Love outside of religion

[Loucas]

Hello, 

I was born in a small religious community for a very good parents, we have everything thank god. (except some disagreements with my dad because I am different than him-anyway I believe he loves me anyway but doesn't know how to show his love)

In our community we are allowed to marry Only within our religion (sometimes you get lucky and know someone you love from high school or college so it makes things easier) other times people just have to marry whatever comes..because you don't have any other option and don't want to stay alone for life (supply and demand within this religion)- the choice is yours but you have to hurry up to find a girl. Generally the divorce in our community is very very low, unlike any other religion.

to make things shorter, 

since I got 19 years old and started working for a company happened to date some girls from other cultures, It made me feel bored about my whole life ("whatever you do you have to live in the same village beside your parents and marry someone from our community)

Eventually got in a relationship with a Christian girl that works with me ,I love her I met her Grandmother she is amazing, every time I visit I get any food I want she is like a chief she is like my mother! we can talk for 100 hours ,We communicate in her language, she got a very clever girl and I love her I feel safe with them .

The problem : If I tell my parents they will get me out of the house and call me a betrayal ,They don't allow it . should I leave home ? Eventually I could lose my brothers relationships also, they will hate me . Everything I grew on will vanish in seconds because of this stupid religion 

A lot of questions running in my head, If I leave my family for this love and somehow things didn't go well in years to come and got divorced, who do I have now to trust ? go to?

I'll be alone . Is this worth the risk ? Is my love 100% true ? will everything go smooth in the future ? should I even consider it as an option ?

If I give up, will I find similar girl within my religion ? Can you always find a girl to love ?

Generally speaking, Yes I love to travel I love other cultures, I love Girls from other Cultures more, I love to live it also..this makes it special and real wouldn't it ? it makes more conversations more adrenaline more to know ..

 

let me know what you think please ,thank you for reading .

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Loucas said:

I was born in a small religious community for a very good parents

In our community we are allowed to marry Only within our religion

since I got 19 years old and started working for a company happened to date some girls from other cultures, It made me feel bored about my whole life 

Eventually got in a relationship with a Christian girl that works with me ,I love her

If I tell my parents they will get me out of the house and call me a betrayal ,They don't allow it .

Take your time. It sounds like you'll be shunned. Don't string this girl along. The forbidden fruit is certainly more tempting than arranged marriages, etc., however you can date but be clear that marriage is not in the cards because of your cultural/religious beliefs.

[Ellener]

Your broken-english writing is excellent @Loucas

There's a busy Anglican community in Tel Aviv if you wish to meet Christians, or you could travel some within Israel and overseas.

Do people have to marry who their parents and community tell them? No, of course not. 

Everything comes at a price, the security of family-marriage, or freedom of choices.

 

[Loucas]

On 10/25/2020 at 11:14 PM, Ellener said:

Your broken-english writing is excellent @Loucas

There's a busy Anglican community in Tel Aviv if you wish to meet Christians, or you could travel some within Israel and overseas.

Do people have to marry who their parents and community tell them? No, of course not. 

Everything comes at a price, the security of family-marriage, or freedom of choices.

 

Hhhh what do you mean by saying "Your broken-english writing is excellent @Loucas"

why it's broken?

anyway thank you for your advice, it all comes to a price.

[Bestmanm8]

Hello Loucas, 

You need listen to your heart. The place that you feel belong will be your place. There are few questions you need ask yourself (you can send me the answers privately)

1. How much time you know this girl? Is she friend of you only week/ month /year? If more than year or more- did you feel you have good and supporting realtionship? This girl by your side? Does she know the problems you have in life?

2. Where the place of your future? Where you feel better- happy and safe. Do you see you and her together? Or you going live your life in village with religion?

3. Do you love the religion? A lot of people are atheism- no religion these days. How much the religion taking your freedom? Are you from Amish religion?

The advice of Ellener above right. Your parents will not tell you which woman to marry. I got married 5 years ago- my parents don't want to appreciate her and ignore her. I block them from my life as there toxic and negative opinions.

If you give up maybe you will regret it to the rest of your life. You think about the miss of LOVE of your life. If she will move on with other man you jealous of him. This days it difficult hard find real connection of two people. The Christian are open for others and she want you for some reasons. She easily find someone else. Tell her your real feelings.

Never give up do what make you happy. All life need take a risk to move on and feel ALIVE!! The fact you breathing not say you alive.

Yours [email protected]

[d0nnivain]

There's balance in everything.   You are only 19 & you are dating this Christian girl.  That doesn't mean you will marry her.  Don't rock the boat before you have to.   

I have never been a fan of any religion that isn't open minded but that is just me.  Do speak to your rabbi & pray for guidance / wisdom.   See how you feel in a few months.  

[major_merrick]

Marriages work best between people who have things in common.  Which includes religion.

You and your girl should be on the same page about this, and family support is important.  I doubt the relationship will work out for either of you, unless one of you converts to the other's faith.  In my faith, marriage outside the faith is frowned upon.  I had to convert to marry my husband, so I understand a little of what you're going through.

Since there are a lot of Americans on this forum, you'll get a lot of "follow your heart" answers. Americans (and Westerners in general) tend to be highly individualistic.  But please consider your family and your culture, as our advice is NOT universal.

[Pumaza]

Sound like a cult. You are young,chill.You dont have to marry her just because you like her.Just get to know her.

And eventhou you grew up in that cult, you are a free person.Free to chose what to believe and who to be with.

If you want to break free one day, just make a plan first,and see where or how you gonna handle it all.Find few freinds that support you.And save some money.

[Lucyharper398]

If your culture is same then it will be more easy for both of you to enjoy your successful relationship.

[Fletch Lives]

On 10/25/2020 at 3:29 PM, Loucas said:

If I give up, will I find similar girl within my religion ? Can you always find a girl to love ?

You can love many women, so yes.

On the other hand, some people leave their family and religion to be with a lover. It's your life, the choice is yours.Good luck to you!