Ellener Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 Well this week, I got an eye infection from re-using paper face cover masks, also had to accept I have no sleep schedule and insomnia ( which doesn't help recover from an eye infection ) My business, musical performing and most of my professional life is postponed. My personal relationships are all at a distance. I feel like the pandemic is different than anything else I've ever dealt with in life. I keep dealing with practical stuff but I am sad all the time. Oh my little dog just settled by my side...I want her level of contentment. I got it before by things like providing that for her...so what's changed? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 I’m sorry you’re in the dumps. I just think it’s a low energy vibration hanging around. All these restrictions plus the tension of fearing strangers and strangers fearing us everywhere we go can really get to us. try to keep the faith x 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 3 hours ago, Ellener said: so what's changed? The extent of change in our daily lives is overwhelming. Our rules for day to day are uncertain, so it's almost impossible to make solid plans for the future. We soldier on for awhile trying to be positive, but at some point it's just too much. Of course some will reference how our ancestors and/or people in war torn countries have such harder lives and we're all just snow flakes if we express unhappiness, but the reality is that having our worlds upended, no matter how fortunate we were and are, takes a psychological and emotional toll. Being single and not having regular in-person contact with other people adds to the feelings of loss and uncertainty. Let yourself feel the sadness sometimes, we have to recognize and process what we're feeling in order to deal with it effectively. But try hard not to dwell on it or wallow for too long at a time. Take the opportunities that you do have to connect with the things and people that make you feel good. Consider, if you're not, spending time with friends outside and socially distanced - back yards, parks, etc. That change after a few months of never seeing anyone but masked strangers at the grocery store once every week-10 days helped me a lot. Of course that's a very personal decision you'll have to make. I'm accepting that certain things that were my normal are probably gone for good, and I'm trying to see it as another life transition (I've been through several) that will lead me to new things I never knew I would enjoy. Life's next adventure in a strange and scary time. I hope posting and reading here help you as well, I enjoy your posts. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 2 hours ago, amaysngrace said: try to keep the faith x I do and I will, thanks @amaysngrace 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 2 hours ago, FMW said: try hard not to dwell on it or wallow for too long at a time. Take the opportunities that you do have to connect with the things and people that make you feel good. Consider, if you're not, spending time with friends outside and socially distanced - back yards, parks, etc. That change after a few months of never seeing anyone but masked strangers at the grocery store once every week-10 days helped me a lot. Of course that's a very personal decision you'll have to make. At the start of the pandemic my living arrangements were precarious and I walked miles every day out in nature, I want to get back to that if my damaged feet will cooperate! And I book the pool here as often as possible, that's a joyful thing being in water listening to the birds! But you are right, I am beginning to 'wallow' in endless reminiscing. This is also the first year I have had no worries or responsibilities in a long time, ironically. It was something I looked forward to, especially my son's growing up and being okay. Another irony, he's great now, so he doesn't need his mum! so joyful but also a rite of passage. Masked strangers at the grocery store...without the masks, it was those people who pulled the community through Harvey floods in 2017, and they have all disappeared now, I rarely see a familiar face there. Or maybe it's just I go less frequently and different times, when it's empty. An empty world, how we long for that sometimes, the busy world to be hushed, yet I see how painful it is in reality, people almost can not be away from each other even to save health and lives. It does give increased empathy for the other people who face death on a daily basis, being suddenly faced by a plague in the middle of Manhattan. All my HIV+ve friends will be saying finally! Why don't we learn? Why are people so selfish and angry and judgmental as though it's a saving grace? I know....it's beyond us to solve. Thank you for your kindness @FMW about my writing. It's a continuing refrain for my life, write more, write about me, write about you....I'm just struggling to catch up. There's a poem by Seamus Heaney: Between my finger and my thumb The squat pen rests; snug as a gun. Under my window, a clean rasping sound When the spade sinks into gravelly ground: My father, digging. I look down Till his straining rump among the flowerbeds Bends low, comes up twenty years away Stooping in rhythm through potato drills Where he was digging. The coarse boot nestled on the lug, the shaft Against the inside knee was levered firmly. He rooted out tall tops, buried the bright edge deep To scatter new potatoes that we picked, Loving their cool hardness in our hands. By God, the old man could handle a spade. Just like his old man. My grandfather cut more turf in a day Than any other man on Toner’s bog. Once I carried him milk in a bottle Corked sloppily with paper. He straightened up To drink it, then fell to right away Nicking and slicing neatly, heaving sods Over his shoulder, going down and down For the good turf. Digging. The cold smell of potato mould, the squelch and slap Of soggy peat, the curt cuts of an edge Through living roots awaken in my head. But I’ve no spade to follow men like them. Between my finger and my thumb The squat pen rests. I’ll dig with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 18 minutes ago, Ellener said: But you are right, I am beginning to 'wallow' in endless reminiscing. Hey Ellener We seem to post on similar topics, I always enjoy seeing your name popping up too. You seem like a very kindhearted spirit. I'm sorry you're