I'm sick of dealing with peoples exes.

[kendahke]

21 hours ago, Haters said:

Thinking about sending this:

Listen bitch, I don't even f***ing know you. I don't even come around your family or interfere with you and Craig. So could you please quit inviting us to stuff? Kiefer has moved on and since you like to run your mouth and come in between my husband and I, it's inappropriate. You're a whore just like your sister. What do you not understand about moving the f*** on?

While I understand the sentiment and energy behind it and am high fiving and dapping you on the merits of it, don't send this to her.  This exposes your vulnerable underbelly for her to continue gutting.  She'll know she's gotten to you.

Let your silence and absence be what pounds her into the ground. She doesn't deserve a response nor an audience from you.

As far as your husband and his "this is causing me stress waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!" mess, tell him that when you and he married, he swore before God and man that he would let no man put his marriage asunder and the word 'man' includes WOman and in particular, sister of an ex who appears to want to put his marriage asunder and he's letting her.

He is supposed to be the impenetrable wall that protects what God has joined together and he's joining in in letting every Thomasina, Rikki and Harriet take a wrecking ball to it.  It's time for him to pull up his big boy pants. He's a husband, not a boyfriend--the terrain is completely different and there are expectations that come along with marrying.

Edited May 5, 2020 by kendahke

[preraph]

Yeah, to win this, you've got to look like the reasonable one, the calm one, not the crazy one.  Your husband should be more invested in his family and worrying less about all this right now.  You have a young one.  

 

Let me ask you, does your husband have a lot of male friends he goes and sees, or is it only these women?  I'm trying to put it into perspective.  And are they all from the same crowd?  

You need to stop doing anything online like bikini contests that wouldn't show you in a good light in case you end up in custody court and not do anything uncivilized, and be super careful about putting anything in writing through texts, emails, etc.  I do think marriage counseling is in order because he doesn't seem to understand why you'd have a problem getting hit on by his ex's twin!  Do that.  Get him into marriage counseling pronto.  

[Haters]

I'm pretty civilized in doing things thru text messaging. I was very cordial and I sent an invite to prove that I'm not a controlling or crazy wife. 

No cussing or anything.  Its just an act. I proved her wrong. 

 

[Haters]

9 minutes ago, preraph said:

Yeah, to win this, you've got to look like the reasonable one, the calm one, not the crazy one.  Your husband should be more invested in his family and worrying less about all this right now.  You have a young one.  

 

Let me ask you, does your husband have a lot of male friends he goes and sees, or is it only these women?  I'm trying to put it into perspective.  And are they all from the same crowd?  

You need to stop doing anything online like bikini contests that wouldn't show you in a good light in case you end up in custody court and not do anything uncivilized, and be super careful about putting anything in writing through texts, emails, etc.  I do think marriage counseling is in order because he doesn't seem to understand why you'd have a problem getting hit on by his ex's twin!  Do that.  Get him into marriage counseling pronto.  

He does have male friends he goes and sees. I have no problem with them. In fact we're going to see his other friends this weekend. But these other friends aren't overly obsessive or constantly inviting him over. They dont interfere with our marriage 

[Haters]

I'll give y'all a little backstory of the twin/ex. 

The twin admitted to having alot of guy friends that makes her husband jealous. She also has a daughter out of wedlock that has never met the father. She never went to college. Never did anything. Instead of making a better life other than being a waitress, she married her now husband and had even more kids. 

Her husband has a son that he never sees. And did the exact same thing. 

My husband and I, were so stable. 

She mentioned her husband and her have fights and she burns his things because hes a hoarder 

Hurt people hurt people. She is a relationship hopper. She has no boundaries and told me the first time I met her, her birth control fails her all the time. 

She wanted to know if kiefer was going to get snipped, and told me that kiefer needs snipped that way I don't get pregnant again because I was so sick. Very weird. 

Edited May 5, 2020 by Haters

[preraph]

Her birth control probably "fails" her either because she's too disorganized to take it properly or because she likes to "oops" men into staying with her.

[Haters]

1 minute ago, preraph said:

Her birth control probably "fails" her either because she's too disorganized to take it properly or because she likes to "oops" men into staying with her.

