Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 4 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I don’t know. I can’t honestly answer that question right now. I know I’m bugging everyone about the number but do you think he would have deleted it if he had no intention of going back to her? Oh he will go back go her. When they meet he will sex her up real good. Is that really what you want in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Who cares if he deletes or not, if he is in love with her then he will no doubt have a copy of her number somewhere or he will know how to contact her. I know you say you are somewhat in shock but this obsession with the number is not healthy or normal. Do you have a therapist? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Oh my gosh, stop fixating on the phone number. After everything that's been said here, you're STILL asking the wrong question. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 52 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Who cares if he deletes or not, if he is in love with her then he will no doubt have a copy of her number somewhere or he will know how to contact her. I know you say you are somewhat in shock but this obsession with the number is not healthy or normal. Do you have a therapist? I care!!!!! How can we move forward in this marriage if he has her number so yeah I am fixating on it! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 The point being he could delete that number off his phone tomorrow and still be in contact with her, still love her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Still focusing on the wrong thing. It's not having her number you should worry about. It's being in love with her you should worry about. Even if he deletes the number, he loves her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 All I’m asking is if he wasn’t inlove with her would he delete it? I’m asking if that’s the reason he’s keeping it!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 If he was fully on board with your marriage, was remorseful and wanted things to work out he would never take the chance of keeping her number on his phone, nor would he phone her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 46 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: All I’m asking is if he wasn’t inlove with her would he delete it? I’m asking if that’s the reason he’s keeping it!!!!! My dear. .If he wasn't in love with her, he would have deleted it long ago. Sadly he is in love with her and not you. Another sad thing is you seem like a very lovely women; sweet and compassionate. Who may can find someone who will truly love her. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 1 hour ago, LaurenEliz said: All I’m asking is if he wasn’t inlove with her would he delete it? I’m asking if that’s the reason he’s keeping it!!!!! I think you’re looking at this backwards... IF he was in love with you and only you - he wouldn’t risk the marriage by keeping her number. IF he was honoring you, respecting you and being honest about repairing the damage he’s already caused - he would NEVER keep her number! so he’s prioritizing her over you and the marriage. does that make sense? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Circular Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 1 hour ago, LaurenEliz said: All I’m asking is if he wasn’t inlove with her would he delete it? I’m asking if that’s the reason he’s keeping it!!!!! In my situation I kept the number. Why? It's like keeping the door unlocked, it's also a momento, a reminder. I think your big issue is less that he has the number, I rarely delete anyone's. It's more that he's called it. That's not "I didn't delete it because I just disregarded it in my mind" that's "I kept it with the full intention of keeping the contact alive.". And the mere fact that he's called it is a strong indicator that he's in love with her. I'd say that any A that happens to last more than a few months falls into this territory, any A that lasts more than 2 years, definitely you're dealing with bonded-love. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 4 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: I know I’m bugging everyone about the number but do you think he would have deleted it if he had no intention of going back to her? Probably, but it's hard to know for sure. It certainly would have been wiser for him to delete it if he had no intention of contacting her as it reduces risk. I think it might be nice for posters here to back off a bit and give you a little space to process all this and clear your head somewhat. Just IMO... Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 OK, he could have not deleted,as it is he just does not delete anything. I have numbers of co-workers from 20 years ago, and the numbers are all wrong or out of service. Also, he may have a email account, Hotmail, yahoo, that will repopulate his phone after he deletes, if the account is connected with the phone numbers. You can never get rid of them no matter how many times you deletes. My Dad, would never get rid of car keys. Still had the Ford model A key on his ring, along will all others he ever owned. I asked him why he did not pare down the keys, and he would always say he was getting to it. Never did. I have that key ring now as a remembrance of him. OK, this is the benign reasons. The other is that he uses it a a memory device. Seeing the number lets him remember his time with her. Even though he has had pain, I am sure he has some good memory of her. Call it and see if it is still good. The OW, may have changed it. If so, you have a good idea that it is a memory artifact. If the number is still good, look up on the phone bill, phone history and see if he has called it. The issue is, "is he still in contact" that is one issue, and problem, compared to "Is he keeping affair artifacts". The number itself is nothing, it is what he is doing with it that counts. I wish you luck.