My girlfriend left me

[smackie9]

 Look you can try and justify, down play this all you want...still doesn't change the results. There is nothing to figure out here...what's done is done. She feels the way she does and that's her right. You can't change that. If you feel you didn't do anything wrong, then think that way if it makes you feel any better.

[Malin889]

If she was abused in her last relationship, then she may have lashed out to you because that's the way she used to deal with things with the ex husband. She may still be very hurt from him and may need time to get over that, mourn and heal before dealing with a new relationship. It may be best to let her go. I read your other thread, and I think you need to give her space. If you really love her, set her free. Ok? 

[Malin889]

9 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

Her family know about me and they really like me

Don't get the family involved. It's not about them, it's about you and her. They were not in the relationship, only she was. Getting them involved will only make things worse. She's a grown woman and it's her decision whether or not she wants to end it, not their decision. Honestly, I think she needs to heal from her last relationship before getting into another one. 

[Lowkey7]

34 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

Don't get the family involved. It's not about them, it's about you and her. They were not in the relationship, only she was. Getting them involved will only make things worse. She's a grown woman and it's her decision whether or not she wants to end it, not their decision. Honestly, I think she needs to heal from her last relationship before getting into another one. 

Why did she use me and play with my life then? It’s absolutely ruined me. 

[Lowkey7]

I’ve posted before but I’m looking for new answers because I’m in such pain and feeling so hurt and broken. 
 

My girlfriend (ex now) came out of a marriage and we met and we got together. We met eachothers families and were planning to get married. We were so good together. The only thing that ever bought us down was her past because she was carrying a lot of emotional baggage. 
 

only recently, out of nowhere she started being rude to me..and we argued for the time properly and said this isn’t for her.. ok I don’t want to type too much because it hurts so frikkin bad. But even if I was the rebound can I get her back? Is there even a slight chance? 

[assertives]

I have seen relationships that start out as rebounds but ultimately worked out. But the thing is, both parties were honest about working on developing the relationship into something long-term and were committed to the same goal and wanting the same thing after what was initially a rebound relationship for one or both of them. In your case, it's not so much about you being the rebound that makes it impossible for things to work out. It's more that she's done and does not want to get back together or work on things together. You can't have any relationship if one party isn't willing. She has said, written and done some pretty final things in your case to emphasize that she's done. 

[Marc878]

Chasing her won’t get you there. It’ll probably push her farther away.

[rjc149]

1 hour ago, Lowkey7 said:

I’ve posted before but I’m looking for new answers because I’m in such pain and feeling so hurt and broken. 
 

My girlfriend (ex now) came out of a marriage and we met and we got together. We met eachothers families and were planning to get married. We were so good together. The only thing that ever bought us down was her past because she was carrying a lot of emotional baggage. 
 

only recently, out of nowhere she started being rude to me..and we argued for the time properly and said this isn’t for her.. ok I don’t want to type too much because it hurts so frikkin bad. But even if I was the rebound can I get her back? Is there even a slight chance? 

If your relationship progressed to the point to where marriage was being discussed, I don't think you were only a rebound. 

The best way to get an ex back to is not contact her and move on. Show strength. 

[assertives]

9 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

If your relationship progressed to the point to where marriage was being discussed, I don't think you were only a rebound. 

The best way to get an ex back to is not contact her and move on. Show strength. 

This is the backstory.

[Lowkey7]

me and my ex have had the most amazing relationship since she’s come out of her divorce. I’m aware now I was most likely a rebound which kills me to the core. We had an argument few days ago, she made it bigger than it should have been and from there she wanted to end it. Long story short.. 

 

she called me today and continually cursed and abused me, shouting on the phone saying I’m fake and that I was always too good to be true and that she should have seen my true colours. Bear in mind I’ve been so good to this girl, treated her like a queen from the first day I met her, never shouted or cursed, not once. In the arguement, it started with her constantly telling me how much she loved her ex husband, she’s been telling me that quiet a few times but I always swept under the carpet not knowing it was destroying me. That day I spoke up, in a clam manner I said if you love him so much, why don’t you go back to him? That’s when things blown out of proportion. I apologised time after time and said I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to her. 
 

