angryme Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) I am very nervous right now. first time ever posting a personal issue online. I'm 40 with one kid and divorced. Came to US in my 20s. Married a nice guy but he was a workaholic and he had absolutely no problem with the fact that his mother visited us once a year from Europe and stayed with us 6 to 9 months (without my input or permission or involvement in the plans) !!!! after 14 year I said F&^% this s***...live happily ever after with your mom and good luck to both of you! After divorce I started dating a guy . he was 2 years sober at that time and very proud and determined to stay sober. I loved his enthusiasm and determination in his fight against addiction. He was a good man. I was worried about his history but I figured everyone deserved a second chance so I continued seeing him but made it very clear to him that I would support him in his journey but if he relapsed I was not going to stick around. the relationship was actually very good...he was the nicest guy, very kind and hard working and very respectful to my kid.....he hurt his back at work (firefighter) a year into the relationship and he went through a couple major surgeries managing his pain only with Advil and acetaminophen and Neurontin up until a few months ago when he developed severe hip pain which was a result of his bad back....so bad he couldn't lie down or walk or sit...he had to stand up and lean over a countertop for hours. About a couple months ago I found some texts on his phone planning to meet up with some "friend" for a few oxycodone pills. I really can't say if he had relapsed or I caught him before it was too late but I did not really care and broke up with him that day because he was about to do something illegal and shady.......I can not to this day figure out why he didn't ask his doctor for a prescription and chose to see a drug dealer or a so called friend instead......his excuse was that he could not see the MD due to COVID restrictions at the hospital and the fact that it was a weekend and he had it with his pain and he was blindsided by it......... I feel terrible that he was going thru pain and I had no problem with him asking his doctor for a few pills but the way he went about it was absolutely shady and inexcusable .....sooooooo that is my story....I broke up because I believed non of the excuses covered his ass. He is devastated now....he tried so hard to patch things up and begged me for forgiveness but I can't. I have a child and I can't take risks...plus the trust is gone. Completely. Please tell me if I should have acted differently..... Edited June 5, 2020 by angryme Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 You did the right thing because you have a child and you put your child's needs first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angryme Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 thank you very much Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 I'm so sorry. there's something wrong with his story because he probably could have gotten narcotics from his doctor if he was really in all that much pain. So I don't know why he didn't but it's just more of the lying. Listen chronic pain is a downward spiral. There is no honestly for a person in that much pain, any one of those around them is just going to end up a caretaker. If they're in that much pain, they probably aren't going to be relating very well to other people eventually. He should see a doctor if he is not sure that they have tried everything non-narcotic on him. For example I have old age chronic pain and I am just on anti-inflammatories and Tylenol. I imagine they already have him on anti-inflammatories but if they do then it is not safe for him to be taking any of the narcotics with them. that might be why he did it the way it is if he's on anti-inflammatories which are NSAIDs. there comes a point you have to choose between narcotics and anti-inflammatories and Tylenol because you can't take them all together without really ruining the rest of you. I'm sorry he's going through it and I completely understand why anyone would not want to take that journey with him because it's like watching someone you love run in front of a train. I only hope he finds some way to alleviate some of the pain but it sounds like he probably needs to have surgery. I'm honestly thinking that he probably hasn't seen all the doctors he needs to or taken all the steps he could if he hasn't had any surgery. Anyway you can't deal with a person who balks at any of that so... Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Based on your post, I disagree with your decisions to leave both of the guys in your life. At this point, I suspect you're better off single so that you don't hurt anybody else. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 You say everyone deserves a second chance. The problem is, especially with the drug addict you just broke up with- you don't know how many chances there actually were, you only know about the ones you found out about. Yes you did just fine breaking it off, it was clearly the best decision for you and your child. Don't second guess yourself on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts