Platonic romance

[Sofia_1985]

Hello,

I am 36 years old and have never been married before. I work for a large company.

A year ago, a man joined our department and seemed to be fond of me in a romantic way. I keep pushing him away because he is 17 years older (53) and has been married twice, ending up with three children.

Besides, he and I are from opposite family backgrounds. I was born and grew up in a large city while he comes from the countryside.

I wonder what a relationship with him would be like. Can anyone give me advice objectively?

Thank you.

[d0nnivain]

Dating where you work comes with a whole host of potential problems.  As a result, it should be avoided. 

At 53 if he's married & divorced twice, I'd stay away.  Do you really want to be stepmom to 3 kids by 2 different women?  Yikes.  He also may not want or be able to afford more children.  

[Sofia_1985]

Thank you very much for your advice. However I am wondering how wrong is it to like him back even if the relationship remains platonic.

Edited July 6, 2020 by Sofia_1985

[d0nnivain]

it's not wrong but it may be pointless. 

Liking him back also means your feelings will grow.  The next think you will find yourself entangled with an unsuitable man facing greater heart break.  

[Foxhall]

I dont think there is a major issue with the different backgrounds, diverse backgrounds coming together and finding common ground can be interesting, I find that with my own relationship,

the age difference might be a problem, 

most people would say he is getting the better deal- a younger vibrant woman and so on,

I suppose if you are not that bothered about having your own children and are drawn to a father figure type, well could still work out.

 

[Sofia_1985]

The father figure type is the whole issue in my life. I am the youngest in my family, my brothers are 57 and 50 years old. I am 36 years old physically but not mentally because I grew up among much older family members including cousins and friends. I have already been told that people of my age don't get close to me because of the image I reflect. Too confident, too much independant and so on. That is how I was raised. And because my attraction to people is at first spiritual I feel most comfortable with intelligent and highly educated people . Someone told me that I need to admire a man in order to be able to love him and settle down with him.

Thank you very much for your time.

 

 

 

[elaine567]

I get it, you are attracted to the older dynamic but men in their 50s are not necessarily going to like ultra confident, independent women any more than men your  own age are, it depends on the man not the age.
The twice married and three kids are a bigger issue as you are single and dealing with baggage like that can be very hard.
The why also needs to be ascertained, why did his marriages fail? 
What is his relationship history? 

[gaius]

Who you like is who you like. There's nothing wrong or right about liking them. 

You haven't provided much info about this guy, but based on what you have I would guess he probably doesn't make the best husband or father. Women generally like to hold onto the really good ones, especially when they've fathered their children, and the fact he's got 2 women in a row he either couldn't handle or who could do without him is usually telling.

Not that that means you should stay away. He just might be a bit of a fixer upper. He also could be one of these guys women take advantage of. Good on paper, good job, good for getting a baby and child support out of but doesn't really lead or command respect. If just having a baby and a father who will financially support it appeals to you he might be perfect.