frankie1993 Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 Hey guys, I hope everyone is doing well. I have a quick question... My ex broke up with me a month ago and she happens to live in the same building as I do. We've been in no contact for two weeks and now she´s been diagnosed with COVID, so she can't leave her apartment. She doesn't now anyone else in the building (also new in the city) so she's asking me to do some favors for her like going to the supermarket, pharmacy, etc. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 What kind of person are you? You should help Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankie1993 Posted July 2, 2020 Author Share Posted July 2, 2020 Well, she hurt me when she broke up with me and now it hurts to receive this messages and leaving stuff for her at her door, when do I get to think on myself and getting better? She can always use delivery apps to get the stuff she needs... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 I personally think there's no right or wrong answer to this. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable, and make a decision that gives you the best peace of mind. If affects you that much to do this favor, then don't. But if you are the type who don't mind either way, then by all means. 47 minutes ago, frankie1993 said: She can always use delivery apps to get the stuff she needs You can tell her exactly this, and then block and go no contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 2 hours ago, frankie1993 said: Well, she hurt me when she broke up with me and now it hurts to receive this messages and leaving stuff for her at her door, when do I get to think on myself and getting better? She can always use delivery apps to get the stuff she needs... This is what I would suggest to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankie1993 Posted July 2, 2020 Author Share Posted July 2, 2020 2 hours ago, assertives said: I personally think there's no right or wrong answer to this. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable, and make a decision that gives you the best peace of mind. If affects you that much to do this favor, then don't. But if you are the type who don't mind either way, then by all means. You can tell her exactly this, and then block and go no contact. It would give me piece of mind to help her, she's a nice person. She didn't treat me wrong or anything, she just didn't want to go on with the relationship... But would she respect me less if I do all these favors for her? Of course I'm not going to go and buy her ice cream at 3am, just basic needs. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 7 hours ago, frankie1993 said: so she's asking me to do some favors for her like going to the supermarket, pharmacy, etc. What should I do? Tell her to download the Instacart app on her phone. That's what I have to do when I don't feel like going to the store. Unless You're trying to find a way back into the relationship. What happens when she's better and she chucks you back on the rubbish heap? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 Would I pick up something she ordered at the store on the same day I do my shopping? Yes I would, as long as it was a single pickup. The only thing you owe her is what you would owe any other neighbor in your building. BTW, don't date woman that live in your building unless you enjoy what is happening right now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 I'm a giver. So I would help her. She's alone & sick. You are her only local human. If Insta-cart can help her let them but do be compassionate. Perhaps call her & check on her. Yes I know you are broken up but apps can't address her fear. You may be able to. It's not about respect. It's about doing the right thing for a fellow human being. Think of it as a pay it forward thing. If you are gracious to her at some point in the future, when you are the one in need, you will find the help you need. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) Buy her a month or two subscription to Shipt. That way you can stay away but also feel like you helped. hell, buy her a subscription to Talk Therapy too. Edited July 3, 2020 by snowcones 1 Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) I think I would help her. It's not about her being your ex, more about being a nice human being…..if she loses respect for you because of that she's a bit weird. I don't think it's a good idea to do everything for her though. You can tell her she can give you a list once or twice a week, with stuff she wasn't able to get online. That way it limits your interaction and you're not extending yourself too much. Edited July 3, 2020 by contel3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankie1993 Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 Thanks everyone, very helpful insights. So I told her yesterday that I was going to the supermarket and asked if she needed anything. She asked me to get her some medicine if it wasn't too much trouble so I did. I also got her ice cream because, you know... when you're sick is the little things that make you happy. I dropped everything by her door and ten minutes later.... She sent me a nude picture of her. I quickly changed the subject and the conversation faded out (WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO ANSWER TO A NAKED PICTURE OF YOUR EX??). I don't know if she sent this picture as some form of payment (I said I didn't want her money) or because she's too lonely, or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 Why did she break up with you, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankie1993 Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 19 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why did she break up with you, OP? I broke up with her (very respectfully) and a month later I regretted the decision and wanted her back. She took me back and a week after that she dumped me (also, very respectfully). I'm starting to think it was kind of a revenge... Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) 57 minutes ago, frankie1993 said: Thanks everyone, very helpful insights. So I told her yesterday that I was going to the supermarket and asked if she needed anything. She asked me to get her some medicine if it wasn't too much trouble so I did. I also got her ice cream because, you know... when you're sick is the little things that make you happy. I dropped everything by her door and ten minutes later.... She sent me a nude picture of her. I quickly changed the subject and the conversation faded out (WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO ANSWER TO A NAKED PICTURE OF YOUR EX??). I don't know if she sent this picture as some form of payment (I said I didn't want her money) or because she's too lonely, or whatever. Oooooh plot twist! LOL I think she wants to get back with you. At the very least, she wants to sext with you since you can't be together for real. You know, that kind of thing can really build up the erotic energy and anticipation and it's kinda hot. Edited July 3, 2020 by snowcones Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankie1993 Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 6 minutes ago, snowcones said: Oooooh plot twist! LOL I think she wants to get back with you. At the very least, she wants to sext with you since you can't be together for real. You know, that kind of thing can really build up the erotic energy and anticipation and it's kinda hot. Ya, but do I engage? I don't want it to be just sexting to give her her "fix" only for her to back out afterwards... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 Don't engage until she is healthy. Then & only then you can talk about a 3rd try. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 8 minutes ago, frankie1993 said: Ya, but do I engage? I don't want it to be just sexting to give her her "fix" only for her to back out afterwards... I don't know, man. If you don't trust her anymore, then don't engage. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 4 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Don't engage until she is healthy. Then & only then you can talk about a 3rd try. I agree. You're wise to resist being relegated to the position of the guy she only calls when she's down and out. Why did you break up with her originally? These off and on relationships tend not to last. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankie1993 Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 40 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I agree. You're wise to resist being relegated to the position of the guy she only calls when she's down and out. Why did you break up with her originally? These off and on relationships tend not to last. Because I'm an idiot. She was giving me too much attention so I pulled away and broke it off. I beat myself up everyday for doing that. When I came back, she took me back immediately... She might be getting back at me, but I doubt it, she's too nice. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 She gave too much attention - does that mean she was clingy? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 On 7/3/2020 at 5:34 AM, frankie1993 said: She sent me a nude picture of her. I quickly changed the subject and the conversation faded out (WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO ANSWER TO A NAKED PICTURE OF YOUR EX??). Anytime I've received a nude picture from a woman, my response has been "Can I come over and play??" or if it was a specific body part "Can I come over and play with that??" In your case, I would have responded "Can I come over and play when you are all better?" Many years ago, I had an ex call me up (we were still friendly, but had stopped dating). Apparently, she had unfolded her sofa bed in the living room and it wouldn't fold back up. I think a few friends stayed over after having too many drinks to drive home. Any who, she was very upset and didn't know where to turn. She knew I was mechanically inclined, always working on all manner of things and called me up. I didn't have anything going on that afternoon, so I drove to her apartment. The sofa bed mechanism was quite easy to fix. A little cog had jammed in the folding mechanism. So I used a long screw driver and a hammer to tap it back into place and the bed folded right back up. 30 seconds and all was fixed. Although, I really wasn't looking for anything in return, she offered sex and I thoroughly enjoyed my afternoon. We didn't really get back together, but we stayed "friendly" for a while after that. As far as "getting groceries and medicine", I would do that for anyone that asked. Whether its an ex, neighbor or just an acquaintance, I'd help them out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 (edited) On 7/3/2020 at 9:37 AM, frankie1993 said: Ya, but do I engage? I don't want it to be just sexting to give her her "fix" only for her to back out afterwards... Why? You already know what she's capable of. She's manipulative and vindictive--you like being treated like that? She's got you playing her games... like I said, tell her to use Instacart if she needs stuff from the store. Edited July 4, 2020 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 On 7/4/2020 at 1:20 PM, kendahke said: She's got you playing her games... like I said, tell her to use Instacart if she needs stuff from the store. I agree with this. I think she's trying to get back at you for dumping her before. Don't let her push you around too much or she'll lose respect for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 I do my ex a favor every day by NOT going hundreds of miles out of my way to throttle him. Only favor any ex needs, IMO. Do you really want to be involved with a woman who offers up nude pictures and/or sexual favors (to men she is decidedly NOT in a relationship with) in exchange for grocery/supply delivery? Prostitution-lite. Pretty much guarantee you're not the only one. Your gut told you to break up with her the first time; IT WAS RIGHT. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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