Recurring Ex Gf Dream

[seany25]

Hi guys,

Three years ago I dated this lovely blonde lady for a month. I originally approached her in the street one day 4 years prior to our first date (4 years to the day). It was just the way the timing worked out - we lost initial contact having never met up after the original approach, and our first date fell on the exact day 4 years later, which was of course a romantic little touch. After a handful of dates and having started to get close, I cut it off. I hate to sound rude, but it was due a tiny imperfection of hers which irritated me. I think it was unnecessarily harsh though and I regretted it.

Anyways, a year after I cut it off I had a dream about her, exactly one year to the day after our first date (there seemed to be a pattern emerging with that date now!). And in the two following years I have again dreamt about her during that same week of September that our first date was during.

So last night I had that yearly dream about her and it went like this... There was some sort of vintage themed outside event on in the grounds of a mansion and I pulled up in a car. She came walking over to me with her hair done gorgeous and wearing a sexy red dress and she asked me if I was available, then she kissed me through the car window. The she walked over to a crowd of friends and I drove around the other side of a green at the front of the mansion to wait on her. As I was sitting waiting on her there was an eclipse of the sun, and I woke up soon after that.

This is probably the first time in my life that I've ever attempted to interpret what a dream meant but due to the significance of me always dreaming about her during this particular week, it has been on my mind all day long. In my limited knowledge of dream interpretation, I took it to mean that my dream may have been telling me that she was the sun that's been eclipsed from my life.

I'm a psychology graduate and continuing student, so this has been a very poignant experience for me. Out of 52 weeks in a year, how does my brain know to dream about her during this particular week? It's incredible. She seems to have a location in my brain that pops up every year to say hi in my sleep.

Anyways, I couldn't stop myself from contacting her this morning for the first time in 2 years to tell her about it (2 years ago I did tell her about the first dream) and I had this little fantasy in my head of us getting back together. However, she and her partner are expecting their first baby in a few months. So the fantasy was short lived.

Can anyone enlighten me more about this?

Edited September 21, 2020 by seany25

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, seany25 said:

I couldn't stop myself from contacting her this morning for the first time in 2 years to tell her about it, she and her partner are expecting their first baby in a few months. So the fantasy was short lived.

The month you dated, was it this time of year? Sorry to hear this, time to let go. Have you dated many women since?

[seany25]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The month you dated, was it this time of year? Sorry to hear this, time to let go. Have you dated many women since?

Yeah like I said, this very week is the week we first began dating, as well as being the week we first met 4 years prior to that. And still this week continues to hold significance by dreaming about her each year. It's really blowing mind how my brain is able to do this without any thought or provocation.

Yeah I've dated lots of women. I'm not hung up on this girl, but just this morning it really hit me like "why have I had this dream at the same time three years in a row now?" It made me think maybe I should get her back. But I'm happy for her.

[mark clemson]

On 9/21/2020 at 1:37 PM, seany25 said:

Can anyone enlighten me more about this?

I'm unable to, although some dreams have an element of wish fulfillment in them, so you might wish for the positive aspects of her. She was a bit of a "trophy" perhaps, and the social recognition of you having such a (very attractive) GF is perhaps something you desire at some level. You ended it with her and so lost an opportunity for that, hence the eclipse as the potential for "magnificence" was lost.

All of this is complete speculation on my part, however. There may be something much deeper OR there may be nothing special going on with it. Dreams are like that, sometimes they can mean a LOT, and other times they are mostly "processing" elements of your day-to-day IMO.

[Curious-Sam]

On 9/21/2020 at 11:21 PM, seany25 said:

Yeah like I said, this very week is the week we first began dating, as well as being the week we first met 4 years prior to that. And still this week continues to hold significance by dreaming about her each year. It's really blowing mind how my brain is able to do this without any thought or provocation.

Yeah I've dated lots of women. I'm not hung up on this girl, but just this morning it really hit me like "why have I had this dream at the same time three years in a row now?" It made me think maybe I should get her back. But I'm happy for her.

Were you conscious of the fact you had dreamed about her in this specific week ? If its on your mind - then subconscious can and often does draw into our dream world these types of things. Kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy. Maybe the first time was luck - then because you noticed it and were conscious of it during this week the dream continues to reoccur. If your more mystical perhaps you had some kind of spiritual connection.

I've had something similar in the past where I got together with a really great girl after my divorce - but I wasn't in the right time and I wasn't in the right emotional state to make it work due to still dealing with things from my divorce - it ended kind of badly. She really wanted something serious - and even though I really liked her I just wasn't emotionally ready for that.  A year after the break up I was in a much better space and really regretted how it went and the fact the timing didn't align. I had been thinking about her a lot and was looking at maybe getting in contact with her again to see if she would be interested in giving me anothe chance. I had a dream that night where I went to her house door was open so I went in sat on the couch. She came home but she had her new boyfriend with her (I didn't know she had a boyfriend - we had loosely kept in contact and met up a couple of times but I hadnt done any facebook stalking or asked about these things). We had a discussion in the dream where she said - I really really liked you. I really wanted us to be together - but now I've moved on and I'm with someone else.  I'm sorry - our timing didn't work out. She actually said - we were fated to get together - but basically I screwed it up and also said some really specific emotional things from what happened in our break up. 

 I looked up her facebook and saw she was in a relationship - shes now married to the guy.  Was super weird - felt like we had a virtual video call in the dream world. 

 

 

Edited September 29, 2020 by Curious-Sam

[Atwood]

There is something in the realm of psychology referred to as the anniversary effect. It's when certain emotions or feelings or thoughts return to you during a specific time which symbolises an anniversary of an event. It seems like this time of year reminds you of her subconsciously! Very sorry to hear it didn't work out. 

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm reading a book right now about exploring your own soul to decode your life and find your higher purpose. There's a section about dreamwork, and the author, a psychologist, says it's best if you interpret your own dreams, as you're better-equipped than anyone to do so.

But I'm interested in dream interpretation, so I have a few friends who occasionally like to tell me their dreams and get my read. 

Eclipses in dreams are associated with missing something in waking life, unrequited love, unfulfilled goals.

I get the sense that you're a very detail-oriented person, a perfectionist, which is why you moved on from this woman for a minor imperfection. Perhaps the lesson in this for you is that you don't need to discard things just because they're not perfect - and I say this as a former perfectionist who also had to learn this lesson.

Perfection is an illusion, and fixating on it can be a way of protecting yourself from really having to bond to anyone or anything. If nothing's perfect, you can stay safe in your ivory tower where everything is "perfect."

Perhaps it would help you progress in life and romance to get comfortable with imperfection.