The way she was towards me on the phone, she’s never been like that, she was constantly cursing me saying she loves my family but hates my guts, saying that she feels sorry any girl that ends up with me, just constant abuse and I just took it and apologised to her at the end for any hurt I’ve caused her and that no matter what she said, there’s too much love for me to just throw this away she told me to f off and hung up. 
 

I just wanted to know what could this mean? She wouldn’t let me talk and just shouted constant abuse and cursed the hell out of me over one bad thing I said. I’m so broken that’s she left me, she’s said stuff a million times worse to me and I never say anything back. She threatened to call the police saying I was harassing her whereas she was the one calling me and sending me texts..? I was just responding because I didn’t want to be rude.. I f***ing loved this girl more than anything. 

[ExpatInItaly]

It means she's a few fries short of a Happy Meal. 

It also means she is not over her ex-husband. 

Don't contact her again, and don't allow her to contact you. She sounds unhinged. 

[assertives]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

a few fries short of a Happy Meal. 

Sorry, super off topic but this cracked me up. 😂 I'm stealing this phrase from now on!

OP, she's not over her ex-husband. That's all I have to say. Also, this isn't going to be a fruitful, healthy and loving relationship. Block her and move on.

[Lowkey7]

How can some one I was so good to just ditch me like that? And please don’t say that’s my ego talking, it’s fact, she knew that, my family and her family knew that. They even told me to calm down a bit with being too nice but it’s just how I am, I can’t change myself. 
 

She was so in love with me too. I  can’t take the pain, physically and emotional, I’m in so much pain. I was meant to marry this girl. 

[preraph]

You can be the perfect person, but that in no way means you're the perfect person or match for her. That's not within your control. She doesn't want you anymore and it wasn't working for her no matter how hard you tried, so you need to accept that that isn't within your control and the move on with your life.

[Lowkey7]

2 minutes ago, preraph said:

You can be the perfect person, but that in no way means you're the perfect person or match for her. That's not within your control. She doesn't want you anymore and it wasn't working for her no matter how hard you tried, so you need to accept that that isn't within your control and the move on with your life.

I’m so scared to ever get in a relationship again. Ive only ever been in 3 relationships. 
First one I got cheated on and she had an affair with her ex who I saved her from as he was abusive. 
 

2nd I started speaking to her because she told me she was getting abused by her parents and then I find she used to me to get out of a forced marriage

and now this 

my life is one big joke, I literally can’t take it anymore, what I’m saying and how I’m feeling are so completely different. 

[preraph]

well the pattern I'm seeing for what you just told me is that you're getting mixed up with people who aren't handling their own lives well to begin with and trying to save them sport using that is a gateway in to a relationship. So that's the first thing you need to stop. Don't go in and try to save people from another relationship or from abuse because they're the only ones that can actually do that for themselves and all you're getting is yourself into a chaotic mess with someone who probably isn't anywhere near ready for a healthy relationship. 

 

So that can be your first thing you change. Next time you get involved with a healthy happy successful person with no serious complaints or habits.

[Lowkey7]

Why do I get taken advantage of 

[Marc878]

1 hour ago, Lowkey7 said:

me and my ex have had the most amazing relationship since she’s come out of her divorce. I’m aware now I was most likely a rebound which kills me to the core. We had an argument few days ago, she made it bigger than it should have been and from there she wanted to end it. Long story short.. 

