying what you have done is wrong, nor that you should not have done it, but your tone is one who is not giving an consideration to you wife and the mother of your children.  The worst thing for you, is after you come to a decision, she decide, no, I have had enough, and kicks you out.  Not to mention, when the kids get old and start judging you on how and why the marriage broke up.    IF she was not physical, and you seem to believe so, they may wonder why you did what you did. 

It is a balancing act.  Being tough, but having compassion.  Maybe you do not want her or the marriage and this is an escape hatch. From your tone, you sound to me hard and unbending.  Taking divorce off the table, may help you get at the truth, but is it really off the table?  From your last email, no.  Are you being honest.   It always surprises me that some with say, OK, tell me all, but if so and so happened its over, and then be surprised that the other will not talk to them. In other word, tell me the truth, so I can sock you in the mouth and feel good about it.

So, decide what you want out of this.  Keeping  your wife, and children on tender hooks is not good or cool.  Lay down your line, stick to them, and remember that once you take a path, you may not be able to take things back.   I would hate,  in the end, to have you regret giving your up family, when all you may have wanted is truth and honesty.   Many have reconciled, and had good marriages, some not so much.  Many divorced and life went on, some did both.  I think most, if not all,  had regrets on breaking up their marriages.  What is the the end game here?  I know it is hard, but try and think where you will be in a year, and remember, she is the mother of your children, you may divorce, but you will have a relationship for the rest of your life. 

I wish you luck...

My wife knows it is one of the possibilities. I told her I am not throwing away what we have without fight. It's not going to be easy but I am in and she is too.

It's pretty hard to dance on a thin line between letting her feel consequences of her actions and being and vengeful a**h***, especially when your emotions are all over the place.

I can't help it but I feel from your comment like your are trying to minimalize what happened. It wasn't THAT physical, so no big deal, right? No, No, No and no. It is a big deal.

I stand on my principles, that's true, but the lines become a bit blurry when it comes to people you love. I mean, look at me - 2 months ago if you told me all this I would say I am out. And look where I am now. 
 

But I hate this narrative where people say what other should or shouldn't swallow. It's like saying "Yeah, she took a dump in your living room, so what. If you really love her you will eat it and smile. If not, you are abuser and unbending and spiteful person." Screw that.

Edited December 14, 2020 by MrFlibble_is_very_cross

[Pottering About]

Time to take a break from this thread for a while?  Give you and your wife a chance to work on “you”. 

“But I hate this narrative where people say what other should or shouldn't swallow. It's like saying "Yeah, she took a dump in your living room, so what. If you really love her you will eat it and smile. If not, you are abuser and unbending and spiteful person." Screw that.”

“But saying that I will love my kids ONLY if they are mine and if they are not I will walk out of the door without looking back is probably the worst thing anyone has told me here. It's sick, really.”

Do you need the extra stress some of the negative posts put on you? You can always come back any time.

Stay strong

 

 

Edited December 14, 2020 by Pottering About

[mark clemson]

1 hour ago, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

But saying that I will love my kids ONLY if they are mine and if they are not I will walk out of the door without looking back is probably the worst thing anyone has told me here. It's sick, really.

 

It's actually not extremely uncommon, which is why it was mentioned.  You're actually judging the men who choose to do this, but they feel outraged enough that that's exactly what happens. Some want little to do with the (presumably Ex at that point) wife OR her kids. That's just how it goes, and it's probably biologically programmed to some extent.

I think this is only easy for you to say because you have a high confidence they are actually your kids. That said, I really don't blame you for taking care of that little 2% of doubt, just to be sure, as it one possible unknown factor you can have fully off of your mind. One less straw on the camel's back, etc.

[VD01]

2 hours ago, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

I hope so too. I trully believe she's sorry for what she did and is remorseful. I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't give us a chance to save what we have.

My wife knows it is one of the possibilities. I told her I am not throwing away what we have without fight. It's not going to be easy but I am in and she is too.

It's pretty hard to dance on a thin line between letting her feel consequences of her actions and being and vengeful a**h***, especially when your emotions are all over the place.

I can't help it but I feel from your comment like your are trying to minimalize what happened. It wasn't THAT physical, so no big deal, right? No, No, No and no. It is a big deal.