Exactly what I was thinking. She says all her kids were mistakes. But 5 kids is a lot of mistakes 

[kendahke]

14 minutes ago, Haters said:

old me the first time I met her, her birth control fails her all the time. 

Tubal ligations work really well. So do uterine ablasions.

[preraph]

5 mistake kids is one messed up mother.  That's just great.  If he ever does sleep with her, she'll no doubt end up pregnant.  I wonder if she's also betting government subsidy and sees those kids as a way to get more, but you said she's working as a waitress?

Edited May 5, 2020 by preraph

[Haters]

1 minute ago, preraph said:

5 mistake kids is one messed up mother.  That's just great.  If he ever does sleep with her, she'll no doubt end up pregnant.  I wonder if she's also betting government subsidy and sees those kids as a way to get more, but you said she's working as a waitress?

She is, she's admitted to being on WIC and the whole deal. 

It's for people who need help. Not for people who just pop out 5 kids. 

[preraph]

That kind of stuff infuriates me.  So she just wants to keep getting pregnant, plus if it's a new guy, then he has to pay her child support.  No telling how much of that she has coming in from different daddies.  Ugh.  I can certainly see why your alarm is all the way up on this outfit and I'm having trouble maintaining respect for your husband to think these people are "all that," too, I have to say.  Sounds like he may feel he has a lot in common with them.  

 

But you have to be smart and not start acting out because that just makes you easy for him and them to make the "bad guy."  I understand your urges to retaliate, I really do.  I was young and full of fire once myself.  But you have to stay on an even keel and not do rash things that would make you feel better.  If you want to keep your husband (I said "if"), you have to look like the guileless one and be the one who is willing to be friends with them and gracious towards them and isn't instigating anything, because it is very hard to fight someone without looking just like them.  So you have to take the high road, but that also means you expect your husband to set boundaries and respect your marriage and earn your trust.  I wouldn't trust him around these hyenas either, the more I hear about them.  But hey, if that's where he feels he fits in, you need to seriously consider that about him.  

 

And yes, do get him into marriage counseling since he can't seem to see your perspective on this -- and it may help you see his perspective as well and understand why he's doing this.  Please set something up and I hope he cooperates.  

 

And remember, you are stuck with him as the father of your child for some years and being on good terms is a lot easier, married or divorced.  

Edited May 5, 2020 by preraph

[Haters]

Her husband was kicked out of the army due to drug use. Because he has 'PTSD' is his excuse. 

Theres more cons than pros here. It's really going to destroy everything 

[mutant]

Given the ex's sister backstory, I fail to understand why your husband would fight to be part of that family. There are valid reasons why he should be listening to you and fighting for his marriage/family instead of defending his ex's sister. I expect that anyone who commits to a marriage would filter his close friends and retain those that add value to his life or at the very least will not interfere (negatively) with his family.  Even if he didn't have a history of dating a member of that family, he should reconsider keeping his ex's sister as a close friend.

The best time for addressing this issue would have been right before marriage. However, it's not late considering that your child is only 8 months and I am guessing you're slightly more than a year into the marriage. You need to seek the intervention of a mature person who he respects or seek marriage counselling before the situation turns toxic.

It's good that his ex's sister hasn't been visiting your home. Her character and intentions are questionable and may use this as a leeway to get closer to your husband. She could visit while you are away on duty since you're already cool with it. If you lower yourself to her level, there is a likelihood things will get messier. 

 

 

Edited May 6, 2020 by mutant

[Haters]

6 minutes ago, mutant said:

Given the ex's sister backstory, I fail to understand why your husband would fight to be part of that family. There are valid reasons why he should be listening to you and fighting for his marriage/family instead of defending his ex's sister. I expect that anyone who commits to a marriage would filter his close friends and retain those that add value to his life or at the very least will not interfere (negatively) with his family.  Even if he didn't have a history of dating a member of that family, he should reconsider keeping his ex's sister as a close friend.

The best time for addressing this issue would have been right before marriage. However, it's not late considering that your child is only 8 months and I am guessing you're slightly more than a year into the marriage. You need to seek the intervention of a mature person who he respects or seek marriage counselling before the situation turns toxic.

