Maniacal Mom Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 (edited) My daughter just got married this past weekend and her new mother in law did all she could to ruin the wedding. Ending with her verbally attacking me and rounding up all of their side of the family and stomping out just as reception was beginning. She obviously has a low opinion of our family and was rude, insulting and disrespectful. Then attempted to blame all her shenanigans on our side of the family. I feel just awful for my new son in law and my daughter. He is heart broken. She is still angry. His family contacted him after 3 days and said they are not sorry and have no regrets about their behavior. I really believe they are toxic and fear they will do all they can to cause problems with my daughters marriage. What advice should I give her concerning this. Edited September 17, 2020 by Maniacal Mom Removed excessive formatting. Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 (edited) Although I did not have my mother in law or my mom do this at my wedding , I did know my mother in law couldn't stand me. For the first 20 years I moved 1000 miles away from them visiting once in a while. The after 20 years they showed up. Nothing but drama. attempting to force my wife to side against me. I know it will probably hurt you but in my case distance was my best friend...If that picture is you WOW ..I bet your daughter is as beautiful as you are. I know it's wrong to say that but hey. I'm getting old ps. on a side note I found out after 20 years her mom never turned in the final paperwork to the state of calif. so legally I wasn't married to her daughter for all that time. guess she was trying to give her an out.. Edited September 17, 2020 by ajequals Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 Like you I feel sorry for your daughter. Anyone seeing what happened knows the truth. Reassure your daughter that you love her & that her husband loves her. As long as he is by her side, not trying to make excuses for his family, let her know that things will be OK. Members of my husband's family don't like me so we avoid them. I told him that he could still visit with them etc. he picked me & that has made all the difference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Cut them off, stop talking to them... that's really all she can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 When you marry, you marry the person's family. I wouldn't marry into such a toxic family. Now she'll have to deal with them as long as she's with her husband. Her fate rests in her husband's hands and how effectively he establishes and maintains boundaries with his toxic family. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 (edited) I saw a Dr. Phil episode about this exact issue. The MIL had a melt down at her daughter's wedding. The mother-daughter were estranged from each other due to the mother raising her son and two daughters in a toxic household with their 3rd step-dad who was verbally and physically abusive to the children and the mother just stood there and let her husband beat her children. When her daughter invited her mother to her wedding, the mother had a huge tantrum at the ceremony b/c no one was paying attention to HER at her daughter's wedding. So she cursed, slammed doors, and got physically violent at her daughter's ceremony and reception to the point where they police were called. On 9/17/2020 at 12:18 AM, Maniacal Mom said: I really believe they are toxic and fear they will do all they can to cause problems with my daughters marriage. What advice should I give her concerning this. There is nothing you can do. It's not your fight. You are not married to the son, your daughter is. As his MIL, you should just mind your own business and not get involved. If you think by getting involved you will help resolve the situation, you are wrong. All your involvement will do, is make your SIL resent you for turning his wife (your daughter) against him and his family. And it will put your daughter in an awkward situation where she has to choose between her husband or you. She'll choose her husband of course, and estrange herself from you. So, save yourself the Dr. Phil episode, and do NOT get involved. It was a wedding. It's over with now. Leave it alone. Let the SIL and your daughter handle those people. They are not yours to handle. And its your daughter's marriage - not yours. So, don't meddle. Stay out of it. Edited September 28, 2020 by Watercolors Link to post Share on other sites
Pastypop Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 (edited) My husband’s mother and family were more covert than this. I feel bad for your daughter because this is only the beginning. She will destroy her reputation and yours, undermine her, play games, isolate and ignore her. When the babies come, she will take it up a notch by questioning everything your daughter does and eroding her self confidence. It is truly going to be awful! I took this abuse for years and years and never told anyone what was going on. One day after many years of marriage, I told my family what was going on and was amazed by how abusive my husband’s family was them too. After his family bad mouthed me to my kids, I grew a pair and told them all to go straight to Hell! What happened after that has been a blissful 12 years of No Contact! They are still ruining my reputation but I don’t live near them so it doesn’t matter. In all those years, I never realized I held all the cards because I had too many kids for my husband to leave! Wish I would have resolved it sooner. After suffering all those years with that abuse, I would never, ever let any woman treat my daughter like that. I would put that bitch in her place in a hurry. Let her know, that you will not allow her to abuse your daughter under any circumstances. Tell her, your daughter has your and your families full support. These MILs get away with this crap because they think no one will stand up to them and put a stop to it (which is almost always the case). After you’ve given her a stern talking too, just set back and let her shoot herself in the foot. It may take a long while but her intense hatred of your daughter will tear her family apart. Continue to be nice, helpful and respectful to your SIL and daughter. Over time, you will notice that they want to spend more time with you over the holidays. Please don’t ignore the situation or detach. That will make your daughter feel alone, not supported and unloved. I know because I lived this! It was truly awful and changed me forever! I waited far to long for the perfect opportunity to end that relationship and get my kids away from his family for good. It took a bit but they got bolder and bolder and finally handed me the opportunity I’d been waiting for. When I took her grandkids away from her I did with a calculated cruelness and coldness she never saw coming. She is truly a horrible woman and deserves everything she got!! Edited September 30, 2020 by Pastypop Link to post Share on other sites
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