I stand on my principles, that's true, but the lines become a bit blurry when it comes to people you love. I mean, look at me - 2 months ago if you told me all this I would say I am out. And look where I am now. 
 

But I hate this narrative where people say what other should or shouldn't swallow. It's like saying "Yeah, she took a dump in your living room, so what. If you really love her you will eat it and smile. If not, you are abuser and unbending and spiteful person." Screw that.

Yep this is understandable. 

I had some experience on this so I  kind of understand.

The one who cheated usually will do everything and say everything to make the betrayed spouse forgive them. Depends on how bad they really feel they could get impatient really quick "why can't he trust me yet? I am doing this and that" and so there will be a tantrum or sudden lash out. Because part of it is because you only wanted to be forgiven, it's not really because you really feel guilty or really think much of what you have done. It was just that I did wrong, I will lose my family and everything so I must endure this all. 

When she asked why you suddenly feel awkward being seen naked by her, it could be a sign that she really didn't think much of the damage it gave you. That it was destroying you. And the fact that she started acting up even in front of your children is also not a good sign for me, because she was being impatient she wanted to be forgiven now.

Like someone said because you started to show you care, it gave her hope that she will be forgiven soon so when you started showing signs that you're still putting distance they get upset. 

 

For the one who cheated on, it's not easy. Because you wanted to forgive them, you still love them and still want to be with them but you were hurt and trust has been destroyed.. You wanted to know every details of what happened, if you could get a full recording of everything they did and talked about - you would.  But there is no way of doing that so all you can do is believe their words which now you  can no longer believe because the trust was  broken. 

 

Deep inside even though yoh said you do not want to get a polygraph, you yourself doesn't want to be the one to tell her to do it but if she decided to do it I am sure you will accept it. 

It hurts to see them and remember of how they cheated on you, but part of you is also happy that they are doing everything to get you  back. 

Once the other person got tired and give up and started ignoring you and no longer doing anything to console you, the real pain will begin. You will start to get frustrated and you will be in roller coaster of emotions again. 

So I think it is better to give yourself a break. A week or two where you will just think of you, what you really wanna do and not get entangled in other problems that's not really related to the issue.

Edited December 14, 2020 by VD01

[notbroken]

Honestly, if you feel 'naked' in front of her, it is not a good sign.   She has damaged you greatly (understandably) and it is VERY hard to get over that.  I never could/did.   

If you do want to stay with her, 'cut her some slack'.   Get counselling and go forward.  Torturing her, or yourself, is not going to lead to a good future.  Forgive her and move on as soon as possible or divorce and move on.   I know that's way easier said than done, but the 'limbo' between the two will destroy you and your relationship anyway.   Infidelity is the gift that keeps on giving - really the whole time you are with her.    Good luck. 

[trident_2020]

If I was in his situation and discovered the children were the progeny of an affair I’d do a slow fade and try every legal means to avoid supporting the other man’s children.

[usa1ah]

I have seen it go both ways with kids that are not the bio of the husband. 
 

To say ahead of a DNA test what someone would do is just wrong. Why even bring it up unless it is proven one way or the other. To just attack some for doing the test is wrong in so many ways. 

[merrmeade]

On 12/8/2020 at 4:20 PM, basil67 said:

First part of it is how you're asking for space, her moving out, transparency and letters etc.   It's contradictory.   Space and her moving out are for if you wish to divorce.  Reconciliation in terms of letters and transparency are for if you want to work through it.    But you're having her do the whole lot without showing your hand... and as she's desperate to keep the family together, she's going along with it.  But if choose divorce after you've made her pay for her sins with letters and tears and promises, it won't be good. 

Likewise, asking her to agree to amicable divorce and for you to have the house and the kids while she's willing to agree to anything out of desperation will come back to bite you.    She should not be agreeing to anything while she doesn't have a lawyer and will likely change her tune when she's got one.  

 

 

Wait a minute. Everyone is getting ahead of what his gut is ABLE to do. You can think through all the ideal outcomes but it is still very, very fresh for him. If he needs his space, then whatever helps him heal right now trumps any other card that needs to be played. Wife will survive. She's not going anywhere. She's not dying. So nevermind her. Just let Flibble decide what Flibble needs to emerge on top. He's got this. 