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nats_16 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 You clearly want your marriage to work out, but he also has to want the same. Perhaps ask him to leave for a few days to decide what it is he really wants. You wouldn’t be happy remaining with him if he is in love with another woman and just staying at home under obligation and false pretence. He quite likely does still love you and this is why he is still with you but if it’s another woman he is in love with then you can’t compete against that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 49 minutes ago, Nats_16 said: You clearly want your marriage to work out, but he also has to want the same. Perhaps ask him to leave for a few days to decide what it is he really wants. You wouldn’t be happy remaining with him if he is in love with another woman and just staying at home under obligation and false pretence. He quite likely does still love you and this is why he is still with you but if it’s another woman he is in love with then you can’t compete against that. I’ve just found a message from him to her today of a picture of when they worked together in a team with the quote ‘happy memories’ happy memories? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 6 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I’ve just found a message from him to her today of a picture of when they worked together in a team with the quote ‘happy memories’ happy memories? A message from him to her - today? Then they are still talking. Clearly he is happier with her. It is where he wants to be at. But this is further proof of their continual talking even if you live-out watching him like a hawk, he will find a way. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 How much more proof do you need that he kept her # to stay in touch? What is it going to take to spur you to call a divorce attorney? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 1 minute ago, Stevnx3 said: A message from him to her - today? Then they are still talking. Clearly he is happier with her. It is where he wants to be at. But this is further proof of their continual talking even if you live-out watching him like a hawk, he will find a way. Yes today. Happy memories? Like she’s in the past? Or that he wants her in his future Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Just now, LaurenEliz said: Yes today. Happy memories? Like she’s in the past? Or that he wants her in his future He is longing for that time he was by her on his work team. It is both a longing for the past and a desire for the future. So I take it they met at work? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Just now, LaurenEliz said: Yes today. Happy memories? Like she’s in the past? Or that he wants her in his future Past, present & future. HE WANTS HER! Why do you continue to refuse to accept this? Why fight for a marriage that has been dysfunctional from the beginning? What are you hoping to gain? Do you even know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 Yes they work for separate companies in different part of country. They worked together on a project that’s how they met Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 Just now, d0nnivain said: Past, present & future. HE WANTS HER! Why do you continue to refuse to accept this? Why fight for a marriage that has been dysfunctional from the beginning? What are you hoping to gain? Do you even know? I’m watching the messages now my friend told me how to sync the iPad. He hasn’t mentioned my pregnancy to her and it is general talk. But that photo, you’re right - why quote it with happy memories if you’re happy with your wife Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 3 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I’m watching the messages now my friend told me how to sync the iPad. He hasn’t mentioned my pregnancy to her and it is general talk. But that photo, you’re right - why quote it with happy memories if you’re happy with your wife He is not happy with you. You are watching their conversation live? Lauren, he is not happy in his current life. He is not happy in his current life. He is happy with her. I'd screenshot all of that. It could come in handy in the future, like court.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 4 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: He is not happy with you. You are watching their conversation live? Lauren, he is not happy in his current life. He is not happy in his current life. He is happy with her. I'd screenshot all of that. It could come in handy in the future, like court.. Yes I’m watching the whole thing. I thought maybe because he hasn’t spoken to her in months (which he has just said) that he was happy with me but clearly he was just biding his time Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 2 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Yes I’m watching the whole thing. I thought maybe because he hasn’t spoken to her in months (which he has just said) that he was happy with me but clearly he was just biding his time Clearly indeed. So you need to start taking whatever measures you can for yourself and your kids. Do keep a record of everything he is telling her. That will come in handy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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