Author Love2015 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 Hi everyone, thanks for feedback. So...I did not enter that situation thinking it's just fwb...on the contrary I laid down clearly what I wanted and he stated same..this was a second time around with this guy (I had properly dated him for 7 months back in 2017/2018) so I wanted to give it a real shot again. He knew that. He went from that talk to suddenly this within less than 3 months. As mentioned, o had already cut it off as he clearly was no moving past fwb. So yes , i do feel a little upset about it. Having said this ..in no way did i deserve such disrespect when he is contacting me (after two weeks of me calling it quits) and when I reply ..I get this treatment. It was no provoked ...just very insulting. Second time I messaged to see...and when I got same treatment, I proceeded to block. I failed to mention that when I called it quits...like two weeks ago..i said i need to block him ...cause would continue msging me when he wanted to see me but not make it into something (mind fu*) ...he asked me not to block him and he will respect not contacting me. So I didn't ...two week down the line...this is what happened. I was grieving his no relationship with me....like bummer kind of and now this. Needless to say he has been blocked. I kind of needed to vent ...thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 You dodged a bullet. Did it make you recall why you ended it the last time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love2015 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You dodged a bullet. Did it make you recall why you ended it the last time? ...first time was much better..we actually were dating and doing stuff and respecting each other...I recall breaking it off because I was not ready ( still ex husband and I had joint property issues ) so I thought it was me. But now I realize back then he probably thought it was ok because I was not ready so the "relationship" was not for real...I just didn't realize it. I also really breaking it off cause i felt he was inconsistent ...again thought it was me...clearly not really. Oh well...it doesn't matter anymore. Making way to continue being happy and hopefully one day.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 26, 2020 Share Posted November 26, 2020 On 11/25/2020 at 4:16 AM, Love2015 said: he bluntly ended up texting things like: "Don't message me, I will let you know when I can come see you.! " so ....not even booty call respect? Like I was not even asking him to meet..it was more like after some 4 weeks of no contacting....out of the blue he messages to see how I am letting me know he is out of town. When I asked where is he...that was his reply! I was taken aback. and then 4 days letter I messaged again with same response. He was rude the first time, so why on earth did you contact him again 4 days later? I agree that you don't deserve that sort of treatment. But you also need to not stick your hand in the fire again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love2015 Posted March 29, 2021 Author Share Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) What to do when...you reconnect with ghost from past for a third time in the span of three years. You once again have sex and once more they tell you they cannot give you a relationship. You proceed to let them know it's all good ..let's be friendly and keep it text level cause after all you know by disconnecting and reconnecting, that is exactly why the sex happens...and he proceeds to block you as he cannot hear from you …that it's ok and that you will search for someone who is serious but you can remain friends. We did not fight...I did not force a relationship. I accepted its just sex, then why the blocking again? Is this person manipulative? Immature? a**h***? I have learned now not to react...have accepted this is all it was ever...don't want this for my life so learned to let go yet he still had to create drama? Anyways, I have proceeded to block him as well unless you all have a different advice. I figured he will stay forever blocked as I don't like feeling disrespected for calling it as it is. Edited March 29, 2021 by Love2015 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Being friends with someone like this is completely unrealistic. Time to cut off all ties, forever. Work on establishing better boundaries for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 15 hours ago, Love2015 said: You proceed to let them know it's all good ..let's be friendly and keep it text level cause.... ...and he proceeds to block you Yes. Deleting and blocking is what you could have done. He doesn't want a text buddy or the friendzone. When it's over, it's over. This way it frees you up to move forward without background noise from the past. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 On 9/3/2020 at 11:47 PM, Love2015 said: we did end up having amazing sex and he said he wants friends with benefits with an exclusive girl You are allowing him to use you. He's told you more than once that he doesn't want a relationship. You're making this a lot harder than it has to be. Either you go along with the FWB or you move on. You will not be able to convince him in words, or with your body, to want a relationship and love. Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 @mark clemson already told you what's going on. This guy has an avoidant insecure attachment style and you have an anxious one. The dynamic between the two usually comes with what feels like a crazy connection that is never actually fully satisfying or satiated, and goes in circles. So this uncommitted situation will repeat every time you engage with him, with neither of you actually happy. The pull and "something there" you still feel is not a love bond, it's based in the past wounds you both have. The only way to change it is for you to work on your boundaries and self-esteem to get more secure so that you would no longer put up with this treatment from him or anyone else. You've likely still got leftover trauma from your ex-husband, and from something in your past even before that, which makes emotionally unavailable men who don't have enough respect for you seem very attractive. You get through this by not abandoning yourself, not abandoning your needs, not settling for a man who is only capable of giving you less than you want or deserve. Confront and heal your trauma so it doesn't control how you choose men. You know you can do better, do things on your own terms instead of a man-child's. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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