He's one of those rare individuals who knows how to take therapy or healthy advice (which he has been getting from a lot of very sensible, generous souls on here) and use it to bring out the best in themselves. He's going to do better than survive but pace matters.

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, merrmeade said:

 Wife will survive.

Perhaps.  Perhaps not.  The way the OP describes her behaviour, it sounds like she's in the midst of a breakdown.   My ex attempted suicide after I left and I know two other people who were successful in their suicide after a breakup.  

If he values her contribution as a mother, he would be wise to have his own boundaries without further twisting the screws on someone who's already sounding very precarious.

Edited December 15, 2020 by basil67

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm not at all on board with the idea of "poor little wifey." All this mess is her doing, nobody else's. 

The double standard is particularly egregious here. If the man had done what she did, I have a feeling interpretations would be very different. 

Edited February 5, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed inappropriate remark.

[Marc878]

12 hours ago, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

Yes, I do not blindly trust her on anything now. That unreserved trust is GONE. She knows that and understands. It might come back one day, I hope, but for now what she did makes me question everything she says and does. I can be 98% sure she's truthful but it's not the same. That's what betrayal and cheating and lying does. It destroys trust and respect.

But saying that I will love my kids ONLY if they are mine and if they are not I will walk out of the door without looking back is probably the worst thing anyone has told me here. It's sick, really.

Yep, you need to know. You are correct trust is gone. That’s what infidelity does.

If there’s one thing that can get you a repeat is to just suck it up and be a doormat.

Going through this once is bad enough. The capability is there to get it again.

[merrmeade]

49 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Yep, you need to know.

The capability is there to get it again.

Never forget.

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

16 hours ago, Pottering About said:

Time to take a break from this thread for a while?  

Probably. I might disappear for a few weeks. Not sure

15 hours ago, mark clemson said:

 

It's actually not extremely uncommon, which is why it was mentioned.  You're actually judging the men who choose to do this, but they feel outraged enough that that's exactly what happens. Some want little to do with the (presumably Ex at that point) wife OR her kids. That's just how it goes, and it's probably biologically programmed to some extent.

I think this is only easy for you to say because you have a high confidence they are actually your kids. That said, I really don't blame you for taking care of that little 2% of doubt, just to be sure, as it one possible unknown factor you can have fully off of your mind. One less straw on the camel's back, etc.

I get that. I am 99.9999% percent positive they are mine. But that what ifmis still there although it's all the way back in mind. Hope it will put that feeling away.

 

14 hours ago, VD01 said:

Yep this is understandable. 

I had some experience on this so I  kind of understand.

The one who cheated usually will do everything and say everything to make the betrayed spouse forgive them. Depends on how bad they really feel they could get impatient really quick "why can't he trust me yet? I am doing this and that" and so there will be a tantrum or sudden lash out. Because part of it is because you only wanted to be forgiven, it's not really because you really feel guilty or really think much of what you have done. It was just that I did wrong, I will lose my family and everything so I must endure this all. 

When she asked why you suddenly feel awkward being seen naked by her, it could be a sign that she really didn't think much of the damage it gave you. That it was destroying you. And the fact that she started acting up even in front of your children is also not a good sign for me, because she was being impatient she wanted to be forgiven now.

Like someone said because you started to show you care, it gave her hope that she will be forgiven soon so when you started showing signs that you're still putting distance they get upset. 

 

For the one who cheated on, it's not easy. Because you wanted to forgive them, you still love them and still want to be with them but you were hurt and trust has been destroyed.. You wanted to know every details of what happened, if you could get a full recording of everything they did and talked about - you would.  But there is no way of doing that so all you can do is believe their words which now you  can no longer believe because the trust was  broken. 

 

Deep inside even though yoh said you do not want to get a polygraph, you yourself doesn't want to be the one to tell her to do it but if she decided to do it I am sure you will accept it. 

It hurts to see them and remember of how they cheated on you, but part of you is also happy that they are doing everything to get you  back. 

Once the other person got tired and give up and started ignoring you and no longer doing anything to console you, the real pain will begin. You will start to get frustrated and you will be in roller coaster of emotions again. 

