Should I text her?

[matt1221]

So back in ate February I saw this attractive girl working at a bar while I was there with my friend. I ended up asking her on a date and we went out that weekend one time. I thought it went  decent I kinda forced a kiss on her as she got in her uber, which was a little awkward.  This was right when the pandemic hit so I texted her a few times a week for a while until about mid April when I felt weird about texting her often because we weren't going to meet up at all with social distancing etc. Would it be weird If I sent her a text over a month later? Or is it too late? 

[ExpatInItaly]

Was she responsive to your previous texts? 

[matt1221]

somewhat.. Took her a while to get back sometimes 24 hours. She was very talkative when we were out though even though it took her a while to respond to texts. 

[Ami1uwant]

What was the conversation like  after that first Date?

[smackie9]

Was she on lockdown or was she working? If she was sitting at home and it took 24 hours to respond I would say no.

[matt1221]

Just on and off texting initiated by me.  

[Ami1uwant]

7 minutes ago, matt1221 said:

Just on and off texting initiated by me.  

 

Dont bother. Her responses are her being polite.

 

maybe something changes if you go to the bar again and see her.

[matt1221]

maybe... she mentioned at the time that we could do this again.  She was always late responding even before we met, but was very energetic on the actual date. 

[Spainglish]

If she's interested she would be initiating conversations via text or phone.  You wouldn't have to continually try to draw a conversation from her.

However, if you want to be sure, you can send a final message with an open ended invitation such as:

"I really enjoyed our date and would enjoy getting to know you better. However, I'm not sure where you stand.
I don't want to become bothersome so i'll leave the ball in your court. If you ever want to get together again, shoot me a message. 
I would be happy to take you out again. "  

This lets her know you are still interested, but not going to become a stalker.  It also lets her know you are not desperate.  
You have choices, but you would not be against a second date.  Then STICK TO IT.  DO NOT send another message.   Her response or no response will be your answer. 
I hope this helps.  Best of luck to you! 

[JTSW]

33 minutes ago, matt1221 said:

Just on and off texting initiated by me.  

She's not interested.

Best to just leave it now.

[miranda561]

4 hours ago, matt1221 said:

So back in ate February I saw this attractive girl working at a bar while I was there with my friend. I ended up asking her on a date and we went out that weekend one time. I thought it went  decent I kinda forced a kiss on her as she got in her uber, which was a little awkward.  This was right when the pandemic hit so I texted her a few times a week for a while until about mid April when I felt weird about texting her often because we weren't going to meet up at all with social distancing etc. Would it be weird If I sent her a text over a month later? Or is it too late? 

What are her texts like? Flirty affectionate? Or  matter of fact? I think if a woman is interested in you..usually you'd be able to tell via her texting  style and content

Edited May 24, 2020 by miranda561

[Ostepop]

Just text her to meet up and drop it if it doesn't succeed. Worst thing you'll get is a no and you won't regret not trying. 

[matt1221]

36 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

What are her texts like? Flirty affectionate? Or  matter of fact? I think if a woman is interested in you..usually you'd be able to tell via her texting  style and content

Her texts are not flirty at all and matter of fact. But when we actually met up she was very chatty doing probably 70% of the talking and was very open pretty much telling me about everything. She was even talking about sexual things which you wouldn’t really expect to talk about on a first  date. At the end of the night the bars all closed and she wanted to stay out later and was looking for after hour bars where we could go. We eventually decided to both call it a night when we couldn’t find another place.

Her texts though, even before we met always took a while to get back and were always initiated by me. I actually thought she might cancel on me because of how long it took her to respond. But like I said, when we actually met it was different. Very chatty and talked about everything and she wanted to stay out longer. 

[miranda561]

40 minutes ago, matt1221 said:

Her texts are not flirty at all and matter of fact. But when we actually met up she was very chatty doing probably 70% of the talking and was very open pretty much telling me about everything. She was even talking about sexual things which you wouldn’t really expect to talk about on a first  date. At the end of the night the bars all closed and she wanted to stay out later and was looking for after hour bars where we could go. We eventually decided to both call it a night when we couldn’t find another place.

Her texts though, even before we met always took a while to get back and were always initiated by me. I actually thought she might cancel on me because of how long it took her to respond. But like I said, when we actually met it was different. Very chatty and talked about everything and she wanted to stay out longer. 

And she doesn't  initiate now at all? Like you haven't heard from her in a month?

Why don't you drop her a call. If you really want to speak..i mean at the very least you guys have been on a date once. 

[Spainglish]

You mentioned you were going to bars.  Was she drinking? 
Could alcohol be behind her chattiness?  That would explain the difference in her reactions with you in person vs. on the phone. 

Honestly, I don't know of any woman who ignores a guy for a month if she's interested in him.
I know you want to hold onto hope, but you will lose out on meeting some other amazing person if you keep chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

TBH if she literally never initiated any of those texts and was slow answering every time then I probably wouldn't. You really have your answer.

[miranda561]

11 minutes ago, Spainglish said:

You mentioned you were going to bars.  Was she drinking? 
Could alcohol be behind her chattiness?  That would explain the difference in her reactions with you in person vs. on the phone. 

Honestly, I don't know of any woman who ignores a guy for a month if she's interested in him.
I know you want to hold onto hope, but you will lose out on meeting some other amazing person if you keep chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught. 

Last paragraph..not true!.

Read my thread for proof! 😂

[matt1221]

18 minutes ago, Spainglish said:

You mentioned you were going to bars.  Was she drinking? 
Could alcohol be behind her chattiness?  That would explain the difference in her reactions with you in person vs. on the phone. 

