Bad decisions, how do I get over it?

[purplesoccer34]

I have this habit of ruminating every once in a while. I've been thinking about all the bad decisions I've made and I feel so awful. 

I went through a period some 3 or 4 years ago where I did some pretty out of character things. I grew up in a very conservative household and remained a virgin till my mid-20s. When I started a new job around that time, I was suddenly surrounded by so many people who were not just coworkers but close friends. Basically, my coworkers became my friends and in my mind, a flip had suddenly switched. Two of my male coworkers were hitting on me and made it clear that they wanted to hook up. So I did. I hooked up with one, and then a few months later I hooked up with the other. Luckily I did this when I had moved over to a different project, so I didn't have to see them everyday but still. 

When I finally left this job, I had learned that several people had found out and I was mortified. I couldn't believe I had put myself in such a situation. 

I was very very lucky though - during the entire time that I worked there I got multiple raises and promotions and was nominated for an award. So I don't believe any of this impacted my performance or the way the bosses viewed me. Also, that workplace had such an environment where many people were flirting and hooking up with each other all the time.

Still, I'm haunted by this and think about it often. Even more so that others had found out. I've definitely learned my lesson though, because nowadays I generally keep to myself at work. Pretty much just go to work, do my job, and then go home. I don't know if that's such a good thing either, but it works for me and I'm much happier that way.

I have certainly made other bad decisions in my life, but how can I just forgive myself and move on?  All of this was 3 years ago - I don't talk to anyone from that work place anymore, and can't imagine I ever will. So it is all very much in the past.

[basil67]

Exploring life is part of growing and learning.  Some things we find we enjoy and keep as parts of our lives and other things we find are not for us and leave behind. Still other things, we enjoy at the time but then move past.

And no, it wouldn’t have affected your work or how people view you because for them, it was nothing out of the ordinary.  You are more judgemental of yourself than they are on you.  

Be kind to yourself.

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, purplesoccer34 said:

how can I just forgive myself and move on?

Forgive yourself and move on. It's simple as that.

I best not tell you some of the stunts I've pulled over the years, but no, you are doing what lots people do as part of growing up. Learn any lessons and let go.

[Foxhall]

On 4/27/2020 at 10:54 PM, purplesoccer34 said:

I grew up in a very conservative household

this is the root of your feelings,

you are guilt ridden based on what was drummed into you in your younger years,

dont feel guilty- be happy that you are exploring and finding your own path as Basil alludes.

[d0nnivain]

Since we can't change the past, the trick is to learn from the bad decisions & move on.  You leaned not to mess around at work.  Some people never learn that.  Consider yourself ahead of the curve. 

So when you are feeling bad about a decision you made, try looking for the silver lining.   Forgive yourself  move on.