So I think it is better to give yourself a break. A week or two where you will just think of you, what you really wanna do and not get entangled in other problems that's not really related to the issue.

That's exactly what hapenned with my wife first 2 weeks or so. I believe the wording was "I will do ANYTHING". But it's all words, and I needed actions. Luckily for me, my wife delivered.

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

9 hours ago, merrmeade said:

Wait a minute. Everyone is getting ahead of what his gut is ABLE to do. You can think through all the ideal outcomes but it is still very, very fresh for him. If he needs his space, then whatever helps him heal right now trumps any other card that needs to be played. Wife will survive. She's not going anywhere. She's not dying. So nevermind her. Just let Flibble decide what Flibble needs to emerge on top. He's got this. 

He's one of those rare individuals who knows how to take therapy or healthy advice (which he has been getting from a lot of very sensible, generous souls on here) and use it to bring out the best in themselves. He's going to do better than survive but pace matters.

Thank you. My wife will survive, but now I am sure moving her back here and out of her mom's was the right decision. The change in her is quite frankly unbelievable.

It's great to get advice on here, even though I might not agree with some of you it's still a good approach to get the different oppinions and see other options.

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

Perhaps.  Perhaps not.  The way the OP describes her behaviour, it sounds like she's in the midst of a breakdown.   My ex attempted suicide after I left and I know two other people who were successful in their suicide after a breakup.  

If he values her contribution as a mother, he would be wise to have his own boundaries without further twisting the screws on someone who's already sounding very precarious.

Yes, my wife was at a very dark place.  In last two days I can see her mood changing. Not sure if it's me taking the divorce of a table (at least for now) or her getting out of her mom's influence. But she's doing better. And I am too

Edited December 15, 2020 by MrFlibble_is_very_cross

[usa1ah]

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

Perhaps.  Perhaps not.  The way the OP describes her behaviour, it sounds like she's in the midst of a breakdown.   My ex attempted suicide after I left and I know two other people who were successful in their suicide after a breakup.  

If he values her contribution as a mother, he would be wise to have his own boundaries without further twisting the screws on someone who's already sounding very precarious.

I believe this is part of why she is back home.  Her mother was wrong in the way she treated her, being upset with her daughter’s actions is one thing. For her to continue to beat her over the head with it was wrong. Her mother should at least been there just to hold her and show her that she is still loved by someone. As it turned out, flibbles wife had no one to turn too. Her life was spinning out of control with no where to anchor. 
 

I give WW a good job for not reaching out to the OM when all seemed lost. She could have very easily reached out for comfort from him went no one else was giving her any. This is why I believe she is showing true remorse for her actions. Time and time again we read where the WS goes back and forth with the OM/OW. Flibble’s wife has never done this.

Edited December 15, 2020 by usa1ah

[usa1ah]

I am glad to hear your wife is doing better mentally. 
 

Best to you and your wife. Look forward to hearing from you in a few weeks. 

[Zona]

Doing a DNA test is more of a way to demonstrate to a WW the seriousness of her actions. In your case, Mr. Flibble, it seems like enough pressure has been put on your WW already and no more pressure is needed at this time. I would still follow through with it though now that you have said you want it, otherwise she won't take you seriously.

I don't think your wife was overly invested in this guy emotionally, but a steamy make out session? I've never once had steamy make out session where sex didn't follow very quickly. It's a very bonding experience obviously.

Point being, keep your antennas up. There are countless stories of WW's begging, pleading, sobbing, etc., while secretly taking the affair underground. That's why when a wife cheats, divorce is much more likely. The problem is that waywards tend to be very adept liars.

I think you two have a really good shot at reconciliation as long as no more dark secrets emerge and as long as she gets some infidelity related IC. There is no rush. Take your time and make sure your wife's positive actions aren't temporary.

Hopefully you can enjoy the holiday season as a family.

I'm sorry you have been fed the sh*t sandwhich that many of us here have already tasted. This stuff ain't easy to deal with, and your emotions will be all over the map. That is totally normal and it will calm over time.

