Annabella_Gon Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 A guy I was in a serious relationship twelve years ago came back into my life two years ago. We had both never gotten over each other and we talked through the issues that broke us up in the first place (too young to settle down, wanting to accept a job abroad). We talked every day and were arranging to meet (we live in different states) when his twin brother died suddenly one day. It was horrific and such a shock. I tried to be there for him and he kept in contact and asked me if I could come see him after the funeral. When I got there, he said he was not able to be romantic, only sexual, unlike how he'd been before. I told him I couldn't agree to that even under the terrible circumstances, and I left. I felt wretched and after a few phone calls, I decided it was too painful for us to be in regular contact as he was in such pain and needed me but only as a friend. He reached out again a few months ago and he seems to be in a good place all things considered. It is lovely to be in contact as I missed him dearly but my guard is really up. We didn't talk about what happened two years ago and I'm not entirlely sure he even really remembers it as he was mad with grief at the time. But we talk reegularly and he wants to come to see me and compliments me, and seems very eager to have contact. I really just want to know if he sees me as a friend who he might be able to sleep with if we meet again or if he has the same feelings he had and that I still have when we were talking before. I just wonder if by virtue of me talking to him, he sees this as me basically saying that I do agree to being friends with benefits now. One part of me wants to just ask him straight but the other is afraid of seeming like I'm coming on too strong, too soon and I couldn't consider anything serious right now with the pandemic etc. But I don't want to feel used either. Any advice would be great, thanks! Annie Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 After a death sex can be life affirming. I can understand why he wanted sex but give him kudos for recognizing that his emotional tank was empty so he couldn't be romantic like he knew you wanted. He was candid. Given your stance on FWB, that they aren't for you, I'd assume he came back in contact with you knowing full well that there will be no hanky panky unless you two are back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 Yes, he sees you as a hookup/FWB situation. It's long distance, too much bad past history and basically not viable as a relationship. So if you both want out of town hookups now and then, it's fine. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 You've already tried twice to be with this guy, and twice it didn't work out. I don't buy that "life circumstances" were always the reason that the two of you didn't work out. If you were really such a great match, you would have ended up together. It's usually not a good idea to try and revive old relationships that already didn't work out multiple times before. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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