feeling so down lately. It's easy to be with everything looking so grim…. I think being isolated is especially hard since it just cuts to the core of who we are as human beings…. We find meaning by sharing things with others and right now, it's just not possible to do so. Other posters have already suggested some things to help, so I'll only add one suggestion. It might sound a bit weird. Next time you beginn reminiscing, instead of being sad….enjoy it. I don't know if you can relate, but there is something beautiful about feeling nostalgic. After all those are happy memories. I have spent a lot of time this pandemic looking at old pictures, thinking about good times spent with family and friends. It is sad, but heartwarming at the same time. Also, the things you miss most can tell you a lot about how you wish to live your life going forward. Things are crappy right now, but they won't be forever. Sending you hugs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 Sorry you're feeling down and dealing with an eye infection. I've always liked your posts. I feel you're a kindred spirit, in that we're both nurturing, sensitive, creative, and humanitarian. I'm recently single, working from home, have no real interpersonal interaction right now other than visiting my parents a couple times a month, and life has been very quiet lately. Somehow I'm managing to keep my spirits up pretty well. I'm not at my typical levels of energy and enthusiasm, but I'm chugging along. For me, it's all kinds of little things that keep me from getting too bogged down in sadness and loneliness. I make lists of things I'm thankful for, browse Pinterest and plan out my ideal house plant oasis at home, gather inspiring images and thoughts, take mini workout breaks, take walks and jogs, do a little yoga, blast some good music and dance. Some days I barely do any of this, but other days I have more energy and make it happen. I didn't know you're a professional musician. That's cool. Have you looked into virtual performance options - either paid or just for fun? 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) Just offering a hug... and a gentle reminder that this too shall pass... Is there anything new you can learn? For example, learning to knit after my moms passing was really cathartic for me. Can you learn to knit, or quilt, or paint, or get back to playing the piano, or write poetry.... Sometimes just finding something to occupy your mind and something “new”to be excited about can be very helpful. Edited July 3, 2020 by BaileyB 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: Is there anything new you can learn? I bought myself a guitar and a 'teach yourself' CD...Ithen gave it away but I can go do that again @Ruby Slippers I started writing a project for memory care but until my eye recovers I can't do the 'recognition' stuff I planned ( I've been working with some of the people for over a decade ) I just sent off what I already did and changed track... Been learning gardening ( the hard way apparently! @nospam99 tells me growing plants from seed is too difficult! ) Thanks everyone for being here, being present with me, with each other. I keep setting up a date with this really nice man then Covid-cancelling... Edited July 3, 2020 by Ellener space 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 @ellener. Just rhubarb and other perennials. Annuals from seed works fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) It's been really hard for my wife dealing with so much death. On one ward where she sees patients, out of 30 patients, only 9 survived covid. I worry she will burn out emotionally, but she is pretty damn tough, physically and mentally tougher than I am by quite a bit. Good thing I don't have a fragile male ego lol. I'm glad your dog is giving you some comfort. Dogs are awesome. Edited July 3, 2020 by Zona 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fresh_Start Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 (edited) Hey Ellener. We've had a few brief exchanges about this in other threads, but I never shared any details with you and opted to keep it to myself. Since I don't have access to the private message feature yet, I'm going to put myself on display here to give you some perspective and tell you how I went from being in your shoes to where I am now. I fairly recently moved to a city just outside of Philadelphia so that I could be closer to my (now) ex as the next step towards moving in together, getting engaged, and everything else that follows. Because it was only ever intended to be a temporary living arrangement and it would save me money, I moved into a studio apartment. The relationship dissolved and the friendship ended so I was making plans to move to a bigger place in May. I've also been in the process of opening a new business that requires licensing and contracting with a government agency -- specifically the Office of Developmental Programs as I am opening a nonprofit business providing services to individuals with intellectual disabilities and autism. I had plans to attend a mandatory all day seminar/training/orientation with them in May as well. It was something that I'd waited 6 months for. Then the lockdown happened and derailed all of that as well as my weight lifting/bodybuilding, which is something I am just as passionate about as my business. Like you, I suffer from insomnia. It's something that I have been battling since I was 16 years old and over the years the effects of chronic and cumulative sleep deprivation have created secondary anxiety and tertiary depression when I deal with a particularly bad bout of it. I am legally designated as disabled by the Social Security Administration. In one fell swoop the lockdown indefinitely postponed the opening of my business, my move, my weight lifting/bodybuilding, and my sleep. For 90+ days I was essentially confined to living in a bedroom without even a pet to keep me company. From late April to mid May, I was pretty depressed. But then serendipity happened with the airing of "The Last Dance" on ESPN. It was a documentary about Michael Jordan and his final championship run with the Chicago Bulls. Jordan was one of my idols as a kid and is still my all time favorite athlete to this day. The documentary explored all of the ups and downs of Jordan's career and how he dealt with defeat. When he used to lose to the Pistons in the playoffs in the early parts of his career, he had