Honestly, I don't know of any woman who ignores a guy for a month if she's interested in him.
I know you want to hold onto hope, but you will lose out on meeting some other amazing person if you keep chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught. 

She wasn’t drinking 

[rjc149]

She doesn't sound all that interested in you. You're initiating all the texting, and I'm assuming you're texting her to keep a conversation going, not to set up a date. That's very needy and low-value to do with a girl you've been on a single, not very successful date with. 

She's taking up to 24 hours to respond. Even bad texters, when they are interested, don't blow off a text for 24 hours. 

I don't know the context, but it's generally not a good sign if you're on a date with a girl you haven't hooked up with, and she starts telling you about her sexual history or starts getting lurid and racy. That usually means she sees you as an orbiter/admirer, a gay male girlfriend she can tell secrets to, or someone she isn't trying to impress romantically. I've heard it called "beta bait" -- sort of like an Instagram "thirst trap." It's not because she lusts for you -- it's because she wants to you lust for her, and once you rise to the bait, she's got herself another orbiter and she's all set. 

Not sure how the date ended with the awkward, forced kiss -- maybe you weren't reading her signs, or maybe you didn't capitalize on opportunities you had earlier and came off as unassertive? Or maybe you just did it out the blue and it weirded her out? Again, all speculation and tough to say without knowing the context, but if you felt it was awkward and forced, she probably felt it was unwelcome. 

Do NOT send her a "where do I stand with you?" or "I want to see you again" type of text. Do NOT seek reassurance or approval from her. Just more neediness and desperation, you've done enough of that. I would try to wait until you run into her again at the bar, and just be friendly and flirty, and she what her temperature is.  If she's warm, set a date, or wait until you can set up a date. Don't just text her to start a conversation. Definite time, definite place, and no more texting in between. 

 

Edited May 25, 2020 by rjc149

[miranda561]

5 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

She doesn't sound all that interested in you. You're initiating all the texting, and I'm assuming you're texting her to keep a conversation going, not to set up a date. That's very needy and low-value to do with a girl you've been on a single, not very successful date with. 

She's taking up to 24 hours to respond. Even bad texters, when they are interested, don't blow off a text for 24 hours. 

I don't know the context, but it's generally not a good sign if you're on a date with a girl you haven't hooked up with, and she starts telling you about her sexual history or starts getting lurid and racy. That usually means she sees you as an orbiter/admirer, a gay male girlfriend she can tell secrets to, or someone she isn't trying to impress romantically. I've heard it called "beta bait" -- sort of like an Instagram "thirst trap." It's not because she lusts for you -- it's because she wants to you lust for her, and once you rise to the bait, she's got herself another orbiter and she's all set. 

Not sure how the date ended with the awkward, forced kiss -- maybe you weren't reading her signs, or maybe you didn't capitalize on opportunities you had earlier and came off as unassertive? Or maybe you just did it out the blue and it weirded her out? Again, all speculation and tough to say without knowing the context, but if you felt it was awkward and forced, she probably felt it was unwelcome. 

Do NOT send her a "where do I stand with you?" or "I want to see you again" type of text. Do NOT seek reassurance or approval from her. Just more neediness and desperation, you've done enough of that. I would try to wait until you run into her again at the bar, and just be friendly and flirty, and she what her temperature is.  If she's warm, set a date, or wait until you can set up a date. Don't just text her to start a conversation. Definite time, definite place, and no more texting in between. 

 

All i know with regards to dating is. Its not safe to assume what the other person is  thinking. 

[rjc149]

5 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

All i know with regards to dating is. Its not safe to assume what the other person is  thinking. 

I believe the OP can safely assume this girl isn't interested in him. 

[matt1221]

1 minute ago, rjc149 said:

I believe the OP can safely assume this girl isn't interested in him. 

Ok I don't know where you're going with this assuming I'm a gay male girlfriend type. I'm sitting at the bar with a friend and chatting up a nice looking girl working at the bar and get her number. She's not a 19 year old instagram attention wh0re who seeks admirers.  I would never send her a "where do I stand with you text". That's absurd.  Just looking for advice to throw a text out there or not. I didn't want to have constant chatter during a pandemic where people were social distancing for two months. That's why i haven't texted her in over a month.  

[matt1221]

45 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Last paragraph..not true!.

Read my thread for proof! 😂

Lol she didn't ignore me for a month.. I haven't sent a text or reached out to her because everyone was staying inside and I didn't want to ask her "How her week was going" when there was no possible way we were going to meet up.  

[miranda561]

6 minutes ago, matt1221 said:

Ok I don't know where you're going with this assuming I'm a gay male girlfriend type. I'm sitting at the bar with a friend and chatting up a nice looking girl working at the bar and get her number. She's not a 19 year old instagram attention wh0re who seeks admirers.  I would never send her a "where do I stand with you text". That's absurd.  Just looking for advice to throw a text out there or not. I didn't want to have constant chatter during a pandemic where people were social distancing for two months. That's why i haven't texted her in over a month.  

Whats wrong with constant chatter? 

[matt1221]

56 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

TBH if she literally never initiated any of those texts and was slow answering every time then I probably wouldn't. You really have your answer.

Well she sent the first ever text to me. She told me to write my number down while she was working and she texted me when she got home.  She was slow responding to most texts though, but on the actual date she was very chatty and outgoing.  I kinda just stopped texting her for the last month, because there was no chance of meeting up with her during the social distancing period..