It's good that his ex's sister hasn't been visiting your home. Her character and intentions are questionable and may use this as a leeway to get closer to your husband. She could visit while you are away on duty since you're already cool with it. If you lower yourself to her level, there is a likelihood things will get messier. 

 

 

I straight up told her. In October, I cannot believe that my husband is visiting his ex while I'm serving my country!

Theres issues, if you invite me to anything else I'm not showing up. Inviting her to my house was to prove that I'm not controlling. I even told her we're going over to a friends house this weekend. It was an act. 

Edited May 6, 2020 by Haters

[Haters]

I've also seen him chatting up his buddy, her husband when I'm away for the military. 

I literally have panic attacks while training. 

[Haters]

She even randomly group texts with my husband and her husband..always her starting chats..

[mutant]

Have you talked to him about these panic attacks? What was his response? If not, it's important that you discuss this matter with him candidly. He needs to know the full impact of his actions on your emotional and physical well-being. Especially when you are away on duty. He needs to understand that your trust is waning. If possible, avoid being confrontational especially when communicating your feelings. It helps to be level-headed but firm and straightforward. Do not seek to be heard but rather to be understood.

If he is caring and empathetic, he should take you seriously.  Try as much as possible to use different strategies to address this issue. If he doesn't buy into the idea of marriage counselling you should seek individual counselling. Also involve a mutual respectable friend to help you resolve the issue. 

A person of such a character should not be allowed to ruin a relationship let alone a marriage. Do not walk away from this; you need to fight but wisely. 

 

Edited May 6, 2020 by mutant

[Juha]

Your husband sounds like trash to be honest.

 

This marriage is causing you much  detrimental harm it seems

I would lay low and not do anything to cause issues and go talk to a divorce lawyer,

get everything set with the lawyer, have a plan to escape this marriage and tell him you are done with him and his marriage

 

You will be much happier in life without this garbage man in your life

Addition by subtraction   Who you are partnered with pretty much decides your happiness

This situation is not going to change, you have talked with him more than once and he doe snot respect you, your baby, or your marriage.

He is disrespectful and honestly could give a crap about you.

You need to do what is best for you, then baby and you happiness 

 

 

[Haters]

Thanks for all your responses! Its really freeing to have different third parties. I'm really disconnecting from him and doing my own thing. 

I'm signed up for online counseling. I'm looking for divorce attorneys. 

It's just sad that he doesnt realize what hes doing. 

[Haters]

This is literally never going to end. He snapchats her brother in law/husband of twin

[elaine567]

What the vow "to forsake all others" actually means...

Quote

During most traditional wedding ceremonies, especially if they take place in a church or under the auspices of a faith community, the new couple vows "to forsake all others."  Most of us take this to mean they vow to forsake intimate relations with anyone of the opposite sex who is not their spouse.  They have chosen “to become one” emotionally, spiritually, and physically, and most assume the forsaking others part has most to do with preserving the physical oneness – and, in turn, the emotional and spiritual safety - sexual monogamy helps ensure.  That is one correct interpretation of the vow but it is incomplete. What this vow really does is emphasize the first and most important principle for a successful marriage:  that each person places their spouse, and by extension the marriage itself, above all other earthly relationships. This means your marriage comes before your parents, your siblings, the old buddies from the day, and all the hobbies that make you the individual you are.  You are no longer operating solely as an individual.  It comes before the kids. And it comes before the JOB

 

[Haters]

His sisters ex just wished me a happy mothers day. 

[Fair]

I would dump his ass.

Don't waste energy on ex's. He's the one who's letting them in. 

[Haters]

He said, Craig (her brother in law) says happy mothers day!

I don't say a word. 

[Haters]

I've realized that my husband wants them and his ex in his life. 

I think he is just doing what hes expected of a man who gets a lady pregnant. 

Packing some things to move slowly. 

Here's what I texted him this morning:

Your exes sister wished me a happy mothers day. She also said she invited you over when you were mowing? That's inappropriate. That family has no boundaries or business what we do. They need to stay out of our lives. All three of them. 🤬😡🖕

 

He hasn't replied so I'm assuming were done. Packing up little girl and going to my moms.