to wait an entire year before he would have another shot at making it to the NBA Finals. In watching that, I thought about how Michael Jordan would respond to my circumstances and it ignited a fire in me that pulled me out of that depression and had me obsessively focused and driven (like he was) on doing everything in my power to passionately, but patiently, prepare to be the best provider of services to the intellectually disabled and autistic community -- first in my county, then in the state of Pennsylvania, and eventually the entire country. So my advice to you is to find something that you can be passionate about, whether it's your own business, your music, both, or something else entirely. To dig deep inside yourself for whatever it is that fuels you to excel and light a fire there. Remember that the race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running. Edited July 4, 2020 by Fresh_Start 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted July 4, 2020 Author Share Posted July 4, 2020 That's beautiful @Fresh_Start Thank you so much for sharing it, and it can be my inspiration for today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 On 7/3/2020 at 9:08 AM, Ellener said: Well this week, I got an eye infection from re-using paper face cover masks, also had to accept I have no sleep schedule and insomnia ( which doesn't help recover from an eye infection ) My business, musical performing and most of my professional life is postponed. My personal relationships are all at a distance. I feel like the pandemic is different than anything else I've ever dealt with in life. I keep dealing with practical stuff but I am sad all the time. Oh my little dog just settled by my side...I want her level of contentment. I got it before by things like providing that for her...so what's changed? This is one of the worst side-effects of this pandemic, and I think it's because it's not a normal situation at all, having to be isolated physically from others. I think many of us who live alone just need a hug desperately, after many months of no physical contact. I think its okay to feel sad about that. This is a great time to be a pet owner I think! I was also reading somewhere that too many people have suffered insomnia during lockdown. This may be a major contributing factor to bad mood, especially if it has been going on for days. By the way I think your profession is fascinating. Is there a chance you could do an online course related to your job? Like teaching your instrument online. Or play for us on youtube streaming 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted July 4, 2020 Author Share Posted July 4, 2020 2 hours ago, regine_phalange said: Is there a chance you could do an online course related to your job? Like teaching your instrument online. Or play for us on youtube streaming I hate to be filmed! I have this massive black eye right now, so unlikely to be filming anything for a few days! I started writing a course for therapeutic work with memory loss in nursing homes, I just pulled out all my notes, there's about 200 pages. I set up that program then resigned, I was working with a close friend and we butted heads big time about the same handful of safety issues over and over. If I'd stayed my recommendations would not have been implemented, so I gave all my notes away and told myself I'd done what I could for now. The nursing home industry is plagued with inadequate in-house online training, the staff sit there half-working half paying attention and click on the 'next' buttons and test answers much the same way as doing an online driving safety course...just to complete their required hours. There's a neat company called Allegra online, I like their online training courses for professionals who are passionate and want to read around the topics not just make up CE hours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fresh_Start Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 5 hours ago, regine_phalange said: I think many of us who live alone just need a hug desperately, after many months of no physical contact. At this point I would probably hug a cactus. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 1 hour ago, Fresh_Start said: At this point I would probably hug a cactus. You rang... (LOL)!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 All day drinking benders can help. Only joking, it`s very good for morale. Pop over to mine and look after my teen girls for a few hours... (I`ll be in the Pub as they have just reopened) Auntie Maggie numbers on the fridge should a shortage of biscuits arise. Help yourself to anything. Hope you feel better soon @Ellener 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted July 5, 2020 Author Share Posted July 5, 2020 You guys are the best of the worst of the best!!!! 2 hours ago, Haydn said: Auntie Maggie Not the Aunt Maggie? I remember playing around in my room in 1979 in England the day Thatcher was elected, it was to signify the end of my childhood. early May and it suddenly started snowing. My dad came upstairs and said 'it's an omen'. And it was. And I sat equally chilled when Edward Heath denounced her too at the end of his half-century of public service! they were different days then, statesperson days. In the US right now we don't have a political space for decent people however misguided. Mitch and monetary manipulation has taken over. Hey Fancy Farm...get orf my land! I do think my time in reality has come and gone now, let's see what the younger generation do with the world! and with elder annoyance embarrassments like me. Link to post Share on other sites
Fresh_Start Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 10 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: You rang... (LOL)!! I've been around your type of cactus before. You're all a bunch of little pricks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 1 minute ago, Fresh_Start said: I've been around your type of cactus before. You're all a bunch of little pricks. OMG! I just belly laughed out loud!! Thanks, I needed a good laugh this morning!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted July 5, 2020 Author Share Posted July 5, 2020 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: OMG! I just belly laughed out loud!! Thanks, I needed a good laugh this morning!! Me too@ Thanks @Fresh_Start Link to post Share on other sites
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