Not really. She dumped you remember.

she called me today and continually cursed and abused me, shouting on the phone saying I’m fake and that I was always too good to be true and that she should have seen my true colours. Bear in mind I’ve been so good to this girl, treated her like a queen from the first day I met her, never shouted or cursed, not once. In the arguement, it started with her constantly telling me how much she loved her ex husband, she’s been telling me that quiet a few times but I always swept under the carpet not knowing it was destroying me. That day I spoke up, in a clam manner I said if you love him so much, why don’t you go back to him? That’s when things blown out of proportion. I apologised time after time and said I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to her. 
 

Why are you letting her abuse you? Blocking is easy. 

The way she was towards me on the phone, she’s never been like that, she was constantly cursing me saying she loves my family but hates my guts, saying that she feels sorry any girl that ends up with me, just constant abuse and I just took it and apologised to her at the end for any hurt I’ve caused her and that no matter what she said, there’s too much love for me to just throw this away she told me to f off and hung up. 
 

Only you can allow this
 

I just wanted to know what could this mean? She wouldn’t let me talk and just shouted constant abuse and cursed the hell out of me over one bad thing I said. I’m so broken that’s she left me, she’s said stuff a million times worse to me and I never say anything back. She threatened to call the police saying I was harassing her whereas she was the one calling me and sending me texts..? I was just responding because I didn’t want to be rude.. I f***ing loved this girl more than anything. 

No, you are acting like a total doormat. Maybe it’s time you woke up and get who she is. Stop being your own worst enemy.

[Marc878]

20 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

Why do I get taken advantage of 

Because you allow it.

[Lowkey7]

I just f***ing want her back, I want all this s*** to end, I know I’m being weak but I couldn’t care less 

[Realitysux]

12 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

I just f***ing want her back, I want all this s*** to end, I know I’m being weak but I couldn’t care less 

You will get over it. It is painful but either through no contact or constantly exposing yourself to the pain, there comes this day when you are over it and you do not care. You don't want them back, you don't care if they are with someone else, you don't feel angry or hurt or anything. I'm on this forum but I'm not thinking about anyone in particular. I'm bored and I'm faced with myself and my life. I would like if he didn't care and left me alone too because I want supportive people. The guy did nothing for my life. He brought me nothing but pain. I'm faced with the reality of my life and that's good because I have to fix my life. I don't have a desire to date. I don't feel lonley, I'm just faced with my life and I have to make the changes. This panic you feel will subside and you will get over it. You will eventually want to as well. 

Edited May 14, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

18 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

You will get over it. It is painful but either through no contact or constantly exposing yourself to the pain, there comes this day when you are over it and you do not care. You don't want them back, you don't care if they are with someone else, you don't feel angry or hurt or anything. I'm on this forum but I'm not thinking about anyone in particular. I'm bored and I'm faced with myself and my life. I would like if he didn't care and left me alone too because I want supportive people. The guy did nothing for my life. He brought me nothing but pain. I'm faced with the reality of my life and that's good because I have to fix my life. I don't have a desire to date. I don't feel lonley, I'm just faced with my life and I have to make the changes. This panic you feel will subside and you will get over it. You will eventually want to as well. 

The sad face is because it's too soon. Just keep feeling it but it will pass. 

[Lowkey7]

I don’t think it will, the money I was saving for her birthday, every time I look at it, I cry 

when I look at my self in the mirror and see the work I’ve put in the gym for her, I cry 

 

everything is making me break down and I just want the pain to end and I want it all to be a horrible nightmare 

[Realitysux]

4 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

I don’t think it will, the money I was saving for her birthday, every time I look at it, I cry 

when I look at my self in the mirror and see the work I’ve put in the gym for her, I cry 

 

everything is making me break down and I just want the pain to end and I want it all to be a horrible nightmare 

You never should have did anything for her,you should have been doing it for you. Read my post,my life was horrible and I was obsessed with something or someone or I don't even know because I'm over it. Read my posts and if I can still get up and go to work tomorrow then so can you! I actually can't wait to go to work tomorrow. 

[Lowkey7]

You’re gonna hate me for saying this but I just want her back more anything in the world, I’d go through my accident and surgery all over again if I had to