k0ukla1995 Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 Hi everyone, I know everyone's going through their own personal struggles during this pandemic, but my situation is particularly bad right now and I really need some words of encouragement or something. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder last summer, which I already knew about myself before I received a formal diagnosis. I've always had an extremely difficult time with my relationships to the point where I almost always end up completely isolated and alone. I don't take any medication because I don't really believe in it, but I see a therapist and take care of myself as best as I can. With the current pandemic, my mental health has seemingly gotten worse. I got out of a serious relationship in January, was seeing someone for a bit at the beginning of the pandemic, and then started seeing my ex again after things didn't work out with this other guy. Ultimately, I ended up being rejected by both men. My ex was the one who reached out to me to check on me but made it clear he no longer had any romantic interest in me. Aside from my dating life, I was staying with my family for a bit, and my alcoholic mom ended up kicking me out of the house. I am an adult and have my own apartment so I went back to my place but am continuing to feel alone here. I have a single "best" friend in my city and I was supposed to hang out with her this week but she didn't really care to follow up on our plans, she would rather hang out with this guy she's seeing and she talks about going on a long road trip with him even though we have a summer trip planned (with no regard to our trip even though it might interfere). Me and my ex have tried to remain friends but he makes little effort actually keep me around, even though we were so "in love" and he says he was in love with me, he does not care about whether or not I'm in his life I also want to make it known that I'm definitely an introvert and have a hard time managing more than just a few relationships at once, so, even though I definitely like my space a lot of the time I still get really lonely and sad and wish I was different. I just see so many people around me who have so many friends that support them, I see people who are in some sort of intimate relationship to keep them going during these difficult times, and I'm all alone. My family doesn't want me living with them and the very few people who are close to me don't seem to care if I'm around or not either. There is more to my sadness than just my relationships that has to do with my self-esteem and how I view myself but that's a whole other story. Right now I'm just really unhappy with the current state of my relationships and feeling so unwanted, I'm really losing hope in myself and don't know if I can go on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author k0ukla1995 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 Oh, update, just got word from my friend that she is definitely going with this guy to LA the same month we were supposed to go. Guess I'll just go alone then? Ha Link to post Share on other sites
Deepremorse5 Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Have you considered owning a pet?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Have you ever considered that the reason you don't believe in meds is because of your disorder? Over 80 percent of mental patients won't take their meds as prescribed, if left on their own. What if you are wasting years of your life being miserable and there is actually a medicine out there that could change you to a more happy relaxed person in 3 weeks' time? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 What do you mean you "don't believe in medication"? Medication has been proven to work. That is a scientific fact. this is not a belief system; it's not faith. It's science. That said, I can't take the meds. They always made me worse. I was able to take a very expensive ($4,000) DNA test that showed what kids of meds work for my system & which don't. All of the anti-anxiety / anti-convulsant / anti-depressants were shown to be toxic to me but that was only learned through medical science. Most people who take these types of meds report feeling better. Mood stabilizers help. Why are you so resistant to them if you want to feel better? I wish I could take something to help me. So work with your doctors to find something to lessen the highs & the lows. Keep going to talk therapy. Learn coping skills. Practice calming stabilizing behaviors. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Thing about meds is there are many types and combinations, and everyone is different what works on them, and you have to be patient and keep in frequent touch with your psychiatrist and inform of any and all side effects, take the meds long enough to see if they'll do any good (some work in one hour/some in three months) and never stop them on your own because that can cause all sorts of problems. Then if you never acclimate to that med or it doesn't work, you tell the psychiatrist and he tries a different one. There are many kinds to try. You have to be patient. As an analogy, I had an old dog with chronic urinary tract infections. It was a constant cycle. I took her to the oldest vet I knew of, because he was old enough to predate antibiotics and such for animals and thus knew how to treat with nutrition. It took two months of trying different foods until we found the winner, and she was never ill with that again. And no, it wasn't Science Diet. That old vet didn't like SD because they change ingredients willy-nilly. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted June 2, 2020 Share Posted June 2, 2020 Learning to be happily alone with oneself is probably the hardest of skills, and the bpd will fight you on it all the way. If you have a best friend and you have an ex who still calls you friend and your own apartment, those are positive things, even if you feel others don't care enough- and remember that is a major distortion caused by bpd. Counselling will help, Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT is considered the most effective tool for managing bpd. If you create a structure of your day of positive things, a routine you enjoy, it will fill your time constructively whilst you learn to cope better with relationships. I have a little dog who gives me unconditional love. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 There are no medications prescribed for bpd.the recommended treatment for BPD is DBT therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelydemon Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 Maybe you can join online support groups for BPD? It helps tremendously to know you are not the only one who feels like that and there are people that can relate to the way you experience life. I used to be a part of a Fb group like that and it gave me a sense of belonging, that I wasn't a freak and there were people that felt similar to me. ❤ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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