do you think I deserve to put this behind me?

[Datingdisabled]

I had a really difficult several years and I allowed the wrong people to be on the journey with me. Looking back, I should have left immediately but i didn't. I allowed an obsession to destroy my life and confidence. 

I let people in who never should have been able to communicate with me and I was exposed to a lot of abuse. On-top of that, I moved to a new city and it wasn't very welcoming. My energy was very negative and I wasn't open to making friends. I didn't groom myself or take care if myself and most people did judge me. 

I didn't go on dates or connect with friends and I ended up in a very bad situation back in February. I was shocked by the amount of people that were participating and writing stories and I read them. The next thing you know, I'm sitting in bed, I can't get up, I have no energy, I feel drained and depressed all over again. I got up this morning and made myself a coffee and cancled my cleaner. To be honest, I don't feel confident enough to be around anyone as I feel like complete and utter shyte. Was that the intension? Does it matter?

I'm okay with being dumped and rejected. The thought of it happening again does not worry me the slightest. I'm in no shape to go out and date. I made a tinder account but I didn't complete my profile or post a picture. I just wanted to know that there were men out there I would be attracted to and there are. I'm probably going to spend the day around my house and tomorrow I have some shopping and errands to do. I'm hoping to start work on Monday and have appointments before then.

I have an referral in for a psychiatrist to get a fair assessment. I've never really opened up to drs because I had a bad experience with one when I mentioned hackers. The guy logged into my email and set up fake profiles using my email. I never gave him passwords, the guy did hack me. He took photos off my son's iPad and posted them on my Facebook. Your try to explain this to a mental health professional and they don't want to hear it.

It's been the same thing repeatedly since I met the guy. He's a great man and you are a loser, move on. Well alright, I am and I don't anticipate on ever looking back. Don't you think I deserve to move on and be free of this. Don't you think I deserve to continue to make choices for myself in a city very far away from his without him even knowing about it. I could sit here for the next three years and no one would give a darn. I'm going to start over and rebuild friendships but that's not a priority for me.

 

[balletomane]

OP, going by all your previous threads it seems that you're struggling with a very painful obsession. Some psychiatric support will probably help you very much with that. When you say that the mental health professional didn't want to hear it when you told them about hackers, I'm guessing they suggested that the hacking might not have happened? When your head is teeming with anxious thoughts and you're 100% convinced that they're all facts, it can feel as if people are being malevolent towards you when they suggest that things aren't quite as you perceive them. They aren't saying that your pain isn't real, just that it has different origins. I hope you're able to trust and work with this doctor.