Edited December 15, 2020 by Zona

[Birdies]

Hey there.  I was married and cheated on my husband with another married man.  I think you are handling this just fine.  Try to ignore the ridiculous posts about being abusive or whatever.  Your world has been turned completely upside down, and you are being smart by keeping your wife at arm's length for a while, and by doing important things like STD tests and DNA checks on your kids.  I think you have a really good sense of the best way through this trauma and that you are successfully keeping yourself from sweeping it all under the rug.  Keep on keeping on.

Of course your wife is upset and suffering.  She has basically ruined her entire life, and she has no one to blame but herself.  It's a very, very dark feeling.  Been there done that.  That doesn't mean that you are abusing her or any other such bulls***.

[Buffer]

Brother I fully understand the what, why’s, how’s that you are going through. Great that you both are reaching out for IC to help you through this. 
I always say that a hug will always help both parties mentally. Not banging sex just a touch, or hugs 🫂. The naked bit, tell her what you were feeling I always say I am not a mind reader. If you don’t communicate she will not know. 
Strength to you through this and respect. 
One day at a time. 
Buffer

[MickeyBill]

7 hours ago, Zona said:

I don't think your wife was overly invested in this guy emotionally, but a steamy make out session? I've never once had steamy make out session where sex didn't follow very quickly. It's a very bonding experience obviously.

Well I have...so your mileage may vary.

[usa1ah]

10 hours ago, Zona said:

Doing a DNA test is more of a way to demonstrate to a WW the seriousness of her actions. In your case, Mr. Flibble, it seems like enough pressure has been put on your WW already and no more pressure is needed at this time. I would still follow through with it though now that you have said you want it, otherwise she won't take you seriously.

I don't think your wife was overly invested in this guy emotionally, but a steamy make out session? I've never once had steamy make out session where sex didn't follow very quickly. It's a very bonding experience obviously.

Point being, keep your antennas up. There are countless stories of WW's begging, pleading, sobbing, etc., while secretly taking the affair underground. That's why when a wife cheats, divorce is much more likely. The problem is that waywards tend to be very adept liars.

I think you two have a really good shot at reconciliation as long as no more dark secrets emerge and as long as she gets some infidelity related IC. There is no rush. Take your time and make sure your wife's positive actions aren't temporary.

Hopefully you can enjoy the holiday season as a family.

I'm sorry you have been fed the sh*t sandwhich that many of us here have already tasted. This stuff ain't easy to deal with, and your emotions will be all over the map. That is totally normal and it will calm over time.

Mr Flibble has actually said that there is a little voice in his head asking if his girls are his. He is actually doing the DNA test to prove to himself they are his girls. 

Edited December 16, 2020 by usa1ah

[merrmeade]

18 hours ago, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

Thank you. My wife will survive, but now I am sure moving her back here and out of her mom's was the right decision. The change in her is quite frankly unbelievable.

It's great to get advice on here, even though I might not agree with some of you it's still a good approach to get the different oppinions and see other options.

Yes, my wife was at a very dark place.  In last two days I can see her mood changing. Not sure if it's me taking the divorce of a table (at least for now) or her getting out of her mom's influence. But she's doing better. And I am too

I'm sure you made the right decision. You are kind and compassionate, and your natural response was to save a drowning victim because you could and there was no one else. I'm not going to argue one second about her motives or prognosis or whether she deserves it. She needed it and there' was no one else. You're the boots on the ground and have to act as you see. I don't know if it's been mentioned, but your children are another reason. I think it's totally valid for you to make  some decisions so your children won't worry. You also don't want to do anything that they will judge or resent later.. Believe me, they watch and take it all in. 

When my son decided to divorce, it was a few days before Thanksgiving, 2018. There were whispered conversations here and there about whether she should come. In the end, my grandson marched right up to me and asked why she didn't come. I was glad I'd texted her and could answer him honestly that she had decided not to because she didn't want to make his dad uncomfortable. Finished. All he wanted was the truth from somebody and to know we were not punishing her. It was only the one time but a lesson in advance for all of us - - to make sure the kids don't get anxious. They shouldn't have to question whether adults are still in charge and keeping everyone safe.

It won't always be like this. All these events are fall-out from the enormous trauma of D-day. This one has gone pretty far. You have to make decisions for your marriage first but protect the children from the fallout as much as possible.