Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 This is a classic problem in relationships. The guy gets lazy, the girl feels taken for granted, and she dumps him. You're going to have to learn to treat your woman better - or find one who will put up with your lazy behavior. And no, it's not at all true that women dump men only because sexual attraction is gone. That has never once been the case for me. Sexual attraction in all my relationships has been strong. I always moved on for other reasons, usually because we weren't compatible for the long haul or he was being an a**h***. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 It's often much easier said than done, but due to the psychology of breakups, you going your own way and being done with her IS the best thing in multiple ways. 1) It's what you need to do anyhow. 2) It gets you to emotional well-being and the next relationship (whatever that may be) that much quicker. 3) It may actually make you more attractive to her (if she happens across you). If so, there's a very small chance (maybe on the order of 1%, so don't go getting your hopes up) that she wants you back when she sees again "how good you are". While no generalization about what women want can ever be 100% true, they tend to be attracted to confident, independent, socially skilled go-getters. If you're coming across as needy and pining, with slumped shoulders and an inability to "let go", from everything I understand that's pretty much it. You literally might as well roll around in vomit or wear a scuba mask on your head or something. Some women are able to assess these things quite quickly and intuitively, e.g. from your posture, mannerisms, inappropriate attention, tension in your cheekbones, etc. Much like you're able to assess a woman fairly quickly to see if she's "dating material" on the physical aspects. IMO your best move is probably to resolve to forget all about her (as hard as that probably is), process your feelings, regain your self-esteem and confidence, and go about your life appearing as "an awesome guy". Just like most guys want "an awesome babe", so too many women will want "an awesome guy". So be that, and you'll be able to move on quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluesandy Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 (edited) I second everything which has been answered here.. good advices... I gonna share with you one of my own experiences.. In my early twenties, when in University, I dated a girl I loved so much for 3 years..She was my first LTR.. Unfortunately, I had not a lot of resources and a lot of boys were around her with nice cars , a carreer and a social life way more active than mine like going out to great restaurants or great weekend in resorts I couldn't afford... As my situation was getting difficult, she decided to move on and left me for one of those guys... I was so heart breaking and desperate but I made no contact, changed town, even change my studies... Then I dated nice girls but it took me 5 years to start being comfortable with that first love story. During that time, I worked a lot, and got a great job, well payed and a lot of advantages... Then I met my future wife and guess what, out of the blue my first love contacted me to see how I was.. She found me ont the Internet.. That was funny because even if I was still sexually attracted to her, my love wasn't there anymore..I looked at her and nothing was like before... Just like another girl or a friend... Apparently she was single. We stayed friend for years, and when I divorced after 23 year of marriage, she admitted that for all this time she was still in love with me. But I wasn't anymore, looking at her we my more mature eyes, and seeing all her defaults... Lesson 1 : It is normal to be heartbroken when getting dumped by someone we love, especially when it is your first love... Lesson 2 : You can never force somebody to love you but no contact is the best way to forget Lesson 3: Time can be funny and might reserve you surprise you don't even expect, like my story.. Lesson 4 : You are way too young to stick to that woman. You will change and then you will be a better YOU. There are million of women everywhere, and no doubt you will find the one which is for you. And for sure, you will look back to that girl in the future with the new YOU you will have become and may be you will have the same feeling I felt afterward... But I know... those times are difficult.. Make new friends, work a lot, and go out. Best way sometimes is to change town.. Easier... Edited August 12, 2020 by Bluesandy Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 On 7/9/2020 at 4:10 PM, Jackx said: it’s like she wants me to list all my changes over text, which I think defeats the purpose. True change should be recognised without having to prove it. If you have to change this much, you probably shouldn't be together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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